Duckduckgoose's Coping Thread.

[dreamingoftigers]

:love::cool::laugh:

 

Yay for your interview!

[Duckduckgoose]

I think porn spam would at least hold some irony on yours. With me, I'm not pregnant and NOT looking to get married pregnant either. Its a WTF left field sort of thing.

 

I did recently read that my state has some of the most draconian laws against abortion in the USA... but that is not saying much because women here end pregnancies all the time, as sick as that makes me.

 

Which reminded me that if I get this job I can get health insurance so I can get a gyn. appointment, get pap smear, get STD tested (in case exH got something and passed it along), and get on birth control.

 

With clean STD test proof in hand, and on BC pills I will another step closer to dating, or at least not scared ****less of getting knocked up.

 

I was thinking about that this morning when the birds were chirping before sunrise and keeping my ass awake. That and some people were outside all night talking. WTH go to bed you bums.

 

I also saw a very interesting guy on a dating site. I have an inactive profile on the site but I use it to check out the guys

 

Well I saw him and he's cute, and into a lot of the things I do. I kind of would like to contact him. I was reading into what he put as his interests and I know some of the places in the city I might run across him. I am not gonna stalk him but some of those places I visit anyway.

 

I want to contact him... like really bad

[dreamingoftigers]

I think porn spam would at least hold some irony on yours. With me, I'm not pregnant and NOT looking to get married pregnant either. Its a WTF left field sort of thing.

 

I know, it popped up on one other separated guy's thread too.

 

I did recently read that my state has some of the most draconian laws against abortion in the USA... but that is not saying much because women here end pregnancies all the time, as sick as that makes me.

 

I am against that too. It took me ten years to have my daughter come as a surprise, I can't imagine flushing one. I have known people that did while we were married and wanting to have a child. I don't see why they couldn't hold off for the nine months when so many childless couples want one. I have a friend who is 28 who at this point would flush one too if she got pregnant, I try not to be judgmental but it really crosses my lines. She was very promiscous and I did even tell her (when H and I were more stable) that we would gladly raise one that she had, and she said she shouldn't have to put her body through that. Well, jeez, then quit going out and having drunken sex with random guys! She eventually did.....

 

Which reminded me that if I get this job I can get health insurance so I can get a gyn. appointment, get pap smear, get STD tested (in case exH got something and passed it along), and get on birth control.

 

I can't believe that you guys have to wait for insurance etc. Up here I can go downtown to a main clinic get tested for free and even get birth control for free.

 

With clean STD test proof in hand, and on BC pills I will another step closer to dating, or at least not scared ****less of getting knocked up.

 

 

I was thinking about that this morning when the birds were chirping before sunrise and keeping my ass awake. That and some people were outside all night talking. WTH go to bed you bums.

 

The joys of being free to stay awake all night, I may do that tonight. I won't keep anyone up though.

 

I also saw a very interesting guy on a dating site. I have an inactive profile on the site but I use it to check out the guys

 

Well I saw him and he's cute, and into a lot of the things I do. I kind of would like to contact him. I was reading into what he put as his interests and I know some of the places in the city I might run across him. I am not gonna stalk him but some of those places I visit anyway.

 

I want to contact him... like really bad

 

As long as you stay away from clock towers etc. I think it is fair game.

 

Have you made any girl friends lately? They are good for finding half-decent guys as well. The online thing I find a little ..... competitiony.

[Duckduckgoose]

Clock towers? I am a bit stupid you are going to have to clue me in.

 

I am pro-choice, but I believe that both partners should do whatever possible to avoid pregnancy. BC, condoms... at least 2 forms of protection.

 

Its messed up because health insurance companies won't pay for voluntary sterilization but they WILL pay for pre-natal care and delivery. I already looked into that. And a lot of docs won't let a woman without kids get her tubes tied.

 

It upsets me VERY badly that a person would use abortion or the morning after pill as their only means of birth control...it's really a waste of life. I get sick to my stomach when I used to wonder if one of my cockatiels was going to be a male on accident and having to destroy the eggs because I can't afford and don't want to raise any baby birds. They are both female thankfully. The vet felt up, and did a pelvic exam on the bird in question and told me she is definitely a "she".

 

I had the other one DNA tested because she was a little more ambiguous.

 

The female friends I have so far are usually older than I am, or my age but married/attached and not really interested in trying to help a woman out. Fine by me... I meet plenty of guys with the medieval re-enacting stuff I do. I don't want to date most of them...they usually have girlfriends or wives anyway. Some are too young, some are too old. I have, in the past, met some real hotties in the SCA though that were single... I just wasn't at the time

 

I don't want to be that chick that's always like "please find me a date" that comes off as desperate which makes the men run the other way. I rather play it cool as it makes them wonder.

 

I am pretty lonely though, I keep praying that Jesus will help alleviate my lonliness as I'm extraverted and not really anyone to talk to.

[dreamingoftigers]

Clock towers? I am a bit stupid you are going to have to clue me in.

 

You know, just being plain nuts.

 

I am pro-choice, but I believe that both partners should do whatever possible to avoid pregnancy. BC, condoms... at least 2 forms of protection.

 

Its messed up because health insurance companies won't pay for voluntary sterilization but they WILL pay for pre-natal care and delivery. I already looked into that. And a lot of docs won't let a woman without kids get her tubes tied.

 

Are you not wanting kids at all?

 

It upsets me VERY badly that a person would use abortion or the morning after pill as their only means of birth control...it's really a waste of life. I get sick to my stomach when I used to wonder if one of my cockatiels was going to be a male on accident and having to destroy the eggs because I can't afford and don't want to raise any baby birds. They are both female thankfully. The vet felt up, and did a pelvic exam on the bird in question and told me she is definitely a "she".

 

I get irritated with abortion as emergency birth control. I know someone that has had five abortions. I think that that is incredibly irresponsible. The last one she was planning to keep with her boyfriend and then they had a fight and so she aborted it. He aborted the relationship pretty much right after.

 

I had the other one DNA tested because she was a little more ambiguous.

 

The female friends I have so far are usually older than I am, or my age but married/attached and not really interested in trying to help a woman out. Fine by me... I meet plenty of guys with the medieval re-enacting stuff I do. I don't want to date most of them...they usually have girlfriends or wives anyway. Some are too young, some are too old. I have, in the past, met some real hotties in the SCA though that were single... I just wasn't at the time

 

LOL, I know guy-fest. Just like a Star Trek Convention (not that I have been to one).

 

I don't want to be that chick that's always like "please find me a date" that comes off as desperate which makes the men run the other way. I rather play it cool as it makes them wonder.

 

Not really suggesting that, in fact I never met a bf through a friend, but I read stats on it and they are pretty good.

 

I am pretty lonely though, I keep praying that Jesus will help alleviate my lonliness as I'm extraverted and not really anyone to talk to.

 

Yeah I am the same, a little too extroverted I think, but I grow quieter as time goes on. At this rate I will be mute by 60.

 

What's your next goal? I find it so important to keep going on things when I am by myself. Do you meditate? I thought it was really cheesy at first but it seems to put me in a mild-EMDR/REM state so it makes sense that it clears your mind and helps the day go smoother.

[Floridaman]

By avoiding blind dates, I think you'll cheat yourself out of opportunities.

 

Here's my story:

I wasn't very successful at dating in my 20s. When I was 30, I told a married professional woman who I had a business lunch with how I hated the town I lived in bec. most of the women there were in their early 20s (I couldn't relate) or 40/divorced/kids.

 

She told me she had a friend whose "a little shy..." who lived in the next metro area, about an hour's drive away. Would I be interested in meeting her?

I said yes (I really was interested), but didn't expect it to happen bec. people had told me they'd set me up in the past.

 

Thanks to that blind date, 3 mos. after I turned 30, I met my future wife. I also met this married professional woman a time or two when I was dating another friend of her's a year or two earlier.

 

During the dinner date, I didn't think it was going so well. Though I found her attractive (I wasn't focusing on looks or attraction), it didn't seem like she was interested in me. She didn't talk a lot and though I tried to bring her into the conversation, her best friend and her husband and I dominated the talk.

 

Recall thinking, "I'll get through this night and find someone else to date...."

 

After the dinner, her best friend took us on a drive through the city to get ice cream, and then visited a scenic overlook, where I had some time to talk with my date one-on-one away from the other couple.

We had a good conversation about some topic of the day and her line of work.

 

Wasn't planning on calling her again, but a couple of weeks later, I had this gnawing feeling in my mind that I needed to call her friend and get her number to see if we could go on a date just ourselves. And those dates went much better than the blind date.

 

So don't overlook opportunities that may come from blind dates.

Edited April 9, 2011 by Floridaman
Removed some stuff for sep. posting

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by Duckduckgoose

I don't want to be that chick that's always like "please find me a date" that comes off as desperate which makes the men run the other way. I rather play it cool as it makes them wonder.

Duck,

You won't look desperate if you approach some of your close female friends about this -- in private.

They should understand what it's like living your life and know how you feel.

They may know someone who might work well for you.

Posted by Duckduckgoose I am pretty lonely though, I keep praying that Jesus will help alleviate my lonliness as I'm extraverted and not really anyone to talk to.

I know the feeling. Recall sitting next to a city lake when I was 24 one Sunday afternoon... praying for God to help alleviate this loneliness and let me find someone I could get serious with or marry....

 

I lived alone in a small town away from family and had odd hours at work, and rarely met women. Plus, I was shy and had some hang-ups about sex so that likely kept me from meeting ladies.

 

<My career had me moving from town to town (to get better jobs, radio and TV news) so just as I had met some nice women in a church singles' group, I was ready to move to the next city for better career opportunities.

 

Maybe 2 years later, I met someone I got serious with, a 6 mo. relationship with a NEAR-fiance. I was 26, she 30, the first real adult relationship for both. She ended it and it devastated me... Still, it "toughened" me and prepared me for more rejections in my late 20s.

 

It was non-sexual (really, that was okay with me...).

Oh, one night on her couch, I did caress her breast from outside her shirt, the farthest she said any guy had gone.

I tried to unbutton her shirt (just for some "exploring"), but she said... "Let's save something for the wedding night..."

So I wasn't dreaming and it really was real... :(She was the one that got my hopes up about getting engaged...

 

In Jan., I went through this week-long phase where I remembered all the pain of that breakup and got teary-eyed thinking of that relationship and what I could have had -

a 30 y.o. virgin. Don't know why these memories came flooding back to me...

 

But I realize it prob. was for the best that it ended as the bad parts of the relationship are so easy to forget....

She began to have VOCAL and loud disagreements with me on politics and she was so JUDGEMENTAL regarding me and all my faults and my limited (5X) sexual experience...

...........she like came to tears when I honestly told her:

-3X in HS with same girl

-ALL OF TWO TIMES (2 sep. encounters) THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE 20s..... God, I was so promiscuous and was clearly only interested in satisfying my sexual desires with the relatively few women I was lucky enough to get dates with.....

 

If I could just forget that time of my life....

Edited April 9, 2011 by Floridaman
restored quote for context

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow Floridaman, time for a coping thread....

 

No that sux though.

 

Duckduck, I know how you could find someone to meet, just walk downtown where you are until someone panhandles off of you....ta da!

 

That's how I met my husband.

 

Now blind dates sound better don't they?

[Duckduckgoose]

I would like to know who flagged my post in my own thread. If they don't like reading my coping thread then they shouldn't read it. It has absolutely nothing to do with them.

 

If you don't like then GTFO kk have a nice day

 

I bet exH is on LS lol

[dreamingoftigers]

I would like to know who flagged my post in my own thread. If they don't like reading my coping thread then they shouldn't read it. It has absolutely nothing to do with them.

 

If you don't like then GTFO kk have a nice day

 

I bet exH is on LS lol

 

Someone flagged your own post LMAO.

 

Going to go to a clock tower now?

 

Was the infraction for not staying on topic?

 

I can just see it now..... she wasn't really coping there, it seems as if she was enjoying chocolate.

[Duckduckgoose]

I got flagged for posting about maternity wedding dresses.

 

But what if I need one someday? I need to plan for the futures!

 

I went hiking with Mountain bike guy. He had a good attitude the whole time. I am trying to talk him out of the keys to his car. I so wanna drive that thing. When he would get a little 'tude he would look back to see how I was taking it... but its nothing compared to his hellaciousness last week.

 

I guess he found ass and removed stick.

 

I also bought the book "The 5 languages of love". I went and took the test in the back I got almost even split between "quality time" and "physical touch". I got 0 in the getting gifts department lololol

 

Its cause I like em broke haha!

 

I have yet to start reading the book but I did skim through it and figured out my exH was at least "Words of affirmation". I can't really figure out the others. I know that by just reading the definition of all of them I tried everything on him. So that book, at least... will not save every marriage... some marriages are un-saveable.

 

So the part of me that was like "If I read this book I will see where I ****ed up in my marriage so I don't **** up there again" was let down. The part of me that was like "Let me read this to get some insight into myself and how I tick vs. someone I am with and how they tick" is intrigued.

 

I know for sure I was quality time because I tried my damndest to be there for him and would do all I could to be by his side when things were rough. When he went to the ER for major gastro issues one night I was right beside him even when he barfed all over me I talked to him and stuff. I got in HUGE trouble with my boss the next day for doing that. I told my boss I was in the ER with my husband all night when I called in before my day started and boss said it was okay. Next day when I came into work he called me into his office and TOLD me I should have just left him there by himself all night, that I had a job to do that was more important. **** that with a stick.

 

I am a touch person too. I loved to touch the guys I was with, rub them, sexy time touch , just any kind of touch. It really made me sad when I would rub and love on exH and he just sat there in front of his computer and mostly ignored me. I would tell him that I was getting upset and he wouldn't do a lot about it.

 

I think another one of his would be "Acts of service" but I was really too independent for that. I did not like him holding doors for me, I pretty much did things for myself. There were things he did for me that I really appreciated, and I would try to build on that. I knew things he was capable of that I liked and it seemed he liked doing so I asked him to do them. Like "Hey can you drive me to the mountain bike trail"... but even THAT got to be too much for him he would just throw the truck keys at me.

 

I tried to do acts of service for him, like when his mom would harass him while he was sleeping by calling him I would act as his alarm clock.

 

The giving gifts part... yeah he wasn't a big gift giver he only did things if I specifically asked for them. I tried giving him gifts and he would either break or lose them.

 

He didn't seem to like quality time once we got married... he withdrew to himself and the computer. He DID seem to like touch... but that withered too.

 

I know I am beating myself up some but I try to find some angle that I could have done better and it's hard. I really tried hard to be a good wife... I wasn't perfect but damn I tried.

 

Yeah this has got me mulling over what I could have done different to have made it work and honestly I don't think anything I could have done would have made a difference. Its like trying to raise the Titanic so I can find a different way to sink it

 

But anyways... I am thinking of ways to celebrate if I get that GIS job. I feel confident they are going to call me back. I want to go a little wild. I know I am going to get sushi from the restaurant across the street, they have the BEST sushi I've ever tasted its quite expensive though. Gonna get some frozen yogurt for dessert from the place a couple blocks away... gonna dance around my apartment like a damnfool.

 

I am hating all the waiting call me MONDAY plz!

 

Talking about the GIS company of course.

[Duckduckgoose]

Duck,

You won't look desperate if you approach some of your close female friends about this -- in private.

They should understand what it's like living your life and know how you feel.

They may know someone who might work well for you.

 

I know the feeling. Recall sitting next to a city lake when I was 24 one Sunday afternoon... praying for God to help alleviate this loneliness and let me find someone I could get serious with or marry....

 

I lived alone in a small town away from family and had odd hours at work, and rarely met women. Plus, I was shy and had some hang-ups about sex so that likely kept me from meeting ladies.

 

<My career had me moving from town to town (to get better jobs, radio and TV news) so just as I had met some nice women in a church singles' group, I was ready to move to the next city for better career opportunities.

 

Maybe 2 years later, I met someone I got serious with, a 6 mo. relationship with a NEAR-fiance. I was 26, she 30, the first real adult relationship for both. She ended it and it devastated me... Still, it "toughened" me and prepared me for more rejections in my late 20s.

 

It was non-sexual (really, that was okay with me...).

Oh, one night on her couch, I did caress her breast from outside her shirt, the farthest she said any guy had gone.

I tried to unbutton her shirt (just for some "exploring"), but she said... "Let's save something for the wedding night..."

So I wasn't dreaming and it really was real... :(She was the one that got my hopes up about getting engaged...

 

In Jan., I went through this week-long phase where I remembered all the pain of that breakup and got teary-eyed thinking of that relationship and what I could have had -

a 30 y.o. virgin. Don't know why these memories came flooding back to me...

 

But I realize it prob. was for the best that it ended as the bad parts of the relationship are so easy to forget....

She began to have VOCAL and loud disagreements with me on politics and she was so JUDGEMENTAL regarding me and all my faults and my limited (5X) sexual experience...

...........she like came to tears when I honestly told her:

-3X in HS with same girl

-ALL OF TWO TIMES (2 sep. encounters) THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE 20s..... God, I was so promiscuous and was clearly only interested in satisfying my sexual desires with the relatively few women I was lucky enough to get dates with.....

 

If I could just forget that time of my life....

 

Guess its called the terrible 20s like its called the terrible twos.

 

This was a church girl that wouldn't let you in her shirt? Sorry but I would be driven to the limits of my sanity if I had to wait till I was married to "explore" the person I was with.

 

I've heard rumors that people in church groups are kind of... shy... to say the least about their sexuality because they are taught to repress it, or led to believe its sinful outside the context of marriage. If that is the case I would blow all the guys' minds because if they are being coy I will just go for what I want. I will probably blow them their load too

 

I've also heard that divorced women are especially aggressive sexually. I don't know if that is true in general. Specifically I have been like that for a while. Not aggressive, but I don't play games about it.

 

Save something for the wedding night. Yeah we'll save the honeymoon for the wedding night. Once I figure out what you like Imma do all the things that drive you absolutely up the wall with pleasure

 

Not... "Umm it's the honeymoon baby where do I stick it again?"

 

Don't worry if you didn't have so much sex through your 20s... sometimes I felt like a slut for sleeping with a few boyfriends. After the relationship ended of course XP

 

How are things going with you and your wife FM? I don't think I've seen an update recently. You can post on my thread if you want I don't mind it keeps things in one spot lol

 

Back to the church person thing. My counselor advises that I should make sure my next husband is a Christian... but TBH I don't really think a Christian man would want me... I am not the typical female. I will take someone who treats me right and won't leave, but is more... open... about things then some of the people I go to church are. I am not shy lol

 

And DoT... I don't really ever want kids. I have thought about it a lot. I might consider adoption MUCH later in life, if ever. I just never really wanted kids I never dreamed of one day having a family... TBH when I was younger my dream was to have a condo in Nashville, Tennessee. A condo with a courtyard and a couple pet dogs.

 

Most girls that age when I was dreaming about my condo in Nashville, TN was to get married one day and have a family, cookie cutter house, two cars, etc.

 

I don't have a condo in Nashville... yet haha. I really hate the traffic in Nashville even though it's not that bad.

 

When I think now about how I want my life to be and what my future plans are I see me in a condo probably... Nashville, TN? Maybe who knows. I know I would either have to live in a city or the country but not suburbia. I would like to get a couple greyhounds... I would like a husband too, one that is fine with not wanting kids... from looking at the dating sites, there are plenty of men that don't want kids *phew*

 

I would like to take care of my brother's kids when he has them sometimes, so that him and his *hopefully* wife can go out and relax. I want to be a good aunt, one that gives the kids things they are not supposed to have like bebe guns and pizza haha. I want to be a good aunt... but not a mom. Its not cause I hate kids, I think they're really cute... they are just not for me.

[dreamingoftigers]

I got flagged for posting about maternity wedding dresses.

 

But what if I need one someday? I need to plan for the futures!

 

Yeah they took down my porn reference too. In all fairness, it wasn't you who went off topic first, it was the spammer.

 

I went hiking with Mountain bike guy. He had a good attitude the whole time. I am trying to talk him out of the keys to his car. I so wanna drive that thing. When he would get a little 'tude he would look back to see how I was taking it... but its nothing compared to his hellaciousness last week.

 

I guess he found ass and removed stick.

 

()

 

I also bought the book "The 5 languages of love". I went and took the test in the back I got almost even split between "quality time" and "physical touch". I got 0 in the getting gifts department lololol

 

Its cause I like em broke haha! (Me too, I married a bum after all!)

 

I have yet to start reading the book but I did skim through it and figured out my exH was at least "Words of affirmation". I can't really figure out the others. I know that by just reading the definition of all of them I tried everything on him. So that book, at least... will not save every marriage... some marriages are un-saveable.

 

Well you H had a porn addiction right? Because that reeaaalllllyyy skews things, you just don't have a whole person to work with.

 

So the part of me that was like "If I read this book I will see where I ****ed up in my marriage so I don't **** up there again" was let down. The part of me that was like "Let me read this to get some insight into myself and how I tick vs. someone I am with and how they tick" is intrigued.

 

I know for sure I was quality time because I tried my damndest to be there for him and would do all I could to be by his side when things were rough. When he went to the ER for major gastro issues one night I was right beside him even when he barfed all over me I talked to him and stuff. I got in HUGE trouble with my boss the next day for doing that. I told my boss I was in the ER with my husband all night when I called in before my day started and boss said it was okay. Next day when I came into work he called me into his office and TOLD me I should have just left him there by himself all night, that I had a job to do that was more important. **** that with a stick.

 

Yeah, bull****.

 

I am a touch person too. I loved to touch the guys I was with, rub them, sexy time touch , just any kind of touch. It really made me sad when I would rub and love on exH and he just sat there in front of his computer and mostly ignored me. I would tell him that I was getting upset and he wouldn't do a lot about it.

 

If he was a porn addict then touch is one of the first things that goes, you see excess dopamine inhibits oxytocin which is the touch and bonding hormone. That's why so many of these guys suck at kissing too.

 

I think another one of his would be "Acts of service" but I was really too independent for that. I did not like him holding doors for me, I pretty much did things for myself. There were things he did for me that I really appreciated, and I would try to build on that. I knew things he was capable of that I liked and it seemed he liked doing so I asked him to do them. Like "Hey can you drive me to the mountain bike trail"... but even THAT got to be too much for him he would just throw the truck keys at me.

 

I tried to do acts of service for him, like when his mom would harass him while he was sleeping by calling him I would act as his alarm clock.

 

The giving gifts part... yeah he wasn't a big gift giver he only did things if I specifically asked for them. I tried giving him gifts and he would either break or lose them.

 

He didn't seem to like quality time once we got married... he withdrew to himself and the computer. He DID seem to like touch... but that withered too.

 

More points on what I mentioned earlier. Marriage was the marker of where things started going screwy here too, these guys are terrified of intimacy. That isn't just a guess, many of those types of addicts are known to be.

 

I know I am beating myself up some but I try to find some angle that I could have done better and it's hard. I really tried hard to be a good wife... I wasn't perfect but damn I tried.

 

()

 

Yeah this has got me mulling over what I could have done different to have made it work and honestly I don't think anything I could have done would have made a difference. Its like trying to raise the Titanic so I can find a different way to sink it

 

Well really if you weren't aware of the issue you couldn't have done anything. Most of the wives in my group that know the deal have had to divorce. The only way to deal with it is to nuke what looks like a mosquito before it becomes a life-sucking vampire. Most of these guys figure that something is wrong with you or that something is so wrong with them that they can't face you or that they have to hide their secret life forever. Busted intimacy template my friend.

 

Even if you knew what the issue was, the survival rate for these marriages is low because of the depth of the issues. It has nothing to do with the determination of the wife. If he didn't come to you with the issue, you couldn't have gone through it with him. Even if he did, it might've been a two year grapple for answers. I am not sure that you would want to trade, honestly. Most people on here think that I am a fool.

 

But anyways... I am thinking of ways to celebrate if I get that GIS job. I feel confident they are going to call me back. I want to go a little wild. I know I am going to get sushi from the restaurant across the street, they have the BEST sushi I've ever tasted its quite expensive though. Gonna get some frozen yogurt for dessert from the place a couple blocks away... gonna dance around my apartment like a damnfool.

 

I am hating all the waiting call me MONDAY plz!

 

Talking about the GIS company of course.

 

:bunny::bunny:SUSHI....there need not be anymore words....

[Floridaman]

I also bought the book "The 5 languages of love".

I think we have that book. It is good. Looked for it recently but must be packed away or got misplaced.

I am a touch person too. I loved to touch the guys I was with, rub them, sexy time touch , just any kind of touch. It really made me sad when I would rub and love on exH and he just sat there in front of his computer and mostly ignored me. I would tell him that I was getting upset and he wouldn't do a lot about it.

OMG... if my wife did that with me, no way would I just stay there parked in front of the computer.

I would like RUN from the computer and start hugging her, "exploring" and other things.

How a guy wouldn't pick-up on that kind of female "initiation" is beyond me.

 

This is as close as some women ever get in terms of "initiating...." Why was that guy so blind????

 

Some of you may have read the thread I started concerning me and my wife's... errr.... sexual frequency.

He didn't seem to like quality time once we got married... he withdrew to himself and the computer. He DID seem to like touch... but that withered too.

Sounds like a real dud.

A guy not liking QUALITY TIME with his gal????

Where was this guy's head?

 

I used to spend a lot of time on the laptop at night after my wife, who works diff. hours, retires early. I'm not on the computer, however, ignoring her...

I am planning to change things once she returns (this is all explained in my thread...) to where most nights, I'm planning to retire with her so I can get some "quality time" and cuddling - esp. the cuddling - in.

I want to go a little wild. I know I am going to get sushi from the restaurant across the street, they have the BEST sushi I've ever tasted its quite expensive though. Gonna get some frozen yogurt for dessert from the place a couple blocks away... gonna dance around my apartment like a damnfool.

Wow. A sushi lover. I think I'm in love with you now, Duck.

My wife doesn't like sushi, which I often eat when on business trips.

TBH, I haven't found many people who like it, though one of our mutual church group friends likes it, the rest don't.

I just have to find a sushi restaurant that has other seafood so we can both enjoy the food we like.

 

Hoping for good news on the job front.

[Floridaman]

Wow. DreamingOfTigers loves sushi, too?

I think I'm in love with two women !!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Sorry but I would be driven to the limits of my sanity if I had to wait till I was married to "explore" the person I was with.

 

I have struggled with this in Mormon relationships. I waited 4 years before I met my husband then it was "OMG, this is awesome!" Then we got married and it stopped.

 

I've heard rumors that people in church groups are kind of... shy... to say the least about their sexuality because they are taught to repress it, or led to believe its sinful outside the context of marriage.

 

Depends on the person, trust me. Some agree, some don't, some are loud proponents of chastity and then it turns out they got their new gf pregnant.

 

I've also heard that divorced women are especially aggressive sexually. I don't know if that is true in general. Specifically I have been like that for a while. Not aggressive, but I don't play games about it.

 

Same, I wonder if that means I will end up divorced.

 

Save something for the wedding night. Yeah we'll save the honeymoon for the wedding night. Once I figure out what you like Imma do all the things that drive you absolutely up the wall with pleasure

 

I still haven't been on an official honeymoon, maybe if we split I will take a honeymoon by myself and meet some Mexican poolboys.

 

Back to the church person thing. My counselor advises that I should make sure my next husband is a Christian... but TBH I don't really think a Christian man would want me... I am not the typical female. I will take someone who treats me right and won't leave, but is more... open... about things then some of the people I go to church are. I am not shy lol

 

That would make you an asset in certain Christian circles. Don't kid yourself. Not all Christians are cookie-cutter examples of one another.

 

And DoT... I don't really ever want kids. I have thought about it a lot. I might consider adoption MUCH later in life, if ever. I just never really wanted kids I never dreamed of one day having a family... TBH when I was younger my dream was to have a condo in Nashville, Tennessee. A condo with a courtyard and a couple pet dogs.

 

I don't have a condo in Nashville... yet haha. I really hate the traffic in Nashville even though it's not that bad.

 

When I think now about how I want my life to be and what my future plans are I see me in a condo probably... Nashville, TN? Maybe who knows. I know I would either have to live in a city or the country but not suburbia. I would like to get a couple greyhounds... I would like a husband too, one that is fine with not wanting kids... from looking at the dating sites, there are plenty of men that don't want kids *phew*

 

I would like to take care of my brother's kids when he has them sometimes, so that him and his *hopefully* wife can go out and relax. I want to be a good aunt, one that gives the kids things they are not supposed to have like bebe guns and pizza haha. I want to be a good aunt... but not a mom. Its not cause I hate kids, I think they're really cute... they are just not for me.

 

I thought "no" to kids, and then I was told I couldn't have them for about 10 years, so we got 4 dogs. Then it turned out I was pregnant and it freaked me out. So I thought about why I wouldn't want a kid, here is what I came up with:

 

1. We would have to book 3 plane tickets to go on vacation.

 

2. Kids really act up on planes.

 

I haven't been on a vacation in years. I decided I could probably deal with a kid fairly okay except for the once every 3 years for a few hours.

 

She's fun and not what I expected. It is a completely different experience, accesses completely new parts of your brain. It is almost like you are living a life and a half. From a purely academic perspective it is interesting.

 

Not trying to sell you on having kids.... I know how grating people can get about that! ugh!

 

What's keeping you from your condo in Nashville?

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow. DreamingOfTigers loves sushi, too?

I think I'm in love with two women !!!!

 

How married and male of you.....

 

Just kidding.

[Floridaman]

Duck,

I didn't see your response until after I posted my "sushi" posts.

Guess its called the terrible 20s like its called the terrible twos.

 

This was a church girl that wouldn't let you in her shirt? Sorry but I would be driven to the limits of my sanity if I had to wait till I was married to "explore" the person I was with.

 

I've heard rumors that people in church groups are kind of... shy... to say the least about their sexuality because they are taught to repress it, or led to believe its sinful outside the context of marriage. If that is the case I would blow all the guys' minds because if they are being coy I will just go for what I want. I will probably blow them their load too

She was really odd... but not in the way you'd think.

As I said, she started VOCALLY speaking up against my political views.

At the dinner table, her and her parents stated talking politics and I merely said I feel otherwise, didn't argue or get upset about it or tell them they were all wrong...

 

Now, I was just starting to form my political views and tried not to let politics get in the way of relationships.

I'd rather win the girl than win the argument, and didn't really care so much about arguing politics.

After that dinner, she like SCREAMED at me and told me to "never speak up like that" in front of her parents.

 

Odd bec. she was what you'd call politically liberal. Pro-choice, anti-this, pro-that, voted Democratic, member of a teachers' union, made fun of republicans, etc.

 

Yet she maintained this conservative or traditional morality.... which I sort of shared as well... to a point.

 

So in hindsight, I'm glad it ended... though the breakup didn't feel so great at the time...

[Floridaman]

Don't worry if you didn't have so much sex through your 20s... sometimes I felt like a slut for sleeping with a few boyfriends. After the relationship ended of course XP

Yeah, that's one of my regrets, not just not having much sex then.

As I've said elsewhere, I never was a "player," always tried to treat women with respect, never pressed them for sex. I really did want a relationship first....

 

Though I did date, I didn't take advantage of opportunities that were presented to me, like at college functions or get-togethers where I could have asked women out and maybe had a good relationship.

Think I was too introverted.

 

Didn't realize it would be so much harder to date after of college where there isn't as much access to women as in college..

 

That HS sex experience I think harmed me too. Incredible guilt about that and I think I was sort of "scared" of women for years, why I don't know.

Then add in lack of confidence....

 

My parents divorced when I was 5. Though my younger bro. dated (I always thought he was better at it), he didn't get married until he was nearly 40 ---- I got married at 34....

I'm not one to blame everything that happens to you in your adult life on your childhnood, but I have to think that experience -- where my bro. and I had to endure an abusive step-father during most of the 70s until I wised up and moved in with my dad in HS.... affected how my little bro. and I responded to women as adults...

How are things going with you and your wife FM? I don't think I've seen an update recently. You can post on my thread if you want I don't mind it keeps things in one spot lol

That thread you posted in is still there. Feel free to comment if you like.

Guess I need to update it.

[Duckduckgoose]

Lots of reasons I don't want them I think I listed in another thread somewhere I might go find it.

 

What is keeping me from condo in Nashville? Well I don't live in Nashville for one.

 

Nashville is not the place I dreamed it was when I was a kid haha. I've been there many many times and I enjoyed myself but as far as living there I am kind of "meh" about that. Especially when Opry Mills got flooded out. I wanted to cry.

 

In fact... when exH and I went to St. Louis we made a stop in the town where my parents bought their first house. I had a lot of memories of the place when I was a kid. It was like seeing everything through rose colored glasses at that age.

 

Well I got directions to the house and the park I loved to play at.

 

I was like getting punched in the guts, the house I'd lived in was just like it always had been... but I realized the neighborhood was dilapidated... my elementary school was rundown... the park was different because a bunch of idiots graffiti'd it.

 

I learned a hard lesson that day. Kind of sucked that my exH was around to see it, it was kind of personal to me and I wanted to be alone to process it.

 

As a kid I idealized so many things but going back to "check" on those ideals I find they are just pipe dreams. And TBH I was also going back to that town to see if I wanted to move there with him and get a job in St. Louis.

 

That got shot to ****.

 

Nashville was kind of the same way. So.. no condo in Nashville. Maybe I would move there if I got a job as an RN at one of the hospitals.... they pay their nurses INSANE salaries. Got a friend who's bf works there and... yeah... rich rich rich.

 

Now as an adult I look at cities and areas from an adult perspective. That part of me makes me deathly afraid to go back to Southern Louisiana, I fell in love with that place and afraid that going back will smash what I felt for that area to ****.

 

The city I am in now seems to have the things I want. Its a well-balanced place. The crime could use fixing. The roads could use some fixing too. Right now this is the place for me. For the rest of my life? I don't know. I'm a child of the military so moving around is normal for me. That and sometimes its hard to understand some of them mush-mouth southern boys talking

 

The mush mouth part is just me being silly, I don't have an accent when I speak which makes people think I'm from Pennsylvania.

 

But I really like this place's lower cost of living then most cities, the fact its got some of EVERYTHING... I have some friends here... the bike trails..., its smack dab in the middle of things I am interested in doing, the drive to anywhere isn't that bad. The male-to-female ratio is kind of high owing to the number of engineers and nerdy/geeky jobs.

 

And BTW, the Jer's chocolate bars I got the other day from Fresh Market; yeah... http://www.jers.com/product/59/peanut_butter_bars

 

That flavor right there... it was dark chocolate PB and caramel. Award-winning blah blah... not that good. They just seemed to be missing that "zing" that makes chocolate in general and EXPENSIVE chocolate in specific stand out to me. I've had better chocolate from Earthfare and there stuff is nothing to brag about.

 

Unlike the Noir infini that my counsellor gave me from her husband's travels.

 

http://www.atthemeadow.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=233

 

At 99% its a chocolate lover's crack. And before I get flagged for off-topic (again) chocolate IS a way to cope like DoT said.

 

I thinks about me exH and I has to picks me up a choco bar and eats it all!

 

j/k about that.

[Floridaman]

Wanted to edit this into the post about that 30 y.o. virgin I dated (post non-editible):

EDITED TO ADD:

 

If that kind of thing happened today with a woman - if a woman like screamed at me over me expressing my political views, or if she condemned me not being a virgin or something similar, I would just get up and walk away.

 

Didn't know anything about being non-chalant, No-contact and I think I was weaker and less assertive then....

 

Then there were all the women who wouldn't say yes to me asking them out.... in college and later... so the rejections hurt and kind of keep you from asking more out.

Yes, some did say yes and I did date but found it hard to get into relationships. Or get past a couple of dates....

 

And as you saw in the pics, I wasn't unappealing, people have told me.

Don't know what was wrong. Some don't have all the breaks that some others have.

 

I did have one long-term relationship at 28 and one for sev. monts at 29..... Still, I was in a drought and sort of "kept my hopes down" for really finding anybody... Things would change however at 30... Just 3 mos. after I hit that watershed birthday - I met my future wife.

It made my "loser who never had a real relationship (except for the NEAR-fiance at 26)" attitude seem so outdated...

 

Truly, most of my 20s were a period of my life I'd just as soon regret.

Edited April 10, 2011 by Floridaman

[dreamingoftigers]

 

What is keeping me from condo in Nashville? Well I don't live in Nashville for one.

 

Well that could change if you wanted it to....

 

In fact... when exH and I went to St. Louis we made a stop in the town where my parents bought their first house. I had a lot of memories of the place when I was a kid. It was like seeing everything through rose colored glasses at that age.

 

As a kid I idealized so many things but going back to "check" on those ideals I find they are just pipe dreams. And TBH I was also going back to that town to see if I wanted to move there with him and get a job in St. Louis.

 

That got shot to ****.

 

That makes me sad, I went there a few years back with my husband. I really liked St. Louis. We stopped underneath the Arch at night and I thought he was kind of in the frame to actually propose, he looked around got this little grin and I thought "he's gonna do it." Then he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "good it's quiet here, I gotta take a piss.":eek:

 

Now as an adult I look at cities and areas from an adult perspective. That part of me makes me deathly afraid to go back to Southern Louisiana, I fell in love with that place and afraid that going back will smash what I felt for that area to ****.

 

I know the place-love feeling too. I had it bigtime with San Francisco.

 

And BTW, the Jer's chocolate bars I got the other day from Fresh Market; yeah... http://www.jers.com/product/59/peanut_butter_bars

 

That flavor right there... it was dark chocolate PB and caramel. Award-winning blah blah... not that good. They just seemed to be missing that "zing" that makes chocolate in general and EXPENSIVE chocolate in specific stand out to me. I've had better chocolate from Earthfare and there stuff is nothing to brag about.

 

I love high-priced chocolate. There is a local chocolatier here called Bernard Callebaut that isn't too bad, he beats Purdy's anyhow.

 

Unlike the Noir infini that my counsellor gave me from her husband's travels.

 

http://www.atthemeadow.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=233

 

At 99% its a chocolate lover's crack. And before I get flagged for off-topic (again) chocolate IS a way to cope like DoT said.

 

I thinks about me exH and I has to picks me up a choco bar and eats it all!

 

j/k about that.

 

I find that I don't like the percentage that high because it tastes a little "chalky." But that is just me, I am fussy.

[Duckduckgoose]

Wanted to edit this into the post about that 30 y.o. virgin I dated (post non-editible):

EDITED TO ADD:

 

If that kind of thing happened today with a woman - if a woman like screamed at me over me expressing my political views, or if she condemned me not being a virgin or something similar, I would just get up and walk away.

 

Didn't know anything about being non-chalant, No-contact and I think I was weaker and less assertive then....

 

Then there were all the women who wouldn't say yes to me asking them out.... in college and later... so the rejections hurt and kind of keep you from asking more out.

Yes, some did say yes and I did date but found it hard to get into relationships. Or get past a couple of dates....

 

And as you saw in the pics, I wasn't unappealing, people have told me.

Don't know what was wrong. Some don't have all the breaks that some others have.

 

I did have one long-term relationship at 28 and one for sev. monts at 29..... Still, I was in a drought and sort of "kept my hopes down" for really finding anybody... Things would change however at 30... Just 3 mos. after I hit that watershed birthday - I met my future wife.

It made my "loser who never had a real relationship (except for the NEAR-fiance at 26)" attitude seem so outdated...

 

Truly, most of my 20s were a period of my life I'd just as soon regret.

 

Look at it that it made you the man you are today

 

A liberal Christian woman... hmm... sounds very DDG of her haha. I have to bite my tongue at my church sometimes. I know they have good intentions but the road to hell is paved with them. Strangely enough the Bible has passages that support BOTH political views in a lot of ways. So when you turn to the definitive source... you are still left wondering

 

Girls in college are bitches. I noticed that right away. They act like their **** doesn't stink but they will get drunk and sleep with a guy anyway. They feel "liberated" from high school and their parents and it really goes to their head. I was like this for a bit. I snapped out of it pretty fast.

 

And going back to DoT's post on my exH's porn problem and how it shut him down... I wonder if porn addiction was a symptom of something else or if it was the root cause. Part of me thinks for some reason he was depressed or that something else in his mind had messed up. He had a lot of skitzo moments that freaked me out. I am not any kind of professional but something was definitely wrong there.

 

He looked at weird **** sometimes too. There was the normal porn and there was the hentai and anime type porn. I of course can not possibly do some of the ****ed up **** in hentai... like tentacle sex. I also don't have those perfect and exaggerated photoshopped proportions. He was living in a fantasy world as far as that **** was concerned.

 

I remember some times where I would be giving him a BJ and he would tell me that he was fantasizing about his "girls" or whatever. That made me mad, and I asked him if he could get off without it... he said yes he could but that he couldn't "mentally" get off without his "girls". That is probably signs of a porn problem. I am wired differently being a female and all, but if I am looking for something to "do the trick" normal sex stuff works just fine don't need to look at Fabio... I fantasize about the person I am with... or if single just some hot guy

[dreamingoftigers]

 

And going back to DoT's post on my exH's porn problem and how it shut him down... I wonder if porn addiction was a symptom of something else or if it was the root cause. Part of me thinks for some reason he was depressed or that something else in his mind had messed up. He had a lot of skitzo moments that freaked me out. I am not any kind of professional but something was definitely wrong there.

 

He looked at weird **** sometimes too. There was the normal porn and there was the hentai and anime type porn. I of course can not possibly do some of the ****ed up **** in hentai... like tentacle sex. I also don't have those perfect and exaggerated photoshopped proportions. He was living in a fantasy world as far as that **** was concerned.

 

I remember some times where I would be giving him a BJ and he would tell me that he was fantasizing about his "girls" or whatever. That made me mad, and I asked him if he could get off without it... he said yes he could but that he couldn't "mentally" get off without his "girls". That is probably signs of a porn problem. I am wired differently being a female and all, but if I am looking for something to "do the trick" normal sex stuff works just fine don't need to look at Fabio... I fantasize about the person I am with... or if single just some hot guy

 

Have you read in my thread about the "busted templates."

 

Porn/sex addiction is definitely the symptom of a larger issue. I can break it down if you want, it might be helpful to know when you go searching for a new partner because guess what? Women married to sex/porn addicts tend to marry another one if they don't know what to watch for! I heard of one woman who married 3!

 

Some of my posts on the subject are kind of long and drawn out and I won't clog your thread with them but under "He Chose the Addiction" I talk about the kind of busted templates in post #189.

 

"I would to know where anyone got the idea that I cheated" in post #51 I remember posting up about brain development etc. with this issue. Bear in mind that these were in reference to my situation.

[Duckduckgoose]

Imma go check out #189 right now.

 

I just want to say that I had a dream last night where I met a real cute Latino guy, born and raised in America (not someone looking for a green card), spoke normal American non-accented english, and a really upbeat personality. In my dream I was really wanting to date the guy. Till he said that he smoked pot.

 

When I woke up I was like if he existed IRL and didn't smoke pot I would probably date him. I've never dated a latino lol