I have a question

[samsungxoxo]

Isn't threatening violence to a rude preteen or teenage still wrong? In this case even if the child was driving them crazy with their behavior isn't the parent still in the wrong?

 

I heard too much online and other posts about how some people stated the following:

''In my time, I would be kicking up teeth if talking back or raising a hand''.

 

If it has to go to that extreme then wouldn't that be assault charges against the parent (s)? If they beat up their child because he/she raised a hand or talked back then it's not self-defense in this case.

 

Does anyone agree with this? In at the same time aren't they contradicting themselves?

 

Picture it this way: Guy slaps me and I kicked him below. He's down and I don't stop and still beat him while he's down.

Then I'm in the wrong here and would probably get jail time. So aren't they in the wrong as well too?

[SummersEve]

I don't know exactly what situation you're referring to, so I'll just say in my opinion there's wrong and then there's wrong.

 

A couple of things: First, a threat to hit someone, while not nice, is still not the same as hitting someone. Maybe the parent doesn't mean it literally and the child knows it, and the real message is "That's the limit and you need to stop." Saying "I would have gotten my teeth handed to me if I'd talked to my parents like that," is not a threat.

 

As far as actually hitting your kids, it is legal to use corporal punishment on your own children. You can slap your child, you can spank your child. It is not abuse, it is a discipline method. No matter what others may think of it, it is the parents' call, as far as I know. Now, beating a child ~ knocking out teeth, leaving bruises, breaking bones, That is abuse, and yes it is illegal. Is that what you were asking?

 

All that said, if my child ever dared to hit me he'd get a butt-whipping he'd never forget and I would not be interested in any theories on it. You just don't hit your mother. Ever. That's my opinion, anyway.

Edited March 28, 2011 by SummersEve

[cmh2002]

I spank my kids on occasion when they are being super naughty and it is not abuse. My older kids are just turned 7 and almost 9 and they have gotten spanked maybe 10 times in their lives. I have resorted now that their older to taking priveledges away that get their attention and stop the behavior better.. My youngest will be 3 1 month from today and she has just recently started getting a light tap on the bottom if she completely misbehaves but more times than not she goes to time out and settles right now. The only time I have swatted her was when she kept biting me even after a time out and after she bit me smiled..she got a light tap and told no and put in time out. My kids are fairly well behaved granted they have their moments but we save spankings for the last resort basically and have never left marks on the kids. I have told my kids if I were to have talked to my parents they way they sometimes try to talk or hear others talk that I wouldn't be able to walk even to this day from the spanking.. I seldom got spankings as a kid but when I did I knew it was serious. I never got into real trouble growing up and neither did my brothers and sisters so I figure it must of worked lol.

[samsungxoxo]

Now, beating a child ~ knocking out teeth, leaving bruises, breaking bones, That is abuse, and yes it is illegal. Is that what you were asking?

Yes if they actually were to proceed to do this as they warned the child first.

Now this would definitely be assault.

 

What about saying ''I'm going to beat you up'' in anger, which mean you're going to spank him/her hard enough to leave marks but that's your way of talking when disciplining.

Edited March 29, 2011 by samsungxoxo

[SummersEve]

What about saying ''I'm going to beat you up'' in anger, which mean you're going to spank him/her hard enough to leave marks but that's your way of talking when disciplining.

 

I am no lawyer but I would think the key is "intent." It is possible that a parent runs off at the mouth when they're mad but the kids know that's all it is and are not afraid they will be beaten up. But if a parent says, "I am going to beat you up," and they do beat up their child or the child feels great fear that they are actuallly going to be beaten up, then yes, I would say that is assault, it is illegal. ("assault" is threat of violence, I think, and "battery" is the actual violence).

 

Then, "leaving marks," well of course it sounds terrible, and often is. But a "mark" can also just be the pinkening that skin gets after a smack on light skin, that goes away after a few minutes. Like the other poster, I am not much for hitting kids, I feel that usually there are better ways. But still, to me that would not be abuse.

 

And then, there is the over all real life deal here too. Say a child called the police because their parent hit them as punishment. The child may be taken out of the home and put into foster care, at least temporarily. So I would be careful to distinguish discipline from abuse and I'm sure there are borderline cases where it's not so easy to say. Once the system is involved, they are running the show. On the other hand, children who have been left in abusive homes have been seriously maimed or even killed, or just grown up being treated like a dog and the authorities definitely should have stepped in.

 

It is hard to say without knowing the particulars of any specific situation.