chrylhm52 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I'm very sad that I stumbled upon this forum but happy at the same time to hear stories from others who have gone through the same thing. I found out about my H's affair this past Valentine's Day (Feb 2011). The other woman called me at work to tell me everything. They work together and have been having an affair for almost 2 years. I was completely blindsided and devastated. She did this to ruin our Valentine's Day plans and to push me out of the picture. She was hoping I would kick him out and she'll have him all to herself. I immediately confronted him and he said he was trying to end it with her, which was the reason why I got the phone call from her as a last ditch attempt for her to hang on to him. Since then H and I have been in marriage counseling to talk about everything and it's been a very difficult journey. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the affair, and to make things worse, I'm currently 5 months pregnant with our second child. I'm comforted to read that since my D-Day was only 6 weeks ago, it's okay to still feel so much raw pain and agony. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Sorry to hear this news... Do marriage counselling, hope he puts in the big effort needed to prove to you that he can be trustworthy again (one day).. Is he remorseful for the affair? Owned his choices? has he offered to quit his job so he and the OW aren't working together anymore? I'm not sure how one fixes their marriage if the AP (affair partner) is a coworker and they still work together. All that does is keep the affair going on an emotional level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrylhm52 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 He's been extremely remorseful about everything and has done all the "right" things I've read about to help with the healing process such as be transparent, calling me every hour to let me know what he's doing and where he is, etc. He said he's either going to look into transferring to another office or getting a new job to get away from the problem. However, I found some text messages last week between them about how much they miss each other. I confronted him about it in our marriage counseling session and he said since it's been a two year affair, he's having a difficult time cutting her out of his life cold turkey. It started off as an emotional affair and it led to a physical affair. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if he's truly remorseful if he's still talking to her and telling her he misses her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 He's probably going through affair withdrawal. It has nothing to do with you, or her, he misses the intensity, the feelings that he felt during the affair, like an addiction. With that said, it takes a big person, a special person, to allow their spouse some rope.. What I mean by that is, he IS going to slip up and have conversations with her. It doesn't mean the A is back on, it just means they are having trouble letting go of one another. It's wrong and he shouldn't be contacting her, let alone telling her he misses her when he's supposed to be working things out with you. Did he show you the texts or did you stumble across them? What did he say when you saw the texts? Keep posting, reading and I hope you two are able to work through this and give it your best. It does take TWO to make it work so if you feel he isn't putting effort in and he's still speaking to the OW, don't hesitate to kick him out until he figures this out on his own. Sadly, some people don't change unless they have to or suffer big consquences. What are his consquences so far? Link to post Share on other sites
Lorelei_Lane Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 (((hugs))) It's rough so soon after d-day, of course you still feel everything so intensely. It's good to hear he's remorseful, and that he's looking into a transfer from that environment, and away from her. I hope MC works for you, keep posting... talking about your feelings really helps. I know it did when I first found out. We've been working on making our marriage better for 2 years now. I'm very happy with our progress. Link to post Share on other sites
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Wow. Horrible stuff you're dealing with. It will take a long time to process this, months or years, six weeks is nothing. Focus on your babies as much as possible. You have to remember to keep eating and drinking healthy for yourself and the kid inside of you. People who go through what you're going through can completely lose their appetite and lose a lot of weight due to the stress. I would just try to focus the energy on delivering a healthy baby. Link to post Share on other sites
tiffyb Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I'm very sad that I stumbled upon this forum but happy at the same time to hear stories from others who have gone through the same thing. I found out about my H's affair this past Valentine's Day (Feb 2011). The other woman called me at work to tell me everything. They work together and have been having an affair for almost 2 years. I was completely blindsided and devastated. She did this to ruin our Valentine's Day plans and to push me out of the picture. She was hoping I would kick him out and she'll have him all to herself. I immediately confronted him and he said he was trying to end it with her, which was the reason why I got the phone call from her as a last ditch attempt for her to hang on to him. Since then H and I have been in marriage counseling to talk about everything and it's been a very difficult journey. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the affair, and to make things worse, I'm currently 5 months pregnant with our second child. I'm comforted to read that since my D-Day was only 6 weeks ago, it's okay to still feel so much raw pain and agony. it will take a good 2 yrs to recover IF you can hold out that long. i did and things have never been better. Link to post Share on other sites
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