The Power of Confidence

[Teknoe]

My self-esteem goes up and down. I feel comfortable in low-key settings, but when I go to places I don't often frequent (i.e. mall, bar, etc.) I find myself becoming very self-conscious.

 

Yesterday I went shopping with a friend. I showed up first and felt so self-conscious and awkward. I had yet to gone shopping in 2011, by the way. I just don't hit up the mall much. But I decided it was time to buy some new clothes, and I wanted my friend's female insight. She was happy to help out.

 

While I waited for her (roughly 10 minutes) I was feeling very self-conscious. When she arrived and we started picking out clothes for me to try on, I suddenly felt very confident. As she praised shirt X and Y for "looking good on me" I felt my confidence soar even more.

 

My friend is definitely an attractive girl. And having her say "Yeah that looks good on you" and myself feeling very confident in these new clothes I was trying out... it was a high for sure! I ended up buying many new shirts that I sort of have a brand new wardrobe. I also must admit, walking around the mall with my good looking friend made me feel like I had it going on, haha. I think some store owners thought we were a couple.

 

It's just amazing what confidence will do for ya. And how much a friend's compliment can propel you to greater heights.

[JusChill]

Love yourself buddy~ girls like confident guys.

[Ross PK]

Yup, my confidence can really easily go up or down like a rollercoaster. One day I can think I'm the best thing ever, then the next day something might happen, and BAMN, my confidence has hit rock bottom.

[yessy21]

Confidence makes miracles happen.

[Thedude22]

Most great leaders thought they were chosen by god the lead, as a result they became great. Were they chosen by god the lead? No, but they thought they were and that's all that matters.

[threebyfate]

Validation can be nice. But if it's causing this type of spiking and makes you, you're relying on it too much. With or without the compliments, the essence of you remains the same.

 

As a babystep to self fueling, the clothing she complimented you on, either take a picture or look in the mirror and try to step back and see what she's seeing. Now put some existing clothing that you own, that she doesn't like so much. What's the difference between them? Is it a style issue which makes it personal preference or is it that the new clothing really does suit you better? And if it suits you better, why?

 

This type of analytic will help you self select in future and after awhile, you won't rely on someone else to "make you", at least as it pertains to clothing. The pragmatic side of this is that it also makes you less prone to some retail sales person upselling you, possibly getting you to buy something you won't wear or trying to sell you something that doesn't suit either you or your lifestyle.

[Teknoe]

As a babystep to self fueling, the clothing she complimented you on, either take a picture or look in the mirror and try to step back and see what she's seeing. Now put some existing clothing that you own, that she doesn't like so much. What's the difference between them? Is it a style issue which makes it personal preference or is it that the new clothing really does suit you better? And if it suits you better, why?

 

This type of analytic will help you self select in future and after awhile, you won't rely on someone else to "make you", at least as it pertains to clothing. The pragmatic side of this is that it also makes you less prone to some retail sales person upselling you, possibly getting you to buy something you won't wear or trying to sell you something that doesn't suit either you or your lifestyle.

 

 

Interesting reply. I think my existing clothes are just old and a bit "played out." Most of my existing clothes are from 2005-2006, lol. I really don't shop as I said before. So I was able to pick up some newer clothes yesterday, and also, I really do think these new clothes make me more presentable than my old clothes. for example, I find I look best in darker colors with dark wash jeans in Sketchers. Before, I would always wear my New Balance tennis shoes with the "construction site" jeans (what my friend calls the "crappy jeans" -- not to me but in general) and a top that doesn't really match my jeans or shoes.

 

So now I'm matching, and I look much better. As a result of looking better, I feel more self-confident. Unfortunately, as much as the inside counts (i.e. our heart), the outside appearance is huge too. Image counts for a lot, and for years I have not been happy with my wardrobe. So finally yesterday I called a female friend for assistance because I respect her opinion of what looks good on a guy (she has a boyfriend and a good sense of style).

 

And yes, in the future I can shop for myself. But it was good to get a friend's help because I would never shop by myself (too awkward/self-conscious). Now I will remember this experience... it wasn't so bad in fact I really had a great time shopping. She and I plan to go shopping for "khaki outfits" next time (maybe 2 months from now) and after that, I'll probably start shopping on my own.

 

Oh yes, last night I had a social engagement, and I busted out one of the new tops I bought yesterday. I felt so much more presentable, and so much LESS self-conscious. It's important to wear comfortable clothing that you feel good in, and know you look good in. I've always been a tennis shoe guy. I hear that is a major turn off, if a guy always wears tennis shoes ALL the time. Not many people my age wear tennis shoes all the time any more (mid 20s). It was just time to upgrade and improve myself.