NC with a selfish self centered ex

[confused1989]

I was responding to what you said in your earlier post today (post #66) about her being on her way back in to your arms.

 

here's the quote

 

 

I knew i may have misunderstood, that's what made me ask.

 

 

 

 

It does feel good when you know she's thinking of you. I too am at that same stage where i want her to really feel that she messed up a good thing that she had. I don't want her thinking that she can just have me back that easily, so i'm still dodging her attempts @ trying to hang out.

 

I personally don't think you went into NC to try to win her back, but like me you want her to feel regret for what she did. That's alright, we have a right to feel that way, we're human. But i do see Loneshock's point, it's still a way of seeking validation from them. I can't speak for you, but me, I need to get any validation from my ex out of my head. It will not only make me feel more confident, but it will be better for me in the long run, hopefully to the point i no longer care.

 

AS for NC, my girl is usually the one to initiate contact. About 2 weeks after our split, she was talking about she wanted to be friends and do the same things we used to do together. I told her i wasn't ready and it was going to take some time to accept her at that level. I told her that i needed to take some time out to regroup and that she's free now and she may want to start dating other people.

 

 

Oh ok fetish, I see how you misunderstood. I didn't type that very clearly at all and then I ended up getting confused when you asked me about it. I just meant that a lot of people here come on and write about how their ex is sending them messages and they see it as a sign that their ex is interested in them again and wants them back, and I don't see my ex sending me messages as a sign that she wants me back. That's all I really meant by that.

 

 

I just post about her sending me texts so I can clear my head. I can't answer her, and frankly I don't even want to answer her, so I just post about it here instead. Makes me feel a bit better.

 

Yeah honestly if my ex were to come back to me right now I would really be doubting her and I'd be thinking that something didn't work out with her and another guy and I'm the last resort (again) or because she's lonely or something. And I don't want to be there for her when she expects me to jump. I have more self respect for myself now and a lot more self-worth than that.

 

You are right I sincerely did not go NC because I wanted her back. I did want her to miss me and I wanted her to know that I am not being apart of her life anymore since we're broken up. However I definitely agree with you and Lonesock, I am seekign validation from her in ways. Those texts she gives me gives me mixed emotions, they make me mad, but at the same time it lets me know she's thinking of me and that boosts my ego. I have to make sure I keep doing things to boost my own ego instead of relying on her to do that.

 

I sincerely believe I am on the road to no longer caring. I don't know if that's obvious on here or not or if that's the message I'm portraying here or not. But I really do believe that.

 

Hopefully you will get back into NC too, the first few times that I ignored her breadcrumbs I felt like crap for days, now when I ignore them it doesn't hurt near as bad anymore, that tells me I'mimproving.

[confused1989]

Moving on up there, brother!

 

I recommend you change your phone number, or call her and say, directly, please stop texting me, I have nothing to say to you and don't want to hear from you, if they are bothering you at all. But saying that, you're not replying and that's 80% of the work done.

 

Regards the future, it doesn't exist. Not yet. So don't be fretting over who your future you may or may not be bumping uglies with. The future her is probably not going to be as good as the future girl you end up with.

 

I have a theory that we tend to end up with someone who's in the same state of health as us. Therefore, if you want a healthy relationship with a healthy person, improving your health is the best thing you can do to ensure that. And it has it's own intrinsic value anyway.

 

Hey betterdeal, thanks for chiming in again. Nice to hear comments from everyone. I have kind of done that already a few times, she just doesn't take me serious. Either that or she just needs to send me messages to make herself feel good, she doesn't handle rejection very well.

 

However I will change my number as you suggest, if I feel that I need to do that. For now I can manage by not responding to her messages. It has not been holding me back enough for me to change my number at this point. Thanks for the support. I know eventually she will stop sending the messages completely once she realizes she is only talking to herself.

 

That is a very true saying. And I have come to accept that she has a lot of changes she needs to make to be a healthy person in a relationship. And I don't think those change overnight, nor do I think she is willing to even make those changes.

 

So, after these hectic weeks are over, I am going to make sure I get a couple of self-improvement books. She can go backwards if she wants while I go forwards and improve myself.

 

The future is looking more exciting with my trips planned and all, it really takes my attention off of the Hawaii trip we were supposed to have. The road trip i'm going on with my friends is actually when she's going to Hawaii, I planned it that way so that I'm not home moping wishing I was there, instead I'll be out with my friends and having my own little vacation. It's not hawaii, but i'm excited, and like I said there are a few girls excited to see me which makes me feel great too.

[betterdeal]

All sounds good to me. I'm sure that eventually she'll lose interest and stop sending these insubstantial texts.

 

Thought of which books you're going to get? What do you think you can improve?

[confused1989]

I'm sure that will happen too. As for books.. not too sure yet. Anything to do with self-improvement. Something to help me build more confidence, something to help make me better in relationships. Stuff that will help me live a better life in general. I'm only young but hopefully I will have a long life ahead of me and I want to make sure I improve now rather than later.

 

I have a tendency to give too much to people I care about. I will bend over backwards to make them happy. I don't necessarily want to continue being like that as it leads to me being taken for granted and I lose respect.

 

I know I have a lot of good qualities but I also know I am not perfect by no means... I am doing something wrong for people to end up treating me this way. So I want to figure out what that is. My ex criticized me a lot but they were always small picky things so I'm not going to obsess over those things.

 

I have to learn that I can put my foot down when people criticize me or treat me badly, and not be afraid of the consequences.

 

But with my ex, everything had to be her way. When I put my foot down she would walk out on me, not a good feeling. I have to realize there are other people out there who would not walk out on me so easily.

 

Any suggestions for books?

[confused1989]

Bumped into her again yesterday. Getting her out of my mind completely is hard when I keep randomly bumping into her. Yesterday I had to goto school to meet with my professor, and what do you know my ex is in there with her chatting away. So she comes out and says sorry for keeping me waiting, walks down the hall then 2 minutes later I get a text saying "I'm getting published!"

 

For one, good for her if she is, but I don't think she is because she's only a 3rd year and she hasn't been working on any kind of project so I don't know what she's talking about. I know she was supposed to do something maybe over this summer but how can you know you're getting published even before you start your project.

 

Pissed me off a little that #1 she couldn't say that to my face 30 seconds before she texted me when she actually saw me, and #2 we're in NC, and she texts me to brag about herself.

 

So far she has only broke NC to text me to either #1) ask for her stuff back (fine with me) #2) wish me good luck on something, or #3) seek emotional support from me such as look for pitty after she has a bad day or writes a bad test, or #4) brag about her good her life is.

 

I just don't get some people sometimes. Why someone would tell their boyfriend they lost feelings for them (which obviously hurts) and then make it apoint to make me look bad to all her friends and family, and then on top of that make sure she goes out of her way to rub stuff in my face.

 

I guess it just shows what kind of person she is. I don't even know if she is classified as the dumper or the dumpee I keep considering her the dumper but even if she was the dumpee I don't think she would have any right to be doing this crap.

 

But the main thing is, despite ALL of her attempts she HASN'T gotten a reaction out of me (that she knows of). Obviously it all hurts to a degree. Idon't care if she's getting publshed, I am too, but does she knwo about that? No, because I don't brag about it or rub it in anyones face. I honestly don't feel a need to.

 

She can keep putting the effort in to try to get at me all she wants. She has already blocked me from commenting on her statuses and pictures, and from 'liking' anything on her profile. But guess what? I haven't looked at her profile in 3 weeks anyway.

 

She keeps trying these texts and isn't getting a reaciton out of me either, so she can keep trying.

 

It's funny because since we broke up I actually did a lot of good stuff for myself, and does she know about it, nope, because I'm not making it a point to rub it in her face. She don't know about the trips I have planned, how well I'm doing in school, the job i'll be working at the summer, the amount of time i'm going to put into the gym (although she'll probably notice the next time she sees me in september).

 

And I would rather be that way, more withdrawn. I hiaven't updated my status on Facebook in ages, I don't want her to know what I'm up to.

 

She is just playing the game with herself now.

[ludachris]

hey man i know how you feel confused. I saw my ex on thursday for my class and it really wasnt too bad to tell the truth. I didnt really feel mad or sad i was kind of indifferent. Everynow and then i would think about "us" during the class but then i would stop.

 

And how you say your ex is going to change and if she did you would take her back. Thats kind of how I feel and when you said you dont think she even wants to change, thats how i feel about my ex. I dont think she even wants to change or will change. But if she did change and have more respect for me im pretty sure i would take her back but as of now i would never take her back even though a part of me wants to. The thing is even if she were to change id probably be over her by the time she changes. Im not going to stay around and stick around waiting for her to change if it might not even happen. Im not going to be disrespected anymore.

 

We are worth so much more than that. We cant afford to stick around for a girl that shows no respect for you. I still think about her of course and it sucks everynow and then, but im sarting to enjoy stuff without my thoughts of her getting in the way now. Im starting to feel a lot better. Like you said i dont look at her fb anymore cus that would just mess with my head.

 

How are you feeling right now man? and where are you going on for your road trip? i hope you have a good time.

[confused1989]

Yeah I'm not even sure if I would take her back even if she changed, it's hard to say. But for tehre to even be a possibility of that happening she would definitely have to change and she is definitely not willing to. I have to say that since we broke up she has probably gotten LESS attractive if anything. Just her attitude... she's not even the same girl that I went out with and I have to get that inside my sometimes stubborn head.

 

I know what's going to happen, we will both get over our exes before they are ever willing to change. That's why I'm starting to care less about whether she even changes or not. I used to want her to change so bad, but seeing her lately just turns me off more and more, she's changing for the worst. It's a bit sad seeing this and I don't know why it happens. I had an ex before who did the same thing, changed to a completely different person once we broke up. I don't understand it.

 

Yeah we are definitely worth more than that. My ex talked down to me so many times I can't even believe she's still even in my head. The last thing I have left to do is delete her off Facebook. I'm kind of leaning toward doing it soon even though I haven't checked it in weeks. In a way I just don't think she deserves to view my page after all the stuff shes said to me and how easily she let me go. Sometimes I just want to close that door. We will see. But I know how crazy she gets sometimes and this will provoke a huge reaction from her if I delete her and she will go on a spree about how I'm dirt anyway and worthless and all that. Either that or guilt trip me. So I'm being cautious but I don't want to have to sign into Facebook in a few weeks and be on my own profile and see a thumbnail of her picture in my friend list of her in hawaii or something or with another guy.

 

As for how I'm doing well I have been crazy busy the past few weeks with school so its stressful but it keeps me occupied at the same time. I think my problem is I ignore all the bad stuff she's done, and the way she put me down and criticized me for everything I did, told me I wasn't good enough told me my friends weren't good enough. She also said crap about my parents before like she didn't think they paid enough attention to her and didn't act the way she wanted them to act. This is all a crock of **** obviously I can tell you that she has some messed up distorted view on life and sometimes I forget about all these bad qualities. My parents family and friends they all treated her amazingly but even that wasn't good enough for her.

 

But I am definitely getting by, and the things I have planned make me excited for the future rather than be afraid of it. In June I am going to New York, but for now i am just going on a road trip with my buddies, about a 10 hour one and we're just going to get a hotel and meet up with some old friends and maybe do a little partying since I haven't done any at all in the past few months but I feel like I can do it knowing that she won't be anywhere near me. Nothing serious though its mostly just to get out of town for a bit while she goes off to hawaii and have my own fun after school is over and all.

 

thanks man sounds like you're doing well too.

Edited April 17, 2011 by confused1989