griffinchicken53 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 How sad is that? I'm jealous of guys who have female friends. Ok, I have female friends, but I mean the kind of friend who you talk to a few times a week. Seems I have to initiate all contact and it gets old. I'm sick of being alone just want someone to hang out with, someone might call me up for a change. Maybe I should accept the life of a lonely hermit. Link to post Share on other sites
MistaDynamic Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Man you need to get out of the house and develop a hobby and meet people. Trust me friend zone is nowhere you want to be. You don't want to have intense feelings for someone only to learn they're f**king somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I admit that it's nice to have female companionship even in a non-sexual way. But eventually things blown up to sh*t. Messed up feelings, huge fights etc. Right now I could call up this girl I'm infatuated with and have her hang out with me as friends but I chose not to because in the end it will only make me feel worse. I've always found the cons of the friendzone to outweigh any pros. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hmmm... my female friend (a coworker) calls me first thing every morning, most days share with me a snack, calls me a couple of times more before noon, calls me again at break lunch (or we go to have lunch together), calls me a lot in the afternoons, and while driving to home, calls me again so we can talk a last time (sometimes about an hour)... I know every single detail of her life, the name of her parents, uncles, brothers and people in her past... I, together with her mother, am the most important person in her life, according to her words... It seems as if she is in love with me or loves me, whatever... Yet, I want out of that odd, unnatural relationship... it takes away my time, money (but not much as if she were my girlfriend), emotions, energy, not to mention that other girls think I am "taken" and I don't have the necessary "void" to look and date other women... she is nice with me and my best friend but I'd be better alone... I don't want a surrogate girlfriend... I want a real relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Sounds like she's using you. I'm betting she's already rejected you and doesn't feel any chemistry Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Sounds like she's using you. I'm betting she's already rejected you and doesn't feel any chemistry he doesn't sound that into her. As for the OP he really doesn't understand what the friendzone is. The friendzone only exists if you don't want it. I get that he is trying to joke, but wanting to be in the friendzone defeats the entire purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 Actually I was serious. I get no phone calls, texts, emails, nothing. Anything would be a step up. I have hobbies, but they keep me away from people. I drop hints on facebook about wanting to learn to water ski thinking one of many friends who take their boat out every weekend might I invite me. Maybe friendzone is wrong word. Had a female friend, talked some online. We were supposed to go get lunch. Never happenned. She kind of started seeing some guy and told me it's nice to find a good guy to hang out with. Obviously her meaning of hanging out is different from mine, but it hurt, felt like a slap in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 What about hanging out with men, guys, people, not fussed about their gender sort of hanging out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have guy friends, but I don't always want to do the kind of stuff they do..plus none are single so after we hang out they go home to wife or girlfriend and I go home alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have guy friends, but I don't always want to do the kind of stuff they do..plus none are single so after we hang out they go home to wife or girlfriend and I go home alone. I don’t understand how having a female friend who goes home to their Boyfriend/Husband would be any better. I mean you’d still be going home alone. You obviously think being in the friend zone is some kind of step in the right direction. Being in the friend zone is just one of the many ways guys complain about the stress of rejection. No different then some one coming on here and saying “Nice guys finish last.” I think a better goal would be to get a girlfriend. Being frustrated with women and complaining about the so called “friend zone” is not a step in that direction. There are things you control, like whether you are actually making an attempt or not. It doesn’t matter if you are nervous or don’t know exactly what to say. Make an effort, push past your previous attempts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I don’t understand how having a female friend who goes home to their Boyfriend/Husband would be any better. I mean you’d still be going home alone. You obviously think being in the friend zone is some kind of step in the right direction. Being in the friend zone is just one of the many ways guys complain about the stress of rejection. No different then some one coming on here and saying “Nice guys finish last.” I think a better goal would be to get a girlfriend. Being frustrated with women and complaining about the so called “friend zone” is not a step in that direction. There are things you control, like whether you are actually making an attempt or not. It doesn’t matter if you are nervous or don’t know exactly what to say. Make an effort, push past your previous attempts. If i can't have female friends that interact with me on occassion, how can I ever hope to have something more? I've probably said something to the effect of nice guys finish last at some point on here. I live with my parents (financial issues) crappy job with odd hours, so that's why trying to get a girlfriend seems out of the question. Unless it's a girl i'm friends with or have known and they see i'm trying to better my situation, just seeking out a girlfriend with someone i just meet, all they will see is a red flag. I'm usually so tired by the weekend all i feel like doing is sleeping. I'm not cut out to work the graveyard shift. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have never evolved from friend to lover, all my girlfriends showed me romantical interest from the beginning... meaning, most of the time, if a girl doesn't have the "spark" those crucial first days most prolly she won't get into you... Now, the friend zone exists when you are in love with a girl, or rather when you are still in love with her after being dumped or rejected, and she doesn't have the heart to send you totally into that cold hell called oblivion... I believe men and women can't be real friends, one of the parties will always develop feelings for the other and yep, most times it will be the guy... So, don't worry, bro, for your lack of female friends, I've never had one of those (save for this current bff of mine, aaargggghhh!), but I had dozens of girlfriends, mostly because I cut right to the chase and came strongly on them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I was in the friendzone once. It sucked. But it was better than nothing. Someone once told me, if I'm initiating all contact and conversations, they probably aren't a friend, or if no replies, stop trying. This is my life story, noone guys or girls contact me first. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have guy friends, but I don't always want to do the kind of stuff they do..plus none are single so after we hang out they go home to wife or girlfriend and I go home alone. So how about finding some new friends who are also single? It seems the issue here is that you're not mixing with people who are in the same place as you. I have male and female friends. Last night I had a few drinks then a meal with a female friend. We once dallied with the idea of getting it on and decided not to. Now we discuss stuff like exes, what we want from life, give each other ideas and suggestions. We occasionally go out on the town, have fun, occasionally one or both of us pulls. I do the same with male friends. They're friends. Having friends to hang out with is important for me. It's part of my social framework. Having someone to hit the town is good, and if you're both / all cool with any of you disappearing unscheduled with someone else and can make your own way home, everyone's a winner. Build up the rest of your life, your social network, your hobbies, pastimes, interests, meet new people, and that'll take the pressure off the whole romance thing. It's also enjoyable by and of itself, and a happy person is more likely to meet more happy people and also more likely to develop a happy, healthy romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 If i can't have female friends that interact with me on occassion, how can I ever hope to have something more? I've probably said something to the effect of nice guys finish last at some point on here. I live with my parents (financial issues) crappy job with odd hours, so that's why trying to get a girlfriend seems out of the question. Unless it's a girl i'm friends with or have known and they see i'm trying to better my situation, just seeking out a girlfriend with someone i just meet, all they will see is a red flag. I'm usually so tired by the weekend all i feel like doing is sleeping. I'm not cut out to work the graveyard shift. What are you expecting from a girlfriend? If tomorrow you had a girlfriend, how is that going to sort out your money / job / housing problems? The one thing that you can put on hold easiest is getting a girlfriend. Deal with that other stuff first and keep on being kind to yourself. You sound like you might be mildly depressed. Look into ways to deal with that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 What are you expecting from a girlfriend? If tomorrow you had a girlfriend, how is that going to sort out your money / job / housing problems? The one thing that you can put on hold easiest is getting a girlfriend. Deal with that other stuff first and keep on being kind to yourself. You sound like you might be mildly depressed. Look into ways to deal with that too. ooops. i didn't mean a girlfriend would fix my problems. I meant that my problems will prevent me from getting a girlfriend. What woman would date a guy who lives with parents and has a dead end job? It feels like my entire life i have had to put off finding a girlfriend. I think a good opportunity is around the corner and then it isn't. I hear about this really great job, and i have an interview and thinking it is all going great, then i find out it is some ****ty pay. any pay is better than nothing, but it's like i got to work 50-60 hours a week just to scrape by. I do have a bit of mild depression. i have good days and bad days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 just to add, i feel like the odd guy out. this has happened, probably why i get tired of being around nothing but guys all the time. i had my high school friends, they ended up getting girlfriends, we kind of lost contact when they got married, kids. had a few friends from college and the place i worked during that time. slowly but surely they all ended up dating someone and the social circle slowly dwindled and i once again was the odd man out. and it has happenned since. one friend might would get his gf to find someone for the other friend, but not me. i asked, and it was almost that by not trying to find me someone they were doing me a favor. when and why did everyone decide i'm better off alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 from a different perspective, if i think of one girl inparticular who i would like to be in more contact with, i see witty banter between her and other guys on facebook. Maybe i shouldn't be jealous of them, maybe they are in the "friend zone" with her and miserable. maybe on some level they are jealous of me. Doubtful, I'm sure if she saw me as potential she'd communicate with me more. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Well, having a ****** job and living with my folks didn't stop me of looking for and finding some nice girlfriends... but of course, bro, there must be something else, like trying hard to improve your current circumstances... How old are you, Griffin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author griffinchicken53 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 I'm 32 years old Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I think that if you want to be noticed by the ladies you should have an added value... what personal trait of yours could possible be of interest to a woman? I mean, something which puts you above some common guy? For example, I sing and play the guitar, and I have been exploiting to death those characteristics of mine since I was twelve, ha ha! Because if all you are going to say in a date is how you did at work, I am afraid you will end dining alone... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) I have a guy friend who I see about once a week, usually in a group of other friends. He too has a job that isn't going anywhere and lives with his parents. He's a lovely guy, a sweet and dear friend, but I couldn't date him. He is rather overweight (and I'm a tiny person so there is a physical mismatch), he smokes occasionally, drinks often and worries me a bit on this front, struggles to talk to women about anything other than geeky things or off-the-wall funny things that I don't really enjoy, daren't ask me or any other woman out. I feel sad that this guy, who is a total gentleman and very considerate, is not attracting the women he'd like to and then, when he does get talking to them, he shoots himself in the foot by getting overly geeky, especially if another male is part of the conversation, or overdoing the drinking and silly jokes. He cannot communicate about emotions and backs off if a woman tries to share her feelings about anything with him. How is he supposed to connect to a woman like this? As his friend, I wish I could help him but he needs some insight into how he's putting women off and I don't feel it's my place to do that. I'd really like to meet a nice guy. I've met lots of guys from dating sites and just as friends in the normal course of my social life. Very few seem dateable. Some neglect their personal hygiene and have bad BO or bad breath. Some are too busy 'being themselves' to realise that relationships are about building bridges not asserting your individuality to the point where you can't meet women half-way. Lots of guys don't bother about their appearance. I'm not talking Armani style here, but basic things like a neat beard, combed hair, clean clothes, something reasonably pleasant rather than a dog-eared South Park t-shirt! Other guys seem to have given up on women and don't initiate any kind of conversation or try to build a bridge. If I try to build bridges, they assume it's a come-on and cling like limpits, wanting to push the relationship forward within half an hour, when I hardly know them. Why can't a guy just be casual and friendly and allow time for us to get comfortable with each other? Why the extremes? Point I'm making is that if you are always finding yourself alone without any female friends, maybe you are not building bridges or not taking care of yourself in the ways above. When I go out, I wash, wear clean clothes, some make-up, brush my hair, a little delicate perfume, and I'm kind and friendly to people. Yet, I've had guys approach me who haven't done any of these basic things, do not even smell nice and are trying to impress me by dominating the conversation rather than having a two-way conversation. How on earth do they think they are going to get anywhere with women without these basic social skills? Edited April 7, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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