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[Sunflower0135]

Ok I could use some advice here. I was dating a guy for about 9 months. We worked in the same building and that is how I met him. We went out for a drink and hit it off right from the start. We would hang out at his place and really enjoyed each others company. We did not sleep together until we were dating about 2 months. The one day we went out for dinner and he told me about this job that he was thinking about taking. It was something he always wanted to do but it is in another state. He was no longer happy at his current job and wanted to leave. He said also bec he wanted to eventually have a family and stuff. I encouraged him to take it bec I would never want to stop someone from their dream. He would be going away for 6 mths for training. I asked if he was ever coming back and he said yeah he was going to be living at home and driving back and forth. About a wk before he left I was wondering what it meant for us so I told him I needed to talk to him. He was worried something was wrong. I said not really but I was just wondering where we stood bec we never really made anything official. He said well I thought we were always fwb and when I'm away I don't want to prevent u from seeing other ppl and all. That really hurt when he said that. I said back to him "oh well I guess I read more into it then..good luck w everything". Then he called me. He was like u are a really great girl and everything but w having a career change and all I don't want to be in a relationship w anyone for that matter. He said we could still be friends and I said I can't befriends w u. He was surprised at this and said it was up to me. That is how we ended it. Then about 2 wks later he msg me to see how I was and that he was doing well. He said he wished I wouldn't have said what I did. So I apologized and he accepted it. So from then on we would talk every couple of wks to see how each oher was doing. One wk end he came home and we ended up getting together and we slept together. Then he had to go back. I didn't hear from him for a couple days and happened to notice a comment on his facebook wall from a girl saying "I'm sad we didn't get to say goodnight..miss u". This pissed me off so I sent him a msg saying so u spend the night with me and apparently ur seeing other girls? I said I don't deal w that. He then replied w a long txt msg apologizing for not talking to me for the last couple of days but he's been busy and that the girl was an ex from 2 yrs ago and he hasn't seen her in quite some time and he didn't call her or anyone else bec he was studying for an exam. He said he didn't appreciate me saying that he was sleeping w other girls and didn't agree w what kind of guy I thought he was. I said it's ok if u don't agree but I'm looking for more than fwb. I said I really liked him but maybe its for the best we don't see each other anymore. He said he likes spending time w me but didn't appreciate my over reaction and don't have enough free time for anything u would want so I agree w ur decision. That's how it ended. Then a wk or two later I sent him a msg saying merry Christmas. He said it back to me. We didn't talk for about a mth then he msg me saying he was done training and started his job. We were talking back and forth and I cut it off by saying have a good wk end and maybe talk to u later. I didn't hear from him then so on his birthday I wished him happy birthday. He asked me what I was up to. I invited him out to the one bar my friends and I were going. He came out and we had a really fun time together. We ended up leaving and slept together again. The next day he took me home and told me to send him a msg or something later. I did and we talked a little and that was it. I haven't heard from him in 3 wks now. I need some advice here. I don't want to make excuses for him. I think if he wanted to be w me he would. Now I'm not saying he's not interested but I can't figure out if it's just about sex or is it more. I obviously can't force him into being in a relationship and wouldn't want to do that. But that is what I'm ready for and if he's not then I think I need to move on. What should I do? Should I not contact him and see if he comes around? I'm so confused. By the way I found out he is also on a dating site. So I think he may be trying to keep me on the side bec he knows I'll always be available bec I have feelings for him while he can go and date other ppl. I think if I drop him completely he might come back. I did this w my ex and he is constantly trying to get back w me saying he messed up. Why do they not realize a good thing until it's gone? I do believe I'm a good person but I'm not perfect and I want to learn so these things don't keep happening in my relationships. I'm looking for honest opinions here. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

It's about sex. If you're under 25, it's especially about sex, if he's a typical man. This experience is perhaps a good lesson in when and how to communicate boundaries and what you want in a relationship/dating dynamic and how to make your choices decisively. Read the thread in my signature and begin to heal.

 

In the future, try to limit text-speak and use paragraphs. You'll get more and better responses if your postings are easy to read and understand. Thanks.