RedIvy Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I have been on date after date for the past year and all of them...NO JOKE...all of them have been after ONE thing. I'm not an idiot, I called out their game quickly. Each men played it really well in the beginning, leaving me almost fooled. I'm starting to get a little nervous now. I'm the type of girl that loves to be in a relationship. But now, after being almost used by so many guys, I'm having strong trust issues. Heres the kicker: I just met this guy and we went on 2 dates so far. The third one is tomorrow. He seems pretty cool. Attractive, successful, funny, outgoing...I'm just worried that he too is only after sex. He mentioned a movie date for our third date. He said if we watched one on the couch, it's better for cuddling...is it way too soon to cuddle? What does this mean? Is he looking to get physical? I'm so confused. I would love advice from a guy Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 There are decent men. Let me say I am not a nice guy by any stretch so please don't jump on my head for saying so. I am a decent man. I have a good education, and my financials are about as good as could be expected. I am told by women that I look good and dress well. I have the love of my family and close friends and respect of many. I just can't seem to meet a available, interesting, interested woman. As for that man wanting to cuddle. I would love to have someone to cuddle right now. Cuddle and fall asleep on the couch with fully clothed perhaps snuggled under a down comforter. I would give my left arm and right leg for what makes you so nervous. Unless you think the man will rape you if you refuse him...take the cuddle and refuse the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Uh, all men want sex. How do you know when a man ONLY wants sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Uh, all men want sex. How do you know when a man ONLY wants sex? Dude you have a point. Any relationship is going to have sexual attraction as a component. I think she's worried that once the man has gotten sex they will not stay. As if she has nothing else to offer them. Which I am sure she does. OP do you think that you have much more to offer a man than sex? What do you bring to the table. (I am sure it is much and valueable...but are you as sure?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedIvy Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 I understand that every relationship must have sexual attraction. I would hope it does. But, I don't want to be wanted JUST for sex and only sex when I know what I can offer. I want to take care of someone and have him take care of me, sex and all. Simple as that. But I'm not a fool and will not give it up just that easy. So when you said take the cuddle, but refuse the sex..you made a very good point. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 There are decent men. They're the ones being rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS The key with most men who are sexual right away is that there is never any ambiguity about their libido or desire for you sexually. The reason so many men act in life this way is, wait for it, because it works. As an outlier with a lot of life under his belt, I've seen decades of this. I watch how successful single and married men act around women and, nearly universally, their sexual interest is attractive, even if undesired. That sounds wrong, but it's not. I've tried it a bit for myself at different points and have seen the success, but admit it's not my natural style. A good analysis to perform is to compare the men you aren't attracted to, you know those men who don't survive that first ten seconds in your space, with those you are attracted to, who evidently aren't turning out to be 'decent'. This is one aspect of 'people-picking' and gaining understanding of the nuances of your attraction style can assist in directing that picker towards aspects of decency and the men who exhibit them. In my case, it took therapy to 'fix' the picker, but perhaps that's extreme. Tell me, in the last ten years, what was the longest continuous period of time you have spent alone, which means not married, not in a LTR and not dating; just living life, enjoying your family and friends and the wonderful breath we're blessed with each day? Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS The key with most men who are sexual right away is that there is never any ambiguity about their libido or desire for you sexually. The reason so many men act in life this way is, wait for it, because it works. As an outlier with a lot of life under his belt, I've seen decades of this. I watch how successful single and married men act around women and, nearly universally, their sexual interest is attractive, even if undesired. That sounds wrong, but it's not. I've tried it a bit for myself at different points and have seen the success, but admit it's not my natural style. A good analysis to perform is to compare the men you aren't attracted to, you know those men who don't survive that first ten seconds in your space, with those you are attracted to, who evidently aren't turning out to be 'decent'. This is one aspect of 'people-picking' and gaining understanding of the nuances of your attraction style can assist in directing that picker towards aspects of decency and the men who exhibit them. In my case, it took therapy to 'fix' the picker, but perhaps that's extreme. Tell me, in the last ten years, what was the longest continuous period of time you have spent alone, which means not married, not in a LTR and not dating; just living life, enjoying your family and friends and the wonderful breath we're blessed with each day? ^This. Is exactly what I'm doing right now. I am literally not interested in sex right now at all. Like the OP, even guys who say they aren't interested in me, talk about one thing constantly....sex. I get turned down by guys because all they are in for is...sex. I'm so oversexed out right now, that it has literally turned me into a recluse. I still live at home with my parents and I love spending time with them. I also enjoy spending time with my friends that aren't male. When you get men involved in the mix, something always pops up in conversation....sex. Noticing a pattern yet? So...with that being said. I'm single, loving it, wanting it and hoping and trying to maintain it for awhile longer. I don't want to have to worry or think about...sex. I've had so much talk of it that it's a really huge turn off for me. This guy that I liked even wrote a song about how he's "too hungry" for a shy girl (I was figuring it was me) and basically he was just saying how he doesn't want to fall in love, but that all he wants is...sex. Sounds like men are emotionless neanderthals to me and I'm not interested. Bahumbug to...sex. Link to post Share on other sites
uncool Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) There are decent men. They're the ones being rejected. haha so true to the original poster. Instead of dumping guy after guy... make sure you communicate to them that sex talk is a turn off to you... or they'll keep doing it because somehow they think it's what you want to hear and they're probably just trying to make you happy. Edited March 25, 2011 by uncool Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 You're too picky. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I have been on date after date for the past year and all of them...NO JOKE...all of them have been after ONE thing. I'm not an idiot, I called out their game quickly. Each men played it really well in the beginning, leaving me almost fooled. I'm starting to get a little nervous now. I'm the type of girl that loves to be in a relationship. But now, after being almost used by so many guys, I'm having strong trust issues. What do you want? There's not many men who want a sexless relationship with someone whose main hobby is dating and who has lots of personal issues. Maybe let your prospective dates know these details to start with so that they have a clear and free choice to start with. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I totally agree with betterdeal. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 There are decent men. They're the ones being rejected. Ain't it da TROOTH. I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the saying, "the ideal man is a woman with a dick". Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Its not the men thats the problem,RedIvy, its your man picker. YOU keep picking guys that only want one thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Its not the men thats the problem,RedIvy, its your man picker. YOU keep picking guys that only want one thing. I have read women like her saying in the many nice guy threads something like this. They write: All men like and only want sex. Therefore Nice guys are only nice because they just want sex. Therefore Nice guys are passive aggressive about getting sex and I don't like that. Therefore I pick bad boys who are up front and direct about what they want. Ok... then every once in a while there is a thread about such a man either only wanting sex, using them for sex then discarding them, proving to be an a hole, or otherwise being a jerk. Then a few weeks or days latter the woman is back with the same jerk or another jerk. Which then leads to more so called "nice guy" threads. While such passive aggressive bitter "nice" guys who aren't really nice certainly exist. It seems that decent guys who try to be gentlemen get painted with the back splash of the backlash against "nice guys". It's a self defeating cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I have been on date after date for the past year and all of them...NO JOKE...all of them have been after ONE thing. I'm not an idiot, I called out their game quickly. Each men played it really well in the beginning, leaving me almost fooled. I'm starting to get a little nervous now. I'm the type of girl that loves to be in a relationship. But now, after being almost used by so many guys, I'm having strong trust issues. Heres the kicker: I just met this guy and we went on 2 dates so far. The third one is tomorrow. He seems pretty cool. Attractive, successful, funny, outgoing...I'm just worried that he too is only after sex. He mentioned a movie date for our third date. He said if we watched one on the couch, it's better for cuddling...is it way too soon to cuddle? What does this mean? Is he looking to get physical? I'm so confused. I would love advice from a guy Red, if you are not ready for cuddling you can just say so. I get the feeling from your post that the problem is you, not them. You seem to jump to conclusions about what a man is wanting from you and you also seem to be very vigilant about anyone wanting a physical relationship with you, which does not have to mean sex, oral or otherwise. You seem to be getting in your own way, and that is all I mean by comment about the problem being you. Are you comfortable with physical affection in a relationship ? Are you typically sexually active in your relationships ? Link to post Share on other sites
DollyGirl12 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I think we can hear men say that about us women also. Maybe sometimes we're just hoping to much for that perfect person. Just be yourself, stick to your values. Say no if you are not ready for something. In time you will find out if that person is going to stick around. If they're only out for sex and not getting any, they will move along. If they'd like to have sex, but aren't getting any, and they stick around, then you will know they like you and value you. Just try not to get to emotionally involved to quickly and keep your head on straight. You'll find him!!! Link to post Share on other sites
IcyBabe Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 The most important thing you can do if you want to meet good guys: Ditch the Mr. Right concept So many girls, I used to be one of them, make the mistake of having a listed criteria of their perfect man so when when we see a hot guy that meets with our criteria: He's at the right place, he's wearing the right style of clothes, he even has the right eye color, we go for it thinking he'll match all our other expectations only to be devastated when we find out his personality stinks. You have to love people for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Like LeaningIntoTheMuse said, the good guys are more often than not the ones who are getting rejected. You have to broaden your horizons and go for the guy you normally wouldn't consider, that doesn't mean you have to settle for someone you're not attracted to, but give the second or third or fourth best looking guy in the room a chance instead of Mr. Hot Shot. Check out the guy at the bookstore instead of the smokin' hot guy at the bar, go for the quiet guy instead of the overly confident guy. You may very well be pleasantly surprised when you give the guy you never considered a chance. Plus, I personally think there's something a thousand times more sexy about the everyday overlooked guy than the ripped muscled hot guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I have read women like her saying in the many nice guy threads something like this. They write: All men like and only want sex. Therefore Nice guys are only nice because they just want sex. Therefore Nice guys are passive aggressive about getting sex and I don't like that. Therefore I pick bad boys who are up front and direct about what they want. Ok... then every once in a while there is a thread about such a man either only wanting sex, using them for sex then discarding them, proving to be an a hole, or otherwise being a jerk. Then a few weeks or days latter the woman is back with the same jerk or another jerk. Which then leads to more so called "nice guy" threads. While such passive aggressive bitter "nice" guys who aren't really nice certainly exist. It seems that decent guys who try to be gentlemen get painted with the back splash of the backlash against "nice guys". It's a self defeating cycle. This is very true. Bitterness is a vicious cycle that will kill any chance at finding a quality person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 It goes around the whole circle though. The women who think the only reason a man would be nice is because he wants sex and is to passive to just ask for it.... such women are bitter and think men only want sex and not intimacy. The jerky guys who these women mistake for being confident... really are just bitter too The nice guys who get passed up for sex... are also bitter. Which leads back to the women who have their nice friends...while the woman is bitter because the guys she thinks are attractive and not nice won't be nicer but if they act nice suddenly her....mucosal linings...aren't so mucosal. Ahem. It takes a village to produce so many bitter lonely unfulfilled people. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I used to be the same way sort of. I used to wish women would just come right out and say that they hated men because deep down that is the way they all felt and I hated being lied to. I see now how destructive that way of thinking is because it makes a person guilty until proven innocent and when somebody is that bitter nobody will ever really prove themselves innocent anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 haha so true to the original poster. Instead of dumping guy after guy... make sure you communicate to them that sex talk is a turn off to you... or they'll keep doing it because somehow they think it's what you want to hear and they're probably just trying to make you happy. Why would they think it makes her happy? she never said... i want u to talk dirty to me. so why would they mention sex all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I used to be the same way sort of. I used to wish women would just come right out and say that they hated men because deep down that is the way they all felt and I hated being lied to. I don't think that at all thank god. I see now how destructive that way of thinking is because it makes a person guilty until proven innocent and when somebody is that bitter nobody will ever really prove themselves innocent anyway. You do see that the women who hate on so called "nice" guys are also bitter right? I mean if you interpret a man being nice as being bad what else can that be? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I don't think that at all thank god. You do see that the women who hate on so called "nice" guys are also bitter right? I mean if you interpret a man being nice as being bad what else can that be? I realized that. I notice that the women who constantly hate men for being scumbags seem attracted to the very thing they claim to hate about men. The only men my mother actually treat with respect were the men who gave it to her as good as she gave it to them Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Giving it as good as she got. Well that's one thing. Some women it seems need to be emotionally, psychologically, or physically abused or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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