Ex has just texted me 2 months after being in NC. What do I do?!!?

[MrElusive]

Ok so my ex has just texted me after 2 months of NC saying "[my name]" and that's about it... What do I do?!?!

 

My original thread of how I ended up NC'ing can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270491/

[MrElusive]

Any help would be much appreciated! I'm really stuck into what to do.

[Eddie Edirol]

Thats a crumb, shes seeing how fast you will respond. Ignore it. Dont let her think you will jump at any opportunity. If she wanted you back, she will make a better attempt.

[butterfly2011]

ummm.... a text is a sorry way to communicate. Ignore it.... she should call to talk to you if she wants to talk.

[geegirl]

Just your name? Pathetic attempt to bait you. Ignore and keep NC. If you respond, it will teach her that all she needs to do is give you a crumb to get you to jump.

[MrElusive]

Thanks guys.

 

Yeah, my thoughts exactly, although I think that's her way of saying "i miss you"... Then again it doesn't hurt to say "i miss you" or "hey, im sorry" i suppose.

[butterfly2011]

No that wouldnt hurt. But why would it take that long to say it? That is the question you should be asking. Arent you more important than that? Didn't you deserve this like two months ago? A phone call is better than a text anyways.....don't settle for less than you deserve.

 

Im so mad at my man right now and after reading through these posts, I know what I did wrong but I also see that I deserve better than what he was giving me. He used to be awesome.....he changed.

 

Remember you are awesome and deserve more..

[Hhhh]

she may never contact you ever again if you don't respond to this one. I say keep it short something like "what's up"

 

I hate this hardcore no contact thing. Why would someone who dumped you continue to get a hold of you if you ignore their initial attempt, they will obviously think your bitter and never want to hear from them again.

[danrs]

she may never contact you ever again if you don't respond to this one. I say keep it short something like "what's up"

 

I hate this hardcore no contact thing. Why would someone who dumped you continue to get a hold of you if you ignore their initial attempt, they will obviously think your bitter and never want to hear from them again.

 

I'm not all for harcore NC either, but, why would anyone think they can dump on someone and toss them on the trash heap, and then not think someone would be bitter about that? Or expect some silly meaningless text should be answered?

 

We've seen it a thousand times here...the breadcrumbs mean nothing. Every single time someone responds to silliness like that, it blows up in their face or amounts to nothing.

 

If you broke up with someone and sent a silly little "hey" or "what's up" text, and they didn't respond, (assuming you wanted reconcilliation) would that stop you for a minute from not sending another one? If someone can't work harder than that to get back something they threw away, then sorry, I'm simply not interested. That lack of effort will only continue on into any reconcilliation and relationship.

[smudge21]

I got a joke text from my ex when going NC. She never sends jokes via text to anyone so I knew this was her trying to see if I'd respond. I didn't. I totally agree that if they are wanting to see how you're feeling or whether you're still interested then they should try much harder, but I guess even as a dumper, you still have feelings and emotions. Those feelings may be of regret and you may find it hard to say what should be said.

 

Either way, it's not the dumpees responsibility to jump through the hoops now. If the dumper wants to reignite that fire, then forget hoops, they should do a flipping assault course!

[MrElusive]

Couldn't agree with you guys anymore. Its been more than 24 hours since that text and I haven't heard anything else from her, really goes to show how determined she is. Time really does heal wounds though, I guess the only thing that's pulling me through this whole stage is actually having hope that I'll some day meet someone new who loves me just as much as I love her.

[MrElusive]

God I miss her so much. I think having a few to drink hasn't helped my situation at all, I'm on the brink of getting back in contact with her. Help.

[smudge21]

Right there with you, but trust me, drink only doubles those feelings and makes you feel even worse. Try to remember that eventually those feelings, they will fade. I know that that probably scares the hell out of you, afterall, you don't want them to fade, because you still want her. But you have to let go and try and move on. Nothing good will come from drinking your sorrows away or waiting for her to get in touch.

 

If she does want to get in touch, then she'll do it. There's nothing you can do to force the issue.

[MrElusive]

I suppose! I've kind of made progress in the last few weeks anyway so I guess I'm getting there slowly.

 

Got a question though - I had a phone call yesterday from another number that isn't saved in my phone(its a different number from the text I recieved from here, also bare in mind she has two numbers, both which I deleted but remember the text one by heart.) however I missed the call as I was taking a shower but I didn't call it back incase it was her... What im trying to ask here is should I text the number asking who it is or leave it and wait for that person/her to call me again?

[MrElusive]

Ok, I think I ****ed up.

 

A few days ago the ex called, I missed the call however I stupidly called back and broke NC(I know, i know, told you so), the conversation was pretty short but it went something like this:

 

Her: Hello

Me: Hello...

Her: Do you know who this is?

Me: Yeah

Her: Have you forgotten me?

Me: No... Don't think you can forget someone that quickly, especially not in two months, infact I've been thinking about you a lot.

Her: Really?!?!

Me: So how have you been?

Her: Yeah not too bad thanks, same old... How about you?

Me: Yeah I'm very well thanks, things are going well

Her: That's good to hear, hows work? Family?

Me: Not bad thanks, I'm getting promoted soon. Family are good thanks, how are yours?

Her: Good thank you... I saw you the other day

Me: Really? Where and when?

Her: While I was driving, I saw your car coming from tescos

Me: Ah, cool, I didn't see you...

*short silence*

Me: It was nice to hear from you again.

Her: Yeah you too! Sorry for waking you up.

Me: No problem, I have to be somewhere in an hour anyway. Hopefully speak to you soon, bye.

Her: Bye

 

Although the conversation didn't go EXACTLY like that, that's pretty much what I can remember, there were a few times I made her laugh unintentionally but I think overall it sounded like she was missing me quite badly. We also had a holiday booked for last month(which was planned when we were still together) which I obviously didn't go to however she said she had fun, but not as much fun because I wasn't there...

 

I don't know why I said "it was nice hearing from you", "hopefully speak to you soon" and "i've been thinking about you a lot" in the conversation, I guess it just slipped out, it was like my feelings took over.

 

Right now it's been 3 days since that phone call and I'm feeling like absolute ****ing crap. I really think I'm spiraling into depression again because of this ****. I don't know what to think or feel at the moment. Should I have picked the phone up? Is this her "closure" and now she won't ever get back in contact with me? Why do I miss her so bad? And why am I expecting another phone call?!!? Sigh. Someone please shed some light on this.

[2011]

You did give away a wee bit too much emotion and you basically told her you still miss her so she doesn't need to worry too much. Don't worry though just maintain your NC and no quick texts or emails from now on, despite what I said above you did end the convo, didn't speak about the past or the RL and kept it more or less in control, just ditch the missing you bit next time.

 

Really you shouldn't have responded unless she left a message or something. I did a similar thing with my ex a few months ago, I stupidly went on msn and she jumped on me but instead of keeping it short I persisted for about an hour then she ended it. She was checking up on me and that scratched her itch, I didn't give her the opportunity to miss me!

 

But not too worry it is a bit of set back but not the end of the world, just stick to your NC show here you don't need her in your life because at the moment it sounds like you still do a bit. You've got to get to a stage where you want her but don't need her.

 

2011

[Chi townD]

How are those breadcrumbs tasting?

 

Okay, so lessons learned. Get back to NC and start to heal again.

[MrElusive]

Yup. Haven't heard from her since... However, I accidentally stumbled across her profile on facebook today(I don't have her as a friend but I saw her profile picture) and she looked really happy in her profile picture... This has set me back quite majorly, nearly broke down at work but managed to hold myself together.

[betterdeal]

So how does one accidentally do that?

[MrElusive]

Well I haven't cleared my browser history in months and I normally type the first few letters in my browser's address bar and hit enter almost straight away, however, I think I hit it a little too early without realizing I was being taken to her facebook profile instead of another website I wanted to go on... Suffice to say, I've cleared my browser's history now.

[JasonRules]

Ok, I think I ****ed up.

 

A few days ago the ex called, I missed the call however I stupidly called back and broke NC(I know, i know, told you so), the conversation was pretty short but it went something like this:

 

Her: Hello

Me: Hello...

Her: Do you know who this is?

Me: Yeah

Her: Have you forgotten me?

Me: No... Don't think you can forget someone that quickly, especially not in two months, infact I've been thinking about you a lot.

Her:Really?!?!

Me: So how have you been?

Her: Yeah not too bad thanks, same old... How about you?

Me: Yeah I'm very well thanks, things are going well

Her: That's good to hear, hows work? Family?

Me: Not bad thanks, I'm getting promoted soon. Family are good thanks, how are yours?

Her: Good thank you... I saw you the other day

Me: Really? Where and when?

Her: While I was driving, I saw your car coming from tescos

Me: Ah, cool, I didn't see you...

*short silence*

Me: It was nice to hear from you again.

Her: Yeah you too! Sorry for waking you up.

Me: No problem, I have to be somewhere in an hour anyway. Hopefully speak to you soon, bye.

Her: Bye

 

Although the conversation didn't go EXACTLY like that, that's pretty much what I can remember, there were a few times I made her laugh unintentionally but I think overall it sounded like she was missing me quite badly. We also had a holiday booked for last month(which was planned when we were still together) which I obviously didn't go to however she said she had fun, but not as much fun because I wasn't there...

 

I don't know why I said "it was nice hearing from you", "hopefully speak to you soon" and "i've been thinking about you a lot" in the conversation, I guess it just slipped out, it was like my feelings took over.

 

Right now it's been 3 days since that phone call and I'm feeling like absolute ****ing crap. I really think I'm spiraling into depression again because of this ****. I don't know what to think or feel at the moment. Should I have picked the phone up? Is this her "closure" and now she won't ever get back in contact with me? Why do I miss her so bad? And why am I expecting another phone call?!!? Sigh. Someone please shed some light on this.

 

 

 

Well sounds like you gave your ex that ego boost she was desperately looking for since the guy she's probably dating has been shvting on her. I'm sure she hung up the phone feeling like a million dollars. Good job...especially the part about "infact I've been thinking about you a lot". That was classic.

 

Of course now she doesn't need you for anything and won't be calling until she needs another shot of "Ego". Make sure you don't miss that phone call when she calls 2 months from now. She'll be disappointed if you miss her call.

[MrElusive]

Awesome...

[JasonRules]

Awesome...

 

Dude, I'm telling you man to man. I've been through the ringer as well and was also hurt, but don't allow her to destroy your pride. In the end that's all you have left. Just walk away, don't look back, and don't care.

 

Go out and find yourself a woman who will WANT YOU!

[MrElusive]

You're right, think it's about time I stopped wallowing in my own pity, thanks mate.

Also, I didn't take any offense to your advice, just hurt a little since I knew deep down it's oh so true.

[JasonRules]

You're right, think it's about time I stopped wallowing in my own pity, thanks mate.

Also, I didn't take any offense to your advice, just hurt a little since I knew deep down it's oh so true.

 

I was being sarcastic on purpose to get my point across. I think it worked. You don't feel that good because you know your gut is telling you that you need to stop being weak and toughen up. Do not allow her to break you. Force yourself to get out there. Hit the gym, start going out with your buddies. Maybe a date with another woman wouldn't hurt either.

 

In any case, stop being miserable and LIVE!