Would you break up for political reasons?

[marlena]

As some of you know, politically I am, to put it mildly, very opinionated. My boyfriend who once shared my convictions (we used to be friends many years ago) and belonged to the same ideological sphere as I do seems to have done a 180 politically. This is causing a lot of problems as what he advocates is particularly abhorrent to me.

 

Last night we had an argument (one in a long series) and I, in a state of fury,broke it off with him as I can not live with a man whose values and ethics (yes, that's politics) are so diametrically opposed to mine.

 

Now, I am having second thoughts, of course.

 

So, my question is: Would you break up with your partner for political reasons?

[live_laugh_write]

Well, it would seem that it's not just political anymore. You're questioning his values and ethics and if there are problems there then yes, I think I would break it off if we couldn't move past these differences. It's so hard to make a life with someone if your values and ethics are 180's of each other because those are strong ideals that help define you.

It's natural to have second thoughts after that kind of break up. If he's still open to talking about it, I would suggest you both have a more "cool-headed" conversation about this.

[Feelin Frisky]

Those are the real grounds for who we are. After the sexual honeymoon where image and hot body have played their hands, politics and ethics are what is left. So, yes. I would break up. But I could not abide a Republican in the first place. It could not get too far without that turning me off cold. Bill Maher has these attractive young professional women on who represent the right and within a sentence or so I'm so turned off I often turn the channel. It mostly has to do with the flippant attitude about the plight of other people. If "bleeding heart" liberal is what they must call me, I accept.

[westrock]

It depends on how you look at it. You can look at it from the perspective that the two of you have diametric opposing views and therefore incompatible, or you can look at it from the perspective of you're both passionate about politics. As long as you each have mutual respect that each person is entitled to their own opinions, even if it's different from yours, then that may be a good thing.

 

You don't have to adopt his views, but you can certainly be open to listening to him (and vice versa), even if it's just to give each of you more perspective on your own opinion. That's what mutual respect and healthy debate is about.

 

Look up the story of Mary Matalin (Republican) and James Carville (Democratic) and you will see that even though they have oposing political views, they have common ground in that both are passionate about politics.

[threebyfate]

I would break up if his political reasonings were irrational and emotionally driven. Conspiracy theories aside, if he can deliver his reasoning in a calm and rational manner with a well researched understanding of his core political beliefs, then no way.

 

Regardless of his political beliefs, I value rational critical thinkers.

 

H. and I somewhat differ in our political leanings. We have some rousing fun debates about them but at the end of the day, they're just discussion items of mutual interest.

[anne1707]

I thought I would not have a relationship with someone whose political views were opposed to mine until I met Wuggle. However it worked for us from the start and we could talk and debate issues with respect for each other's opinion at all times. As it is, through our discussions and his reading of political works, his views have changed and are much more closely aligned to mine. Again this was through shared debate, respect and being open to differing perspectives.

[OWoman]

It matters very deeply to me that the person I am with is someone whose values and beliefs I can respect, so yes, I would dump someone instantly if there political values and beliefs were in conflict with mine.

 

I have a political activist background, and have been prepared to die and kill for my values and beliefs (luckily have not yet had to do either) and seen many very dear friends killed along the way for those beliefs. While I'm prepared to tolerate reactionary beliefs in ageing family, I would not tolerate them in someone I had chosen to spend my life with. That would be an "irreconcilable difference" too far.

[Art_Critic]

No...

 

I would have to find the middle ground to agree to disagree...

 

There are plenty of people on opposites of their political beliefs and they coexist some of those are even in the public eye and in politics..

 

Carville and his wife...

[Kamille]

I admire all the people who can find ways to work a relationship through differences in political opinions. As for me, it would be a matter of what the subject was. My SO and I share the same views on social programs, immigration and education. Those are areas that are important to me, that I keep informed about, and I would have a hard time being with a SO who didn't share my views on those topics, as to me they're all related to basic human dignity. We also agree on economic development and defense and we mostly agree on questions of national unity (since we live in Canada), but I could withstand differences of opinion in those fields.

 

I imagine your differences hit on something beyond politics for you, which is why you reacted the way you did. It could be a core incompatibility.

[anne1707]

Marlena

 

Knowing some of your posting history, you are a woman with strong convictions but also one who is open to listening to others and happy to have an intelligent, reasoned and respectful debate. You are not so limited in your outlook that it is your way or the highway - you could never be so close-minded, rigid or dogmatic in attitude.

 

My suspicions are that this concern over political differences is really the surfacing of concerns about other more important aspects of the relationship. I could be wrong of course but are there any other things between you and your boyfriend that are not quite as you would like them to be in an ideal world?

[marlena]

Well, it would seem that it's not just political anymore. You're questioning his values and ethics and if there are problems there then yes, I think I would break it off if we couldn't move past these differences. It's so hard to make a life with someone if your values and ethics are 180's of each other because those are strong ideals that help define you.

It's natural to have second thoughts after that kind of break up. If he's still open to talking about it, I would suggest you both have a more "cool-headed" conversation about this.

 

Hi! Thanks for replying. Yes, this is true. After all, our political views reflect our values and ethics,who we are and what we stand for, what we conceive to be important in life.

Anyway, we did have that talk today and we decided to stick it out as so many things are in our favour. Fingers crossed!

[marlena]

Those are the real grounds for who we are. After the sexual honeymoon where image and hot body have played their hands, politics and ethics are what is left. So, yes. I would break up. But I could not abide a Republican in the first place. It could not get too far without that turning me off cold. Bill Maher has these attractive young professional women on who represent the right and within a sentence or so I'm so turned off I often turn the channel. It mostly has to do with the flippant attitude about the plight of other people. If "bleeding heart" liberal is what they must call me, I accept.

 

Hi FF!

How are you feeling? Hope you fully recuperated! I agree with everything you have written. Our politics definitely define us.

 

I am a "bleeding heart" liberal too. What's odd is when I knew him many many yeras ago he was the same. Left as left can go. He was very active in the resistance movement against the seven-year didactorship in this country. This is back when we are Uni together.

 

Today, it seems he has swung right. He denies it but what he reads,watches and the things he advocates have a right wing flavour to them. I can't help wondering what triggered this change in him.

 

Anyway, we did talk and cleared some things up but, well, we'll see.

Thanks for giving me your point of view. It is very much respected.

[marlena]

I would break up if his political reasonings were irrational and emotionally driven. Conspiracy theories aside, if he can deliver his reasoning in a calm and rational manner with a well researched understanding of his core political beliefs, then no way.

 

Regardless of his political beliefs, I value rational critical thinkers.

 

H. and I somewhat differ in our political leanings. We have some rousing fun debates about them but at the end of the day, they're just discussion items of mutual interest.

 

This is part of the problem. He does get very emotional but then again he is a very intense guy. I ask him to speak more rationally and calmly but then in Greece when it comes to politics hardly anyone does!

 

I agree they are just discussion items but political leanings can reveal so much about a person's inner character, I think. My concern is whether I am over- reacting myself. After all, what really matters is how someone treats you and he treats me like a queen.

 

Thanks!

[marlena]

I thought I would not have a relationship with someone whose political views were opposed to mine until I met Wuggle. However it worked for us from the start and we could talk and debate issues with respect for each other's opinion at all times. As it is, through our discussions and his reading of political works, his views have changed and are much more closely aligned to mine. Again this was through shared debate, respect and being open to differing perspectives.

 

Hi Anne,

 

You guys make a wonderful couple and I love boht your posts in the poltical section.

 

I am hoping to accomplish the same with A but I feel he is very rigid in his perspectives. it could be his age, of course,lol or his thick-headed stubborness.

 

What's really odd is the 180 he has done. Or maybe I just didn't know him that well back then at Uni. He denies everything and says he is who he always was but there is a contradiction here that I find unsettling.

 

What's funny is that in many ways we are the same. Intense, opinionated, political-minded, fiercely independent and, dare I say it, stubborn! There I said it!

[marlena]

It matters very deeply to me that the person I am with is someone whose values and beliefs I can respect, so yes, I would dump someone instantly if there political values and beliefs were in conflict with mine.

 

I have a political activist background, and have been prepared to die and kill for my values and beliefs (luckily have not yet had to do either) and seen many very dear friends killed along the way for those beliefs. While I'm prepared to tolerate reactionary beliefs in ageing family, I would not tolerate them in someone I had chosen to spend my life with. That would be an "irreconcilable difference" too far.

 

I could have written this OW word for word. I could kill for my convictions and that's why an argument flares up because he is equally intense and fiercely opinionated!

 

The odd thing is he denies having a right bone in his body yet his words tell a different story. Very confusing when one stops and thinks that he was arrested many times back in the days of thedictatorship for being a "leftie!"

 

If I did not know his history, I, too, probably would have run the other way. As it is now, I think I will wait a little while longer and see if we can sort this mess out!

 

Thanks!

[marlena]

I admire all the people who can find ways to work a relationship through differences in political opinions. As for me, it would be a matter of what the subject was. My SO and I share the same views on social programs, immigration and education. Those are areas that are important to me, that I keep informed about, and I would have a hard time being with a SO who didn't share my views on those topics, as to me they're all related to basic human dignity. We also agree on economic development and defense and we mostly agree on questions of national unity (since we live in Canada), but I could withstand differences of opinion in those fields.

 

I imagine your differences hit on something beyond politics for you, which is why you reacted the way you did. It could be a core incompatibility.

 

 

Hi sweetheart,

 

You hit it perfectly. I am wondering if it is a core incompatibility. After all, Kamille, how can it not be? That is why I am feeling all this anguish. Our politics tell a story about us, about who we are, what we believe in, what we stand for.

 

Although he seems narrow-minded about certain political and social issues, he is open-minded about others. He just gives off mixed signals.

 

It's only been five months. Maybe I need to get to know him better. I think it was you who said the first year is always the bumpiest. Maybe we just need more time.

 

Thanks, Kamille, you know how much I cherish your advice!

[marlena]

No...

 

I would have to find the middle ground to agree to disagree...

 

There are plenty of people on opposites of their political beliefs and they coexist some of those are even in the public eye and in politics..

 

Carville and his wife...

 

You know Art, if I want to be with this man, I guess this is what I will have to do. The question is: will I be able to?

[marlena]

It depends on how you look at it. You can look at it from the perspective that the two of you have diametric opposing views and therefore incompatible, or you can look at it from the perspective of you're both passionate about politics. As long as you each have mutual respect that each person is entitled to their own opinions, even if it's different from yours, then that may be a good thing.

 

You don't have to adopt his views, but you can certainly be open to listening to him (and vice versa), even if it's just to give each of you more perspective on your own opinion. That's what mutual respect and healthy debate is about.

 

Look up the story of Mary Matalin (Republican) and James Carville (Democratic) and you will see that even though they have oposing political views, they have common ground in that both are passionate about politics.

 

Hi Westrock,

Thanks for replying. You are right. We are very passionate about politics. We talk politics all day. Alone, with friends, at home, at dinner, at the bar. EVERYWHERE! This is how things are here.

 

I want to take the middle ground but I am afraid I will not be able to as I am even more passionate about my beliefs than he is. He'll make some snide remark about something and I'll hit the roof!! Yup, I have a short fuse, too, especially when it comes to things I feel strongly about!

[Kamille]

Do the break-ups in the heat of the moment have an effect on your relationship? I ask because I once was break-up happy, and it really was detrimental to the establishment of trust with my ex. I recogniz this was specific to our dynamic, but I'm curious if it has an impact on yours, or if you two just experience it as par for the course.

 

And I'm happy you're working things out. I would really like to meet the two of you, as I also love heated political debates.

[marlena]

Do the break-ups in the heat of the moment have an effect on your relationship? I ask because I once was break-up happy, and it really was detrimental to the establishment of trust with my ex. I recogniz this was specific to our dynamic, but I'm curious if it has an impact on yours, or if you two just experience it as par for the course.

 

And I'm happy you're working things out. I would really like to meet the two of you, as I also love heated political debates.

 

 

Are you sure, sweetie? Make you sure you are wearing a suit of armour when we meet just in case! :laugh:

 

Well, my belief is that when too many arguments occur on a regular basis, yes, they can not help but be detrimental to the R sooner or later. It also depends on what is said during an argument, how low it gets, how offensive and below the belt so to speak. Once words are uttered, they can't be taken back and that's where the problems start. The beginning of the end.

 

On the other hand, I know this couple who swear at eachother like truck drivers and ten minutes later are lovey dovey. I do not belong to that category although I do recognize the fact that in the heat of an argument people say a lot of things that they don't really mean. Still, if it happens too often, even the most forgiving person will eventually have enough.

 

Yes, in a way, we do take them par for the course but until when? Eventually, it will wear us out if we don't stop.

[Kamille]

Are you sure, sweetie? Make you sure you are wearing a suit of armour when we meet just in case! :laugh:

 

 

I should be fine as long as I don't drink too much wine. I find my capacity to not get too emotional during political debates is inversely proportional to the amount of wine I drink. Of course, if we do end up drinking too much wine, you will then just have to accept that I might get extremely upset as par for the course, and forgive me in the morning. I now know this is an integral part of your modus operandi, so I'm not worried.

[marlena]

I should be fine as long as I don't drink too much wine. I find my capacity to not get too emotional during political debates is inversely proportional to the amount of wine I drink. Of course, if we do end up drinking too much wine, you will then just have to accept that I might get extremely upset as par for the course, and forgive me in the morning. I now know this is an integral part of your modus operandi, so I'm not worried.

 

Not to worry, we'll drink, have a heated political debate, then, make up over more wine and dancing under the stars.

 

Seriously, though, you didn't tell me your take on this. Do you think constant arguing is eventually the downfall of an R?

[Kamille]

Not to worry, we'll drink, have a heated political debate, then, make up over more wine and dancing under the stars.

 

Seriously, though, you didn't tell me your take on this. Do you think constant arguing is eventually the downfall of an R?

 

Hmmm. good question. I have to head off to a meeting, but I'll get back to you soon.

 

Dancing under the stars in Greece sounds wonderful.

[Cee]

Compatible political viewpoint is one of my top criteria in seeking a mate. For me my political views inform how I live my life - how I value non-materialism, simple living, anti-racism, anti-homophobia, etc.

 

I met my boyfriend in a meetup group for liberals and it's such a turn on to hear him rant about the economic system and analyze the news of the day. We don't agree on everything, including gun control. I'm a pacifist and he is interested in firing guns for sport. He's also more money driven than I am, but he lives modestly and isn't wasteful with his money. And he is better informed about the issues and teaches me a lot about the way the world works. It balances out.

 

It's a good thing I live in a big city or I would have trouble meeting men who were left of center.

 

In the end, it's not your beliefs that matter. It's what you do. Do you and he advance a left agenda through volunteering, activism, donating to causes, voting, incorporate a greener lifestyle, etc.

[Art_Critic]

You know Art, if I want to be with this man, I guess this is what I will have to do. The question is: will I be able to?

 

Maybe the thing to do is keep political debates off the table..

 

At work we do that.. nothing can cause an argument faster than religion and politics... and those arguments NEVER finish with either side changing their viewpoint and only creates animosity.

 

My wife.. although she and I are both republicans don't always see eye to eye and we both just side step any debates where we don't agree on politics...