Duckduckgoose's Coping Thread.

[Floridaman]

I try to minimize my electric bill by unplugging things I'm not using. Only things that stay plugged in all the time are the fridge, alarm clock, and the bio-filter on the 10 gallon tank. That's not only to save money but also to reduce the kilowatts I use to help be "green". I open the windows to avoid using A/C or heater whenever possible... and comfortable. I shut off lights when I leave rooms too. Water bill is included with rent and rent is static.

 

And no, I don't sleep on a futon, I sleep on a queen sized bed... just want to clarify. The futon is so my butt won't be numb from sitting on wooden chairs all the time. Sitting on wooden chairs all the time was making my butt bleed.. hemoroids is what it felt like.

Wow. I'm reading about myself.

I shut down all my electronics (except bedroom clock radio, fridge, kitchen appliances) at night... have even unplugged a clock radio in the living room....

The garage clock radio is unplugged and I use a battery radio there...

 

Sleep on the smaller bed you described...

Sorry to hear about the discomfort. Wish you'd gotten more out of the divorce proceedings...

[Duckduckgoose]

So I called the hiring manager today.

 

He told me he just got finished talking to the guy that makes the offers and to expect an offer letter today or tomorrow.

 

Thank you for everyone who prayed. I know I was burning the midnight oil. I couldn't sleep last night every time I would wake up I prayed and prayed.

 

Thank you Jesus!

[Floridaman]

So I called the hiring manager today.

 

He told me he just got finished talking to the guy that makes the offers and to expect an offer letter today or tomorrow.

 

Thank you for everyone who prayed. I know I was burning the midnight oil. I couldn't sleep last night every time I would wake up I prayed and prayed.

 

Thank you Jesus!

Great news, Duck !!

 

It sure will be good to stop living "hand to mouth..."

[Duckduckgoose]

Just got offer letter.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wing to beak.....

[Duckduckgoose]

Now I have to run around like chicken with head cut off to get some nice clothes and get this offer thing printed off and get some new toys for the birds so they won't miss me when I start, and get some apple cider vinegar to put in their water to help with the bacterias... and to reschedule the next vet appt since I will be at work...

[Duckduckgoose]

****... I am just really anxious right now. I called and cancelled the Wal-Mart interview and Assisted Living interview. I gotta go and get the offer letter printed out... ugh my mind is full of noise.

 

I should start by taking a shower but damn this week has been heaven and hell and everything in between.

[willowthewisp]

Just got offer letter.

 

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::):bunny::D:D:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[SoulFinger]

Duck I have been following your thread and just would like to say..Well done and congrats girl..you deserve this.

[Duckduckgoose]

Thank you Willow and Soul. I am kind of nervous now. I got some new toys for the birds, and their vinegar... as well as some more crickets for the tarantulas.

 

I haven't "accepted" the offer letter yet, I have a few more questions so I emailed them to the manager. But if all goes well I will start Monday.

[dreamingoftigers]

Congratulations! ( I knew that Tony answered prayers )

 

I have a question, two actually:

 

1. Are you sure that you didn't want to take that Walmart job instead? :lmao:

 

2. Was drug testing required for the GIS job as well? Is that sort of a standard thing in that area/state?

[Duckduckgoose]

Yeah I am pretty sure I didn't want a part time job that pays less then half of the GIS full time job.

 

No, no drug testing for GIS job. And yes Wal-Mart does criminal background checks too. I don't think the GIS place does, but then again when I tell them I have a Secret Clearance they know that I've already been checked out by the government and was clean.

[Duckduckgoose]

Drug testing and criminal background checks are pretty standard here. Its not the safest city or the safest state. Its in the Top 20... and almost in the Top 10. That is not something to brag on but that's just how it is.

 

But I been thinking back on how my life has changed since the exH left. Looking back... its like "oh wow only 4 months since he left and now they are divorce and she's got a new job". Four months doesn't sound like a lot from a timeline perspective. But it IS A LOT LOT LOT from having to take it day by excruciating day. I honestly feel like a different person now.

 

I also feel how my personality is getting back to normal. I haven't been able to see it but now it is becoming more clear. There are still some things messed up and I am going to list them. Why? Because I want to establish a bit of a baseline for myself and others so they can see what gets messed up and how long it takes to heal. I know I have already done a lot of healing so far, but there is much more healing to go.

 

So...after 4 months(ish) of him leaving

 

Physically: Most energy is back, can do 75%(of what I could do before he left) of sports activities without severe exhaustion, in good physical shape but lacking some muscle tone that was present before, eating well, chocolate cravings are back (a big one for me), not sleeping that well; wake up several times a night sometimes with nightmares but not dreaming of him, waking up early in the morning and having trouble getting back to sleep, energy is fairly steady, does not drop off suddenly (did the day I signed the papers and it sucked as I still had 5 miles to walk back to my car lol)

 

Mentally: Mentally still all over the place which is not normal behaviour. My mind races horribly, I have trouble concentrating for long periods of time, my mind wanders horribly, some activities that would hold my attention for the duration (like playing DDR) I have to take a few minutes break from because I can't mentally focus on it. I get too easily distracted, my train of thought derails pretty badly. My judgement is poor, the traffic here is bad and you gotta be sharp or get hit. I've been afraid to pull out or merge in a lot of situations because of some close calls. Sometimes I miss exits or turns... much worse than usual. I am already directionally challenged but this makes it worse. All and all its like "noise" in my head, a wheel spinning super speeds on overtime. I am not taking any kind of drugs or substances to influence this. I am very careful to not eat past 6 pm so that nothing could be affecting my sleep. I eat goodies early in the day so my body has 8-10 hours to process them before I sleep. I am overthinking every little thing... I am already kind of paranoid and this is just magnifying it. Mentally I have a LONG LONG way to go

 

Emotionally: My emotions as of this moment are pretty even. I am surprised they are not higher with the job offer but I guess this is their way of evening themselves out. It was quite a rollercoaster for the first 4 months, and still has some pretty wicked downs but the ups aren't as high so I think that is a sign of improvement. I AM quite lonely most of the time, I miss having that spouse to talk to, to confide in, to be intimate with... that is something that is NOT going to go away unfortunately until I am in a relationship again I have to accept that for what it is. Am I emotionally ready to date? No... and definitely not mentally ready thats for damn sure. Emotionally/mentally I am not 100% of myself... of both I am 65% mental and maybe 65% emotional. I like to THINK I can date if I wanted to, I guess my ego just needs the validation. If I really get down to "feeling" how it is inside its healing... but some days it just feels slaughtered again. Emotions are also based on my menstrual cycle, so there is normal monthly fluctuation there. Thankfully my emotions haven't been draining on my physical energy anymore.

 

In ways I am glad I did not get this job until now. The past 4 months has been HORRIBLE and I don't know how well I could have done going to work every day while getting dragged through hell. I'm sure I could have managed. I like to think though that getting this job at this time is one of God's ways of telling me I am ready for a job again. I am very thankful for LS, my counselor, my church, and everyone who has helped me during this time.

 

When you get a divorce its like going through a fire. You are going to come out different then you were when you went it. What kind of different is up to YOU and YOU alone. Some people come out for the worse. Other people... although burned and scarred, are changed for the better from their experience.

 

I like to think I will fall into the latter category. Time will tell. This is one learning experience I didn't want, but wisdom doesn't come easy.

[Duckduckgoose]

I just want to say that too much frozen yogurt is like ice cream.

 

And 5 guys fries, the regular size... is enough for two people

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah I am pretty sure I didn't want a part time job that pays less then half of the GIS full time job.

 

Oh come now...blue vests....what more could you ask for?:lmao:

 

No, no drug testing for GIS job. And yes Wal-Mart does criminal background checks too. I don't think the GIS place does, but then again when I tell them I have a Secret Clearance they know that I've already been checked out by the government and was clean.

 

That is so funny that WalMart does drug testing, up here you would never hear of a third interview or a drug test to go work there.

 

You may have to know how to spell your name, maybe. The economy in Alberta always keeps rolling even during "recessions" though. In Fort McMurray every now and then they have to close WalMart because they don't have enough staff to keep it open.

 

12 year olds can now legally work up here.

 

Drug testing and criminal background checks are pretty standard here. Its not the safest city or the safest state. Its in the Top 20... and almost in the Top 10. That is not something to brag on but that's just how it is.

 

Wow. Culture clash. Thanks for answering.

 

But I been thinking back on how my life has changed since the exH left. Looking back... its like "oh wow only 4 months since he left and now they are divorce and she's got a new job". Four months doesn't sound like a lot from a timeline perspective. But it IS A LOT LOT LOT from having to take it day by excruciating day. I honestly feel like a different person now.

 

You are a different person now. In the last 2 months with my H in, out and all over the place, I have become one as well. We get better by this stuff and learn how to treat people a little better and learn more how we should be treated. Not to say that we did too bad before, but it is just the way things are.

 

I also feel how my personality is getting back to normal. I haven't been able to see it but now it is becoming more clear. There are still some things messed up and I am going to list them. Why? Because I want to establish a bit of a baseline for myself and others so they can see what gets messed up and how long it takes to heal. I know I have already done a lot of healing so far, but there is much more healing to go.

 

Such a good idea...

 

So...after 4 months(ish) of him leaving

 

Physically: Most energy is back, can do 75%(of what I could do before he left) of sports activities without severe exhaustion, in good physical shape but lacking some muscle tone that was present before, eating well, chocolate cravings are back (a big one for me), not sleeping that well; wake up several times a night sometimes with nightmares but not dreaming of him, waking up early in the morning and having trouble getting back to sleep, energy is fairly steady, does not drop off suddenly (did the day I signed the papers and it sucked as I still had 5 miles to walk back to my car lol)

 

That is the good ole' limbic system adjusting to the single life. I totally relate to the nightmares and it is so awful because you want to be able to even have your sleep be a place of peace and it isn't always. I had a horrific nightmare the night after my husband last left, absolutely unreal and unbearable. I know that some meditation and EMDR should zap some of them.

 

Limbic injuries take about 6 months to heal. The more self-care you do, the better. Have you gotten a hug from anyone lately? Do they do that at Divorce Care?

 

I swear hugs are like crack-cocaine for me.

 

Mentally: Mentally still all over the place which is not normal behaviour. My mind races horribly, I have trouble concentrating for long periods of time, my mind wanders horribly, some activities that would hold my attention for the duration (like playing DDR) I have to take a few minutes break from because I can't mentally focus on it. I get too easily distracted, my train of thought derails pretty badly. My judgement is poor, the traffic here is bad and you gotta be sharp or get hit. I've been afraid to pull out or merge in a lot of situations because of some close calls. Sometimes I miss exits or turns... much worse than usual. I am already directionally challenged but this makes it worse. All and all its like "noise" in my head, a wheel spinning super speeds on overtime. I am not taking any kind of drugs or substances to influence this. I am very careful to not eat past 6 pm so that nothing could be affecting my sleep. I eat goodies early in the day so my body has 8-10 hours to process them before I sleep. I am overthinking every little thing... I am already kind of paranoid and this is just magnifying it. Mentally I have a LONG LONG way to go

 

That is trauma. No sense in denying it. Check out if your company benefits would include a couple sessions of EMDR. Divorce is one of the most traumatic things that people endure, don't expect to be unscathed.

 

Emotionally: My emotions as of this moment are pretty even. I am surprised they are not higher with the job offer but I guess this is their way of evening themselves out. It was quite a rollercoaster for the first 4 months, and still has some pretty wicked downs but the ups aren't as high so I think that is a sign of improvement. I AM quite lonely most of the time, I miss having that spouse to talk to, to confide in, to be intimate with... that is something that is NOT going to go away unfortunately until I am in a relationship again I have to accept that for what it is. Am I emotionally ready to date? No... and definitely not mentally ready thats for damn sure. Emotionally/mentally I am not 100% of myself... of both I am 65% mental and maybe 65% emotional. I like to THINK I can date if I wanted to, I guess my ego just needs the validation. If I really get down to "feeling" how it is inside its healing... but some days it just feels slaughtered again. Emotions are also based on my menstrual cycle, so there is normal monthly fluctuation there. Thankfully my emotions haven't been draining on my physical energy anymore.

 

Often when long-term prisoners are released they are suprised when they don't feel immediate elation and joy, in fact often they feel fear. That is totally natural. Humans don't often get too excited about change with a challenge unless they already feel good to begin with.

 

In ways I am glad I did not get this job until now. The past 4 months has been HORRIBLE and I don't know how well I could have done going to work every day while getting dragged through hell. I'm sure I could have managed. I like to think though that getting this job at this time is one of God's ways of telling me I am ready for a job again. I am very thankful for LS, my counselor, my church, and everyone who has helped me during this time.

 

That attitude of being grateful is what will take you the furthest.:bunny:

 

When you get a divorce its like going through a fire. You are going to come out different then you were when you went it. What kind of different is up to YOU and YOU alone. Some people come out for the worse. Other people... although burned and scarred, are changed for the better from their experience.

 

I like to think I will fall into the latter category. Time will tell. This is one learning experience I didn't want, but wisdom doesn't come easy.

 

I wish that wisdom came in ice-cream pails and chocolate chip cookies as well.

 

I just want to say that too much frozen yogurt is like ice cream.

 

And 5 guys fries, the regular size... is enough for two people

 

Apparently wisdom does not come from frozen yogurt either, or with fries.

[Duckduckgoose]

My counsellor gives a hug at the end of the sessions.

 

I hug my extra pillows at night when I sleep. And hug the birds as best I can, which is more like putting my cheek on them.

 

Oddly enough, last night I dreamed about exH. I was on a large boat with my parents, not quite a cruise ship. And exH shows up, looking magnificent. He's acting different, says he's changed, wanting to be with me again. My parents were all gung-ho for it... like they had talked to him beforehand or something. In the dream I was being polite to him but didn't want him touching me or putting his arm around me.

 

When I woke up... 2 hours earlier then I should of... as usual... I didn't feel weird or anything... the last times he appeared in my dreams I felt really sick or whatever after I woke up.

 

I would be pretty hard pressed right now to want to touch a male though, or get too close to one. I been giving males, especially ones near my age and single... extra room. The last time I did was when me and MBG were loading the bikes to the back of his car and there was no way to get around it without looking straight lazy.

 

Well that and taking care of the old men for clinicals, but that was a nursing touch, used to care and reassure... that's quite a bit different.

 

Umm... I forgot to include giving one of my friends a few hugs today. He and his boyfriend got a house in Nashville, TN and he's leaving this week. I got them a nice housewarming gift and brought it to his work. His boyfriend was there so I stayed for an hour, got some free food, and chatted his boyfriend up. They both want me to move to Nashville after I get my RN (his bf is an RN, and he was in my CNA class trying to get his RN now too).

 

The weather only held long enough to do that, then it got ****ty all over again. Should be clear tomorrow and Sunday which means biking both days.

 

I want to enjoy my last two days of "freedom".

[Duckduckgoose]

Its hard to go to a movie by yourself.

 

And it really sucks when the themes are over-arching love finds a way crap.

 

Not to mention the lovey-dovey stuff made me want to vomit.

 

I went from being in a pretty decent mood to now hitting a roller-coaster down.

 

Guess going to movie was a trigger. Never been to that theater before so there was no "memory" of exH there... and last time I went to a movie was in 2008 and I went alone because he didn't want to go... so yeah.

 

And I got this strange pang of missing him on the way back to my apartment... made me almost want to cry. I think my brain is trying to idealize him and the marriage.

 

Don't worry, there is 0% chance that I will try to contact his ass.

[rachel7475]

Doesn't it suck that your mind can idolize past relationships? It's so hard to tell yourself that's not how it was and never will be with that person

[Duckduckgoose]

In some ways its good. Like when people die you only remember the good stuff about them... unless they were Saddam or Hitler of course. Its hard to deny the stuff they did.

 

Or course I know as my brain is doing it, his is as well. Unless of course he's drugged out or got some serious mental illness going on... both of which are possible.

[Duckduckgoose]

Mountain biking yesterday... hiking today.

 

I think I made it a good last two days of freedom. Start new job tomorrow.

 

I got a tick off of MBG... I think he was perfectly capable of doing it himself he just wanted ME to do it

 

CALLING NURSE DDG!

[SoulFinger]

Good luck starting your new job and stay strong Duck..waiting for your next news about your 1st day in your new job.

 

All the best,Soulfinger.

[dreamingoftigers]

Have a happy first day at work!

[willowthewisp]

Hope your first day at work went well DDG?

[Duckduckgoose]

They put me straight to work. I hit the ground running and worked half an hour of OT lol. The first day haha.

 

I guess that's a good start

 

I am kind of exhausted... I didn't sleep well again. My mind's been running all over the place. I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep so I played a video game.

 

I think I need to get an MP3 player of some kind to listen to while I work. I don't have an office and the silence kind of makes me... nuts.

 

That and I am really feeling like frog boiling in pot with MBG. Dunno why getting a tick off him sent my mind to a tailspin again. Damn ****ing tick!

[dreamingoftigers]

My ex left ms six weeks before we were supposed to get married. When my husband and I got together (kinda) I felt really guilty spending time with him and being close to him even though my ex was long gone and I wasn't attached to him anymore. MBG probably triggers that loyalty sense.