Want her back but also want closure

[Kampo]

alright me and my GF split a few days ago, was mutual and amicable. We had a very up and down 2 year relationship, my first actually even though i'm not some teen, and am 28, just always had issues connecting with people, which was some of my problem with her. We had lived together for 1.5 years were takling about our future and she was really uping the ante on marriage talk, which got really heavy a few weeks ago. well one night I saw a text from a coworker. the "work husband" you know the innocent work buddy, well not so innocent it apears now. well I talked to her and she said it was harmless and not to read into it. well I got curious and did my own diging uncoverd that she was developing feelings for him and they had kissed a few days prior to this, and thinking back on the days some of our best sex in a long time were the ngihts something big happend with him. well i was furious and said I needed time to think and went to crash at my brothers. after alot of thinking that night I sent her an email i was willing to work this out if she was. she asked me to come back the next moring, had a woudnerful weekend. wwent shopping she bought some sexy lingeri and had a nice evening together.

 

things seemed like there were back to normal she was still feeling bad about what she did but said it was over. well monday she was really quiet I gave her her space till wednesday when I told her I needed a outlet that night. I wanted to take her out and we needed to blow off some steam we both had a stressful few days at work in addition to what happend. well she agreed but its one of those agreements to doing something you know there not wanting to but don't want to fight about it, well we fught about it, then started talking she admited to still being confused and needed some time to sort things out. I tried to make the bluff right then its ethier you commit to me your going to work on this with me or i'm walking. well she called the bluff and it was very amicable and while I was a bucket of tears I felt it was the right choice. she slept on the couch I slept that ngiht in bed sobbing she came to bed and held me which really made it better and worse at the same time.

 

We both care for eachother a ton right now regardless of what happens. My gut the next day was to just go get an apartment and move on quickly and cut ties as fast as i could. but my brother talked me into crashing with him and to wait on that descion while I sorted myself out. flast forward 3 days, very little contact between me and her mostly logistics of the break and sorting out posestions over text. tonight though I decided that while i know i'll be fine ethier way I wanted her back or I wanted closure so wrote her a very heartfelt but also not a feel bad for myself email saying that if she wanted to that we should take a few weeks and redate not rush back into things and all that jazz....well she responded almost immediatly, which is what I didn't want saying she was still confused but not closing the door on me. said if i was looking for an excuse not to get my own place then I should get one. she wouldn't close the door on us though ethier, and I know she still loves me and I her. I planed on sorting things out this week with the posestions and cellphones and all that jazz a couple living together gets intertwined but told her that i'm staying at my brothers for a few weeks and i'll leave the ball in her court and let her make the next move. I'll need to contact her again about finalizations on getting my stuff thoought. she said to me she felt alone and abandoned by her friends though.

 

I reached out to a friend I know she confides alot in and knew the score prolly better than me at this point. This friend likes me and has been always a fan of me. Told her while I wanted her back I wanted what was best for her. This guy she was having feelings for was married and there is no good future there so its not like its anything but a fantasy there. I told her that if she felt I should move on and let her be and thats whats best for her I would. also told her that she needed someone this weekend even though she was being strong saying she didn't. not sure if this was a bad move or not, but feel i'll either get some more insight and hope so I can "keep my heart open" to her comming back after she misses me. or that I really should just move on.