louieroc1 Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Hi im new I just need someone to talk to , my husband has been lying to me for the past 3-4 years hes been cheating on me with a married woman, after all these lies and denials I finally found out the truth 6 months ago, I love him and he is good to me hes a great husband and a fantastic father to 2 girls, I didnt leave him because I love him and he promised that he would never lie to me again or hurt me again and that he couldnt live without me, he has promised me many things in the past and allways dissapointed me, I have suffered a personal silence for years I thought I was going crazy with suspicions and it drove me into depression, since finding out the truth it was like a weight had come off me and I felt ok finally knowing the truth my problem is I dont trust him Ive been hurt by him and I cant bring myself to leave him either it would hurt the children so much and he is not a bad husband hes affectionate and caring and says that he loves me, however I cannot understand how he could hurt me like that for so long. I want to make my marriage work and we have been closer and can actually talk about this as before we would only argue. Has anyone else been through this please let me know thanks Link to post Share on other sites
TheFaithfulWife Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Hi Lou, I found out about my husbands affair just over a year ago. I also am still with my husband, he moved out briefly but has been back for six months now. I think that you and he need to see a marriage counselor, I would recommend the way we are going about it, he sees counselor once a week alone, I see counselor once a week alone but every third week we go together. It has really helped to rebuild the trust we lost and it also helps with the issues that started the affair in the first place. I wish you a lot of luck and my prayers go with you The faithful wife Link to post Share on other sites
Author louieroc1 Posted April 3, 2004 Author Share Posted April 3, 2004 Thanks for replying unfortunately hes doesnt want to talk to anybody , he says he knows what he has to do and doesnt need anyone telling him, he also doesnt want to keep bringing up the affair as he feels we are progressing and that talking about it again will only go back on old ground. It fine for him that wants to just sweep it under the carpet , but it doesnt change what I feel. how did you cope when you found out? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Sweeping issues under the carpet is like putting a bandaid on a broken bone. The pain is still there, the damage is done, but to ignore it will only aggreviate it more. I am guessing he doesn't want to be reminded of the guilt and shame of it all, and the only way I know to deal with those is to discuss it. Otherwise it sits and simmers, boiling over in other means and causing other issues. He may not be willing to go to counseling, but how about you on your own? You are both going to have to talk about what led to the affair and what you can do to prevent a future one... but sweeping under the carpet will not help. And if he sees that "covering the problem" works and you forgave, it might make it easier on his concious if the opportunity arises again. I hate to say it, but you are both going to have to face it head on and deal with all the issues related. To recover from infidelity is a harsh and long road. Regaining the trust makes it worth it. I am sorry for your pain, and even sorrier that he feels he can deal with it on his own. From experience, his approach rarely works. I wish you tons of luck and hope things work out for you and your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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