contrary to popular belief

[Disillusioned]

Let me rephrase...

 

it's hard to get laid, the right/correct and HEALTHIEST way!!

 

There is no such thing as 100% safe sex.

 

There are a couple of reasons why you're only finding guys who don't want to stick around. For one, men in the US now have all sorts of legal weapons aimed at them even if they accept the consequences of sex. Men who are less intelligent can't control their sexual urges very well, and the only deterrent they understand is the threat of being jailed or bankrupted. Unfortunately it's mostly that type of man who's going to do the lay-'em-and-leave-'em thing when a woman says "OK" and turns off her force field.

 

The flipside is that all the legal stuff and emotional drama scares away the more intelligent guys who DO want commitment. Yes, we get occasionally get bored with playing video games, customizing cars, or whatever else we do as hobbies (and believe me, some of us have quite a few of 'em), but faced with the consequences of giving in to our sexual urges, we choose to do without, or for a few of us like myself, we find alternatives.

 

I said a couple of years ago that the problem with the meeting/dating situation in this country is that keepers and players are being lumped together instead of trying to start their own separate groups... That way, players could all be happily playing sexual musical chairs, and keepers would be pairing off as fast as they could turn 18.

 

But...nobody listened to the crazy guy with the crystal ball... so we all deserve what we're getting AFAIC.

[missmac]

I don't understand your complaint about getting laid when you have no intention of having sex. It's quite easy to get laid if you are a girl - but yes, if it is a relationship you're after - those are a bit more difficult - especially if you are meeting guys at the bar. Most people go to clubs and bars for that specific reason - to find someone to take home.

 

I'm a decent, good, conservative girl when it comes to the relationship department. I haven't even decided if I want to give up my virginity... until my wedding night...in other words, I'm quite seriously thinking of doing just that. Waiting. Until some guy has no way out after sleeping with me. I'll be darned if I sleep with a guy and he dumps me. I'll be darned if I let a guy hurt me in that way.

 

Yes, because we all know how much guys love being trapped in relationships, or marriages. Im not even going to start on the idiots who think that getting pregnant is a guarantee that he will stick around, or be the thing that saves the relationship.

 

As much as break ups or findng out someone has cheated on you hurts like hell - I believe that it is those experiences that make us grow, and prepare us for the barrage of emotional trauma that may happen in your future. I obviously dont go out and intentionally put myself in situations where I will get hurt, but it happens - thats reality. The only thing certain in life, is that it is always changing, and not going through a few tough experiences might make you ill equipped to handle the stress and pressure of a marriage. If I could go back and do it all over, I would make the same choices - what I gained from my past bad relationships - far outweighs the short painful phase that followed. I learned alot about life, and myself, which wouldnt have happened if I didnt just put myself out there and be vulnerable.

 

Did you expect that guy to call you? You shot him down immediately, he most likely didnt care and moved on to they next girl. You werent what he was looking for and vice versa - so you were wasting each others time.

 

There is nothing wrong with the male population, and you cant expect to find maturity when your target market is men in their 20's so you have no grounds to tell them to grow up.

 

If the store suddenly sold a new flavor of ice cream, would you want to buy a gallon without tasting it first? What if you got home and discovered it was horrible? And who's to say that that your future husband might find that he doesnt enjoy having sex with you once you finally allow yourself to do so. I feel bad for you, sex is actually wonderful when you do it for the right reasons - sometimes you find an intense attraction to someone you've just met - the excitement you feel when you both make eye contact across the room - and the rush you get from flirting. Sex can be a bad choice when: you feel pressured to do it, have been drinking a lot and have poor judgment, are sleeping with someone to make another person jealous or hurt. Always do it because you want to.

 

If you still want to abstain, at least try to masturbate regularly so on your wedding night you will be able to show your husband what you like. contrary to popular belief, alot of guys care about making us feel good too, and appreciate us telling them what they can do to make it enjoyable. Younger men tend to me more selfish in bed, but a guy that truly likes you will want to know they are pleasing you - part of the experience for them is seeing us get off.

 

Best luck finding what you are looking for <3

[USMCHokie]

I don't understand your complaint about getting laid when you have no intention of having sex.

 

This.

 

Also, I had to take a look back at your "destined to be alone forever" thread and have a pretty good idea of the root (or at least one of the roots) of your problem. The men you are supposedly attracted to are, to put it bluntly, not quality men. I will happily pass a judgment here, but the type of guy you describe here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3305729&postcount=28 is generally a pretty useless guy. They contribute little to nothing to society and fit into that "scene" you describe because they don't fit in anywhere else. Bottom line, barring an exception here or there, the guys you are attracted to simply aren't quality guys in the grand scheme of things. Anyone who says otherwise is either: (1) too meek to speak the truth because they don't have the cajones to do so, or (2) a member of that class himself.

[gargetyossiget]

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[DreamerGirl27]

I don't understand your complaint about getting laid when you have no intention of having sex. It's quite easy to get laid if you are a girl - but yes, if it is a relationship you're after - those are a bit more difficult - especially if you are meeting guys at the bar. Most people go to clubs and bars for that specific reason - to find someone to take home.

 

 

 

Yes, because we all know how much guys love being trapped in relationships, or marriages. Im not even going to start on the idiots who think that getting pregnant is a guarantee that he will stick around, or be the thing that saves the relationship.

 

As much as break ups or findng out someone has cheated on you hurts like hell - I believe that it is those experiences that make us grow, and prepare us for the barrage of emotional trauma that may happen in your future. I obviously dont go out and intentionally put myself in situations where I will get hurt, but it happens - thats reality. The only thing certain in life, is that it is always changing, and not going through a few tough experiences might make you ill equipped to handle the stress and pressure of a marriage. If I could go back and do it all over, I would make the same choices - what I gained from my past bad relationships - far outweighs the short painful phase that followed. I learned alot about life, and myself, which wouldnt have happened if I didnt just put myself out there and be vulnerable.

 

Did you expect that guy to call you? You shot him down immediately, he most likely didnt care and moved on to they next girl. You werent what he was looking for and vice versa - so you were wasting each others time.

 

There is nothing wrong with the male population, and you cant expect to find maturity when your target market is men in their 20's so you have no grounds to tell them to grow up.

 

If the store suddenly sold a new flavor of ice cream, would you want to buy a gallon without tasting it first? What if you got home and discovered it was horrible? And who's to say that that your future husband might find that he doesnt enjoy having sex with you once you finally allow yourself to do so. I feel bad for you, sex is actually wonderful when you do it for the right reasons - sometimes you find an intense attraction to someone you've just met - the excitement you feel when you both make eye contact across the room - and the rush you get from flirting. Sex can be a bad choice when: you feel pressured to do it, have been drinking a lot and have poor judgment, are sleeping with someone to make another person jealous or hurt. Always do it because you want to.

 

If you still want to abstain, at least try to masturbate regularly so on your wedding night you will be able to show your husband what you like. contrary to popular belief, alot of guys care about making us feel good too, and appreciate us telling them what they can do to make it enjoyable. Younger men tend to me more selfish in bed, but a guy that truly likes you will want to know they are pleasing you - part of the experience for them is seeing us get off.

 

Best luck finding what you are looking for <3

 

 

How the hell did you get "I don't masturbate" out of this? You're funny...

[dreamingoftigers]

I find it hard to believe that that's something that is obvious right off the bat.

 

You are kidding, right? I had one date where the guy started talking about marriage/kids with me in the first 10 mins. I had another where the guy started talking about me going back to his apartment with him for the obvious after 5. Trust me, guys can throw out the stink of desperation.

 

If it's true, then this whole discussion swings back around to the stereotypical view that for relationships, what women really want is to "tame" the guys that can land any ONS they want.

 

Oh Hell no, not in my case anyways. We want someone that views a relationship as a significant investment so that they won't just float onto the next relationship the next time some girl sits across from them at coffee. It is security and yes we want that. The guy with "no options" may leave just as easily the second he gets one more option, as opposed to the guy who has "some options" but puts that on ice to be with one person. These are relationship options and sexual options. If a guy is putting it out all over the place, then clearly it isn't special and he has no standard.

 

Yet, a number of guys who aren't so suave with ONSs and other casual sex arrangements manage to marry and reproduce.

 

OMFG, the guys who screw everything that move are not marryable because they screw everything that moves. Not the guy you want by any stretch. It certainly doesn't make them more attractive. Yes some of them look more attractive, but essentially they are only good for one thing, and a lot of them aren't that good at that one thing. The relationship guy tends to be way better in bed, and way better at being a good relationship partner. I find the more partners that a man has had from a young age makes him a worse kisser/lover etc. They think they know everything and don't take the time to learn you.

 

If I didn't try to get into relationships with women when the rare dating opportunity arose, I would not have gained any dating/sex experience whatsoever. In each case did I think she was "the one" early on? Of course not. Would I have pushed things to marriage/family if I hadn't been dumped? With some I would have, with some I wouldn't have -- does that mean I didn't treat things "special" enough?

 

I always wonder about the guys and "experience" thing. I truly truly do. It is an awesome bonding experience to be with someone who's slate is mostly clean. You form great ways to touch early on, instead of adjusting someone's very set template.

 

How the Hell am I supposed to know if you treated things "special" enough? "Special" depends on the girl and in my case I would wonder what you term sex as: if it is a simple way to have fun and relax with a random person on a Friday night, then that would be a red flag to me.

 

If you viewed a relationship as something you do to fill time and get laid, then that would be a red flag to me. If you deemed yourself unable to have a relationship, then that would be a red flag to me. If you had sky-high standards (i.e. your wife better no gain 5 lbs) then that would be a red flag too.

 

Good enough, meet her standards, special, they all mean the same thing.

 

It's much harder for a man to get into a relationship so of course he's going to lower his standards and appear to take what he can get.

 

Realistically, there's no way to know that a guy will get into a relationship with anyone unless you've actually seen the person he dates or actively hits on.

 

So this whole "special" thing is based off of nothing more than fantasies.

 

What I find real funny, is that people have told me I'm chronically single because my standards are too high and also too low

 

I would say that expecting too much in a person while holding out to get it instantly is expecting too much and too little.

 

People think I'm too picky and others think I'll go out with just about anyone. And both of those explain me being single

 

(If you are sending out both of those signals, then you are really screwing yourself)

 

This is the wrong way to go about it. In fact do not present yourself as having no options and willing to take the bargain bin relationship.

Present yourself as having turned down low options, but not aiming too high (esp with looks as women are insecure, even the pretty ones just don't see themselves that way often)

 

I.e. "That one girl just wanted to get laid, and I think sex is more then that" I kid you not.

 

This provides a healthy outlook and security, it also shows that you have something to be interested in. Marketing, it is all about marketing.

 

Often the ONS guys portray themselves as specifically interested in you. Not just specifically interested in sex. That is how they get the girls that they do, they amp in their level of interest in the girl and act like they shut out other options.

 

Ironically enough, most of these guys are exactly the sharks the girls want to avoid.

[DreamerGirl27]

I don't understand your complaint about getting laid when you have no intention of having sex. It's quite easy to get laid if you are a girl - but yes, if it is a relationship you're after - those are a bit more difficult - especially if you are meeting guys at the bar. Most people go to clubs and bars for that specific reason - to find someone to take home.

 

Clearly, you need to reread this whole entire thing. I met some of the nicest, Christian guys, at a bar with a friend and dated them a couple times and they turned out to be more mature than me because I was just barely 18 at the time and they wanted more than I did. I met the biggest aholes I've ever known in my life at church and I fell for them hard. That was a big mistake. Just because someone is at a bar or church, doesn't make them automatically a bad or decent person.

 

 

Yes, because we all know how much guys love being trapped in relationships, or marriages. Im not even going to start on the idiots who think that getting pregnant is a guarantee that he will stick around, or be the thing that saves the relationship.

 

If a guy is serious about you and gets to the point of where he is actually buying you a ring and proposing, I highly doubt you are "trapping" him into anything. It's these kind of serious men I am after, but am not finding.

 

As much as break ups or findng out someone has cheated on you hurts like hell - I believe that it is those experiences that make us grow, and prepare us for the barrage of emotional trauma that may happen in your future. I obviously dont go out and intentionally put myself in situations where I will get hurt, but it happens - thats reality. The only thing certain in life, is that it is always changing, and not going through a few tough experiences might make you ill equipped to handle the stress and pressure of a marriage. If I could go back and do it all over, I would make the same choices - what I gained from my past bad relationships - far outweighs the short painful phase that followed. I learned alot about life, and myself, which wouldnt have happened if I didnt just put myself out there and be vulnerable.

 

I am sorry you went through all of that, being a woman and knowing my v card is totally and completely up to me, I would never put myself in that situation, hence the reason for respecting myself and wanting to wait for commitment/a relationship/knowing the guy LOVES ME and cares for me in more ways than just physical and quite possibly wait all the way until my wedding night, if I'm strong enough to do that assuming I do find some awesome man someday.

 

Did you expect that guy to call you? You shot him down immediately, he most likely didnt care and moved on to they next girl. You werent what he was looking for and vice versa - so you were wasting each others time.

 

Um, are we talking about the same guy? Again, I think you need to reread my post. I shot down his sexual comment advances...he wasn't even necessarily aiming them at me, but he makes them a lot and I don't appreciate it. We are friends, he invites me places often and I go occasionally. I don't hang on him like a puppy dog, it's more like he hangs on me like a puppy dog actually. This does not mean I have shot down anything but his ONS ideas. Like I said, again, those ideas aren't even necessarily directed at me, it's just what he thinks he wants right now.

 

There is nothing wrong with the male population, and you cant expect to find maturity when your target market is men in their 20's so you have no grounds to tell them to grow up.

 

Men mature way slower than girls and by your 20's you should have a good head on your shoulder and at least have a general idea of who you are. Your 20's are all about finding yourself and women are a lot better and faster at doing that. Excuse me for being impatient and wishing the male population was more mature earlier in life. It's a wish that will go unanswered, but it is still a wish, regardless.

 

If the store suddenly sold a new flavor of ice cream, would you want to buy a gallon without tasting it first?

 

Your question confuses me and has a bit of a "duh" answer. Do you not know what caramel tastes like? Or vanilla or chocolate? Do you not know what ALL the flavors taste like already and know which ones you would and wouldn't like? Sex is no different. I can pretty much tell you and anyone else what I would and wouldn't be comfortable doing, what I could and couldn't be coaxed into doing and what I flat out won't do. I know what I like, I'm not stupid. It's not rocket science and sex isn't that complicated. It's only complicated when it isn't taken seriously as something that is shared between 2 people that love each other very much. People complicate sex. Sex is sex. Just like chocolate is chocolate and vanilla is vanilla.

 

What if you got home and discovered it was horrible?

 

Once again, don't you already know whether you like caramel or not?

 

And who's to say that that your future husband might find that he doesnt enjoy having sex with you once you finally allow yourself to do so. I feel bad for you, sex is actually wonderful when you do it for the right reasons - sometimes you find an intense attraction to someone you've just met - the excitement you feel when you both make eye contact across the room - and the rush you get from flirting.

 

That's sex based off of physical attraction only and that is a poor way to let yourself go. While physical attraction is important, you're taking all the love and emotion out of it that way. Sure, it's exciting...for 15 min until he's done and is onto the next hot piece of ass. Need I say more...

 

Sex can be a bad choice when: you feel pressured to do it, have been drinking a lot and have poor judgment, are sleeping with someone to make another person jealous or hurt. Always do it because you want to.

 

I don't want to right now. I honestly don't.

 

 

If you still want to abstain, at least try to masturbate regularly so on your wedding night you will be able to show your husband what you like. contrary to popular belief, alot of guys care about making us feel good too, and appreciate us telling them what they can do to make it enjoyable. Younger men tend to me more selfish in bed, but a guy that truly likes you will want to know they are pleasing you - part of the experience for them is seeing us get off.

 

I'm appalled that you had the gall to suggest this to me. First off, it's none of your business how much I masturbate and to assume that I don't enough already, whether I do or not, is none of your business.

 

Best luck finding what you are looking for <3

 

Yeah, I really believe you wish me the best of luck after your bitter and very unhelpful post to me. Thanks for nothing.

 

missmac, I certainly hope that picture is not really of you, because you are far too pretty to be this stupid about men and more importantly, my post. You took it all outta context and didn't read the majority of what I was saying and if you did, it all went way over your head.

 

Good luck to you and your future sex adventures.