BF's $ problems hurting relationship, but love him to much to leave-HELP!

[Al]

I am at whits end and I don't know where to turn. I love my boyfriend very much but his financial situation and the way he is handling it is ruining our relationship. I don't know how to get him to understand the effect it is having and that it's important to fix this problem.

 

Alright, well it started like this: About 4-5 months ago, we moved in together. For the first month, things were fine. But then he got laid off for almost a month this winter and started to fall behind on his bills and paying me for his half of our household bills. He has now racked up over $1,000 that he owes me. But once he went back to work, I thought things would get back on trach only they haven't.

 

We both started working Saturdays for my dad to earn some extra money, this money goes straight to me to help my boyfriend pay me back. But it's only about $50 a week and we're not getting anywhere.

 

We recently applied for a new apartment which was denied b/c of his credit and they won't let me apply for the apartment on my own b/c they said that I'll "just sneak him in anyways." We have to be out of our house by the 15th and luckily last night I found somewhere else for us to live after he swore that he'd start to get his act together.

 

Only things just got worse. He's on a bar dart league on Thursday nights and I asked him to be home at 11:00 since if someone is that broke, you would think they'd have no money to go out in the first place. Well he comes strolling in at midnight w/o a care in the world. I flipped out and told him that considering as of that morning we didn't have a place to live b/c of him, he really showed me how much he cared about me and the situation by staying out all night. He didn't say a word, just rolled over and went to sleep.

 

Now we've had a great relationship until these financial problems started to affect both his and my bills. He claims he loves me to death and I love him but how do I get across to him that this is a huge situation that needs to be taken care of or things are only going to get worse. I'm not a greedy person so I hate fighting about money but when credit card companies are calling our house 2-3 times a day and he seems to be making no effort to help me out, what do I do?! Can I really have a great relationship with this guy if things don't change? I need help!

[SoleMate]

Can I really have a great relationship with this guy if things don't change?

No, of course not. It only gets worse.

 

Not only is he broke, he is irresponsible and isn't trying to fix things. I would suggest a trip to a credit counselor to develop a plan, and get him to stick to the plan. If he deviates from it, then he's out of your life.

 

As Arabess so wisely puts it, better a painful ending than a pain with NO ending!

[waterguy1975]

It takes a lot of effort and self will to dig out of debt.Compare it to smoking or going on a diet.You have to be focused and really want to do it to suceed.I know.I was in a sitution like that with my finances a few years ago.I put my mind and heart into it and it took approximately 1yr. to dig out.You have to convince him to do this and if he truely loves you he will.If he won't then you know it won't work.

[befuddled11]

So he was laid off for one month in the winter. Surely if he'd have tried hard enough, he'd have found another job right away...even if it was only for minimum wage waiting tables. So why didn't he get off his duff and find a job? Sounds like he knew you'd cover him while he wasn't bringing in an income, which you did...and now he owes you a lot of money, and it slow at paying it back.

 

Isn't he back to working full time now? Why is he only paying you back $50 a week? Why not more?

 

The fact that he's got bad credit, so bad that he can't even get a place...that's a huge red flag. The last thing you want to do is be involved with someone who's got a bad credit history, IMO. UNLESS he's working very hard, including working 2 jobs if needed, to clear his name and credit.

 

I remember a past post of yours, about the fact that he's got a child from a previous marriage/relationship.....a child he does not have a relationship with (despite his ex wife's pleading with him to spend some time with his child, which is understandable).....

 

From what you've posted in the past, and at present, the guy sounds like trouble to me. A child he doesn't care to have a relationship with, credit so bad that he can't even get a place, being lazy (it would seem)........this is really someone you want to remain tangled up with?? People can still be "nice people" but be deadbeats who don't take responsibility.

 

Here's the link to your post about him not being responsible enough to be in his child's life:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=34264

[Al]

My boyfriend's 22 almost 23. Yes, he is kinda young but not too young that he shouldn't care about his finances. I've been living on my own for over four years now and he was the one that said he wanted to move in together and that he could handle it. It wasn't like I was pushing responsibilities on him that he didn't want or anything like that.

 

The reason he didn't find work for that month this winter was b/c it started that his boss told him he'd be laid off for a week, then his boss would call on Monday and say another week, then the next week he worked two days and then was laid off for another week. So not the best excuse in the world, but he likes his job there.

 

I guess my problem is that things at one point (believe it or not) were actually great between us and I have a hard time walking away when I know that. I feel like I should be helping him to get things in order and that we should give it a shot to make things great again. At least if I do this, then I know that I've tried everything and if it doesn't work after that than obviously we weren't meant to be.