I want her back but I shouldn't and I know it

[waterguy1975]

Around a year ago Imet a girl who flipped me upsidedown.She made me forget about my past and I started thinking about a future with her.I thought she was the "one."I totally loved her more then anyone could,as I thought.She was everything I had been waiting for and more.We had a great time together and she told me she loved me.She was over 5yrs. younger then me but I didn't see it being a problem.She had mentioned what she wanted and I tried to be the best I could for her in everyway possible.I completely opened up to her,lessons learned in my past for not opening up in everyway.Every relationship is not perfect I realized but I gave 110% to work out our kinks and it seemed like she wanted to as well.

 

During mid-july last year problems started.She had mentioned that her last boyfriend didn't like to do anything.so I tried to take her places and do fun stuff all the time.At one point I think I over looked that she got pretty mean when she was drinking and didn't really want to stop drinking.It became more presistant and built up in to an evening just the two of us went to a concert and she exploded into almost a raging drunk.She hit me(which I had never had happen to me before)and verbally abused me also which I had never happen to me before.I was heart broken instantly.This is supposed to be the love of my life in everyway and she supposedly loves me and I her more then anything and it seems like she hates me like no other.I was a man about this evening,took the abuse,did not retaliate,and just got home.I proceeded to be very confused.I felt betrayed and very hurt.I didn't want to leave her but felt that I should due to pride and selfworth more then anything.So,I left her.However not more then two weeks later I got back with her cause I couldn't stand to be without her.

 

As you can imagine,things were never quite the same after that night.Altough I swallowed my pride after that night and new I might be setting myself to be treated like crap even more,I loved her and needed her and I didn't care.It didn't last to much longer though,she started going out with her friends more then before and I was definately afraid I was losing her.So I tried even harder to understand her,compromoise,and trust in us.As it turns out,she stopped giving,then told me she couldn't do this anymore.A month or so later we talked did some things that I felt were leading to us getting back together,turns out it was only a booty call and she was gone again.

 

I recently contacted her again and she claims it was all her and not me that destroyed this.I said it takes two yet she started telling me that she was an alcholic and that she tried to commit suicide in december.I felt somewhat sympathetic but wasn't too sure if she was trying to impliment herself as a psyco to get rid of me for good.Then she said she was seeing someone else the last two months and my stomach started hurting again.She said that she didn't drink anymore and that she was in some type of detox-program and still is.All I wanted to do was be there for her all along but she didnt want me around anymore and I pretty much don't understand why.

 

I'm not saying I'm all that but she knows I loved her and treated her pretty damn good.I guess the thing now is that I still love her and miss her all time.If she thinks she was the problem with her drinking and all,and now she's not,why won't she give us another shot.She know I am still here and not with anyone since.It's not like I haven't tried to date other people and get over it,it's just that I don't really want too.I just don't understand why I keep torturing myself and I can't get over it.I know I should quit being a sob and move on.It all doesn't make sense to me and how can I open up to anyone again anyways after being hurt so bad.I just don't understand why a woman who says they love you,turns on you all of the sudden,abuses you,dumps you,claims they were the one messed up and now is better,yet doesn't seem to care that you really existed or that your still here now.I've thoughthat maybe she never loved me all along but it sure seemed like she did.

[ARES]

To be honest man, Quit talking to her......If you were always there for here then she should of reambered that you were when she decided to improve her life. Move on, Live and learn its going to be hard for a long time and i bet you'll still think about here in a year from now...it will get better but get back out there turn to friends to take your mind off it.....And as i said before (most importantly) stop talking to her if she calls tell her you are trying to move on and it wouldn't be a good idea to talk right now.......

-Chris-