This email made me realize its REALLY over. Don't know how to deal with the pain!

[Fufu]

Don't blame yourself anymore, because no one is perfect.

 

You did not choose to be let down by him, therefore you can choose to more on from this breakup.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Oh please take care of yourself,I wish i can give you a big cyber hug.

However there is still a way you can make this situation better.

Not to give you false hope,and i'mnot going to say this guy is such a great guy. An articulate sounding break-up doesnt make anything feel better.

Ever had a very well written termination letter from your job?

Doesnt make iut better,if someone loves you they will,flaws and all.

 

I would Seriously seriously, do not contact this guy. Do your best right now to not contact him at all.read evrything,especially about NC,you have the chance to do it.

I would never ever opt for frienship,Literally drop out of this guy's life,dissappear. Let him see how life is without you,there is a good chance his Grass May be greener Syndrome may lessen and he will think of you.

You may think,no no i have to try harder,I have to text,contact do something even if its for him to pick up his stuff.

However mark my words,I've read enough about No Contact to know,that the sooner you are on it,the better.

I'm not saying its the ultimate thing to get them back,but NC is your best shot to repair any damage situation. You cant do anything wrong by taking care of yourself,and concentrating on yourself,while dropping out of his life. You'l see,you'll come back reading this response again,but I am a follower of first the Bible which talks alot about having Faith,and also of all those Law of Attraction,The Secret. There are even forums on those topics which you'll find people alot more positive and actually get what they hope for. I am 100% positive with all my being,that if you do the right thing which is leave this guy alone,you will come out %100 ahead of the situation, and somewhere down the line, he will be the one calling to find out what happened to you.

Why? It happened to me,thats why. very Best of luck.

 

 

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188626

Edited March 30, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Oh please take care of yourself,I wish i can give you a big cyber hug.

However there is still a way you can make this situation better.

Not to give you false hope,and i'mnot going to say this guy is such a great guy. An articulate sounding break-up doesnt make anything feel better.

Ever had a very well written termination letter from your job?

Doesnt make iut better,if someone loves you they will,flaws and all.

 

I would Seriously seriously, do not contact this guy. Do your best right now to not contact him at all.read evrything,especially about NC,you have the chance to do it.

I would never ever opt for frienship,Literally drop out of this guy's life,dissappear. Let him see how life is without you,there is a good chance his Grass May be greener Syndrome may lessen and he will think of you.

You may think,no no i have to try harder,I have to text,contact do something even if its for him to pick up his stuff.

However mark my words,I've read enough about No Contact to know,that the sooner you are on it,the better.

I'm not saying its the ultimate thing to get them back,but NC is your best shot to repair any damage situation. You cant do anything wrong by taking care of yourself,and concentrating on yourself,while dropping out of his life. You'l see,you'll come back reading this response again,but I am a follower of first the Bible which talks alot about having Faith,and also of all those Law of Attraction,The Secret. There are even forums on those topics which you'll find people alot more positive and actually get what they hope for. I am 100% positive with all my being,that if you do the right thing which is leave this guy alone,you will come out %100 ahead of the situation, and somewhere down the line, he will be the one calling to find out what happened to you.

Why? It happened to me,thats why. very Best of luck.

 

 

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188626

 

 

thanks for the support and hug!

 

I wish I had just walked away gracefully. didn't text or email him back expressing how angry I was..but too late

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Sweet, he doesn't want to know how you feel.

 

It hurts I know, you have to pull yourself up and I know you can do it .

 

Fufu, how old is your ex boyfriend? If you don't mind me asking..

[Fufu]

I'm 23 this year, he's 22. We got together when I was 19.

[suddendumpee]

I think this is an acceptable time to be selfish. I focused so much on making him happy and he let me go.

 

 

Him letting you go was the best thing he could do for you at this point. Would you have preferred that he string you along even though the feeling were not there? Letting someone go is not easy, and I'm sure he didn't hurt you maliciously. One day, you will see that he did you a favor. He left you with complete transparency and he obviously respects you and cares about your feelings.

[suddendumpee]

You deserve a better guy, seriously

 

So he's a bad guy because he didn't share the same feelings she had for him? Not everybody on this earth is compatible with one another. No matter how nice you are to someone, you cannot force love.

 

I think a better choice of words would be "You deserve a guy you are more compatible with".

 

His honesty and respect toward his ex certainly don't paint him as a bad person.

[Fufu]

suddendumpee: I believe you have misunderstood my intention. Whether he's a nice guy or not, I really have 0 idea, however I am sure whatever he is doing to her now in action is definitely not being nice to her and therefore she has to convince herself that she deserves a better guy, of course the more compatible guy to her.

 

I'm with you that not everyone on this earth is compatible with one another. However, if you decide to go into a serious and long-term relationship, what do you want out of this relationship? To be dumped? No, definitely not.

 

You will want to be deeply loved, cared irregardless what kind of situations you are in, be it good or bad.

 

If one is looking for a gf or bf just for HAPPY and for Fun, personally, I don't think that person is ready to commit in a serious and long-term relationship. If one is not ready, do not jump into a relationship because at the end of the day, one may deeply hurt someone else or hurt oneself in the process.

 

If they can leave us like this, what makes us think they can stand through the different obstacles and hardships in marriage with us.

 

Of course, some people do change, and change for the better which is a good sign. However, always be realistic and look in to the present situation. If they do not want to hold our hands and walk the journey with us, don't put a chain on ourselves and expect them to pull us as they walk their own journey.

Edited March 30, 2011 by Fufu

[Thatguyintx]

ThatguyintxL That's a good insight ^_^ However, in my opinion, if you really do love a person that truly, why can't you change or become a better person and work the relationship out with your true love? To me, the love is just not strong enough to go through obstacles.

 

And the sooner we realize this, the faster we move on.

 

Fufu,

 

Love is two-sided. And, I hate to say this for fear of being berated, people can only change so much. There are core things within each of us that can't be changed. Some of these things you don't find out about your partner until months of being together. And there are true incompatibilities that love cannot overcome.

 

You need love AND compatibility. I couldn't have loved my ex any more than I did. Once we saw each others core differences, we were doomed!

[Fufu]

Thatguyintx: Fully agree with you that love is 2 sided And it really takes 2 to make a relationship work.

 

Maybe I'm old fashioned and traditional, to me differences no matter how big they are, they will not make a relationship break, not loving enough and cherish each other deeply will make a relationship crumble.

 

To me, everyone is unique, no 2 people are the same, therefore all of us have our own set of characters and personalities.

 

Whether a relationship is broke up due to differences or other reasons, once your partner no longer wants to work things out with you, we just have to move on.

 

Anyway, maybe you can take a look at the beginning stage of any relationships, usually couple will tell each other how deep they love each other, how they treasure one another, how they will be with you no matter what happens and stuffs.

 

So, comes the quarrel part when the couple realizes they have differences, big differences between each of them. So what happens to the words to each other that they will be with you no matter what happens and stuffs? These words can be so easily thrown away just because the couple realise they have core differences?

 

There are always differences between me and you, same goes to any relationships. It is to compromise, work it out or ............ there are people who choose to let go and give up.

 

They made their decision to give up, it's fine. It's their lives anyway and we do not control their lives, which means, they do not control our lives as well. Being happy or not, it is truly up to ourselves to decide, not by other people action.

 

P.S: hehe >_< I think I will have a problem finding compatible right man.

Edited March 30, 2011 by Fufu

[Thatguyintx]

 

P.S: hehe >_< I think I will have a problem finding compatible right man.

 

I don't believe that for a moment.

 

I think you already have an admirer on this forum!

[Thatguyintx]

Him letting you go was the best thing he could do for you at this point. Would you have preferred that he string you along even though the feeling were not there? Letting someone go is not easy, and I'm sure he didn't hurt you maliciously. One day, you will see that he did you a favor. He left you with complete transparency and he obviously respects you and cares about your feelings.

 

 

I second this wholeheartedly.

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

I second this wholeheartedly.

 

He didn't really try to work it out. He really didn't. Instead of talking to me about how he was feeling, he ran away.

[Fufu]

TryingtoUnderstand32: How are you feeling? No worries, we are all here to support you to go through this stage.

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

TryingtoUnderstand32: How are you feeling? No worries, we are all here to support you to go through this stage.

 

Feeling bad today..so bad I started a new thread to vent..

[Thatguyintx]

He didn't really try to work it out. He really didn't. Instead of talking to me about how he was feeling, he ran away.

 

Maybe there was nothing to work out. I have been dumper and have been the dumped when one party just felt there was nothing to discuss. The relationship was broken past repair. Ending it made the most sense for all.

 

I don't know your situation. And don't want to act like I do. I merely want to give you a different perspective.

 

I see how much you are hurting. You will see a better day, though. You will heal.

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Maybe there was nothing to work out. I have been dumper and have been the dumped when one party just felt there was nothing to discuss. The relationship was broken past repair. Ending it made the most sense for all.

 

I don't know your situation. And don't want to act like I do. I merely want to give you a different perspective.

 

I see how much you are hurting. You will see a better day, though. You will heal.

 

 

The email says it all according to him

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Does this paragraph from his email say that he feels I'm only middle ground? That he won't settle cause I'm in the middle?

 

"I may sound selfish to say that I'm not ready to give up in the search tofind someone whom I can truly share my inspiration and goals in life. I wantto live my life fully and passionately, and to do so I won't settle withsomething in a middle ground. You may think I'm a fool, but I think that how I am"

[GreenPolicy]

From what I can tell he seems to explained adequately why he does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore - the fights and arguments and how he felt he had to compromise too much to make it work. It seems like there were issues that both of you were aware of. You just didn't know that these issues were serious enough that he didn't want to work on them anymore.

 

Honestly, it seems like this relationship ended for logical and rational reasons, as you are both aware of what you disagree on and butt heads over. The difference is that you felt these things could be bridged and wanted to work on them together, whereas he didn't see the point and would rather move on. I don't know if that makes him a bad person or not, or if his capacity to love isn't very great, but he seems to have been honest enough with you. You should have enough for closure and start the hard process of grieving and moving on with your life. Don't you want to be with somebody who is willing to work on these things with you, rather than just wash his hands and quit?

 

It's hard when the person we want to be with doesn't want to be with us, but the bottom line is that you cannot make the other person do something that they do not want to do. You can't debate them into staying with you, and presenting all sorts of facts and reasons as to why you two are great together and should stay together will never overcome feelings and emotions. We also as dumpees fall into the trap of thinking that our dumpers owe us some sort of gesture or explanation that will allow us to move on and have closure, when really it is up to us to not get stuck and come up with our own closure from within. Whether a dumper's reasons are well thought-out and the result of careful deliberation about long-term compatibility, or it's the result of emotional immaturity and instability, or some stupid reason like he is a fan of Sports Team A and he just cannot be in a relationship with somebody who is a fan of Sports Team B...whether his reasons are "valid" or "stupid," the end result and outcome is the same: he doesn't want to be with you.

 

I would have loved to have gotten the explanation from my ex that you got from yours. Your ex cared about you enough to acknowledge your hurt feelings and take the time to explain why he felt that the issues in your relationship felt insurmountable to him. My ex totally shunned me and decided I wasn't worth a single conversation. Not only that but we were together a year, never had a single fight or argument, so I don't feel like she left me with something that I could take ownership of that contributed to the demise of the relationships. And even though I feel like she handled things in a heartless and cruel manner, she is not responsible for my feelings, she is not responsible for my happiness, and she is not responsible for me getting stuck in my healing and grieving process.

Edited March 30, 2011 by GreenPolicy

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

From what I can tell he seems to explained adequately why he does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore - the fights and arguments and how he felt he had to compromise too much to make it work. It seems like there were issues that both of you were aware of. You just didn't know that these issues were serious enough that he didn't want to work on them anymore.

 

Honestly, it seems like this relationship ended for logical and rational reasons, as you are both aware of what you disagree on and butt heads over. The difference is that you felt these things could be bridged and wanted to work on them together, whereas he didn't see the point and would rather move on. I don't know if that makes him a bad person or not, or if his capacity to love isn't very great, but he seems to have been honest enough with you. You should have enough for closure and start the hard process of grieving and moving on with your life. Don't you want to be with somebody who is willing to work on these things with you, rather than just wash his hands and quit?

 

It's hard when the person we want to be with doesn't want to be with us, but the bottom line is that you cannot make the other person do something that they do not want to do. You can't debate them into staying with you, and presenting all sorts of facts and reasons as to why you two are great together and should stay together will never overcome feelings and emotions. We also as dumpees fall into the trap of thinking that our dumpers owe us some sort of gesture or explanation that will allow us to move on and have closure, when really it is up to us to not get stuck and come up with our own closure from within. Whether a dumper's reasons are well thought-out and the result of careful deliberation about long-term compatibility, or it's the result of emotional immaturity and instability, or some stupid reason like he is a fan of Sports Team A and he just cannot be in a relationship with somebody who is a fan of Sports Team B...whether his reasons are "valid" or "stupid," the end result and outcome is the same: he doesn't want to be with you.

 

I would have loved to have gotten the explanation from my ex that you got from yours. Your ex cared about you enough to acknowledge your hurt feelings and take the time to explain why he felt that the issues in your relationship felt insurmountable to him. My ex totally shunned me and decided I wasn't worth a single conversation. Not only that but we were together a year, never had a single fight or argument, so I don't feel like she left me with something that I could take ownership of that contributed to the demise of the relationships. And even though I feel like she handled things in a heartless and cruel manner, she is not responsible for my feelings, she is not responsible for my happiness, and she is not responsible for me getting stuck in my healing and grieving process.

 

Things are becoming clearer. I read the email he sent me over today and it seems in some of it he was adding inslut to injury. Kind of like I was "less then" he could do better. He can screw.

[Beeotch]

(my first post was "Bf ended things and left me homeless), I got an email from ex bf over recent breakup and he sent me an email on his own and this is what he said:

 

"Firstly, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, but I think there is no easy way to address the end of a relationship. I understand why some of the things were said as you left here yesterday, so please don’t feel bad. Frankly I think I deserve to be called so as I ended this relationship despite your plea.

 

I know you’re seeking a closure to why this had to come to an abrupt end, so I try to explain it here as best as I can.

 

Well, I wanted to end this relationship mainly because I started to resent a repeating pattern on how we argued over some things that were recurring.

 

I believe there is someone better for you waiting out there that can make you happy without putting you in a situation that you have to try so hard to be someone else. I may not show, but I was moved when you said you will try hard to change, but I really think that you will resent this and eventually we will fight over again for different issues.

While I enjoyed how different we are to each other, I really find it difficult to enjoy the relationship when we have quite little in common…

 

I know you’re in a tough situation at the moment, but I have no doubt that you’ll pull it through and find a better life. Although this relationship did not work out as I hoped for, but I enjoyed spending time to get to know you. Please don’t beat yourself over this – I think you have a lot of good qualities that I admire. Thanks for everything you done for me to feel welcomed and loved. I wish you a good life and a lot of luck with meeting someone who deserve you and can make you happy."

 

and than in another one he responded to my email. I didn't see the top one prior to the one I sent since he sent it to an email address I don't regularly use, otherwise I wouldn't have emailed him at all. He wrote this in response to mine:

"Thanks for the e-mail. I thought it was thoughtful and kind of you to do

so. I read it and thought through what you wrote there.

 

I agree with you that it's normal to have fights and disagreements in any

relationship, but people are capable to getting over that through respect,

caring and love for each other.

 

On the other hand, I think it's also important for the people in the

intimate relationship to share a common value and aspirations. If I may use

the metaphor of the life is a journey, I think two people in relationship

must have the shared goal, values and what it takes to work together.

 

Over the past six months or so, as we started to disagree with things, I

really felt that there are something we just don't agree - I know you will

say that these are things that we can work on, but I think the truth is that

we were starting to resent the compromises we made to each other to save the

relationship. I think this is why we argued over similar problems over and

over. I think we have grown apart over the six months as we found the

differences in each other that we could not reconcile -

 

I may sound selfish to say that I'm not ready to give up in the search to

find someone whom I can truly share my inspiration and goals in life. I want

to live my life fully and passionately, and to do so I won't settle with

something in a middle ground. You may think I'm a fool, but I think that how

I am.

 

I know you're much more willing to sacrifice yourself for others, but I

hope that you do not lose who you are and all the great things about you.

When I see you cry and said that started to say that you can change for me -

I thought this has came too far.

 

It's not easy to let go of someone when you became so close to each other,

but I think we need to do this so that we both can grow out of the shell.

 

 

 

P.S. I will need sometime apart from each other until we are both ready,

but I'm open to stay in touch with you as a friend. If you're open to it

please keep it in mind. I consider the time we spent together is a gift and

something I treasure. I think there are a lot of things I learned from you

that made me a better person."

 

Now while most of you will say "hey he sounds like a great person" well maybe he is a good person. But he obviously had doubts about me for awhile that just came out now. But yet up until 4 days ago we were moving forward to live together. I feel VERY led on. I wasted time with someone that obviously didn't feel strongly for me for awhile and never said any of this to me. Because if he had, I would have made sure I wasn't wasting my precious time, feelings or energy.

 

I told him this and I told him I do not want to be his friend and wished him luck.

 

Now I want to physically crumble into a ball and get in bed and never get out.

Its amazing how wrong I was about us. Mind boggling. I hurt all over.

__________________

 

 

Welll to be honest....no matter what, you're gonna be pissed. It was noble of him to state his true feelings, he seems quite grounded, open and honest and sure of what he wants. He sounds like he truly thought this through and wasn't just being impulsive...however, your heart is going to be broken and you're going to always want him to have done something different etc.

 

He doesn't sound like he was leading you on. The TRUTH is often times we're with someone and we kind of feel it won't work out but we genuinely want it to, especially during the infatuation stage where we have rose-colored glasses on and are apt to sweep things under the wrong...but as time goes by you begin to see the truth and often times that is when you have to evaluate if the relationship is viable longterm or was more suitable for the short term. That is the reality. It got to that point....where he realized before you that perhaps this isn't viable long term.

 

It's still gonna hurt regardless of it is the right thing...you're gonna feel bamboozled...you're gonna feel like it's unfair etc. I know cause it happened to me but now 2 years later I realize indeed it was the right choice and I can and will find a better relationship because that one just wasn't going to be viable longterm. Staying and pretending to work things out while it seems like "a good idea" is only an emotional desperation panic response....we all have it.

 

Anyway....your heart is broken, it should be. But as your ex said, you will overcome and then when you do find a better relationship more suited to you, you will THANK him and your lucky stars that it didn't work out.

[MissMoni]

OP, I got shivers when I read your thread, because it literally sounded like you were talking about me and my ex. We broke up suddenly as well over our "differences". What I do have to ask, is did anything happen prior to your breakup that made your ex question how well he knew you, or vice versa? I know a major "turning point" for me and my ex was when I told him I felt that he did not listen to me and respect my ideas, which I think is ultimately what lead to our breakup a couple of weeks later because it was a "new side of me" and I guess he felt betrayed.

 

In these situations, "differences" may be the gradual realization that we are two different people, and one person may want to try while the other thinks it's best to move on. Your ex basically said the same thing as mine - that I was a good person, he admired me, blah blah, but we fought too much over small things and were too "different". In these cases, I really believe that there is something that our ex is struggling with that we really can't help them with. Like previous posters said, you can't force someone to love you, and he probably realized that your feelings were deeper than his. So, as not to "hurt" you, he broke up with you. The fact that he wrote that e-mail at all doesn't seem as much as him rubbing salt in the wound as the fact that he probably did care about you, but he didn't LOVE you. I don't know your relationship, so I don't know for sure, but it seems as if he maybe wanted to love you but something in his personality didn't let him. So he probably feels bad for hurting you but justifies it with the fact that he doesn't want to lead you on when the feelings weren't there for me as intensely as before. And I don't think this is a sudden thing, either. He probably has had doubts about the relationship, and arguing, for a while.

 

In any case, it won't get any better if you are still talking to him. It is good that you cut all contact. I think these guys think they are some kind of hero for realizing they don't love us and then "saving our feelings". In the long run, yeah it may be for the best, but that still doesn't make me wonder why the heck they didn't say something before. Guilt, perhaps. But I thank you for your post because it actually is making my own situation make a bit more sense..I think that at our age (I am 22), people are just starting to learn how to develop relationships, and in that process, we are unsure of what we want. I think your ex is going through the typical stages of a 20 year old man, just like my ex did. But don't wait for him to come back. Arguments or not, someone who really loves you will try to work these things out, and I have come to realize that. You two just weren't the right people for eachother.

 

As for the mistakes you said you made by not being able to handle things "gracefully", don't worry. You were hurt and angry and that's normal and even if he acts like he doesn't see it, he knows you are really hurting and more than likely feels guilty over it. You are doing good by cutting him out so quickly..I wish I had done that

 

Hang in there!

Edited March 30, 2011 by MissMoni

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Welll to be honest....no matter what, you're gonna be pissed. It was noble of him to state his true feelings, he seems quite grounded, open and honest and sure of what he wants. He sounds like he truly thought this through and wasn't just being impulsive...however, your heart is going to be broken and you're going to always want him to have done something different etc.

 

He doesn't sound like he was leading you on. The TRUTH is often times we're with someone and we kind of feel it won't work out but we genuinely want it to, especially during the infatuation stage where we have rose-colored glasses on and are apt to sweep things under the wrong...but as time goes by you begin to see the truth and often times that is when you have to evaluate if the relationship is viable longterm or was more suitable for the short term. That is the reality. It got to that point....where he realized before you that perhaps this isn't viable long term.

 

It's still gonna hurt regardless of it is the right thing...you're gonna feel bamboozled...you're gonna feel like it's unfair etc. I know cause it happened to me but now 2 years later I realize indeed it was the right choice and I can and will find a better relationship because that one just wasn't going to be viable longterm. Staying and pretending to work things out while it seems like "a good idea" is only an emotional desperation panic response....we all have it.

 

Anyway....your heart is broken, it should be. But as your ex said, you will overcome and then when you do find a better relationship more suited to you, you will THANK him and your lucky stars that it didn't work out.

 

thanks for the advice, good valid points. For me its not just the breakup, but the timing and how long he waited. 2 weeks prior to moving in together! 2 weeks! He only waited till I changed my whole life around to drop this bomb. After things were already completed and planned. Feel led on.. and foolish.

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

OP, I got shivers when I read your thread, because it literally sounded like you were talking about me and my ex. We broke up suddenly as well over our "differences". What I do have to ask, is did anything happen prior to your breakup that made your ex question how well he knew you, or vice versa? I know a major "turning point" for me and my ex was when I told him I felt that he did not listen to me and respect my ideas, which I think is ultimately what lead to our breakup a couple of weeks later because it was a "new side of me" and I guess he felt betrayed.

 

In these situations, "differences" may be the gradual realization that we are two different people, and one person may want to try while the other thinks it's best to move on. Your ex basically said the same thing as mine - that I was a good person, he admired me, blah blah, but we fought too much over small things and were too "different". In these cases, I really believe that there is something that our ex is struggling with that we really can't help them with. Like previous posters said, you can't force someone to love you, and he probably realized that your feelings were deeper than his. So, as not to "hurt" you, he broke up with you. The fact that he wrote that e-mail at all doesn't seem as much as him rubbing salt in the wound as the fact that he probably did care about you, but he didn't LOVE you. I don't know your relationship, so I don't know for sure, but it seems as if he maybe wanted to love you but something in his personality didn't let him. So he probably feels bad for hurting you but justifies it with the fact that he doesn't want to lead you on when the feelings weren't there for me as intensely as before. And I don't think this is a sudden thing, either. He probably has had doubts about the relationship, and arguing, for a while.

 

In any case, it won't get any better if you are still talking to him. It is good that you cut all contact. I think these guys think they are some kind of hero for realizing they don't love us and then "saving our feelings". In the long run, yeah it may be for the best, but that still doesn't make me wonder why the heck they didn't say something before. Guilt, perhaps. But I thank you for your post because it actually is making my own situation make a bit more sense..I think that at our age (I am 22), people are just starting to learn how to develop relationships, and in that process, we are unsure of what we want. I think your ex is going through the typical stages of a 20 year old man, just like my ex did. But don't wait for him to come back. Arguments or not, someone who really loves you will try to work these things out, and I have come to realize that. You two just weren't the right people for eachother.

 

As for the mistakes you said you made by not being able to handle things "gracefully", don't worry. You were hurt and angry and that's normal and even if he acts like he doesn't see it, he knows you are really hurting and more than likely feels guilty over it. You are doing good by cutting him out so quickly..I wish I had done that

 

Hang in there!

 

Hey thanks for the insight. Couple things, I'm a little older than you, 32, ex is 34. He waited 2 weeks prior living together to do this. From his email it should have happened months ago.

 

What happened before? He made a decision about having some family come live with us for an undisclosed amount of time without speaking to me first. I never said "no" but I thought we should talk about it and figure things out. He got VERY upset with me for not instantly agreeing to it. I think its very important to keep the line of communication open in a relationship especially when its going to affect the lives of both people. I wasn't unsympathetic, quite the opposite but he is very traditional and wanted it his way, right away and "talking" about the situation didn't fly with him.

 

He went on to tell me that night that I don't have family values, blah blah blah. He spent several occasions with my family and extended family so his comment was very off. So that turned into an argument of him insulting me and me defending myself. He broke up with me the next day.

 

The day prior to the argument he had gone to the utility company to have them ready for when we moved into our place. So he was ready to go through with everything before this. And your right he didn't love me , he never told me he did. But he knew I loved him. I was just being patient. I thought he was almost there. Now reading his email, I could not have been more wrong.

[butterfly2011]

I only read your post and id not read through the replies from others.

Let me say that you should be thankful that he was so honest about his feelings to you. He does not sound that great to me because he said that if he stayed with you he would be settling. It is the other way around......if you stayed with him you would be settling. Don't try to change yourself for others unless it is something terrible you are doing morally that needs to be changed. Keep your moral values and wipe your eyes and find that man that loves you for you and has the same morals.

 

Is this the guy from another country? He sounds like he is trying to be intelligent. Get angry girl cause that is when you will be able to get over him. He is really not worth your tears...... He did lead you on because he said this started 6 months ago, so then he should have told you then.

 

Dont stay in bed.... there is someone out there for you....take care of YOU and he will find you. Take care of yourself both inside and out. there is nothing wrong with you.