Cariel Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 One of my girlfriends called me last night with distressing news, looking for advice. I know what I would do (and how very hard it would be), but I'd like some other opinions. After a miserable 18-year marriage, she finally found the strength to leave her emotionally abusive and uncaring husband almost exactly 5 years ago. After spending a couple of years regaining a decent opinion of herself, she began dating again...and about a year ago embarked on a relationship with a wonderful man who treats her the way she deserves to be treated. They are very committed, tho still living separately as she's not quite ready yet to live with/marry him. She hadn't been feeling well for awhile and went to her Dr. last week for a checkup, which led to a number of tests. She was told yesterday that she has a chronic disease which in many cases can be managed well for many years - if not decades - but will eventually disable and kill her. She is of course suffering terribly right now, and one of her concerns is what do do about her lover. One part of her wants to tell him what the future will be and see whether he wants to continue the relationship, another part wants to tell him and then end things so she will not risk the heartbreak of becoming a burden to this man she loves so well. I've advised her to spend some time adjusting to the news and then we will talk more. To end, my own choice would be to end the relationship and tell my love why...but she has only so recently found some happiness that I'm not entirely sure this would be the right course for her. I need other thoughts to weigh before saying anything to her on the subject, Help, please? TIA, C Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 I don't see how she could be happy living a lie. However, if she is up front and honest about her condition and her new love accepts her that way, she will live her last days in a very positive way. If he doesn't, he was never worth being with anyway. She can't lose by telling the truth but she'll have hell to pay if she conceals the truth from her guy. Tell her to let the news out and be willing to face whatever consequences there are. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Fact of the matter is that you have no idea what's around the corner. A cure could be developed for her; he could get hit by a bus. My mother-in-law lived 29 years with MS and died of choking. I've lost a lot of people I cared about long before their time. All life is a risk; it's worth going for happiness when it's within reach and not worrying about what may or may not happen. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 My mother was diagnosed with cancer when she was 21. She was told she wouldn't live to be 25. She is now 53 and happily married to man she loves and is completely living her life as she wants. You don't know how much time one has, you don't know will happen tomorrow or even today. She should tell the man, tell him what the doctors have said, and if possible, let him go with her to the next appointment. They should then decide what is best for them... she shouldn't just cut him out because she is ill. He should be given the chance of choice, and if he cares for her as it appears he does, then my guess is that he will want to stand by her no matter the outcome. Life is too short to go it alone if you are loved. Link to post Share on other sites
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