Many men fear being taken to the cleaners in divorce. Some so much so,

[PinkInTheLimo]

if a guy asked me to sign a pre-nup I would not marry him for the reason that the very suggestion is an insult to my integrity.

 

But do you then expect him to share all his assets with you???

 

I would never marry without signing a pre-nup which clearly states what is his and what is mine. My income is way too high to take the risk that a guy marries me for my money. I have colleagues who are married to lazy bums who stopped working after the marriage and when the women wanted to divorce, half of their salary went to the guy.

[trippi1432]

But do you then expect him to share all his assets with you???

 

I would never marry without signing a pre-nup which clearly states what is his and what is mine. My income is way too high to take the risk that a guy marries me for my money. I have colleagues who are married to lazy bums who stopped working after the marriage and when the women wanted to divorce, half of their salary went to the guy.

 

I had one with my second marriage....biggest reason, I never want to be made homeless again. I did question my exH's integrity, but had plausible financial reasons for it...he loved to gamble and once he "owned" something, he either sold it for pennies on the dollar to cover his gambling or traded it in (guess that would include me...ha ha). Also, signing one has nothing to do with how money is handled during the marriage anyway, that is between the couple and how they handle their financials.

 

The long and short of it, if someone is marrying you because they are looking at the long term and love you unconditionally....they should not have a problem with signing one. Understandable, it seems like a nasty preclude to the promise of a vow, but if that person intends to honor til death do us part, money and who gets what should not be an issue until the reading of the will.

 

The most imporant thing is that they are not one-sided and should be planned for future events that could happen. My exH did not have a pension but the papers were drawn up that in the event he did, I could not touch it if the marriage ended on either parties fault. In effect, it determines the equitable distribution before the divorce attorney's and the courts get it.....as long as it is fair. I have heard of some getting thrown out of the settlement on some occasions though.

[Tiberius]

The most imporant thing is that they are not one-sided and should be planned for future events that could happen. My exH did not have a pension but the papers were drawn up that in the event he did, I could not touch it if the marriage ended on either parties fault. In effect, it determines the equitable distribution before the divorce attorney's and the courts get it.....as long as it is fair. I have heard of some getting thrown out of the settlement on some occasions though.

 

That happens mostly to men who lose custody to their wifes, because they work and although the wifes works too, she can handle juggling a career and children better, so the prenup is thrown out as the mom gets custody in the best interest of the child.

 

Women married to stay at home dads will get custody of the children, because the father does not earn as much money and therefore the children are better off with the mother because she has the higher income. The prenup is kept up in court. The stay at home dad is slapped with child support and told to get a real job.

 

See how it works?

[trippi1432]

See how it works?

 

Guess I am trying to see how it works from your point of view....but I wasn't aware that child support and child custody could be put in a prenuptial agreement...as that was the basis of my post. I guess some states might allow that, not sure as I am only familiar with the one I had done.

 

I have heard of some crazy prenuptial agreements however...for example, Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall...their prenupt limited her to $10MM of his assets and a family home to raise their children. They divorced due to his repeated cheating. But the crazy side of a prenupt, I recall where there were some issues that she could only keep the home if she spent x amount of nights in the home and no men were allowed to ever be at the home or stay the night or she would lose the home...etc ....AFTER THEY WERE DIVORCED. And he is the one that cheated on her....I wish I could find that article...I was shocked that that would be allowed in court. Does anyone else recall this?

[Tiberius]

No I meant to say men get any prenuptial agreements regularly tossed out, the justification being best interest for the child. I read some of your posts. You feel hurt by the way divorce treated you. Imagine if you would have been a man, you would have lost far more and you couldnt have so freely arranged where your kids stay.

 

Your ex would have gotten custody, you would have been awarded a couple of hours a week and you can be sure your prenuptial agreement would have been tossed out, because protecting the ex wife would be in the best interest of the child. Unless you are worth several millions and can afford high profile lawyers.

Edited April 6, 2011 by Tiberius

[trippi1432]

No I meant to say men get any prenuptial agreements regularly tossed out, the justification being best interest for the child. I read some of your posts. You feel hurt by the way divorce treated you. Imagine if you would have been a man, you would have lost far more and you couldnt have so freely arranged where your kids stay.

 

Your ex would have gotten custody, you would have been awarded a couple of hours a week and you can be sure your prenuptial agreement would have been tossed out, because protecting the ex wife would be in the best interest of the child. Unless you are worth several millions and can afford high profile lawyers.

 

So far, that just proves how unjustified 219 of those posts are.

[nsphere]

Divorce can adversely impact male or female financially if they were married to someone who didn't pull their weight/basically a sponge.

 

Let me share a secret though. Most judges do not award alimony to someone because they don't want to/choose not to work. Divorce is a good way to a loser spouse off their a**. My ex sued me for alimony but didn't get a dime. He thought that quitting his job and not working would get him alimony. It doesn't work that way. I found that most men who were taken to the cleaners settled out of court. My advice is get a good attorney, give the attorney a list of all the times your spouse was offered work or had a job and let it go before the judge. The judge is someone who has worked hard all their lives and isn't really going to side with someone who chooses not to work.

 

However, all assets acquired during the marriage do get split so if you bought a house and made all the payments then it is split. And the longer you stay in the marriage, you increase the risk of them getting access to your pension so if your marriage is on the rocks, don't let it go for 20 years and then divorce. And please don't have kids if you have issues.

 

And if you do have children (I didn't have kids with me ex) and can't commit to joint custody & taking an equal role in raising them, running them around etc and they are going to live primarily with the ex, then you have to expect to pay for that. Having kids and raising them is hard work. Once you have a kid, it changes your life and priorities no matter whether you stay married or single. I have a son now and he takes all my free time, my life revolves around him.

[Memphis Raines]

Divorce can adversely impact male or female financially if they were married to someone who didn't pull their weight/basically a sponge.

 

well since the title of this thread is about men fearing being taken to the cleaners in divorce, I can say that I wasn't taken financially. in the end everyone is entitled to 1/2 the marital assets. no more or less (unless someone is wealthy beyond anyone's dreams)

 

but I got taken because I feel i lost my children only to become a crappy weekend father.

 

and because of this, I sure won't marry again. and I suspect alot of men won't marry because of the title of this thread.

 

But, why is divorce so expensive?

.

.

.

because its worth it.

[Annoioso]

 

Now, we have ladies pulling in 50k a year, divorcing their husband AND getting alimony. Ridiculous.

 

You forgot one part.

1. Pulling in 50k a year

2. Alimony

3. New partner's income stream

[nsphere]

But, why is divorce so expensive?

.

.

.

because its worth it.

 

No disagreement from me on that. Sorry about your kids though. That would leave me bitter too...

[nsphere]

You forgot one part.

1. Pulling in 50k a year

2. Alimony

3. New partner's income stream

 

Crazy, alimony isn't granted to anyone who is working unless the disparity is such that someone is exceedingly wealthy and the other isn't. You won't even get alimony if you have a job and deliberately quit it. If your partner has a great career you won't have to worry about getting taking to the cleaners. The few guys I met who were taken to the cleaners settled out of court and basically just gave in to what was asked.

 

I know in my state, even women who sacrifice their careers to stay home and raise the kids no longer get permanent alimony, they will usually get temporary alimony to help them transition back to the work force.

[trippi1432]

But, why is divorce so expensive?

.

.

.

because its worth it.

 

 

My first exH asked that question....because he had to pay for it...my second exH never asked that because I paid for it....but yeah, it was worth it.

 

Sorry, just injecting a lesson learned.

[Tiberius]

At any rate with the way divorce laws are, more people are giving thought about whom to marry and considering alternatives like cohabitation. It used to be women who were reluctant to marry somebody with less income although not many women were in that situation. Thesedays more men will think that way too, or, like I said, consider alternatives, like divorce, or getting children through donated eggs and a surrogate, so that they can not be taken away from him, unless he is abusive of course.

[Memphis Raines]

No disagreement from me on that. Sorry about your kids though. That would leave me bitter too...

 

problem is that its a problem for my kids. she only wants the child support money to help her pay for her wants and needs. my kids get clothes 2nd hand that don't fit them and I give her PLENTY of money for those things.

 

but a judge won't care. when the courts say they want what is best for the child, they are spewing a line of bs. they don't care. my kids would want for nothing if they were with me, would go to a good school, have a great home cooked meal on table every night (with the occasional pizza), and would have nice clothes that would fit them.

 

apparantly as long as the kids have clothes, no matter how tight the jeans are or dirty and full of holes they are, as long as its the mother that gets custody, thats the best thing for the kids.

[marqueemoon4]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to get taken to the cleaners on this divorce.. hell in attorney's fees and lost time with my son alone.

[donnamaybe]

My ex WOULD have taken ME to the cleaners when we D'd, except for the fact that he forgot I'm smarter than he is.

 

Pre-nup... CHECK!

[Bionic Me]

You only think of the scenario where the man leaves a poor woman with a newborn. The majority of divorces are initiated by women. Sure there are the cases you describe, but more often the wife simply does not want to be with the husband anymore.

 

I could see your point of view if the divorce laws would only come into effect, if the man wants to replace the wife with a younger model as you put it, or if the husband abbandons the family. But the divorce laws are the same for everybody, even for good men who have a wife who wants to go find herself.

 

But like I said I am sure that wont be anything you will have to worry about. You are building yourself a good career you have a father who is happy in his own marriage, if a man is looking to marry, thats more or less what he is looking for and of course a woman to fall in love with.

 

The bolded- I wonder why???????

[Tiberius]

My ex WOULD have taken ME to the cleaners when we D'd, except for the fact that he forgot I'm smarter than he is.

 

Pre-nup... CHECK!

 

Yes, trouble is seen as usually the mother gets custody, when children are involved and the prenups protects the husband, it is tossed out in the best interest of the children, even though the prenup does not and can not affect things like child support.

[Woggle]

The bolded- I wonder why???????

 

Many cases it is because she wants to fine herself or has an affair and is in love with the OM or whatever other reasons. Women who truly are victims should be compensated but a good and faithful man should not lose everything because his wife fell out of love.

[BeginAgain]

that they dont get married to begin with and prefer having children and a family without signing marriage papers.

 

Do you think their fear of divorce is justified or exaggerated ?

Justified. I have been thinking of doing it myself.

[Tiberius]

Justified. I have been thinking of doing it myself.

 

What do you mean?