JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 So it's my ex girlfriend's birthday today and while I am thinking of her, I have been in NC for almost 3 weeks and don't intend on wishing her a happy birthday either via phone, text, or email. She started becoming distant due to some misunderstandings in early December and despite this I spent a ton of money to buy her Christmas gifts. My birthday was earlier this month and she didn't get me so much as a birthday card. So I think she does not deserve anything from me, not even a text. Opinions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Keep at the NC dude. Why are you looking for other options?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Keep at the NC dude. Why are you looking for other options?? I'm not, but some of my friends thought that I should at least be mature and text her happy birthday because she had called me on my birthday and sang to me, but that was prior to her ending it. I guess I'm just seeking validation that I'm right in my view to not contact her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Yeah, you're right dude. There's no reason to contact her. Sounds like your friends are stirring for drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 If your friends start giving you crap about it, just say, "We're broken up and we're not friends!" How much more do you need to describe the finality of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 If your friends start giving you crap about it, just say, "We're broken up and we're not friends!" How much more do you need to describe the finality of it? That was expressed primarily by my female friends, but I think I would feel like a doormat all over again if I were to acquiesce. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Stay NC. This is all about you. It's not about anyone else, their feelings or their interpretations. If you listened to your friends and sent her a birthday wish and somehow made you feel bad afterwards, you'd be the only one feeling bad or sad. Your friends won't be the the ones affected. Plus, I think some friends like to see and cause drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Stay NC. This is all about you. It's not about anyone else, their feelings or their interpretations. If you listened to your friends and sent her a birthday wish and somehow made you feel bad afterwards, you'd be the only one feeling bad or sad. Your friends won't be the the ones affected. Plus, I think some friends like to see and cause drama. I agree, I think in this instance I have to be "selfish". I still have feelings for her, so there is conflict going on inside of me right now between my emotional and logical sides, but I am determined to not bend. I think what my ex may or may not think of me is of no consequence at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Keep the no contact...... I know how hard it is but you will get through it....it's one day and tomorrow you will be glad you didn't break. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I agree, I think in this instance I have to be "selfish". I still have feelings for her, so there is conflict going on inside of me right now between my emotional and logical sides, but I am determined to not bend. I think what my ex may or may not think of me is of no consequence at this point. It's okay to be selfish. This is a "healthy" selfish and you need it during this time. It's just another day. Tomorrow you will feel so much better. You'll be proud that you stayed the course and this will only propel you to stick to your NC guns come what may! You're doing awesome Jason! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 It's okay to be selfish. This is a "healthy" selfish and you need it during this time. It's just another day. Tomorrow you will feel so much better. You'll be proud that you stayed the course and this will only propel you to stick to your NC guns come what may! You're doing awesome Jason! I'm leaving work today at 3:30PM and am planning a gym marathon of 3 hours to release all that pent up energy. I will not allow myself to be broken. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I believe you have mastered the meaning of NC! Keep yourself busy. Keep your thoughts circled around you. If you are determined not to be broken, nothing will break you! Good job. You'll be thankful one day for doing this. If you can stand to ignore her on her birthday and not cave, all the rest of the days will be cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 I believe you have mastered the meaning of NC! Keep yourself busy. Keep your thoughts circled around you. If you are determined not to be broken, nothing will break you! Good job. You'll be thankful one day for doing this. If you can stand to ignore her on her birthday and not cave, all the rest of the days will be cake! It's definitely much tougher than I expected it to be. I can feel my stomach churning inside of me as we speak, but there is no other option than to get through today. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 It's definitely much tougher than I expected it to be. I can feel my stomach churning inside of me as we speak, but there is no other option than to get through today. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's normal. It will pass. Channel all that anxiety to your gym work. And when you go home, and you're sitting by yourself and that little pesky devil decides to hop on your shoulder -- focus your thoughts on you -- plan your day tomorrow, read a book, write down why you should stay the course, write down why not staying the course will hurt you, watch a funny movie...distract yourself and try to go to bed and let the day pass/end. Tomorrow will be a better day. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Well, the day passed and I'm getting ready to sleep. I just wanted to tell everyone that I managed to stay in strict NC on her birthday despite it being less than 3 weeks since I was forced to end things due to her hot/cold and growing distant behavior. Today was a very emotional day for me. There were times where I felt nauseous and sick to my stomach. It was very tough, but I manage to persevere and not send her a text message wishing her a happy birthday. Despite staying in NC, I think I did send a message today with my inaction. The message I sent to her was that I have pride and respect myself. I will not allow anyone to use me as a doormat. Knowing myself very well and what kind of person I am, it is comforting to know that one day she will regret it as all the others did, but by then I probably won't care to even bother. Mission accomplished... Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Knowing myself very well and what kind of person I am, it is comforting to know that one day she will regret it as all the others did, but by then I probably won't care to even bother. "All the others did" is an interesting statement to make, Jason. What happened there? How did you get over those break-ups? You can apply what you learned from those break-ups on the most recent one, right? Stay the course. If you know talking to her will set you back, then keep choosing to stay NC. Silence does send a strong message, it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Bravo to you not sending the happy birthday message, seriously she doesn't deserve the best wish you have to her. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 You did great! Now keep on going. You crossed a big one and this will push you forward to keep to your NC goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRules Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 You did great! Now keep on going. You crossed a big one and this will push you forward to keep to your NC goal. Thanks. I am grateful for overcoming this hurdle, only because things ended less than 2 weeks ago. Going forward things should start getting easier by the day as there is no "reason" (holidays etc) to contact them from now on. While I do admit that today I'm not feeling 100%, but the feelings come and go. With space and time I will start feeling better as I have done so in the past. Although, I cannot wait for the day that I wake up in the morning and not feel a thing. The weight ones feels inside of them shall be lifted and I'll be completely free of her, both in the physical and emotional sense. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Thanks. I am grateful for overcoming this hurdle, only because things ended less than 2 weeks ago. Going forward things should start getting easier by the day as there is no "reason" (holidays etc) to contact them from now on. While I do admit that today I'm not feeling 100%, but the feelings come and go. With space and time I will start feeling better as I have done so in the past. Although, I cannot wait for the day that I wake up in the morning and not feel a thing. The weight ones feels inside of them shall be lifted and I'll be completely free of her, both in the physical and emotional sense. I feel the same way Jason. One day I am singing and laughing and thinking the sadness has lifted. But then the next I am sobbing so hard I have to cover my face with a pillow. It will come in waves. Let it come, be still and it will pass. One day, you (we) will wake up in the morning and almost jump because they weren't the first to come to mind. And then soon you will go through a whole day and then days and realize you didn't think of her! You will almost have a skip in your step because you will then know you are getting yourself back. You are feeling whole again. It will almost be surprising to you. When those days come, you will look back and be thankful for the gift on NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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