How come he didnt want a solution?

[ninahkin]

I met a nice guy (or so i thought) about a year ago. He lives about 5hrs away by air. He sounded so sure during the year that he really liked me and thought that if anyone was created to be his wife i was as close as it would get. He was consistent in calling me daily for the last year. At some point i got concerned my feelings were not developing as fast as his were. Everything was good until last week when he told me he had commitment issues and the distance was too much to handle. I offered to move but he said he didnt want me to move just for him. I told him i was going to move and still get on with my life and if we didn't work that's fine. Long story short he concluded with he was terrified to lead this relationship and didnt want to hurt me and the last i heard from him was last week monday. Im sad because i was so used to him, we were good friends or so i thought. Im sad and i just dont understand. If i was so great why didnt he want to do everything he possibly could to get us to work? How come i havent heard from him since then? When we met he knew i lived in a different state and clearly at some point someone was going to have to move, so why is this such an issue now?

 

I also feel now like i could never trust him or another guy for that matter because there was not a single thing in how he behaved that made me think that he was not interested or didnt want for things to work out.

 

Oh and he said apparently the fact that he couldnt hang out with me on regular basis and he was hanging out with his female friends he felt like he was cheating on me.

 

Now im trying to move on so bad because i think he will never call me again.

 

Someone please help me understand what happened and how to press on?

[creighton0123]

You might not want to hear this, but it needs to be said.

 

Everything he told you was cliche to a point: exactly what people say when they break up with someone, but don't want to say exactly what's on their mind.

 

Everything you're feeling is exactly what one would expect after a breakup with someone you really like or even love.

 

He was really infatuated with you. Whether because of the distance or because of another reason, that infatuation faded and he wasn't happy in the relationship anymore.

 

It might be better for you to consider this:

 

All relationships prior to marriage that end never end in failure. They simply end successfully. Think back on what you liked and did not like about that relationship and, when the time is right, find that in another person.

 

I believe that when love does truly happen, things like "He told me if anyone was created to be his wife, I was as close as he would get" are not said. In fact, a discussion like that occurring too soon into a relationship is a big red flag when it comes to how romantically mature the person you're dating is.

 

We'll continue to be here if you want to talk more things out :-D

 

Until then, have some ice cream, take some time for yourself, and accept a big hug from all of us.

[ninahkin]

 

All relationships prior to marriage that end never end in failure. They simply end successfully.

 

I believe that when love does truly happen, things like "He told me if anyone was created to be his wife, I was as close as he would get" are not said. In fact, a discussion like that occurring too soon into a relationship is a big red flag when it comes to how romantically mature the person you're dating is.

 

Thank you so much creighton0123, what you said makes sense even though im having a hard time processing it. I hope sometime in the near future I will learn how to pick romantically mature people. Until then such is life!!

 

ps. thanks for the hugs i needed one.