marriagesucks Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Guys and Gals. Please help me understand where my husband is coming from in this situation. I have my veiws and he has his. We can never come to terms on this. Its really hurting me and its been going on for a long time. Now its to the point where I am becoming depressed. The situation is as follows: My husband constantly flirts with other females in front of me. When I confront him about it, he denies it. He tells me that I'm seeing things, something is wrong with me and I need help. I know that all of that is a lie. Yesterday, we went out to California Dreaming (restaurant) with one of our co-workers, his his girlfriend, and 3 of the co-workers other friends. I noticed my husband flirting with his friends girlfriend. I seen er rubbing my husbands leg with her foot when i crawled under the table to get my daughters passifier. The slowly moved there legs away from each other so I wouldn't notice. But it was too late. While saying goodbye the did the little carress of the hand thing he does to females when he thinks they're cute. This isnt the only time 've noticed flirting with other females in my presence. He doesn't hesitate to tell a female he think she's hot while I'm around. I've seen him grab females hands before, I heard say things such as "Hey Sexy" when walking by them. I've seen him blow kisses at females and lick lips. Or he would simply gently bump into them while passing them. Sometimes he stops what we're doing to stare at a female. I see all this as being disrespectful to me. He says he was flirtacious when I met him. But he never did any of this when we were dating. I told him if he was flirtacious when I met him I would have never married him because I know I dont liek that type of guy to be my husband. It make it too easy to cheat. In my opinion, if I flirt with someone, Im flirting with a purpose. And my prupose would be to get somewhere with a guyand get somewhere fast. But because Im married I dont flirt with guys any more. My husband is the type of guy to get highly pissed at me for looking at a guy a certain way. But yet he does what he wants and expects me to sit around and play the good ol' wife role. So my questions is, Why does he do this and then acts like hes not doing anything wrong? Am I wrong for being so pissed and hurt over it? Am I wrong for wanting to divorce due to lack of trust of each other? Link to post Share on other sites
confused88 Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 How long have you been married? Did he act the same way when you were dating, or is this a "new" thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriagesucks Posted April 3, 2004 Author Share Posted April 3, 2004 weve been married for a year and a half. This behaviour has been gonig on for about 6 months. he never acted like this when we were dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 If you indulged in the same kind of behavior, would that be acceptable to him? I find his actions inexcusable. He should be showing you respect. There's nothing respectful about flirting with other women in public. You can handle this two ways; Tell him flat out you are aware of his actions, that you will not tolerate any more nonsense and if it keeps happening, you are out the door. If he denies it say, "Please. Do you think I'm an idiot?" and refuse to be sucked into that discussion. Another way to handle it is to give him a taste of his own medicine. Have guy friends from work leave messages on the answering machine. Strike up flirty little conversations with guys in restaurants and super markets when he's around. I know it sounds a little immature, but I love revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriagesucks Posted April 3, 2004 Author Share Posted April 3, 2004 hey people. im back. i just got home from going out with an older male friend of mine (he's 33 im 20). previously in time, my husband and i had a discussion about us not going out with the opposite sex while the other one isnt around. well, back in march, while me and my husband were going through a tough time, (which we still are), he went out with a female friend that i didnt approve of bvy himself, (thats totally against what we discussed) then he came to me a week and a half later and told me i couldnt hang out with guys by myself. well, when i got home today i told him where i was and who i was with. he got pissed. my older friend also invited us to play tennis with him tommorow. my husband said "no, if you cant go by understood rules, then i dont want to hang out with you, i didnt make these rules, theyre understood." so basically what i did was give him a tatse of his own medicine, and he hates it. now my husband has gone to this so called tutoring class for school this evening. which i dont believe. my husband is less affectrionate towards me lately. and even with my complaing abut his recent negligent behavior towards me, he still wont do what i ask of him, he wont adhere to my needs and desires. i want to sit down and talk to him but he wont take the time out to sit and talk with me about things. i feel like i want to go out and find someone who will fulfill my needs and desires that i ask of my husband, but i would feel so guilty and slutty if i did that. i dont know what to do guys, i talked to my older guy friend today, and he said that none of this (the things that i have posted so far) is worth getting a divorce over. someone please tell me what to do. i dont know why me and my husband are having such a hard time now. i used to know. but not i dont anymore. i feel like i need to go to individual counseling or something. no one can seem to give me any advice on how to solve this mess or even tell me where the problem is. i cant see it. its driving me insane and i feel like i should leave him, but i dont want to fight over custody fo our daughter. (which will happen for sure) thanks for reading. please reply. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 4, 2004 Share Posted April 4, 2004 Definitely go to counseling. It will help you to sort things out. Link to post Share on other sites
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