Would you break up for political reasons?

[laRubiaBonita]

So, my question is: Would you break up with your partner for political reasons?

 

no. but i am not all that concerned or in the know regarding politics.

 

However if my beliefs and opinions were not respected- just as i would respect differing beliefs and opinions- then yes, i do believe that could be grounds for a break up... but it would be not just political opinions, but any that i may have.

[Kamille]

Seriously, though, you didn't tell me your take on this. Do you think constant arguing is eventually the downfall of an R?

 

I think it depends on the couples. My parents constantly argue. Yet, I've never seen a couple so amourous. And they don't even argue about politics, they argue about each other (yes, they are very co-dependent). But at the root of their argument lies a shared belief: that it's okay to stick your nose in your partner's business.

 

Perhaps the same applies to you: at the root of your arguments about politics lies a shared belief: Politics matter. And that's why you two are compatible - but prone to fight about politics.

 

So, in short, no, I don't think constant arguing is eventually the downfall of every R. It is if, as has been the case in my life, one of the partners feels attacked, dismissed or belittled during the fights. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening in your situation. What's happening is a difference of opinion, but a difference of opinion that gets heated precisely because you both view each other as competent political debaters.

[2sure]

I am involved personally and professionally in politics. That being said - someone else's particular party affiliation or voting record is not a consideration for me when I am dating. This works for me regarding friendships and other social relationships as well....

 

As long as they are not adamant that they are right and I am wrong. As long they do not aggressively pursue or participate in projects or ideas that I am opposed to.

 

In other words, it doesnt matter to me so much as long I matter more to them than their political beliefs.

If political affiliations are important to both of us...and we are opposed - NO CHANCE.

 

I couldnt stomach it.

[marlena]

Maybe the thing to do is keep political debates off the table..

 

At work we do that.. nothing can cause an argument faster than religion and politics... and those arguments NEVER finish with either side changing their viewpoint and only creates animosity.

 

My wife.. although she and I are both republicans don't always see eye to eye and we both just side step any debates where we don't agree on politics...

 

Art, this could be the answer but something tells me I will not be able to do this. Politics is a big part of my life as it is for most people here. Another problem is that he is so veciferous about his views in my circle of friends often using inflammatory language and this bothers the hell out of me. I may have opposing views with others but I always make an effort to remain curteous and respectful.

 

Add his drinking problem to the mix and honestly I don't see this lasting long.

[marlena]

I am involved personally and professionally in politics. That being said - someone else's particular party affiliation or voting record is not a consideration for me when I am dating. This works for me regarding friendships and other social relationships as well....

 

As long as they are not adamant that they are right and I am wrong. As long they do not aggressively pursue or participate in projects or ideas that I am opposed to.

 

In other words, it doesnt matter to me so much as long I matter more to them than their political beliefs.

If political affiliations are important to both of us...and we are opposed - NO CHANCE.

 

I couldnt stomach it.

 

 

Hi 2sure. Nice to see you. Hope you and your daughter are doing well.

 

So far, no, he has not put his political convictions above me. I know I am or have been so far his top priority. I say "have been" because the picture is beginning to change. Too many hot arguments ... hurtful words that can not be erased have done harm to this R. I don't know if it salvageable.

 

Yes, I have a Meditteranean temper that I usually keep under control until someone sends me off the edge.

 

Like I told Art, I think you guys will be seeing me in the break up section soon.

[marlena]

I am involved personally and professionally in politics. That being said - someone else's particular party affiliation or voting record is not a consideration for me when I am dating. This works for me regarding friendships and other social relationships as well....

 

As long as they are not adamant that they are right and I am wrong. As long they do not aggressively pursue or participate in projects or ideas that I am opposed to.

 

In other words, it doesnt matter to me so much as long I matter more to them than their political beliefs.

If political affiliations are important to both of us...and we are opposed - NO CHANCE.

 

I couldnt stomach it.

 

 

Hi 2sure. Nice to see you. Hope you and your daughter are doing well.

 

So far, no, he has not put his political convictions above me. I know I am or have been so far his top priority. I say "have been" because the picture is beginning to change. Too many hot arguments ... hurtful words that can not be erased have done harm to this R. I don't know if it salvageable.

 

Yes, I have a Meditteranean temper that I usually keep a tight lid on under until someone sends me off the edge.

 

Like I told Art, I think you guys will be seeing me in the break up section soon.

[marlena]

no. but i am not all that concerned or in the know regarding politics.

 

However if my beliefs and opinions were not respected- just as i would respect differing beliefs and opinions- then yes, i do believe that could be grounds for a break up... but it would be not just political opinions, but any that i may have.

 

Well TBH he does repsect my views. It's rather I who does not respect his ..at least what they have developed into. He denies everything but I am no fool.

[marlena]

I think it depends on the couples. My parents constantly argue. Yet, I've never seen a couple so amourous. And they don't even argue about politics, they argue about each other (yes, they are very co-dependent). But at the root of their argument lies a shared belief: that it's okay to stick your nose in your partner's business.

 

Perhaps the same applies to you: at the root of your arguments about politics lies a shared belief: Politics matter. And that's why you two are compatible - but prone to fight about politics.

 

So, in short, no, I don't think constant arguing is eventually the downfall of every R. It is if, as has been the case in my life, one of the partners feels attacked, dismissed or belittled during the fights. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening in your situation. What's happening is a difference of opinion, but a difference of opinion that gets heated precisely because you both view each other as competent political debaters.

 

Your parents sound adorable. I know couples like that.

 

Anyway, I bolded a part of your post. Yes, it;s true , we are very political animals. Always have been. You guys know this about me. So, in a sense, yes, it is a shared passion.

 

These debates get so heated and sometimes turn personal. I am afriad things will get out of hand. Remember! We are dealing with Meditteranean tempers. That's a bomb waiting to explode!

[laRubiaBonita]

Add his drinking problem to the mix and honestly I don't see this lasting long.

that is not a good combo at all.

Too many hot arguments ... hurtful words that can not be erased have done harm to this R. I don't know if it salvageable.

 

Yes, I have a Meditteranean temper that I usually keep under control until someone sends me off the edge.

 

Like I told Art, I think you guys will be seeing me in the break up section soon.

 

so the hurtful words were from you? him? both sides?

[marlena]

that is not a good combo at all.

 

 

so the hurtful words were from you? him? both sides?

 

Unfortunately, my side. I have a wicked tongue when I feel I have been wronged. He hasn't said a nasty thing to me.

[Scottdmw]

No, I wouldn't let politics get in the way of a good relationship.

 

I think that the worst problem with political debates is when people start to doubt the motives of the other side, and assume that the other side believes what they do out of reasons that are selfish, ignorant, stupid, or things like that. In my experience those are rarely the motives of anyone on either side. People on both sides of the debates have good reasons for what they believe, and they really believe that their solutions are best for everyone.

 

If you can come at it from an attitude like that it makes it much easier. You and the other person both care about the problems in the world. You both want to make things better. You both want to make human lives better. You simply disagree about how to best do that, in questions that are difficult to answer.

 

Further, most political issues don't have a lot of impact on your daily life. You can and should vote to support your ideas, but it's not like whether you convince the other person or not is going to have a big impact on the world.

 

For all those reasons, I think that a good loving relationship is worth way more than agreeing with someone politically.

 

Even more than that though, take a look at your motives in your own heart for wanting to break up. I can't speak for you on this, but are you truly sure that your motivation is not stemming from a fear that you may end up having to deal with possibly changing your mind? A fear of re-examining long-held beliefs that you are comfortable with? A desire to stay away from people that disagree with you because it's easier? All those things can create a powerful emotional desire to break up, but they aren't useful at all. They won't help either you or the other person get closer to understanding the truth. If you truly desire to help your cause, the most useful thing you can do is stay with the person that disagrees with you and try to convince them.

 

Best wishes with it

 

Scott

[marlena]

No, I wouldn't let politics get in the way of a good relationship.

 

I think that the worst problem with political debates is when people start to doubt the motives of the other side, and assume that the other side believes what they do out of reasons that are selfish, ignorant, stupid, or things like that. In my experience those are rarely the motives of anyone on either side. People on both sides of the debates have good reasons for what they believe, and they really believe that their solutions are best for everyone.

 

If you can come at it from an attitude like that it makes it much easier. You and the other person both care about the problems in the world. You both want to make things better. You both want to make human lives better. You simply disagree about how to best do that, in questions that are difficult to answer.

 

Further, most political issues don't have a lot of impact on your daily life. You can and should vote to support your ideas, but it's not like whether you convince the other person or not is going to have a big impact on the world.

 

For all those reasons, I think that a good loving relationship is worth way more than agreeing with someone politically.

 

Even more than that though, take a look at your motives in your own heart for wanting to break up. I can't speak for you on this, but are you truly sure that your motivation is not stemming from a fear that you may end up having to deal with possibly changing your mind? A fear of re-examining long-held beliefs that you are comfortable with? A desire to stay away from people that disagree with you because it's easier? All those things can create a powerful emotional desire to break up, but they aren't useful at all. They won't help either you or the other person get closer to understanding the truth. If you truly desire to help your cause, the most useful thing you can do is stay with the person that disagrees with you and try to convince them.

 

Best wishes with it

 

Scott

 

Scott,

 

What a lovely post! One that I have taken to heart and will definitely ruminate over.

 

Your approach is very refreshing and has provided me with much needed insight. It is true that we do care a lot about politics and world affairs. Perhaps, as you said, I should view this common interest as a binding factor and not as a divisive one regardless of how much our stances on various issues differ. Truth be told, we don´t differ on all aspects but a specific few. This is what I find so bewildering. Years ago we were on the same page ideologically and politically. Surely, things can not have changed that drastically.

 

Yes, perhaps, I do need to revise my reasons for causing a rift in this relationship. My insecurities? My baggage? My fear of commitment?

 

Ypu have given me much valuable food for thought and I thank you sincerely.

 

Best wishes to you, too!