Many men fear being taken to the cleaners in divorce. Some so much so,

[Woggle]

I think that hearing some of these horror stores is what makes men so afraid of commitment. No I am not saying all women do this but we hear enough stories to know that the tool is at their disposal and if she turns on him he can lose everything he worked hard for. I know a woman who seems great but she just recently broke up with her fiance because he went to visit some family out of state and heard his uncle's divorce story. He saw what he went through and broke off the engagement as soon as he came back because it pretty much soured him on marriage. I didn't want to say it to her but I understand it.

[Duckduckgoose]

Keep in mind for all the men that are so afraid of marriage and being taken to the cleaners in divorce there are just as many good women that get the **** end of the bargain in relationships from commitment-phobe men, or just plain *******s.

 

Its nice and happy and all to think that females are the devil and are out to get you. Well I may speak only for myself but I tried to save my marriage, but exH was having none of it. He'd checked out a long time ago.

 

My parents have been married 30 years so I look to their relationship as an example. It makes me sad that this thread makes women out to be the enemy. The real enemy and the motivator for ****ty actions by both men AND women is: Greed, selfishness, pride, the need to save face, feeling like you have to have "revenge" or try and hurt the other person as much as possible for what is going on.

 

Its quite stupid to think that just because one belongs to a specific gender that we are going to behave a specific way in regards to divorce. I know I certainly didn't. In fact before I got married we got a pre-nup so neither of us could act "that way". Yes... a woman demanding a pre-nup.

 

Nobody "wins" in a divorce. Lawyers try to make it sound like that but it's a lose-lose situation all around.

[2.50 a gallon]

Additonal info as to the last of my previous post. This man returned home from a business trip to find a county mounty stationed in front of his house, She had moved out while was gone. He was arrested for beating his wife the night before, it mattered not that he was in NYC the whole weekend and could prove it, they had an arrest warrant. The minute he was arrested he had a criminal record, it was never expunged, and it was all down hill from there. He spent the night in the pokey, to be served with a divorce papers, of which he had no clue, along with a TRO. She moved back in and he never reclaimed the house.

[Woggle]

Keep in mind for all the men that are so afraid of marriage and being taken to the cleaners in divorce there are just as many good women that get the **** end of the bargain in relationships from commitment-phobe men, or just plain *******s.

 

Its nice and happy and all to think that females are the devil and are out to get you. Well I may speak only for myself but I tried to save my marriage, but exH was having none of it. He'd checked out a long time ago.

 

My parents have been married 30 years so I look to their relationship as an example. It makes me sad that this thread makes women out to be the enemy. The real enemy and the motivator for ****ty actions by both men AND women is: Greed, selfishness, pride, the need to save face, feeling like you have to have "revenge" or try and hurt the other person as much as possible for what is going on.

 

Its quite stupid to think that just because one belongs to a specific gender that we are going to behave a specific way in regards to divorce. I know I certainly didn't. In fact before I got married we got a pre-nup so neither of us could act "that way". Yes... a woman demanding a pre-nup.

 

Nobody "wins" in a divorce. Lawyers try to make it sound like that but it's a lose-lose situation all around.

 

I never said that all women are devils but the system empowers those that do these things. If the system allowed men to kill wives who did not please them then not all men would do it but there would be some that take advantage of it and I would not blame women one bit for wanting to avoid marriage because one wrong step and she can be dead.

 

Maybe it is not legal to kill husbands but in today's world all a woman has to do is snap her fingers and say she is not happy and a man can lose everything he owns. Anytime you let people do wrong with impunity it makes the victim very vulnerable. If you are a woman interested in commitment then support reforming our divorce laws. Don't blame men for not wanting to play russian roulette with their lives.

[SummersEve]

This thread is extremely slanted. I could tell you an equal horrible story of a woman getting screwed over in the divorce for every single one of them. Please.

[Woggle]

This thread is extremely slanted. I could tell you an equal horrible story of a woman getting screwed over in the divorce for every single one of them. Please.

 

As more women make good money you will see more of that which is all the more reason to support fairness in divorce courts. Women won't be immune to this either.

[Duckduckgoose]

This thread is extremely slanted. I could tell you an equal horrible story of a woman getting screwed over in the divorce for every single one of them. Please.

 

Thank you SummersEve

 

For every psycho bitch out there, there is an equally low down scum sucking ******* man.

[Woggle]

Thank you SummersEve

 

For every psycho bitch out there, there is an equally low down scum sucking ******* man.

 

Yes but the courts don't usually reward the latter with everything the woman owns and then make him out to be the victim. There are some exceptions but most of the time it is not like that. The issue is with the system and not with women themselves.

[Ballerfamily]

Woggle

 

Thats been said over and over. We just had a former clerk of courts describe what happens alot. To no avail. Lets boycott this thread and move on. (I know aprox. 20 couples that have been divorced. In every single one, the woman left or wasn't the happy one. In each and every case, 15-20 recieved 50/50 custody/ in all cases the man paid child support/14/20 paid alimony/ and 17-20 have spiteful ex's that make visitation and kid things very hard, and 16/20 have been taken back to court at one time or another. Not (1) time, has any of these men taken their Ex back to court, even when visitation,etc,was messed with..... (and not one is in arrears on support, so forget that argument of the deadbeat dad) it doesn't happen like it used to, and I'm thankful of that. We should support, as long as it is fair.

 

(I can only imagine what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot, Ex wife pays CS, alimony, gives me house, half her retirement, full custody,etc, and then I screw with her in court and I move OW in house with kids. I can only imagine. I would be hi-tailing to the hills, with her in hot pursuit and a couple magnums pecking at my a____)

 

So say what you want, I've lived it, and so have many,many others...... I want no part of this BS ever again, and would bet my 20 yr old son will think long and hard about ever committing to this bs. (I am praying that God heals my hurt and jadiness. But I doubt it. And I would have walked to the end of the world for a good woman, at one time.

and thats fact:mad: I'm tired of this thread

 

 

Its the fricking courts and the system in general, ladies. The feminists have taken over the system. And thats a fact. I'm gone, to my single, happy, content life.(eventually anyway) This is BS and I'm sick of hearing the sexist comment. This isn't about sex, its about the bias in the system. There are lawyers now specializing in men only clients, for good reason.

 

FYI I have a very good friend, who was a magistrate in family court, and he is moving into another field, because he is so distraught with bias and the system . This is straight from the horse's mouth and I quote: The system is run by female lobbyists in Washington and local lobbyists, and judges fear the consequences of losing their jobs.. THIS IS STRAIGHT OUT OF HIS MOUTH

 

Ladies, the ones on here especially, I'm on your side in most cases. Your most likely on the recieving end like we are. OK. Can we leave it at that. PS: I would doubt tho, that your ex hub can screw with you in the courts. If so, please share your story. PLEASE

 

AND GUESS WHAT. For the first time in my life, I will actually get to watch the final four college basketball finals. Before, I always took the EX to wherever she wanted. And missed most of it. YEA,YEA

 

FYI: We both have our Master Degree's in education, and both grew up in devout Christian families, with ideal parents on both sides. Go figure

Edited April 3, 2011 by Ballerfamily

[Tiberius]

I think that hearing some of these horror stores is what makes men so afraid of commitment. No I am not saying all women do this

 

The point is all those venomous women who do it, do it within the framework of the law, none of what they do is illegal, maybe a little white lie here and there, but oftentimes that aint required either.

 

Now people are telling men they need to find the right woman that isnt like that. But even if a man marries the most venomous woman one can think of, there should not be the legal framework for her to act up on her character, but there is. Heck many women feel if their husband cheats on them they should have the legal right to take him to the cleaners in divorce court and I am not talking about women whom I would describe as evil.

 

Do we tell women in Afghanistan or elswhere they should just be good wifes if they dont want to get stoned? No we find fault with a system that stones women for petty/non crimes. We dont tell those women to find the right man that isnt like that, or act in a way that will spare her that fate. I think most people think men who are like that shouldnt have the legal right to have their wifes stoned (as in thrown rocks at them, not the good stoned).

 

If you are a woman interested in commitment then support reforming our divorce laws. Don't blame men for not wanting to play russian roulette with their lives.

 

QFTW

Edited April 3, 2011 by Tiberius

[WorldIsYours]

I never said that all women are devils but the system empowers those that do these things. If the system allowed men to kill wives who did not please them then not all men would do it but there would be some that take advantage of it and I would not blame women one bit for wanting to avoid marriage because one wrong step and she can be dead.

 

Maybe it is not legal to kill husbands but in today's world all a woman has to do is snap her fingers and say she is not happy and a man can lose everything he owns. Anytime you let people do wrong with impunity it makes the victim very vulnerable. If you are a woman interested in commitment then support reforming our divorce laws. Don't blame men for not wanting to play russian roulette with their lives.

 

Amen Woggle. Funny how women want to call a man bitter and a low piece of scum because he doesn't want to spend his time being with someone selfish who can hurt him and everything he worked hard for.

[Tiberius]

It isnt about character it is about the system and laws in place. Thats the whole point, a man shouldnt be at the mercy of his ex-wife when it comes to divorce. If she wants to be mean and vile she should not have the legal framework to be it.

 

Of course there are women who remain civil throughout the divorce. If they have a daughter they dont want her to have to explain to her boyfriend why her father is a working poor. The women who choose to be uncivil should not be able to be it within the legal framework of the law. There are places where beating and stoning men and women is legal imo that does not make it right.

Edited April 4, 2011 by Tiberius

[2.50 a gallon]

Yes sometimes the ladies also get squeezed.

 

My current GF was married to a 20 plus year military man, who retired with a monthly pension of close to 4 K a month.

 

She stuck it out with him through almost all of his military career, the alcoholism and abuse got so bad she was in fear of injures to herself and her two teenage children so finally got the huevos to move out.

 

He refused to pay her anything in support of the kids and she had to take 3 jobs to support them, and still barely got by.

 

As an ultimatum for her returning to him he had divorce papers drawn up which gave her the miniumum in child support of $300 per child.

 

She blew him away when she immediately signed. She was barely getting by, and in fact things were so desperate that about the only place she ate was in the hospital where she worked as a fry cook (free meal) and the second job in fast food, more free french fries. and sandwich.

 

Had she the extra hundred dollars to see an attorney, she would have found out by law that half of his nearly $4 K a month was hers

[2.50 a gallon]

I know of a lady who married her high school sweetheart. Had a couple of his kids, and put off her career dreams and spent her 20's putting her H through medical school, during which time he barely added any money into the family till.

 

He was a specialist, and was a success almost from the day he opened his private practice with their family funds. Two years down the road, she in her 30's, he dropped her in favor of his 20 something receptionist and wanted a D. The H was not all that smart as his STBXW was working all this time in one of the top law firms and was herself starting down the road to get her law degree.

 

The final settlement, was no child support, or alimony, just half of his net, for I believe life. I know he was later fighting it and still losing

 

Half of net for life. Is that fair?

[Tiberius]

How do you get half of what a man earns AFTER the divorce? I was aware the situation is grim for most men and to a lesser degree some women, but not that grim, but if its happening apparently such laws must exist. Are you sure about that? Are you sure you do not mean half of his net at the point of divorce?

Edited April 4, 2011 by Tiberius

[carhill]

Say the doctor's practice is worth $1MM and was built entirely while married, including his education, as in the cited example, where the wife was the primary income producer until he completed his education, did his residency and opened his practice. She could assert a claim of half the practice's value. He and she might agree to, instead of liquidating and/or supplying equitable funding/assets from other areas, providing her a specified or percentage income stream for life, sort of like an annuity.

[Tiberius]

Oh wow. I hope that isnt possible in all countries.

[carhill]

IME, it's jurisdiction-dependent, but it is certainly a risk in California, which is generally a no-fault equitable distribution jurisdiction. Such circumstances are why legal and accounting fees for contested divorces can be astronomical, not to mention the emotional impact of the process. Fear-inspiring and completely gender-neutral, though I suspect there is a marked minority of SAHD's with doctor wives.

[updown]

how do you have one law that protects women and one law that doesn't though? if the situation is reversed and the man is the one pushing for a divorce, doesn't his wife and family deserve to be financially protected? or do they all suffer because he doesn't want to be married anymore?

 

i don't know the stats on divorces and who is asking for them and what not. i do know of a couple where the wife left and is getting a TON of money in alimony and child support and still wants more. do i think that is right? no. not at all. but, in her case a different set of laws and rules would need to apply than the wife who's husband is filing. if you choose to leave i don't feel you get to walk away with full support, child support yes. but not full alimony. but, if you are being filed against, i do feel you deserve that money. and i think that's how the laws are set up.

 

i think in the state i live, if you make the same as or more than your husband you don't get any support, just child and that is usually a 50/50 thing. but, say you gave up your career to raise the kids and he leaves, then there has to be a way to protect those women and children. even if you give up your career to raise the kids and he's abusive, and you have to leave to protect your family. there has to be a way to make sure that mother and her children don't end up with nothing.

 

so, it would really need to be separate laws based on WHY the divorce was happening and who started it all, i guess.

[carhill]

In 'at fault' jurisdictions, even those which also allow 'no-fault' actions, it is possible to introduce the 'who' and the 'why' in an affirmative action. It all depends how much money one has to prosecute the action and how important the outcome is. One only needs to recall the very messy and public divorce of Sara Evans and her husband Craig Schelske back in 2006 to see how accusations of cheating in an 'at-fault' jurisdiction can go. I remember it well because we followed her tour and she took pride in her husband and children often being with her and, later, her public quitting of 'Dancing with the Stars' due to her personal issues with the D. Not pretty.

[Memphis Raines]

Thank you SummersEve

 

For every psycho bitch out there, there is an equally low down scum sucking ******* man.

 

this is true. but that wasn't the point. the point is that men get screwed in divorce leaps and bounds over women. perhaps there are some women that get screwed over in divorce (which nobody should be screwed in divorce if they didn't do anything wrong).

 

for every beyotch, there is an ahole. But men are the ones that get screwed way more than women in divorce. The main part being custody.

[marqueemoon4]

this is true. but that wasn't the point. the point is that men get screwed in divorce leaps and bounds over women. perhaps there are some women that get screwed over in divorce (which nobody should be screwed in divorce if they didn't do anything wrong).

 

for every beyotch, there is an ahole. But men are the ones that get screwed way more than women in divorce. The main part being custody.

 

yep, I agree with this...

[Memphis Raines]

yep, I agree with this...

 

i had the best, and most ruthless attorney in the county. He told me it didn't matter if I could cite 100 ways to Sunday that the kids would be better off with me, that I'd lose a custody fight because I was given the wrong chromosome at birth. He told me it didn't matter if she was unscrupulous or that I could provide a better home for them. She would win because she is the mother. Because apparantly being void of principles, decency, or morals isn't detrimental to kids in the eyes of the court:rolleyes:

[Tiberius]

i had the best, and most ruthless attorney in the county. He told me it didn't matter if I could cite 100 ways to Sunday that the kids would be better off with me, that I'd lose a custody fight because I was given the wrong chromosome at birth. He told me it didn't matter if she was unscrupulous or that I could provide a better home for them. She would win because she is the mother. Because apparantly being void of principles, decency, or morals isn't detrimental to kids in the eyes of the court:rolleyes:

 

Maybe it was because she was the primary caretaker the way the courts see it. You at work, she at home with the kids. What about fathers who have been stay at home husbands or working part time, while the mother works fulltime? They should get custody of the kids and the wife child support obligations, or am I wrong?

[Memphis Raines]

Maybe it was because she was the primary caretaker the way the courts see it. You at work, she at home with the kids. What about fathers who have been stay at home husbands or working part time, while the mother works fulltime? They should get custody of the kids and the wife child support obligations, or am I wrong?

 

nope, we both worked. and i was the one that kept the house clean. I was even the one home with the kids while she was out getting her juke on. I told the attorney all of this. didn't matter. he said, she said.