jmaclean Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Wasn't sure which forum to put this in, but this seemed the most appropriate! I've been single for about a year and I met a great girl about 6 months ago - we clicked from day 1 but she told me she had a boyfriend of several years. She said they had been together "too long" and she made it clear that their relationship was a bit rocky. Since then we gradually started out hanging out more and more - there was a lot of flirting and getting drunk and going out together, but nothing ever happened. I never made a move on her, but I think she once tried to kiss me and I pulled away. Apparently after I first met her boyfriend, they had a fight about me, and since then she's been lying to him about the times when she sees me (about staying over at each other's places, hiding cards/gifts that I've sent her etc.) For the last month or so we've been incredibly close and I have completely fallen for her. We have so much in common and we have incredibly good times when we're together - we once spent a whole weekend together and the conversation didn't once dry up or stop being fun for a minute. If I weren't so crazy about her, I wouldn't have let things have gone so far. I guess it was essentially an emotional affair. Her bf is going through a really rough time at the moment with some really serious life-and-death family problems. She says their relationship has been going off the rails for over a year, but she doesn't know if that's just because it's run its course, or because of his family circumstances, their changing directions in life, etc. She's the kind of girl who's far too shy/embarrassed to confront him about their issues, and I get the impression she's waiting for him to bring it up. So after the last amazing month, I finally summed up the courage to tell her how I felt. She said she felt basically the same but couldn't break up with her bf because of his difficult situation and because she wasn't 100% sure that their relationship had come to an end. She also said that when she breaks up with her bf she promised herself that she would stay single for a while. Then she said how over the last month she had been tempted to get with me so many times and just didn't know what she wanted; and then said how sorry she was and how bad she felt for hurting me and the way she treated me etc. In summary she said "Nothing's going to change in the near future." We both agree that we have an amazing, one-in-a-million connection, and that we would make a brilliant couple. But she's choosing to stick with her boyfriend for reasons other than love. So I don't know what to do now. I'd like to stay friends with her because we have such a great time together - I mean, unbelievably great. But at the same time I feel I should just forget about her, go NC and move on, because she led me on and I need to get over her. I'm also worried that part of the reason I want to stay friends with her is that I'm hoping that some day we'll end up together... She's become one of my best friends in the last 6 months, and I don't want to lose her. I guess I also don't want to lose the almost-relationship that we had. Anyone got any thoughts, advice or similar experiences...? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I agree from reading your post that she is an amazing girl.....but not in a positive way. She has no problem emotionally cheating on her boyfriend by seeing you behind his back for the past 6 months while her boyfriend is going through a crisis of life and death proportions in his family. Why isn't that special? While he is in crisis she has no problem having fun with another guy behind his back because hey girls just have to have fun. My friend open your eyes. If she will emotionally cheat with you then she will cheat on you if you become a couple. She has been playing games with you and her boyfriend. Clearly she has a broken moral compass. Let me ask you this. Would you ever engage in such behavior as she has done on your hypothetical girlfriend especially since she was going through such a crisis? This says a great deal about the selfishness, immaturity and lack of empathy that this amazing girl possesses. Do yourself a favor and find someone who shares the values you have. You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes and not in an amazing way. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Bryanp told you everything you need to know. This chick is bad news. Listen to your head and not your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 I agree from reading your post that she is an amazing girl.....but not in a positive way. She has no problem emotionally cheating on her boyfriend by seeing you behind his back for the past 6 months while her boyfriend is going through a crisis of life and death proportions in his family. Why isn't that special? While he is in crisis she has no problem having fun with another guy behind his back because hey girls just have to have fun. My friend open your eyes. If she will emotionally cheat with you then she will cheat on you if you become a couple. She has been playing games with you and her boyfriend. Clearly she has a broken moral compass. Let me ask you this. Would you ever engage in such behavior as she has done on your hypothetical girlfriend especially since she was going through such a crisis? This says a great deal about the selfishness, immaturity and lack of empathy that this amazing girl possesses. Do yourself a favor and find someone who shares the values you have. You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes and not in an amazing way. I wish you luck. Could not have said this any better myself. She's cheating on her BF, (with you BTW), and continues to play you like a fiddle. Sorry, she doesn't seem like much of a catch to me. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 I agree with everyone else- this girl isn't as amazing as you make her out to be. You've put her on a pedestal, and because of that you're ignoring a lot of evidence that points to the kind of person she is betraying herself to be. She's got a long term bf that is going through a really hard time, and instead of being there for him, she's flirting with you, and she's leading you on. This same girl that is showing you all of this attention is 100% capable of bailing on you in the same cold manner down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 Take the other advice and watch your "wants' in the future. When we really come to "want" someone so much it's the "love" all real romantic drama is about. It's so hard to turn off and who wants to--the feeling of lose-sickness is so great and wonderful. But you have to consider that this kind of want is for someone you think this other person is and not what they really are. And what she really is at least careless with your heart. If she loved you she could not be so loyal to this guy. Maybe you had been friend zoned and didn't want to accept it either. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) No, you don't both agree that you have a one in a million connection and would make a brilliant couple. She has made it clear that she is not interested in leaving him for you, nor even in being with you full time if she ever does leave him. Sorry but I agree with the others. You don't get over someone when you have continued contact with them. She is a piece of work, but you haven't behaved much better. This is what you get for trying to poach some other guy's girl, right? My vote is, go to NC, pronto. There is nothing here for you. Good luck. Edited March 29, 2011 by SummersEve Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 if she led you on, then she isn't amazing. move on to better girls. Link to post Share on other sites
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