whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 So .....Where is Hank? Is this guy for real? Looks like another one went back to Troll City, under the bridge. Link to post Share on other sites
highviolet Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 PR, I likeeeee!!! Hank, Welcome to the OW/OM forum. I can understand why you feel unwelcome in other places. I for one appreciate you being here. You're perfect because you have no questions and need no support. No offense but we need the input of a selfish, pleasure-seeking, shameless MM to help us understand the POV of a serial cheater. (The adjectives I use are not meant to be insulting only descriptive). So let me start...(hope its not conisidered a t/j, there's no topic): 1. What exactly are you looking for that your W can't give you? You mentioned something like that. 2. Why can't you ask your W for it? If you have, what was the response? 3. You said you told your W that you wanted a GF. She said no and what else? How does sex work exactly with W? Once a week, twice a month, three times a quarter? Or never? 4. How old are your kids? What's your plan once they go to college? Do you think you'll be able to leave your M comfortably? 5. What specifically do you intend to do to make sure W doesn't find out about your trysts? How do you help her keep in denial? 6) (since you didn't answer my question earlier) How will you feel if your wife does meet another man and has someone on the side as well? Wow, really good questions, wish he stuck around or comes back to answer. Although he did say he didn't want to go into details about his marriage. Wonder what he wanted to discuss then, because these seem like obvious questions anyone would want to know when faced with this "introduction." Interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hank_Tx Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 I'm interested in why you put the "Wow" after the part where you said you read my post. I'm a bit confused. Feel free to post in my thread if you'd like, it could be helpful for me to get an MM's response. :-) Although from what my MM tells me he is in love with me & would like to leave to be with me if possible, but if not, not to be with anyone else or cheat again. So he is different from you but it would still be nice to get MM perspective. The "wow" comment was about the number of people slamming you in your thread. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Hank I find you very interesting. You are new here. Welcome!! It seems like you do have experience posting on message boards and that is why I find you interesting. You know infidelity and cheating is a very volitile subject and you also know how rough message boards can be. So with that said I fond the comments on loveshack to be very tame compared to many comments on news articles and other things concerning infidelity so what I find rather odd is how many times you have expressed surprise over the "slamming" of people as you put it. If you have experience with message boards and the subject of cheating then why are you so surprised that emotions get heated and why would you feel the tameness of this message board is so nasty. I don't get it. I also wonder if maybe, since you are a man if you are more interested in finding another man for a relationship to cheat with. You must be gay if you notice a woman's taste in shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 The "wow" comment was about the number of people slamming you in your thread. Okay. Well I don't think the way to handle it is to be rude back to them. That puts you on just as low a level as they are on. Maybe I missed something but I didn't see PorkRinds being rude to you in the early posts before you told him you had nothing to say to him & insulted him. To me that is unnecessary. I'm not going to sink to mud-slinging & insults & mean comments just because other people do. The whole point of this place is to provide support, discussion, to learn from each other, to ask hard questions . . . I do not agree with people coming here just to slam OWs [or MMs or whoever] & I don't think that's helpful to them or us . . . but I am not going to respond rudely to them just because I feel they are being rude to me. Becuase then this place will just be a mud-slinging circus & will lose the value that it has. That will be letting those rude posters win because I really think they want to just turn it into a circus & drown out our issues or discussion with unnecessary noise. I refuse to give into it - I just either ignore, or curtly yet still politely address their posts [i notice they NEVER address my questions/ advice to them -- they just repeat the same rubbish over & over even though it obviously doesn't work], & go on to address the posters who actually care about my situation & don't just judge me & throw stones at me because I am an OW & they were hurt by an OW or OM. I would really recommend this way of dealing with things if you want to get anywhere -- otherwise you are just giving into their underhanded ways of 'communicating.' A disclaimer for BentNotBroken: I am not saying all BS are this way. :-) In fact, just a few. I am talking about those few. Link to post Share on other sites
Kismetly Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Kismetly why is it too late for you? Why will you not be going back? Hi Greengoddess - tough question and one I've been grappling with for the past few days. Don't think i don't want to go there. On a good day nothing makes more sense. I guess, it took me quite a long time to get myself to the place where I was strong enough to end the relationship and implement no contact and it would all be for nothing if I just stepped back in to the drama. I mean I love this man. He's the most intellegent, engaging man I've ever met. He's gorgeous and funny and successful and to-die-for ... but I'm a pretty good catch too! In the wash-up, despite all his amazing characteristics, I don't respect the choices he's made. Can you have a long term relationship with someone who has demonstrated behaviours you don't respect? I don't know. (I'd add a caveat here, that I'm not too proud of my role in any of this either - but I've accepted I had poor boundaries and participated in selfish and indulgent behaviour and I'm paying for it and doing the work to rebuild myself - I'm not sure he gets it.) He's stayed in a marriage, without intimacy, for years and years. Rather than deal with the issues with his wife, he's taken the easy choice every time ... (until now obviously). Apparently, 5 or 6 years ago, he and his wife went to counselling to deal with the lack of intimacy in their relationship. He claims she wouldn't engage in the work that was required, and rather than talk to him about it or try she'd buy him girlie magazines with the shopping everyweek and throw them at him as gifts when she got home saying "here you go honey - go deal with yourself". He claims he was humilated and hurt by that behaviour, but he never told her that. Why would he be more honest with me if I did something he didn't like or hurt him? I don't think I can go back, because when you have an affair with someone you know and see all their weaknesses. You know what their capable of and it's difficult to trust that by some miracle of love or serindipty of circumstance they would be different with you. Today, I'm not ruling out that in 6 or 12 months, if he really has sorted out his life and made healthy decisions about what he wants - I may consider it. However, I think I'd be setting myself up for more heartbreak if I inserted myself in the middle of him finally dealing with all the stuff that's wrong with is personal life. That's his gig and he needs to take that journey alone. (sad, resigned face) Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Kismetly.........you are one smart gal and you are going to be just fine. So introspective and intelligent. I hope you meet someone else who is everything and more that you've ever dreamed of. Link to post Share on other sites
Kismetly Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Kismetly.........you are one smart gal and you are going to be just fine. So introspective and intelligent. I hope you meet someone else who is everything and more that you've ever dreamed of. Thanks BB07. I haven't posted much over the past few months - but I've been reading, and I admit that sometimes I say to myself "What would BB07 say about this?" I appreciate your support. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Kismetly, You love him. You know his strengths & his weaknesses. You were there for him while it was an affair. Now that he's a single guy, you don't want him? I find that so sad. I know NC is hard but if love is there it's there. Just my opinion. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Kismetly Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Kismetly, You love him. You know his strengths & his weaknesses. You were there for him while it was an affair. Now that he's a single guy, you don't want him? I find that so sad. I know NC is hard but if love is there it's there. Just my opinion. I wish you well. Yeah - but he's not single. He's less than a week out from telling his wife he's leaving her; a month out of a really intense relationship with me; he's reacting on emotion, brought about because I decided I couldn't handle the status quo. He's reacting. He's not making rational decsions. If, when some time has passed and he's separated his assets and come up with a parenting plan that's fair and equitable, faced up to his friends and family and sincerely made the decision to leave his marriage for his own reasons - not because he's got a get-away plan ... then I'll consider it ... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Yeah - but he's not single. He's less than a week out from telling his wife he's leaving her; a month out of a really intense relationship with me; he's reacting on emotion, brought about because I decided I couldn't handle the status quo. He's reacting. He's not making rational decsions. If, when some time has passed and he's separated his assets and come up with a parenting plan that's fair and equitable, faced up to his friends and family and sincerely made the decision to leave his marriage for his own reasons - not because he's got a get-away plan ... then I'll consider it ... You are playing this smart. "consider" casually dating him when the timing is right and get OUT of the affair dynamic completely, start fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
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