contrary to popular belief

[DreamerGirl27]

It is freakin' HARD to get laid as a woman, if what you're looking for is not just to get laid. What are men like, commitment phobics or something?

 

I've had opportunities to get laid...once. And I'm a cute, attractive girl...5'6" and 130lbs, you tell me I'm not attractive. (I know you can't see me, but just trust me, I'm no oompa loompa, unattractive girl here)

 

The problem is, I keep meeting guys in their 20's who only care about one thing. Getting laid.

 

What the heck is wrong with the male population? Do they not have a need for emotional connection and they are all just emotionless neanderthals?

 

The guy that I had the opportunity to get laid with...kissed me after an hour of meeting me at a bar I was hanging out with a bunch of friends at (he was part of the group) and ran for the hills when I told him, "I'm looking for a serious relationship and seeing as you kissed me after an hour of meeting me, I don't think we're on the same page as that". Never heard from him again, which was the goal, because I didn't like him at all.

 

I pretty much knew he would stop responding after telling him that and I did it on purpose, because I was not digging him. First off, he wasn't ugly, but he wasn't my definition of cute...I could've gotten past that. IF he would've ASKED ME OUT on a DATE and not gone in for the kill right off the bat. That kind of behavior is really unattractive to me and complete turn off.

 

I'm a decent, good, conservative girl when it comes to the relationship department. I haven't even decided if I want to give up my virginity... until my wedding night...in other words, I'm quite seriously thinking of doing just that. Waiting. Until some guy has no way out after sleeping with me. I'll be darned if I sleep with a guy and he dumps me. I'll be darned if I let a guy hurt me in that way.

 

This isn't the 1950's, but relationships shouldn't be handled any differently.

 

It really sucks being a woman in the 21st century as far as finding a mate is concerned.

 

All you men in the world. Life isn't one big orgy. Geez.

 

Grow up.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I blame porn, really. Men see that, and they expect it in real life.

 

Or they get mistaken and flawed views of women. God only knows that I've had my own issues with views on women.

 

Another thing is that they see "players" doing well with women, and think all women want is a man who wants sex. Of course, they don't realize that the "players" are pretending to be men who want relationships, and then trick the women...but I digress.

 

Or else, you're running into all the players, and all the nice, sensible guys, you're either rejecting or else they're all in relationships already.

[Macaw]

I hope you're feeling better after getting that out of your chest.

 

Just remember that some people are single for a reason. Do not let the bad apples turn you into a bitter person, full of prejudice. It's not a healthy road to walk into.

[dreamingoftigers]

It is freakin' HARD to get laid as a woman, if what you're looking for is not just to get laid. What are men like, commitment phobics or something?

 

Um, in their 20s, usually.

 

I've had opportunities to get laid...once. And I'm a cute, attractive girl...5'6" and 130lbs, you tell me I'm not attractive. (I know you can't see me, but just trust me, I'm no oompa loompa, unattractive girl here)

 

The problem is, I keep meeting guys in their 20's who only care about one thing. Getting laid.

 

Hold on...

 

What the heck is wrong with the male population? Do they not have a need for emotional connection and they are all just emotionless neanderthals?

 

Until they are older often and nowadays many younger men's limbic systems are overrun with being overstimulated.

 

The guy that I had the opportunity to get laid with...kissed me after an hour of meeting me at a bar I was hanging out with a bunch of friends at (he was part of the group) and ran for the hills when I told him, "I'm looking for a serious relationship and seeing as you kissed me after an hour of meeting me, I don't think we're on the same page as that". Never heard from him again, which was the goal, because I didn't like him at all.

 

You also pre-emptively dumped him, so no, you wouldn't hear from him again.

 

I pretty much knew he would stop responding after telling him that and I did it on purpose, because I was not digging him. First off, he wasn't ugly, but he wasn't my definition of cute...I could've gotten past that. IF he would've ASKED ME OUT on a DATE and not gone in for the kill right off the bat. That kind of behavior is really unattractive to me and complete turn off.

 

Men, take note, if all that you are going to do is play the sex card instead of the interest card, you are going to get screwed, and not the way you want.

 

I'm a decent, good, conservative girl when it comes to the relationship department. I haven't even decided if I want to give up my virginity... until my wedding night...in other words, I'm quite seriously thinking of doing just that. Waiting. Until some guy has no way out after sleeping with me. I'll be darned if I sleep with a guy and he dumps me. I'll be darned if I let a guy hurt me in that way.

 

Be careful with the black and white thinking, if you are saving yourself for marriage be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs and yes a guy can still leave even after your married.

 

This isn't the 1950's, but relationships shouldn't be handled any differently.

 

Except the fact that we should be able to decide if we would like to work or not, and our world shouldn't revolve around a man either. We should be equal partners in decisions.

 

It really sucks being a woman in the 21st century as far as finding a mate is concerned.

 

Agreed, I wish I was born even 30 years earlier. I might not have lived as long blah blah blah but I think my marriage would have been far happier.

 

All you men in the world. Life isn't one big orgy. Geez.

 

Grow up.

 

Not to bash all men, but you men who are super-sex focussed and just see women who won't sleep with you as just being frigid bitches, grow up.

 

I blame porn, really. Men see that, and they expect it in real life.

 

Or they get mistaken and flawed views of women. God only knows that I've had my own issues with views on women.

 

Another thing is that they see "players" doing well with women, and think all women want is a man who wants sex. Of course, they don't realize that the "players" are pretending to be men who want relationships, and then trick the women...but I digress.

 

Or else, you're running into all the players, and all the nice, sensible guys, you're either rejecting or else they're all in relationships already.

 

I don't think that porn is solely and only to blame but it has definitely changed the sexual landscape in significant ways for women. Some men who use it think that it gives them "better ideas and new moves." Most of that is visually-oriented crap that means bunk to us. What gets us going is being touched more, kissed more and clitoral stimulation. It blows my mind how there is so much of this "women's sexual liberation" but so many men won't even go down on a girl, much less know how to make her orgasm or have a really great intimate experience.

 

With the technology and information floating around on sex, you would think more of it would appeal to pleasuring both genders. Yes there are many female porn users but that is a strictly visual medium and no vibrators are not the greatest thing since sliced bread. More of my exes (and current husband) were into vibrators etc. being used on me waaaayyyy more then I ever will be.

 

Can any guy actually list some really good "sex moves" that he does with/for a woman that don't involve his penis (or a vibrator)?

 

Because sex to a woman is a lot more then just the male genetalia, no matter what porn would have you believe.

 

Is it really believable that we are all sitting there having pillow fights with our best friend waiting for the pizza guy to come over?

 

Do you guys have pillow fights with each other and then call a babysitting service or something? (I am sure that there is a porn for this though).

 

The expectation on how quickly a girl is supposed to give it up to a guy for no real benefit, (and substantial risk) sexually or otherwise, is unreal.

 

For those expecting to get it in the first few dates, please. Why should a girl bother? She has needs? They can be met just about any time, anywhere if she so desires.

 

You took her to Taco Bell? So what, she owes you because you spent $5.49 on dinner? Did you really think that that burrito was suggestive enough?

 

So many guys these days have such pressure-filled expectations of how a girl should be, especially dealing with sexual permissiveness. And often nowadays guys are willing to give so much less into even getting to know a girl. Much less finding out how she wants to be touched in bed.

 

Boy I am in a ranty mood tonight.

 

Men: be nicer, get to know the girl, be more gentle with the touch and more interested with your attitude.

 

Women: Don't just give it up to be "cool" or "wanted" and don't be a cold-hearted bitch to the guy.

 

PS guys: do you really want to risk getting some crazy girl pregnant?

[ReturnToSender]

Its not hard getting laid as a woman...but what you wrote about wasnt about getting laid but about getting in a relationship. Yeah, finding a guy to be in a relationship with is indeed hard...but getting laid? Nah...

 

Not that Im doing much of either LoL! I feel you on not jumping into bed with just anyone for the sake of it...for months I will biitch, whine and complain that I have no sex life, but not cause I cant find anyone to have sex with...thats easy, but cause I want more than just sex...not so easy.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's hard for men and women, in different ways.

[dreamingoftigers]

It seems like the guys that want to get into relationships lack the skills to initiate one.

 

We are all just wandering around searching for different things and different people and have one Hell of a time locating exactly what it is we are searching for as it sits right beside us!

[somedude81]

The hard part for a woman isn't getting laid or getting into a relationship. The only semi-difficult part is getting into a relationship with a person she deems good enough for her.

 

If she just spends five minutes thinking about, dreamergirl can think of at least three men who would jump at the chance to have a relationship with her. But they don't count, because they don't meet her standards

 

The same can be applied to just about any other girl.

[carhill]

What the heck is wrong with the male population? Do they not have a need for emotional connection and they are all just emotionless neanderthals?

 

I know exactly what you mean. When I was your age, I turned to women for friendships because men that age were just not anywhere close to what I wanted in friends. Emotionless neanderthals LOL. Funny but largely my experience too.

 

The good news is, and I found this out in my 40's, that men do change in life. I've even seen the changes in some of my long-time male friends, those I've been with 15-20 years. Perhaps the changes are situational to them, or perhaps more indicative of wider societal changes. If the latter, that's heartening, for both men and women. The one significant downside I've observed is that of time. With many men, it's taken years of building relationships for them to become open and vulnerable, kind of like the animal who, with enough love and care, eventually will expose its belly.

 

As a lifelong 'average' man, my experience has been one of potential, as was discussed in another thread. Each of us has potential, determined largely by our attractiveness to the gender we sexually identify to, and what we do with that potential essentially determines our fate. To-wit, my choice to sit here at home on a Saturday night with the cat on my lap affects how my attractiveness to women is perceived; in this case, they can't perceive it at all because I'm unknown and chose to self-select out of social contact. Any other choices I make, whether as to time, venue, or who I approach also affects potential. For example, I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow morning while most people are in church, so I'm unlikely to meet any single women who go to church at the store. Simplistic, but it does illustrate things well. You might apply similar criteria to the bar, as appropriate.

 

Hey, if you think it's tough in your 20's, just wait until your 50's....

[somedude81]

It seems like the guys that want to get into relationships lack the skills to initiate one.

Can't disagree with you.

 

I don't know what's harder, trying to get a girlfriend or transmuting coal into gold.

 

Something tells me I should start reading books on alchemy. At least it's science and doesn't have any need for magic

[carhill]

LOL, getting into relationships is easy. Getting slapped in the face, literally or figuratively, many times over many years, not so easy. After enough of it, even the most staunch of the pro-relationship people has got to wonder 'why am I putting myself through this?' I did, hence the choices I now make. Self-select out. Invest in people who don't face-slap. It's not rocket science

[somedude81]

Ha, the only girl who has ever slapped me, refused to date me. And she slapped me on two separate occasions, not out of anger though.

[DreamerGirl27]

]I hope you're feeling better after getting that out of your chest.

 

Actually yeah, I do. lol

[DreamerGirl27]

I know exactly what you mean. When I was your age, I turned to women for friendships because men that age were just not anywhere close to what I wanted in friends. Emotionless neanderthals LOL. Funny but largely my experience too.

 

The good news is, and I found this out in my 40's, that men do change in life. I've even seen the changes in some of my long-time male friends, those I've been with 15-20 years. Perhaps the changes are situational to them, or perhaps more indicative of wider societal changes. If the latter, that's heartening, for both men and women. The one significant downside I've observed is that of time. With many men, it's taken years of building relationships for them to become open and vulnerable, kind of like the animal who, with enough love and care, eventually will expose its belly.

 

As a lifelong 'average' man, my experience has been one of potential, as was discussed in another thread. Each of us has potential, determined largely by our attractiveness to the gender we sexually identify to, and what we do with that potential essentially determines our fate. To-wit, my choice to sit here at home on a Saturday night with the cat on my lap affects how my attractiveness to women is perceived; in this case, they can't perceive it at all because I'm unknown and chose to self-select out of social contact. Any other choices I make, whether as to time, venue, or who I approach also affects potential. For example, I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow morning while most people are in church, so I'm unlikely to meet any single women who go to church at the store. Simplistic, but it does illustrate things well. You might apply similar criteria to the bar, as appropriate.

 

Hey, if you think it's tough in your 20's, just wait until your 50's....

 

Oh, I don't just hang out at bars. Most definitely not. I go to church occasionally as well. Some of the biggest buttwipes I've ever met are from my church's high school group, and I fell for them. BIG time and BIG mistake. The nice guys I have met over the years...are all in relationships with other people.

 

I met a few nice guys and dated them right outta high school. They were really decent, good, caring Christian guys. Unfortunately, the tables were turned. I was just barely 18 and not ready for something serious and they were all a few years older than me and all ready for stuff that was way beyond me. I absolutely adore them as people and friends, though. We are still friends to this day, but they have both moved onto other women. One is married and the other one is engaged. I'm happy for both of them, but it's those types that I'm looking for.

 

The type I like, is like I was when I was 18, though. I'm trying to give him time, 'cause he seems like a good guy, but I just don't know.

 

I'm just enjoying life right now as it is, single and all, but really...I needed to get that off my chest. lol because I am WAY sexed out with the sex talk...it's really starting to get to me.

 

I don't even wanna think about sex right now, so I guess that means I probably shouldn't think about a relationship. I don't know how black and white I am about holding out for marriage, but I definitely know that I wanna be in love first.

 

Anyway...blah. I feel better now. lol

 

Appreciate all the positive responses as well.

[DreamerGirl27]

I met the nice, good, Christian guys at a bar and I met the jerks at church. Ironic, ain't it?

[dreamingoftigers]

The hard part for a woman isn't getting laid or getting into a relationship. The only semi-difficult part is getting into a relationship with a person she deems good enough for her.

 

If she just spends five minutes thinking about, dreamergirl can think of at least three men who would jump at the chance to have a relationship with her. But they don't count, because they don't meet her standards

 

The same can be applied to just about any other girl.

 

Essentially, when we think of "relationship" we look for "special". If we can tell right off of the bat that the guy woulld enter into a relationship with anyone just to be in a relationship then no, there is no chance that that is special.

[Ross PK]

OP, that's kinda like saying, it's so hard for me to find any food, when all of the varied food available to me isn't quite what I want.

 

Bottom line is, is that it's friggin easy for most of you women to get laid. Just walk into a bar, or anywhere, and say 'okay, who wants to have sex with me?'. And you'll get a massive queue of guys lining up.

 

What you're finding hard to get, is a relationship.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Ross PK

[dreamingoftigers]

No it is kind of like saying: I cannot live off of Doritos, because if I try to, I will probably end up in the morgue before 30.

[dreamingoftigers]

OP, that's kinda like saying, it's so hard for me to find any food, when all of the varied food available to me isn't quite what I want.

 

Bottom line is, is that it's friggin easy for most of you women to get laid. Just walk into a bar, or anywhere, and say 'okay, who wants to have sex with me?'. And you'll get a massive queue of guys lining up.

 

What you're finding hard to get, is a relationship.[/QUOTE]

 

That is the whole point of her opening post, she wants a relationship not just some moron trying to get in her pants and risk STDs, pregnancy and risking sleeping with a stupid idiot all at once.

 

She wants someone for the long haul.

[Ross PK]

OP, that's kinda like saying, it's so hard for me to find any food, when all of the varied food available to me isn't quite what I want.

 

Bottom line is, is that it's friggin easy for most of you women to get laid. Just walk into a bar, or anywhere, and say 'okay, who wants to have sex with me?'. And you'll get a massive queue of guys lining up.

 

What you're finding hard to get, is a relationship.[/QUOTE]

 

That is the whole point of her opening post, she wants a relationship not just some moron trying to get in her pants and risk STDs, pregnancy and risking sleeping with a stupid idiot all at once.

 

She wants someone for the long haul.

 

Exactly. So that's what should should of said from the start, instead of saying it's so hard to get laid.

[dreamingoftigers]

The first sentence is interesting, I'll give you that, but if you put it into context you see exactly that she is looking for an R. There is no ambiguity.

[DreamerGirl27]

Let me rephrase...

 

it's hard to get laid, the right/correct and HEALTHIEST way!!

[Ross PK]

There's nothing wrong/uncorrect about having a ONS.

[GoodOnPaper]

If we can tell right off of the bat that the guy woulld enter into a relationship with anyone just to be in a relationship then no, there is no chance that that is special.

 

I find it hard to believe that that's something that is obvious right off the bat. If it's true, then this whole discussion swings back around to the stereotypical view that for relationships, what women really want is to "tame" the guys that can land any ONS they want. Yet, a number of guys who aren't so suave with ONSs and other casual sex arrangements manage to marry and reproduce.

 

If I didn't try to get into relationships with women when the rare dating opportunity arose, I would not have gained any dating/sex experience whatsoever. In each case did I think she was "the one" early on? Of course not. Would I have pushed things to marriage/family if I hadn't been dumped? With some I would have, with some I wouldn't have -- does that mean I didn't treat things "special" enough?

[somedude81]

Essentially, when we think of "relationship" we look for "special". If we can tell right off of the bat that the guy woulld enter into a relationship with anyone just to be in a relationship then no, there is no chance that that is special.

Good enough, meet her standards, special, they all mean the same thing.

 

It's much harder for a man to get into a relationship so of course he's going to lower his standards and appear to take what he can get.

 

Realistically, there's no way to know that a guy will get into a relationship with anyone unless you've actually seen the person he dates or actively hits on.

 

So this whole "special" thing is based off of nothing more than fantasies.

 

What I find real funny, is that people have told me I'm chronically single because my standards are too high and also too low

 

People think I'm too picky and others think I'll go out with just about anyone. And both of those explain me being single