MidnightinMadrid Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have a similar situation that will be coming up. My ex-gf broke up with me about 3 months ago, and by the time her bday comes around, there will have been NC between us for about 4-5 months. The crazy thing about us is that our birthdays are on the same day! And this is something we talked about somewhat frequently early in the relationship, so I know it will be on her mind when the day rolls around. Does this change anything, or do you guys suggest I still send no text or anything for her (our lol) bday? Btw, I am new the message board, so it's nice to meet you all Hi,Welcome aboard! I say since she is the dumper have her text you first,and if she doesnt,dont fret. You shouldnt try to contact her anyway, even on that day,you dont want to risk her not answering,which is what this thread is all about. Because,Its more likely that when the time comes you'll get a Happy Birthday text from your LS friends,(which if you stick around you'll have a'plenty,than an ex,Hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
muzik_lvr Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hi,Welcome aboard! I say since she is the dumper have her text you first,and if she doesnt,dont fret. You shouldnt try to contact her anyway, even on that day,you dont want to risk her not answering,which is what this thread is all about. Because,Its more likely that when the time comes you'll get a Happy Birthday text from your LS friends,(which if you stick around you'll have a'plenty,than an ex,Hope it helps. Thank you for your advice. Yeah, I agree that it would be best not to send the text to her. Though NC can be painful at times, it is much better than the pain of reaching out and not getting a response (which happened a few times shortly after the break-up). It just makes things a little more interesting that our bday's are on the same day. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mogul Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I would imagine that it is common courtesy to send a simple "thank you". Unfortunate how we go from each other's best friend and love to strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I said this once and I will say it again. Unless you are prepared or don't care getting rejected than feel free to send a text wishing them a happy birthday. Four years ago, I did just that; I sent an e-card and a text wishing my ex-girlfriend happy birthday. She had broken up with me about 1.5 month prior. She never replied back and that only served to prolong my agony. This time around I sent no text. While I think this time around she would have contacted me back, I wasn't interested in opening Pandora's box either. I had grown tired of the emotional roller-coaster ride I'd been on since December and decided to get off. Ultimately, its in YOUR HANDS to take control of your life and get off the emotional roller-coaster ride. I am no longer going to sabotage my happiness for anyone, nor will I accept being the proverbial doormat. And I'm not telling anyone to be a cynic and jaded for the rest of their lives, but at the same time don't become so engulfed with someone to the point where you start losing a sense of who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) She doesn't like you. Edited March 31, 2011 by SummersEve Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 It is pretty simple.. Replying actually opens up a can of worms.. while you know you didn't want her back she had no way of knowing your motivation for sending a text like that out of the blue. She has most likely moved on, why would she want the possible drama of dealing with a long lost ex ? on another note.. You obviously wanted a reply text, so you had more emotionally invested in that text that you care to admit. You sound like your feelings are hurt ? Why ? because he EXPECTED something = then got nothing. this is when nothing means something... she doesn't intend to participate... so NOW you know she isn't going to correspond... so expect that she won't. when you expect NOTHING - it's easier to be neutral and therefore happy... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I would imagine that it is common courtesy to send a simple "thank you". Unfortunate how we go from each other's best friend and love to strangers. FYI - her SILENCE is saying - NO THANK YOU... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I would imagine that it is common courtesy to send a simple "thank you". Unfortunate how we go from each other's best friend and love to strangers. Don't project your expectations on other people. Yes, it's common courtesy to say thank you but if that's YOUR expectation, then live with your expectation but don't get upset when that expectation is not shared by someone else or question their lacking in manners. People change. Feelings change. Maybe she's closed that chapter of her life and is just indifferent about responding or opening communication with you and would rather let a sleeping dog lie. If you are disturbed by her non-response, then your text to her clearly was tainted with at least some type of intent. Otherwise, if you were indifferent to her, you'd say Oh well, too bad it had to be this way and and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightinMadrid Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I tell you what,Mogul,Muzic lover,put your birthday dates here and you'll get a nice fat text,or post Happy Birthday wished on LS,however i'll expect one on my Bday a month from now in return-its okay to expect since we are not exes,heck we should all do it for one another,why not? . This is a good lesson to learn,its best to let them reach out to you since their heart has changed,and I am a firm beleiver if you leave them alone,they eventually will reach out to you. That is also the perks of NC. No one is that forgettable,just read all of the 'Ex just text me!' "Ex just contacted!' Threads. Link to post Share on other sites
depplover_1980 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Look Midnight, it is fine to show kindness and I think many people do. I think my issue was with your posts trying to indicate that most of the advice was not valid, with you using words like 'jaded' and 'typical'. At the end of the day people do their best to support others on here. It's all just opinion at the end of the day, though many psychological patterns are what I refer to as 'universal truths'. Would you like one of my sweeties? \\ True, I agree the ex ignoring someone is a reality cold water in the face,but it wouldnt hurt along with sound advice to acknowledge how the dumpee feels. And no I'm not struggling with that reality,I know that certain people,meaning exes just don't give a damn and expecting anything from someone like that,is pointless. However doesnt mean I can't hold certain views about whats right or not, because since I've experienced it, I can surely empathize. Theres n nothing wrong with tough love advice but nothing wrong caring and validating how someone who is hurting feels either. Also,I've just told another poster on another thread to go completely NC after her devastating break up so she would not go thru the heartbreak of an ex ignoring text scenereo. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightinMadrid Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) Look Midnight, it is fine to show kindness and I think many people do. I think my issue was with your posts trying to indicate that most of the advice was not valid, with you using words like 'jaded' and 'typical'. At the end of the day people do their best to support others on here. It's all just opinion at the end of the day, though many psychological patterns are what I refer to as 'universal truths'. Would you like one of my sweeties? I never said that people's advice are not valid,dont forget i did agree on the advice that many times its beneficial for the person to move on. However there are some,not on this thread but others i have read where people did not seem to acknowledge how much the OP person is hurting. It was just the hey the ex dont want you,he has someone else and is not oligated. I understand that exes are not obligated-like that book says,thats why its call a B reakup,cuz its broken! However those kind of responses seems like kicking the person while they are down. (and sort of letting these exes off the hook. I know you have the cruel to be kind thingy,i'm the its not so wrong to be kind. Hey we all have difference on opinion,as a former dumpee,i'm always on their ( the dumpees) side,unless they did cheating or somehow purposely caused the breakup,thats another story. However I would never invalidate no one's advice. And whats a sweetie? i hope its Godiva:) Edited April 3, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid Link to post Share on other sites
Tybalt Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Good thread and timely for me. My ex-boyfriend just broke up with me Friday, and his birthday is next weekend. Obviously I dismissed myself as the co-host of his party and was not going to attend, but I was debating whether to unblock him on facebook and just send him a Happy Birthday to be the bigger person. Also,I made some personalized stuff for his party that I think he will really enjoy, and I can't return it and get my money back, so I told him during our final conversation that I would see if I could give the items to his best friend's girlfriend, who said the stuff looked awesome when I showed her the photos of it. However I messaged her about it and she has not responded at all. Which in some ways hurts more than the way he dealt with me. I'm really not trying to be weird or prolong contact. As I said to her, it just seems a shame for the stuff to go to waste. I'm thinking if she doesn't respond in the next couple days I will just throw the stuff out. And I will not wish him a happy birthday. He will have plenty of people around him to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Throw the stuff out... Why don't we dumpees understand that a break up is that: a total break? There's no special day or reason to contact the ex! And nobody has yet got his/her ex back by breaking NC... Link to post Share on other sites
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