Living the Cliche!!!!

[GloriaGaynor]

so my situation is this...

 

married almost 10 years, 2 beautiful children, both in late 30's, moved to Sydney almost 3 years ago to live the dream and I thought we were...fast forward to July 2010, and through cyber snopping (my gut instinct told me too) discovered my husband/soulmate/father of my babies was involved with a married woman from work. (cliche...10 years younger than me, slightly thinner (am not fat!!) and hasn't popped out 2 bubbas!!)

 

Unfortunately for me (and him ) I read every exchange between them and there was lots of email as she's based in another city...he's goes there on business, she comes to sydney...very exciting liasons in hotels!! I also saw the half naked pics she sent him which he then forwarded to his mates, bragging and laughing...nice guy and I also read what he had to say about me (apparently i control his life, he has to ask permission to do anything and i spend all his hard earned cash...news to me I thought we were a 50/50 team)

 

so after confronting him for him to deny, deny, deny I manage to drag some details out of him, they didn't actually have sex just mutual masterbation a couple of times...yeah right, she doesn't mean anything to him, he was in a bad place through stress etc etc etc the cliche continues.

 

To detail everything thats happened over the past few months would take hours, possibly days but 2 months ago I asked him to move out as our homelife was toxic, intense and I just couldn't even look at him without throwing it all in his face. So against his will he left when I asked him, for once, do the right thing.

 

I'm trying to move on, got a job, trying to find a place for me and the children but he is doing everything he can to prevent this as he's scared we're going forever. Are we?? who knows but everytime he does me wrong, behaves badly or tells the children inappropriate things (I'm not allowed to live with you anymore/you and mummy are moving into an apartment etc etc) i can feel myself moving further down the road of no return. He point blank refuses to discuss anything of a practical nature and just constantly behaves in an inappropriate manner when he visits, trying to kiss me, be close to me. I know he's hurting and angry but so am I and I manage to be a good person and parent every day, I have too. He's constantly falling into this poor me pit of pity about not living with his children and how hard it is living in shared accommodation. I want my own place and for him to have his so we both have some stability for the children but he just won't discuss anything practical and just goes on and on about how he can make me happy, be a good husband etc etc.

 

How can i get him onboard and explain that for us to have any hope in the future this has to happen, we have to live apart and I need him to help me with this? He veers from telling me how much he loves me and will do anything to make things right to leaving us without a car, not seeing or speaking to the children for a week (he cant face them) and blowing money we don't have on getting hammered. I've been waiting for him to catch up to whats happening for 2 months and quite frankly need to move on to a new home. do I go legal on him? or will this be the final nail in the coffin. i explain that i can't answer the million dollar question of whether we will get back together but he only seems to want to be a reasonable human being if he's getting what he wants, he's behaving worse than my 5 year old.

 

Am at my wits end so if you have any advice, especially you guys out there please reply and yes we've had some counselling and will have more but money is very tight so am making sure I have enough for the kids before booking anymore appointments.

 

Thx

Edited March 28, 2011 by GloriaGaynor

[worldover98]

Hi GG:

 

From a guy who's family history is very similar to yours, being married for 10 years+ with two little ones, I can only imagine your pain and anger. It seems like hubby is just faking wanting to be together again, from the way he misses visits and takes the car and all. Sounds like he is "pussy whipped",(totally infatuated), meaning, yes, he's probably telling his mistress anything to keep their sex going. Give him the ultimatum, you or the other woman, in front of witnesses like parents or best friends. If not, it appears it's time for you to do the legal thing and call it a day. Protect the interest of you and the kids.

 

But, also from a guy who's marriage is also hanging by a thread because wifey is not into sex more than twice a year, how was your sex life over the past few years? Did you both lose interest, feelings, etc?

 

Stay strong. Even at 10 years older than the mistress, that only means you have more flavor and character, and you're probably as or more attractive too. The only thing a younger woman has over you is her freedom( no kids!) to flaunt it, and hungry gullible guys like "us" get caught in their web. Sometimes!

[GloriaGaynor]

Thanks so much for replying...yeah reckon you're right on a number of levels...in my book actions speak louder than words...it's easy to say you want your family back, are totally committed to us and sorry, sorry, sorry but his actions scream the opposite most of the time. 99% of me is ready to go legal but there is a 1% holding me back. It's such a huge move. As for his bit of stuff, they are over apparently...again who knows...he still works at the same co/different office as her which is another nail in the coffin really.

 

as for our sex life, the quality was always great, we had/have (??!!) great chemistry but quantity wise it had definitely tailed off. Either way to go elsewhere is completely unacceptable. What's funny is that he is so repulsed but the thought of another man touching me...am a million mile away from that incidentally, am torn between homosexuality or the church!!! I may appear flippant but if I can't find some humour in this sordid mess I really will go mad...

 

Thanks again for your post.