southgal Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 This guy has been coming to my home with my husband for 5 years.He was coming every other week...work related and would come to our home for suppers. My husband would go with this friend to have drinks and I would pick my hubby up at his friends motel room. No problem. One day I stopped at my hubbys work place and 'C' was there. When"C' looked up and saw me....the excitement and happiness on his face was very apparent to me. He was always helping me with setting the table or clearing it. Complimented me on my meals etc. Just an all around great guy. No contact at all and I didn't give him the time of day. One of the evenings that I picked my hubby up at "C' motel room, they were outside and 'C' came to the car as my hubby was getting into the car and my window was open and "C' grabbed my neck in a good bye gesture and then he walked away. We went home. It was playing on my mind.It was contact and it had pressure and it was on my neck/shoulder area. Then "C" took another job. No more coming to our house except for every so many months.Now, we go to the city where he lives and visit him and his wife. My brother -in-law 's is where we go and stay.We go out to dinner now and again with 'C' and his wife.. We probably see him and his wife every month or two.Now this one time he gave me a hug when we were parting and a kiss on the cheek. I recprocated and kissed him on the cheek. Next time we visited, he met me with a hug and a squeeze. And that same evening when we were leaving there was a hug and a kiss on the cheek and a little rub on my back. The next month we went to a tea and sale at a function where he and his wife were working. He was watching me and standing where he could observe me. I didnt let on a thing. Oh, yes, he came out to meet my husband and I and asked me for a hug. Yes, in front of my husband. My husband gives "C ' wife a hug these times also.When it was time for me and my hubby to leave he gives me a hugs with the little back rub. This last time we met up for dinner. I got the hug, kiss on the cheek and the back rub again. IS HE INTERESTED in me or is this just a platonic friendship and I am making a mountain out of a mole hill....my marriage is not up to par on my part and maybe his isnt either and we are both looking. Heck! I don't know, I am soooo confused. PlEASE help me!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 What you're describing sounds pretty innocent, and within the realm of acceptable conduct. He hasn't tried to contact you secretly, and a kiss on the cheek isn't really anything. I have female friends who I kiss on the cheek when I see them. He may have a bit of a crush on you, but there's no crime in that. As long as he keeps things at their present level and they don't escalate, I don't think there's anything you should do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Alright.....but I feel like there is more to it. Is he sending me mixed signals??I am thinking of him ALL the time. He is coming here next week and he couldn't wait to tell me.He has invited us to a function in his home town also for next month. We invited him for supper when he comes here next week for work. I wish he didnt start this hugging bit....with the cheek kisses and the back rubs. Do you rub your friends backs too when you kiss them on the cheeks?? Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 IS HE INTERESTED in me or is this just a platonic friendship and I am making a mountain out of a mole hill!!!! Why don't you ask your husband what he thinks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 That would be out of the question as things are rocky enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Alright.....but I feel like there is more to it. Is he sending me mixed signals??I am thinking of him ALL the time. He is coming here next week and he couldn't wait to tell me.He has invited us to a function in his home town also for next month. We invited him for supper when he comes here next week for work. I wish he didnt start this hugging bit....with the cheek kisses and the back rubs. Do you rub your friends backs too when you kiss them on the cheeks?? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Alright.....but I feel like there is more to it. Is he sending me mixed signals??I am thinking of him ALL the time. He is coming here next week and he couldn't wait to tell me.He has invited us to a function in his home town also for next month. We invited him for supper when he comes here next week for work. I wish he didnt start this hugging bit....with the cheek kisses and the back rubs. Do you rub your friends backs too when you kiss them on the cheeks?? No, but to each his/her own. There's nothing to say you can't investigate a bit more. But if he keeps things at their present level, I don't think you need to read more into his actions. Even if I'm right, there's nothing to stop you from telling him that the back rub thing during the hug makes you feel a bit awkward, and asking him to omit that part. Link to post Share on other sites
UpCon3 Guy Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 No, but to each his/her own. There's nothing to say you can't investigate a bit more. But if he keeps things at their present level, I don't think you need to read more into his actions. Even if I'm right, there's nothing to stop you from telling him that the back rub thing during the hug makes you feel a bit awkward, and asking him to omit that part. x2! And if he is really your friend, he'll take you up on your request. Just let the feller down nicely at first, Southgal, so that the awkwardness of the situation is minimized. If he ignores you, then up the firmness of your request. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Girl, you are about to have an affair. Just you reading into it as something more is a sign. The fact that you are "uncomfortbale" and have yet to bring it to your husbands attention says more. If his actions grossed you out you would have put a stop to any interactions between you have with him and his wife. I say if you are not intrested put an end to any contact if you feel uncomfortbale. If you are looking for something to happen ... I suggest you don't go there. Bad situation to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 For five years I have ignored his friendliness and his looks of whatever you would call it. Now, I like his pecks on the cheek and his hugs and his back rubs.I look for it now. He is coming for dinner next week as he is working in the area and he couldn't wait to tell me when we last had dinner as a foursome.Maybe his marrigae is hurting as mine is and we just need a little 'something' from each other. Heck! I don't know. Maybe I am reading his actions ALL wrong. But I like his hugs and kisses and rubs! Link to post Share on other sites
UpCon3 Guy Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Are you willing to make an already rocky relationship with your husband even more rockier? Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 We live so far away from each other that it couldn't amount to anything.Maybe God has something in store for us in the future. Just from what I have told you do you think he has feelings for me? Or am i just hoping and my imagination is on overload. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You are horny. Have sex with your husband. That's all you are, horny. The emotions are intensified because you want something to happen. The touch means more because you have emotions you don't want to give to your husband anymore. All you have to do is give the attention you are giving this man to your husband. I don't care if he lives far away. You know his wife... that being said think of her beating you to a pulp if you touch her husband. Every time you think of him, think of her beating you to a pulp. I'm trying to save you before you end up in the Infidelity and OW section. You can do it.. Just say no! Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 You know Emme...you are soooo very right.BUT.....I am not interested in my husband as its been over a lonnnnng time as far as the bedroom is concerned.I am interested in this gentleman though if he is as interested in me. As i stated before, maybe his marriage is in the same mode as mine.Frig, I am sooo mixed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You are not mixed up... girl you are horny. Get your but to a sex shop get something nice for the husband. Get yourself something a sex toy and make tonight special for the both of you. Time to get the magic back or it's going to end bad for you. You will end up cheating. I don't want that for you since it's been a great marriage you've had. Work on it. Get nasty with your husband tonight! :bunny:Get Busy Southgal:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 OK Emme....will let you know tomorrow how it went.....YAHOO!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 How do you know how great our marriage has been????lol Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 :bunny:Honey, if you can hold onto your husband for 28 years believe me you have a great marriage. :bunny:Have A Blast:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 If C is married, how do you feel about maybe messing with his marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I don't feel good about messing with his marriage . On the other hand he is messing with his own marriage by being so attentive with me.What a mix up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Does anyone else have an opinion on this? I really need help. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Does anyone else have an opinion on this? I really need help. scroll down on the main forum page, and spend a few hours reading threads in both the Infidelity and the OW/OM section---- It may be eye-opening for you..think of it as a "Scared Straight" program... Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Maybe you guys should divorce if all you care about is having sex with your own husband's friend. How low. Link to post Share on other sites
Author southgal Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I am so happy to report that I am not straying from the fold. I have decided I didn't want to be sneaking around corners and living a life of wanting and unhappiness. I don't want his marriage to suffer either. If he wants to screw around, it can be with someone else. I am going to give my husband my all. In fact we have a date on for this evening. Thank you EVERYONE for your candid open words of wisdom! HUGS! Link to post Share on other sites
Kelemort Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 southgal, I'm glad you have nipped this in the bud before it gets anymore serious. Frankly, I think it's a little creepy that a male friend of any kind would kiss you and rub your back as a greeting or a good-bye gesture - depending on the culture, of course. I will hug male and female friends, married, partnered up or not, but that's where it ends and it's never a lingering, "rub your back" type of hug. That's just a bit too intimate. I'm glad you're taking accountability and realizing that regardless of what happens here, going along with an affair doesn't mean that "well, he ruined his own marriage" - it means you're both partnering up to ruin your marriages. I think that distance from this man would be best. If you continue to go out to dinner with them and he comes in for the hug, a quick "I'm fighting off a cold and I don't want to pass it onto you, thanks, it was good to see you both again," should do the trick. Do this every time. Eventually, he should learn to stop coming in for that kind of intimacy. Hopeful as you were to have it, I think it's best that it stops dead because you already recognize that you don't just treat it as a 'maybe.' And this is something of a warning to others who might find themselves in the same shape: imagine you take this path and you start an affair. Your respective spouses may discover this. The marriages end, you're tossed out of your house. The man with whom you are having the affair decides to return to his wife or his wife takes him back. Or worse yet, once all of the dirtiness and passion of your big secret expires...you find you're really not that into the guy in the first place. Naturally, you are looking for an escape because your marriage is problematic. I am glad you're making efforts to work on the relationship you already have rather than starting another one. Link to post Share on other sites
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