What do you think?

[hauser117]

Not even sure how to ask what is on my mind.

 

Lets just say you have disconnected with spouse. Mostly from miscommunication over the years, needs not getting met,etc. Anyway, the details are not that important. But bottom line.......you find yourself over a period of say 5 plus years of withdrawing from marriage. Alright, just setting the stage.

 

I know this is mostly a site of the betrayed spouse (possibly anyway), but if anyone who has gone thru this knows what I mean when you get disconnected. On a scale of 1 to 10, I got to about a 7 or so. Looking back, I see how it was both our faults for not addressing the issues and me not making her realize how much it was bothering me, although I did try a lot.

 

This lead to separation and it is time for me to make a decision. My logic tells me to go back but I am scared. I am scared that I wont regain the feelings to be perfectly honest. I am scared that these feelings of being disconnected will come back. I know it takes hard work, but how do I know if things have just gone to far?

 

Is there a point of no return? Does one just bite the bullet, put blinders on and make it work? What questions should I ask myself to know if I am still in love with her?

 

I read a book, too bad to stay, too good to leave.....something like that. I went thru all the listed issues to think about. Now, I hit a few thru the book that applied to my situation. But one stood out at the end of the book.....it said.........if you make it all the way to this end of the book and you still havent found enough reasons to either decide to stay or decide to leave, then this last issue should tell you alot..........and that was.......if all the problems were fixed, would you still be iffy on staying or leaving..........that this would be a strong indication that you would be better off leaving.............well.........truth is I am still iffy and there really are not any issues that i am worried about anymore.......

 

I did get married to high school sweet heart........never had a previous girlfriend......just mention to give context.....

 

Just don't know...........thanks in advance for input.......

[lightoftruth83]

Welcome aboard...and thanx for sharing your story. It sounds like you're at a tough point in your life...You're in good company. We're all here with alot of different heartbreaks...but I think we all can pretty well identify with one common theme, makeup or breakup.

 

I will give you my advice, just from experience. I can't tell you it's easy advice. Only YOU know when time is up. No book or counselor can tell you. No friend or family or coworker can tell you. When you are ready, you will know. I will say that I tried EVERYTHING to make my marriage work. I'm Irish, and bull-headed so I had to. I hate to admit defeat. Do what works for you. Best of luck, and my honest sympathies during your tough time of soul-searching.

[willowthewisp]

Just a heads up, I have seen spouses on these boards who have read that book, left and two years later are here on these boards talking about how they made the worst decision of their life and now their ex spouse does not want them back.

 

I am a betrayed spouse, so you can take what I say in that context if you wish but I am trying to be impartial, personally, if it were me I would want to be really sure that I couldn't have regained whatever it was that made me marry them in the first place and the only way you can do that is to try. You say you are scared, scared that you won't be able to get your feelings for her back, isn't it more scary to think of your whole life wondering "what if..."?