Is it ok for married man to have a female girl friend for emotional support?

[lifeistough]

Is it ok for married man to have a female girl friend for emotional support? If so, where I can find such a friend?

This is my first long posting. Sorry, I was looking a local support group until run to this site.

 

You probably heard in this question many times before and the answer is NO. What is an alternative for an emotionally drowning person? I’m been trying to swim out but it’s not working.

 

Here is my situation.

 

My wife and I have been married for 11 years with three boys. She stops working 3 years ago because she had hard times at work. She tried a couple companies but she wasn’t happy with them. At the same time, she wanted to spend more times with kids. So, I was ok with it but I asked that she cut back on the vacations.

 

Now, the kids are in school most of time 8:30 to 4:30 but she says she is very busy everyday. If I asked what you do all day, she would get very upset. I know she is not cheating. From the credit card and phone bills, my guess that she’s spending a lot of times with her girlfriends. At the same time, she regularly takes cash from the shared account and put in her personal account. (I’m guessing too because the person account has her parent address, the withdraw occurs on every 1 and 15 of the month).

 

She charges everything to credit card. She thinks that she deserves it because she said there is a lot of hard work taking care of kids. I’m fine with it. We’re still taking two long and some short vacations per years with her parents. She said that her parent won’t be around long and wants the kids to spend time with them. As know, flying anywhere with 5 is not cheap. So, I have to work harder and longer hours to meet the needs. She didn’t want to drive a Toyota instead of a new BMW.

 

She is not happy when I get home after 7:00 PM. She wants me to help the kids with their home works. After the kids go to bed, she spends more times on the phone or books. I struggling with clean up kitchen, laundry, and more work in to the night. I send all my weekend to take the kids to the games. Every time, we talk about our financial or her job, she gets every upset and angry.

 

I’m drained and just taking day by day. I want to scream out that I’m human, not a machine. Sometimes, I wish that there is female friend for emotional support. I can’t vent my frustration with the male friends but it doesn’t work. I often think about my ex and my life might be better. I know it’s wrong. I don’t keep in touch with ex anymore. I know you all against the female friends for emotional support but I have feeling too and can’t express it with my wife.

Since she didn’t give her side of story, I won’t want you to criticize her. I’m looking for someone to listen and support. Can I change or this is my destine?

 

Richard

Edited March 30, 2011 by lifeistough
it inserted HTML stuff

[Citizen Erased]

You need marriage counseling more than you need a new BFF. I don't even know where to start.

[URAQTPIE]

Seriously you two need counseling and if not the both of you then definitely your wife. There's nothing wrong with you wanting a connection with someone but I would advise not acting on that desire because it will just open up a whole new can of worms. In my opinion you NEED to talk about this with your wife, even if she does get angry you need to speak out.

[lifeistough]

We tried the marriage counseling but it didn't work.

[whichwayisup]

Then you be honest with her and let her know how you feel and why. That you feel unneeded, neglected and that you two should go back to MC to become caring partners and lovers again. Learn how to respect, communicate and listen to one another.

 

If she is unwilling, then its' time to talk separation/divorce. Do NOT go looking for a female friend to talk to, for emotional support, that will lead to an affair. If you need to talk, seek out counseling for yourself as well as marriage counselling. Going elsewhere to fulfill your needs will only make your marriage worse in the long run and make you detach from your wife.

 

Your wife needs to do her part and get off her butt, do more and connect with you. Why did you two get married? Where's that love and fun? Romance, intimacy? Is it gone? If so, why?

[GorillaTheater]

Whichway hit upon all points; I couldn't agree more.

 

You're stuck only if you choose to be. Time to take action instead of resigning yourself to be collateral damage.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Talk to us here, vent here. We're much cheaper than a divorce, child support, PLUS a new girlfriend. MUCH CHEAPER.

 

Cut out the private accounts, or if you must have them, put her allowance in the shared account and set one up for yourself to maintain house.

[GorillaTheater]

As far as online support groups, give this one a look:

 

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=16

[Linda9999]

Just because you tried counseling once and it didn't work doesn't mean it won't another time. Find someone else to see with your wife. She needs to be told that her choices are either counseling or you're leaving, because it doesn't sound like a healthy environment for any of you right now, especially your kids.

 

You are exactly where my husband was 2 years ago. He felt I wasn't meeting his needs emotionally, so he turned to the internet. What he thought was just checking things out led to hiring escorts for sex. When I found out just over a year ago, he was in such denial he wouldn't even call these girls hookers - he insisted on calling them 'models'. He looks back on what he did now and can't believe he did what he did. You do NOT want to end up there, BELIEVE me.

 

Approach your wife in a loving manner and tell her how you feel. She needs to really HEAR you. Write to her, email her, whatever it takes, but do not cross the line and find solace somewhere else unless you have exhausted the possibilities and leave her first.

[sugarbritches]

It amazes me that she is a housewife and doesn't do the housework.

 

Most familys it takes two incomes to make it. She is luck that she doesn't have to work.

 

Have you though about setting up a house hold account and she can only spend that amount?

 

If you can't talk with your wife you don't have much of a marriage. Even if she doesn't like what you are saying she should still listen.

 

Finding a female friend to talk to, isn't the answer. It will only hurt you and the friend in the long run.

Work on making your marriage work or get out, life is to short.

[Memphis Raines]

Is it ok for married man to have a female girl friend for emotional support? If so, where I can find such a friend?

 

The very fact that you have to ask if its ok, don't have one, and want to go looking specifically for such a female friend answers your own questions: no

[lifeistough]

Thank you for all the feedback. I was looking an easy way out of this. It is good that I'm not close to any female friends, co-workers. Otherwise, my problem could be worse.

 

After I ready other stories on this forum, I can see that my problem is mild comparing with others.

[lifeistough]

Have you though about setting up a house hold account and she can only spend that amount?

 

I really understand this question.

 

My incomes are deposited in to one shared account for all expenses. I don't have a separated account. I thought about a separated account for myself but I don't need it.