yekcoh Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 What a mess. I've been divorced for 2 years now, and when I got divorced, I promised myself I would stay single for a year. Which I did. Yay for me. That was really hard. The next part was there was a guy whom I've known for about 7 years now. Everyone knows he likes me. Everyone thinks we would end up together. We have chemistry. Amazing chemistry. Which is so nice, I didn't even have that with my husband. When I was at my 7 month mark, he started coming around. Talking hanging out. Other nice physical things. But, I flat out told him, I don't want a relationship, but I'll do ya, no problem. So that went on for awhile. I did so want to have him as my boyfriend, but I had made a committment to myself that I wasn't about to breech. Plus, they say that the first relationship you have after a divorce never works out, so I didn't want my first real relationship to be with him. Then comes the girl. There was another girl that he really liked. And through all of this I'm giving him tips on how to get her. Isn't that nice of me. Well he finally got her, and now they're dating and have been for about 6 months now. But I can't let him go. When we see each other, we are like magnets. Neither one of us can leave each other alone, once we're in a room together (which we try to avoid doing). We both find excuses to see each other, but only about once a month. Oh, but what a night. But then he feels guilty, and I feel shamed. And just as lonely the next day. Last month we found each other completly by accident, and he bought me a flower. A stupid flower that I have saved in my hope chest. Later that night he said something about why we coudln't leave each other alone, and my brilliant response was "I just don't think we need to get into that conversation right now". What a dumb a$$. There was my opportunity to tell him how I really feel, except that I really don't know how I feel. I love him sure, but I don't know how much. Love grows with time spent together, and since we don't spend very much time together, I just don't know. And of course he spends a lot of time with his girl friend so there grows his love for her. I know that there will be responses of me being with someone that has a girl friend, and I understand your disdain for that kind of situation because I feel it too, and so does he. He really is a nice, caring guy. That's why we avoid each other. But, that being said, I think we belong together, and I just don't know how to undo what I've done. ~~Thanks for any advice~~ Link to post Share on other sites
Trippitaka Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 It sounds to me like you need a proper talk about this so that you each know how the other feels. It's either that or not see him any more, because I think this will screw your head up more and more if you don't do one or the other. The idea of having the talk may seem daunting and may not end up well, but if you are going to continue this then I think for his sake you need to find out whether this is worth potentially ruining his exisiting relationship over. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 What you don't know is how each other really feels. As far as he's concerned, you are still someone who doesn't want a relationship. For goodness sake, tell him how you really feel. If he feels the same, at least he can end his current relationship sooner rather than later. There's no point him continuing to be with her if it's you he really loves. And he's cheating on her anyway. If he elects to stay with what he's got, you will have to go down the no contact route and get through it. Might be hard to face a definite answer, but the potential loss of happiness (for all of you) if you carry on like this is far greater. Sort it out before they get married or have kids, otherwise it will be a nightmare. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Click on the "edit" folder at the top of the computer, and then click on "undo." That oughta do it. Either that or just go after him. Pretty similar to "Some Kind of Wonderful" in a way, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yekcoh Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 Thank you all for you replies, and I appreciate you guys leaving all the morality punches out. Trippitaka-- I've been planning and practicing that talk for 3 months now. I chicken out each time. I psyche myself up. "Ok today is the day, I've got to get this out or over or beginning or whatever", and then when we're together, I give up because I am so scared of losing, not just a relationship with him, but our friendship. We had known each other for over 5 years without anything happening, I guess this is what happens when you mix sex and friends. Gaia-- You are so right. We don't know how each other feels. And although I haven't said it in awhile, I know that he does still think I don't want a relationship. As far as him cheating on his girlfriend, he's the type that doesn't, which makes me even more apprehensive because obviously everyone's suseptible to cheating then and after my crappy marriage, I can't have another cheater. I really thought that he had built this girl up so high in his head that she could never reach his expectations, and that they wouldn't last. But, I was wrong. So far anyway. I've kinda been sitting around waiting for them to break up. He's never had a long term relationship. And he's in his mid 30's. Not Rico Suave by the way, just scared of girls in general. UCFKevin-- I tried the "edit" button, twice!!! It didn't work. He's not sitting right here, where it all started. Darn computers!!! You buy them, and they never work right!! I kinda have gone after him in a way, but he's more of a traditional type, so I have to be careful, sometimes I scare him. I'm not overly aggressive, but i usually take what I want, and he's a little shy. I don't mean to sound stupid but I'm assuming "Some Kind of Wonderful" is either a book or a movie, I know it's a song. If it's a movie, then maybe I should rent it and invite him over. I really appreciate all of your advice, and intend on inviting him over on Wednesday. Hopefully we'll be able to hash it all out. Wish me luck, and any adivce on what I should say, or how I should say it is greatly appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 Holy CRAP. Yeah! Rent the movie and have him come over! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yekcoh Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 I never was really into movies much. I've had a dvd player for 3 years now, and have used it 2X. I don't have cable so it's just the standard antena stations for me. The last movie I saw in the theatre was Mystery Alaska. lol. But I never miss a law & order. "Movies" is a BAD trivial pursuit category for me. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 Good luck Wednesday Link to post Share on other sites
Author yekcoh Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 Well, I called him, and he's coming over on Wednesday, I was so tempted to just say something on the phone to him, but I want to see his face, read his eyes and body language. I am a bundle of nerves. I am usually so confident when it comes to relationships, but maybe all the others didn't mean this much to me. I don't know. Antisipation. Frustration. Humiliation. Rationalization. Irritated. Pessimistic. Optomistic. Euphoric. Beginning. Ending. Scared. I don't know what I am, I'm just FREAKED OUT. Link to post Share on other sites
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