Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) Here is one I got a great laugh from yesterday and thought I'd share and another that made me scratch my head.... Q. I've been married for 12 years and have three children. My wife is great; we have a good sex life, and get along well. She spends much time with numerous friends; I'm supportive of that. Last year she joined a fitness club and developed a strong friendship with a man. He's gay, was married to a woman and has several children, and been in two long-term gay relationships. After classes she and he have lunch together, for two, three, and sometimes four hours. She tells me they email often and have spoken on the phone. I've never met him but believe him to be a nice person. She's very protective of their relationship, often not saying where they had lunch and defensive if I ask about their time together. This is unusual, all her other friendships are an open book. He once told my wife that the sex he had with his wife was equal or superior to the sex he has with his gay partners. After their first lunch, I said I'm uneasy about her new friendship but that I trusted her and urged her to continue. It's gotten stronger and I'm growing uncomfortable though I believe there's no sexual component to their friendship. Do you see red flags? A: Your wife has a new "best friend" and it isn't you. That's enough to make a spouse uncomfortable, no matter the friend's gender. This is about the intensity of the friendship, not about sex. You should be brought into the picture. Her "defensiveness" amounts to some secrecy. It appears these two are becoming closer than you are with her. Tell her this without accusations or suspicions. You should be introduced to her friend and join them occasionally for lunch. Otherwise, you need to be told why. Or, told what she's seeking in this private relationship that you two need to find in yours. Why I laughed is that in my world there are two issues missed in the answer.... 1. If gay and had better sex (or at least equal) with spouse that makes him bi-sexual and there is no doubt he wants a PA with this wife. To me he probably wanted an Open Relationship/Swinging with spouse and that caused the end of the marriage (or Gay) 2. Not every Husband/Wife means best friends or exclusion of other friends. Obviously this woman has crossed the line once secretiveness and time away from her family is significant (1-2 hr lunch okay, 3-4 pushing) The second was a phone in with the usual wife who was rediscovering her sexuality (30's) and her husband has no interest in sex (claims low testosterone, loves her and won't look for help). They take vacations separate from young kids (romantic weekends.....) and she wondered what to do..... I am always amazed that these sex therapist and registered relationship pyschologists don't shake the woman and tell them that there is something wrong with their husband. I'm a male and find the excuses men make complete bunk and as said in my previous thread there are only 4 reasons a man has not to have sex with his wife..... Porn AddictionWife no longer attractiveMadonna/Whore or Mother issuesHe is Gay Needless to say this host (obviously female) did not touch on one of them and basically had no advise or anything that would help the woman, outside encourage him to talk to his doctor and what he can do (i.e. viagra/cialis/levitra)..... Edited March 29, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 When my husband decides to go on a sex sabbatical he blames his depression meds. I am heading off any future dry spells at the pass right now by giving him Maca root...lol....it's supposed to help with the function of the endocrine system with a nifty side effect of an increase in libido...no worries, he knows all of my motives for giving it to him. Those are some funny posts you got there...I especially like the guy with the wife getting involved with the gay (obviously bi) guy and him asking if there are red flags. Of course there are. If she has an affair and he comes out with "I never saw it coming" I am going to just shake my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 When my husband decides to go on a sex sabbatical he blames his depression meds. I am heading off any future dry spells at the pass right now by giving him Maca root...lol....it's supposed to help with the function of the endocrine system with a nifty side effect of an increase in libido...no worries, he knows all of my motives for giving it to him. Those are some funny posts you got there...I especially like the guy with the wife getting involved with the gay (obviously bi) guy and him asking if there are red flags. Of course there are. If she has an affair and he comes out with "I never saw it coming" I am going to just shake my head. does it work for females as well???? And can I slip it in her coffee????:p Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 29, 2011 Share Posted March 29, 2011 does it work for females as well???? And can I slip it in her coffee????:p It totally does - kinda has to build in the system for a week or so first. I have pills but there is also a powder you can put in shakes and stuff...Whole Foods or whatever will carry it. I started to take it for my thyroid and then found out about the other effects...since he's been taking it I've noticed an increase in his interest :p:D I say give it a try...of course, slipping it in her coffee she'll notice the flavor...so maybe something else....or maybe tell her that it helps the endocrine system work more properly which in turn helps with weight loss/maintenance as well as levels out ones mood, decreases the effects of PMS (some not completely), can help with some types of anxiety, as well as keeping that "youthful" glow to ones skin...hopefully one of those means something to her. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 maybe tell her that it helps the endocrine system work more properly... mmm... and why? I think TDP would need to be more informative about this... sounds dodgy... which in turn helps with weight loss/maintenance mmm... I wouldn't mention any weight issues... as well as levels out ones mood oh, dear... she is always in a bad mood now... decreases the effects of PMS (some not completely), even more in a bad mood! can help with some types of anxiety she is a loony, too? as well as keeping that "youthful" glow to ones skin... you mean, she is getting old? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 mmm... and why? I think TDP would need to be more informative about this... sounds dodgy... mmm... I wouldn't mention any weight issues... oh, dear... she is always in a bad mood now... even more in a bad mood! she is a loony, too? you mean, she is getting old? LOL GIOTTO! They were just various suggestions. I started to take it for my underactive thyroid...but when I saw the other benefits I told my husband he should be taking it also. As I said before - I made no pretense or attempt to hide that there was a secondary motive/benefit to him taking it...but luckily he agreed that if my sex drive was going to see an increase he'd better do something to kick his up and at least stay equal to where we are now TDP can tell his wife whatever he wants - but I was just putting some suggestions out there. He can also say that it boosts your energy (which is does) and tell her she should take it in the am with her morning coffee for that extra kick to get through the day...lol.... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 LOL GIOTTO! They were just various suggestions. I started to take it for my underactive thyroid...but when I saw the other benefits I told my husband he should be taking it also. As I said before - I made no pretense or attempt to hide that there was a secondary motive/benefit to him taking it...but luckily he agreed that if my sex drive was going to see an increase he'd better do something to kick his up and at least stay equal to where we are now TDP can tell his wife whatever he wants - but I was just putting some suggestions out there. He can also say that it boosts your energy (which is does) and tell her she should take it in the am with her morning coffee for that extra kick to get through the day...lol.... yes, they were humorous remarks, but from my experience, you need to be very careful with some women... Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 yes, they were humorous remarks, but from my experience, you need to be very careful with some women... See....this is why I only have a few close female friends. I am not good at being "careful" about these things. Granted...there are some things that simply should never be said to a woman...ever...but if she constantly complains that she is A) Tired B) Fat C) Moody D) Getting older or any number of other "issues" in those types of categories, properly worded suggestions can and should be acceptable...especially from the spouse. Now...if she gets out of the shower and is drying off and he points to her tummy and says "Oh Honey!! You're doing the Truffle Shuffle!! You should take these pills to help with that." Then he absolutely needs to be smacked upside the head and then told how to speak to his wife (for those who didn't watch Goonies ) Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 See....this is why I only have a few close female friends. I am not good at being "careful" about these things. Granted...there are some things that simply should never be said to a woman...ever...but if she constantly complains that she is A) Tired B) Fat C) Moody D) Getting older or any number of other "issues" in those types of categories, properly worded suggestions can and should be acceptable...especially from the spouse. Now...if she gets out of the shower and is drying off and he points to her tummy and says "Oh Honey!! You're doing the Truffle Shuffle!! You should take these pills to help with that." Then he absolutely needs to be smacked upside the head and then told how to speak to his wife (for those who didn't watch Goonies ) I know many women, my wife included, that have a big problem with their self image and therefore confidence. The other day, a friend of mine was telling me that his (beautiful) wife was depressed because she thought she was fat. Regardless of her husband assurances, she just believed it. Now, she is not fat at all. She had a baby two years ago, but she is back to her normal shape, which is slim with a nice pair... I understand that having kids can change your body shape and it often does, but it seems a bit silly to me to be wanting your cake and eating it... what I'm trying to say is that, even if you reassure your partner and find ways of pointing things out in a polite and constructive way, in my experience it never works, because the problem is not the criticism per se but the way the criticized person processes it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I know many women, my wife included, that have a big problem with their self image and therefore confidence. The other day, a friend of mine was telling me that his (beautiful) wife was depressed because she thought she was fat. Regardless of her husband assurances, she just believed it. Now, she is not fat at all. She had a baby two years ago, but she is back to her normal shape, which is slim with a nice pair... I understand that having kids can change your body shape and it often does, but it seems a bit silly to me to be wanting your cake and eating it... what I'm trying to say is that, even if you reassure your partner and find ways of pointing things out in a polite and constructive way, in my experience it never works, because the problem is not the criticism per se but the way the criticized person processes it. lol...Ok I give up . Like I said...I have a few close female friends...and they mostly just handle that I am somewhat difficult to offend and therefore quite straightforward. If my girlfriend complains she's fat (most women complain about this) I either tell her she's not, or tell her ways to fix it. I do it right away..."I don't think you are, but if you feel that way let's go to Zumba together and maybe you'll feel better. Also - I've been taking Maca root - it gives me more energy and makes my metabolism work better according to the research I've read" ETC....now...I'm not a husband...so....what y'all can get away with with your wives may be a different story!! Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 so....what y'all can get away with with your wives may be a different story!! yes, completely different... Link to post Share on other sites
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