There is something severely wrong with me, I know it

[TwilightSky]

I don't care if this notion is entirely unreasonable or not, for I can't escape it. But, everywhere I go, I have the sense I'm being laughed at, mocked, secretly ridiculed. I've been really socially isolated, except for work these past few years. Every time I go out somewhere that feels like an alien environment, a fragment of a conversation will throw me into some sort of despondent, emotional vortex.

 

As an example, today I was in class and as soon as I entered a few of the students laughed (of course uproarious laughter seems to be all the rage with teenagers), and the students in my class seem to have the need for laughter every 5.4 milliseconds.

 

Anyway, later on in that same class, I heard someone say, "I know it's wrong to laugh, but I couldn't help it." I couldn't concentrate the rest of the class because I felt like I was being mocked.

 

No matter where I go, I have this intense anxiety spurred by the ever-present realization that I don't belong. How do I go about finding/correcting the things that are wrong with me. I have no idea, I'm blind to it all, I'm literally clueless as to how to improve, or if if it is even worth trying and I should simply give up? Any suggestions or insights?

[Ross PK]

Well it could be that a lot of people aren't usually laughing at you and mocking you, and that the way you feel is down to paranoia or social anxiety or something.

 

You should speak to your doctor about it, I'm sure he could help. Tell him how it's really effecting your quality of life and making you feel depressed (which I'm sure it is), just to make sure he'll take it seriously, as some docs can be idiots and come out with stupid statements like 'just get over it' or whatever.

[SummersEve]

I agree with Ross, it doesn't sound right and it certainly doesn't sound like a nice way to go through life. I think some kind of counseling is the way to figure it out.

[betterdeal]

You sound like you're interpreting every cue as some form of attach on you. This suggests you are very anxious and in a state of hyper-vigilance. As well as the advice of others, I suggest you have a go at the Mind Gym CBT programme. It's free and anonymous:

 

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome/new/splash

[JusChill]

You think too much, is all in your head. Just relax and stop talking to yourself. When your outside of school try listening to music, interact with people... stop being by yourself and thinking of weird stuff.

[TwilightSky]

You sound like you're interpreting every cue as some form of attach on you. This suggests you are very anxious and in a state of hyper-vigilance. As well as the advice of others, I suggest you have a go at the Mind Gym CBT programme. It's free and anonymous:

 

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome/new/splash

 

You hit the nail on the head, there. Perfect! I am usually in a state of hyper-vigilance, every laugh, every cruel smirk seems to be towards me. I'm sure that isn't normal to think like that. I'll look at that link you posted, and see if that helps.

 

You think too much, is all in your head. Just relax and stop talking to yourself. When your outside of school try listening to music, interact with people... stop being by yourself and thinking of weird stuff.

 

lol at "thinking of weird stuff" but probably true. I know isolating myself doesn't help. Music does make me tranquil but only for a little while. This has been a pervasive problem for several years now, I'm not exactly sure how to get past it.