Superduck Posted August 19, 2000 Share Posted August 19, 2000 Hi, I am a first timer on this message board and I am seeking advice from others about a situation with my girlfriend. On Tuesday evening, after a day of arguing and bitterness, my girlfriend spoke to me about our relationship (we have been going out for 1 year and 8 months). She told me that she did not love me the way I did her because she is afraid that she will hurt both her and myself. Also, she was saying things like we are way too different from each other and that the only thing keeping us in this relationship up to now was our physical attraction for each other, pressure from others, and our extremely close friendship. However, I was distrought by this because I love her to death. She was also saying that we will eventually come to breaking up because soon we will be going off to college at different places and a long distance relationship will be overbearing. Well, she suggested that we break up then and there, but I changed her mind about that and convinced her that we should try to make things better, see if we can't work things out or what not. However, she did say things wouldn't be the same anymore. I am extremely confused right now, and don't know what direction I should head in. How can I make my relationship better again? Should I just end the relationship? Can I do something to convince her to give in to loving me? What can I do!? Somebody please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 19, 2000 Share Posted August 19, 2000 You can't convince someone to love you. You have a basis of strong friendship, which is good, physical attraction, which is also good...but she claims she is getting pressure from others to stay, which I don't understand. I think you gave her a bit more pressure by convincing her to stay together for a few more weeks until the two of you part for college. It will be rough for both of you to sustain a committed relationship long distance. You need to talk to her and ask her the questions you have asked us. But my best take on this is to use the next few weeks to have fun, explore the relationship's possiblities further, but out of love and friendship set her free while she is gone. You play the field also. If the two of you were meant to be, it will come together again. If you act cool and understanding about this and go along with what she is asking for, she will be a lot more attracted to you. As a matter of fact, if you agree with her wholeheartedly that the two of you see other people while at college and just leave it at that, she will not only be very confused but she will probably strongly reconsider her position. Girls are very attracted to guys who are confident in themselves. Can you do something to convince her to give in to loving you??? YUK. Do you hear what you're saying. Why should you want someone to love you because you had to convince them to do so. The answer is NO NO NO NO NO!!! Love is a feeling that she controls herself and she will make the decision on her own. Any attempt to force her feelings will backfire on you for sure. The greatest thing you can do is be nice to her and wish her all the luck in the world at college and give her all the freedom she needs. Just let her know that if you aren't seeing someone seriously next summer and she isn't either, then you'd like to date her for the summer. Remember, the cooler you are about all of this, the more attracted to you she will be and the more likely she will be to remain in love with you. BE COOL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted August 19, 2000 Share Posted August 19, 2000 Tony's right, dude. What you have to do right now is to agree with her decision. I have a few points for you: 1. If you agree, and you start seeing other people, and don't have time for her, you've turned the tables on her. She'll have to chase you. You'll suddenly seem more attractive than a pathetic mess. 2. If you love something, set it free. If it's yours, it'll come back to you. If it's not, it never was. (althought the only problem I have with this statement is that in the meantime they're hooking up with other people, but the key here is that you have to enjoy each moment in the present. 3. Agree with her now, and if she never comes back, you've began the healing process a few weeks sooner. Good luck, man, and remember: keep your composure in front of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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