Holy s**t. It happened. Just got the tearful phone call. She wants me back.

[carhill]

Can you change your name?

Trialbyfire became Threebyfate, etc, etc.

 

As long as one references their past name openly, I have no issues with name changes. On my forum, I can change screenames for members who desire it but admins here apparently don't do it.

 

OP, my advice would be to acknowledge her interest and invite her to take some time alone to consider the future. If you don't hear from her for xxx amount of time, with you setting that parameter, take her call and invitation to meet positively. In the meantime, finish processing the end of the LTR and arrive at a neutral state. Your response here tells me you're not there yet. You're still attached.

 

FTR, with a whole bunch of dating, 3 LTR's and 1 M, I've *never* heard back from any woman who left. That's 30+ years worth.

[Graceful]

mmmmmmm.

 

Wonder where sudden got the rose colored glasses? They seem to be blocking out the view of the real world quite nicely.

 

Am I off base here? But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...), had to call in the troops (her best friend) to help her set the scene for the reunion that she "staged" rather than act from her heart on her own (what a concept, the ex acting on her own), and obviously had no intention of breaking off with her current guy until she had(s) a backup. Gee, I feel like I read a different description than everyone else, you're all high fivin' this guy while I'm kinda thinkin', huh?

 

Well, I either have to get a pair of those rose-colored glasses to see something sincere in this situation, otherwise, I'm just not feelin' it. But what do I know?

[poorguy]

mmmmmmm.

 

Wonder where sudden got the rose colored glasses? They seem to be blocking out the view of the real world quite nicely.

 

Am I off base here? But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...), had to call in the troops (her best friend) to help her set the scene for the reunion that she "staged" rather than act from her heart on her own (what a concept, the ex acting on her own), and obviously had no intention of breaking off with her current guy until she had(s) a backup. Gee, I feel like I read a different description than everyone else, you're all high fivin' this guy while I'm kinda thinkin', huh?

 

Well, I either have to get a pair of those rose-colored glasses to see something sincere in this situation, otherwise, I'm just not feelin' it. But what do I know?

 

 

Ooooh, gee, you sort of have a really good point there... I read this thread and sort of jumped on the bandwagon with everyone. Hoping of course for the best outcome for the OP....Hope this isn't the case but you may have burned down this..what could it be???? A house of cards???

[suddendumpee]

mmmmmmm.

 

Wonder where sudden got the rose colored glasses? They seem to be blocking out the view of the real world quite nicely.

 

Am I off base here? But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...), had to call in the troops (her best friend) to help her set the scene for the reunion that she "staged" rather than act from her heart on her own (what a concept, the ex acting on her own), and obviously had no intention of breaking off with her current guy until she had(s) a backup. Gee, I feel like I read a different description than everyone else, you're all high fivin' this guy while I'm kinda thinkin', huh?

 

Well, I either have to get a pair of those rose-colored glasses to see something sincere in this situation, otherwise, I'm just not feelin' it. But what do I know?

 

Trust me. I completely agree. There is a reason I did not jump right back in to this. A lot of work needs to be done. I value your input, but I'm the only one who spent personal time with this girl, and I feel this is a genuine attempt as a second chance. Has she handled it maturely? Absolutely not. But she did have the courage to do what many a prideful/attractive girl with unlimited options would not. Does this mean marriage is in the future? No. But this time alone will be her time to think and mature emotionally. My joy is in the CHANCE, and the feeling that I was indeed someone special in her mind....NOT the certainty that this will work out in the end.

 

And may I add that MANY people after receiving NC, and assuming the ex may despise them would "test the waters" before acting on their own to plead for reconciliation. "Calling in the troops" ie. having some friends do some recon is not uncommon, and is almost expected after getting the silent treatment for 5 months straight.

Edited March 29, 2011 by suddendumpee

[homebrew]

mmmmmmm.

 

Wonder where sudden got the rose colored glasses? They seem to be blocking out the view of the real world quite nicely.

 

Am I off base here? But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...), had to call in the troops (her best friend) to help her set the scene for the reunion that she "staged" rather than act from her heart on her own (what a concept, the ex acting on her own), and obviously had no intention of breaking off with her current guy until she had(s) a backup. Gee, I feel like I read a different description than everyone else, you're all high fivin' this guy while I'm kinda thinkin', huh?

 

Well, I either have to get a pair of those rose-colored glasses to see something sincere in this situation, otherwise, I'm just not feelin' it. But what do I know?

 

No... You are reading this correctly. However... I am taking sudden at his word.

 

She is reaching out wanting "LOVE CPR"... He is not going to give it to her and allow her the opportunity to do it the correct way.... on her own.

 

Assuming she does that and comes out the other side a "healthy" person... There is a chance.

 

The big if... Will she actually do it.

 

I don't think my man sudden... Is going to be roped in or fooled. He is seeing this for what it is... So I was giving him props for that!

[GreenPolicy]

mmmmmmm.

 

Wonder where sudden got the rose colored glasses? They seem to be blocking out the view of the real world quite nicely.

 

Am I off base here? But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...), had to call in the troops (her best friend) to help her set the scene for the reunion that she "staged" rather than act from her heart on her own (what a concept, the ex acting on her own), and obviously had no intention of breaking off with her current guy until she had(s) a backup. Gee, I feel like I read a different description than everyone else, you're all high fivin' this guy while I'm kinda thinkin', huh?

 

Well, I either have to get a pair of those rose-colored glasses to see something sincere in this situation, otherwise, I'm just not feelin' it. But what do I know?

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees multiple red flags here. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't break things off with the other guy since sudden didn't jump at the chance to be her safe landing. From the description, she loves attention and the need to be wanted, and she's not leaving one relationship until she has another lined up. She doesn't want to be alone and have to go without affection, love, sex, attention, having somebody to go do stuff with. She doesn't have the character and strength to go it alone instead of stringing her current boyfriend along. And now that the initial buzz of the new toy has worn off, she's bringing sudden off the shelf to try and rescue her from this new relationship that bores and doesn't satisfy her. It's all about her and has nothing to do with sudden. And when she finds a guy that excites her more than sudden, she'll dump him again too. I hate to be a cynic, and I can tell sudden really cares about and loves this girl, but without even trying to do so, he has portrayed her in a very unsympathetic light.

[JasonRules]

FTR, with a whole bunch of dating, 3 LTR's and 1 M, I've *never* heard back from any woman who left. That's 30+ years worth.

 

 

That's quite unusual for me. I've had 4 LTR and 1 M and all of them came back for a reconciliation at one point or another even though in some instances they initiated the break.

[GreenPolicy]

That's quite unusual for me. I've had 4 LTR and 1 M and all of them came back for a reconciliation at one point or another even though in some instances they initiated the break.

 

I'm friendly with my ex-ex, but we parted amicably on good terms and neither one of us has romantic feelings for the other. We exchange emails/facebook messages about twice a year. I don't think I'll ever hear from my most recent ex ever again.

[TryTryAgain]

My joy is in the CHANCE, and the feeling that I was indeed someone special in her mind....NOT the certainty that this will work out in the end.

 

I know the feeling of the joy in the Chance. When my ex came back, that is exactly how I felt. I meant something to her after all! Then after about a month things went sour again and now I'm left with all of the same agony wondering if she ever truly cared about me.

[homebrew]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees multiple red flags here. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't break things off with the other guy since sudden didn't jump at the chance to be her safe landing. From the description, she loves attention and the need to be wanted, and she's not leaving one relationship until she has another lined up. She doesn't want to be alone and have to go without affection, love, sex, attention, having somebody to go do stuff with. She doesn't have the character and strength to go it alone instead of stringing her current boyfriend along. And now that the initial buzz of the new toy has worn off, she's bringing sudden off the shelf to try and rescue her from this new relationship that bores and doesn't satisfy her. It's all about her and has nothing to do with sudden. And when she finds a guy that excites her more than sudden, she'll dump him again too. I hate to be a cynic, and I can tell sudden really cares about and loves this girl, but without even trying to do so, he has portrayed her in a very unsympathetic light.

 

Green,

 

You are a PRO!!!!!

 

I really think Sudden see and knows this... I am taking him as his word that he is not going to enable her bad behavior and let her jump from one to the next.

 

You nailed it though... what the fundamental problem is... It will take a lot of character and strength for her to overcome it. My hope... Is she was finally "hurt enough" to want to finally address her issues.

 

If she doesn't... She will not jump ship until she has a sure thing lined up.

[GreenPolicy]

But the ex admits to dating someone she doesn't have feelings for, holds onto him for the past four months, thinks it will "kill" the guy when she breaks it off (wonder why she didn't worry so much about sudden a few months ago when she broke it off with him ...),

 

She doesn't care about this guy's feelings, she just hasn't found his replacement yet. She could care less that it will "kill" him. Once she finds her next guy, her "concern" over hurting this guy will quickly subside.

[believeme]

SuddenDumpee. Congratulations! I wish you the best. Tread lightly. Seriously. I would for you to be back here in a month - crying to us all - again. Best of luck to you.

[homebrew]

She doesn't care about this guy's feelings, she just hasn't found his replacement yet. She could care less that it will "kill" him. Once she finds her next guy, her "concern" over hurting this guy will quickly subside.

 

hahahahahaha!

 

You could write a book about these type of people! Once you look at peoples actions (and not just listen to their words)... You can spot these type of people from a mile away! They are so predictable... They all pretty much act and behave in a very consistent manner. Heck... they even all talk and say the same stuff too.

 

Insert next "victim" here / now...

[ResetReality]

although its a small victory for you and I cant match the advice what some people have given you

 

if i ever came into a position like this, I would without a doubt tell her to do one

 

she had her chance and blew it, You will find someone better, and when you do you'll wonder what you even saw in her

 

good luck with what you choose matey!

[JasonRules]

I'm friendly with my ex-ex, but we parted amicably on good terms and neither one of us has romantic feelings for the other. We exchange emails/facebook messages about twice a year. I don't think I'll ever hear from my most recent ex ever again.

 

I am never friends with any of my exes. I was never interested in seeing any of them as friends. I want it all; the whole package and won't accept anything less than that.

[optimistgirl]

I check in every now and again... People like you, Green Policy, Sudden, etc. took over where I left off. So everyone is in GREAT hands!

 

For all of those who are hurting, confused and in pain... Do you want to be free from it and find peace and understanding?

 

Do everything in your power to get to the following place / mindset:

 

(NOTE: This is what No Contact is suppose to be all about... Healing and getting YOU back!)

 

 

FOR ME

Written By: Homebrew

 

For me...

 

I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.

 

For me...

 

If they are not 100% sure they want to be with me... I do not / am not going to be with them.

 

For me...

 

This isn't complicated. Boy mets girl, boy and girl like each other, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl ride off into the sunset together.

 

For me...

 

I have never had to beg, plead, convince, negotiate, threaten, manipulate, etc. someone to be with me...

 

For me...

 

I am me. They either liked me or they don't.

 

For me...

 

If someone does not know who they are or what they want... I do not pursue them, date them, enter into a relationship with them, marry them.

 

For me...

 

I do not pursue EXes who dumped me.

 

For me...

 

If an EX that dumped me wants a second chance... It's not MY JOB to get them to want me. It's THEIR JOB to get me to want them.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Don't Believe me?

 

Ask all the other seasoned veterans on here... This is exactly where they are now. Was it easy? No... You have to be patient.... It does take a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears but I promise you this... Once you "Fall In Love With Yourself" all over again... Only then will you be able to find peace and the love that you want / deserve.

 

There is a wealth of information in these forums to help you do this... to get to this "place"... Do not be frightened... You are not alone! There are all these wonderful people here to encourage you and help you all along the way!

 

My Best Wishes to All of You!

 

HomeBrew, this is AWESOME! Love it! Hope you don't mind, but I had to copy "For Me" into my personal journal. You see, I'm going through a divorce and trying to heal from a very, very recent breakup. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269771/ I realize I should've waited to start dating until I was WHOLE again, but I rushed into the next relationship too soon and I took it hard very hard when we very recently broke up. So reading "For Me" was just what I needed at this stage in the healing process.

 

As for you SuddenDumpee, I'm kinda new on here and I did read through your previous posts. It seems as if you've come a long way in your journey!! I'm in NC right now, it's only been about a week and half, but hey, it's a start. I hope things work out the way you want them to. Feeling empowered is a great thing...

[Graceful]

I was being a little cheeky with you. I wasn't telling you what to do. You know that.

 

I call them as I see them, and am glad to see that you're fully aware that your ex was crying crocodile tears, at least part of the time.

 

I value your input, but I'm the only one who spent personal time with this girl, and I feel this is a genuine attempt as a second chance.

I don't need to spend even one day with your ex to know what she is like, believe me, she is right out of a cookie cutter in her behavior. No offense, I am not talking about her as a person, I am talking about her as someone who is coming back with her tail between her legs.

 

But she did have the courage to do what many a prideful/attractive girl with unlimited options would not.

There are those rose colored glasses again! Take them off, will you please!

 

 

Does this mean marriage is in the future? No. But this time alone will be her time to think and mature emotionally. My joy is in the CHANCE, and the feeling that I was indeed someone special in her mind....NOT the certainty that this will work out in the end.

If it's okay with you, then that's what matters. And this sounds reasonable.

 

And may I add that MANY people after receiving NC, and assuming the ex may despise them would "test the waters" before acting on their own to plead for reconciliation. "Calling in the troops" ie. having some friends do some recon is not uncommon, and is almost expected after getting the silent treatment for 5 months straight.

I would not do it, and never have. I have a LOT more pride than that, to me, this is where pride comes in. Your ex choked on hers. Sorry.

 

Look, it sounds like you have your boundaries up, and that's all you need right now. As long as you make her show you (actions speak louder than words) how she feels, with no assistance from you, that is how you will be able to judge if she / the relationship, deserves a real second chance. GL, and take care.

[GreenPolicy]

hahahahahaha!

 

You could write a book about these type of people! Once you look at peoples actions (and not just listen to their words)... You can spot these type of people from a mile away! They are so predictable... They all pretty much act and behave in a very consistent manner. Heck... they even all talk and say the same stuff too.

 

Insert next "victim" here / now...

 

I know sudden is too smart to fall for this. His description of what she said on the phone was very self-serving BS. She stuck with this guy for four months after she realized that wasn't what she wanted? She couldn't tell sudden back then that she'd made a mistake when the damage done was much less? So the proper course of action was to string the new guy along for four months and let sudden twist in the wind? Where was this epiphany and commitment to sudden back then? And she had to wait until sudden came to town to confess her feelings for him? They don't have email or cell phone service where she lives? And she hasn't come to sudden as a single woman, but as a woman staying in a relationship with a guy that she doesn't really care about? No, she didn't realize back then she made a mistake. What's really happened is that the buzz of the new relationship has recently worn off, and she either likes sudden better or doesn't want to eject from this relationship without a hard landing.

 

If she really had changed, she would have waited to contact sudden when she was single and had left the new guy, and be willing to accept whatever decision he made, even if it meant that she would have to remain single and would not have the companionship of either the new guy or sudden.

Edited March 29, 2011 by GreenPolicy

[homebrew]

optimistgirl,

 

I just read your story... I have a book I want you to read.

 

Tired of being mistreated, taken advantage of, being a doormat, settling for less than you deserve, etc.

 

Than go read the following book:

 

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life

By: Henry Cloud and John Townsend

 

If you liked my "For Me" creed / motto... You will love this book!

 

It will help you actually get to where you live by these sort of principles and do not compromise or settle for anything less than you deserve!

 

Go read the reviews on Amazon... It is a Life changing book!

[Graceful]

BTW.

 

Hi, Homebrew.

 

Fancy meeting you here.

 

[JasonRules]

So in essence she was hit by GIGS syndrome. Sudden got hurt, she "woke up" after new guy didn't turn out to be as she had hoped, now she's exploring the waters with sudden because she wants to jump ship again, but wants to make sure he will be there to pick her up and not leave her drifting in the middle of the sea.

[homebrew]

So in essence she was hit by GIGS syndrome. Sudden got hurt, she "woke up" after new guy didn't turn out to be as she had hoped, now she's exploring the waters with sudden because she wants to jump ship again, but wants to make sure he will be there to pick her up and not leave her drifting in the middle of the sea.

 

More or less...

 

Hopefully, she is being honest with herself and with sudden and telegraphing to him the problem and what steps she is going to take to address them. Which of course, she can only do outside of a relationship.

[homebrew]

BTW.

 

Hi, Homebrew.

 

Fancy meeting you here.

 

 

Want to go back to my place?

 

I have an awesome CD collection and some cool bedroom furniture I would like to show you!

[poorguy]

BTW...What's up Homebrew? Been a while. Next time don't breakup with with everyone on here so suddenly......................... What brought you back though??? Is it because we didn't beg, kept NC and moved on with life???? LOL, I'm just kidding-good to have you back buddy

[homebrew]

BTW...What's up Homebrew? Been a while. Next time don't breakup with with everyone on here so suddenly......................... What brought you back though??? Is it because we didn't beg, kept NC and moved on with life???? LOL, I'm just kidding-good to have you back buddy

 

You nailed it!

 

Looks like I was struck with a case of G.I.G.S. again... This time in the cyber world...

 

The fact that you respected my break up and went NC... brought me back!

 

I realize now that I made a mistake and I want to be back together again with LS...

 

Can I please have a second chance?