Sw3etdev1L Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 My mother died a year ago with two months.. Sometimes I miss her so much I get very sad and cry. My family which is my sister and I , we don't talk of it a lot because we don't want to be sadenned by the fact she is not here anymore My father divorced my mother when I was 17, their relationship was horrible!, Horrible relationship!...they yelled at each other, screamed.. they went out together somewhere like once a month, it was so weird to hear them be in peace... I went into a depression, a major depression. I thought being depressed they had forgotten all about me, that they didn't listen at me, all the advices i told them and well... it tired me so much that... I had to take treatment of antidepressives. After they got divorced my father became so saaad, my mother became sad to.. she took antidepressives, my father hasn't and I think he needs some... Now he cries, when all he did before my mother got sick was tell her in her face all her flaws instead of making her feel like a princess.. Now I know he regrets the times he didn't make her feel valued as a wife. He was so wrong because he didn't know how to give from himself to my mom, he didn't know how to make hiimself be known as a human being and all he wanted was to be seen as super dad, or super father.. fulfilling those expectations don't exist.. he didn''t express himself as a person, he didn't show himself, his flaws and stuff so ... he is always tough as a tree and he didn't enjoy his marriage with my mom, I know now he regrets it.. He was so wrong, and my mother was so wrong too.. She loved my father and wanted to be seen as super woman for him, though she was only a normal woman with attributes and flaws... now she is dead... I guess what I am trying to say is.. be humble, and accept your flaws, and everyone elses.. because, we are not made out of stone, and it is better to make good memories, than to spit into what is given to you and die. Today I am feeling a little sad... I've been missing my mom for a while.. I hate how my fathers temper is, I know he has to be treated for major depression but he doesn''t want to treat himself so people with depression become very angry all the time, they seem bitter and spill their anger all the time with everybody, they don't accept nothing, no one, nothing is ever good for them and they are always complaining because they are sad. I love my father and my sister... I just hate the way my father acted, and the way he treats sometimes my sister and I. He is usually a good man, but good is not enough. Words need to transmit respect, love peace and warmth... people don't love you for anything, people don't love you for just being the cute nice you... its how you behave with people that stucks in peoples minds.. so, act well... if it doesn't come from within, at least try your hardest.. Link to post Share on other sites
datura_noir Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I have also lost my Mom, and beleive me, the loss of a mother for a daughter is huge. I know it is hard with your father, and that stands out in your post. However, your father had a completely different relationship to her than you did. Hear me out, because I know. If you have siblings, please talk to them and vent. It is the most important thing. Realize that this is a typical stage in your grief, and always trust the process. You can PM me if you would like, I am still grieving my mother who passed in January. Never been through this before, and I find it very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Lost my Mom in August of 2010, understand all about losing someone. She was my last living relative, other than a few cousins. Lost my Dad 20+ years ago, and I am an only child. I have only a few people who I can talk with about my Mom, who knew her during the last years of her life when she lived me with. Try & find some common ground there with your father, and even though you don't feel it... try & be compassionate to him. Sometimes people act mean to a person who is dying mainly because they can't find a way to express their grief in an appropriate manner. They are mad because the person they always loved will be gone, and they are powerless. And when a person is at his meanest & most cranky often that is when they need love. Grieving is an individual process. I did not grieve for my Dad when he died, I was numb and trying to take care of my Mom. It hit me 5 years later when I was finally able to deal with it. This time is different, my Mom lived with me and I was her caregiver, in addition to working full time. I miss her every moment of the day. What has helped me is focusing on things that I know she enjoyed... like seeing flowers in the springtime... I'm planting flowers this weekend at my home and it will be for her. and other things to keep her alive in my heart & mind. Sorry no magic answer to healing, except that as time passes the pain lessens and the good wonderful memories are there for you to cherish. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Sorry about your loss. Maybe have a time like every Sunday between 2pm and 4pm where you take time to really think about your Mum. Maybe share these times with your sister and eventually your Dad too. Really sorry to hear. All the best, Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 My mother died a year ago with two months.. Sometimes I miss her so much I get very sad and cry. My family which is my sister and I , we don't talk of it a lot because we don't want to be sadenned by the fact she is not here anymore My father divorced my mother when I was 17, their relationship was horrible!, Horrible relationship!...they yelled at each other, screamed.. they went out together somewhere like once a month, it was so weird to hear them be in peace... I went into a depression, a major depression. I thought being depressed they had forgotten all about me, that they didn't listen at me, all the advices i told them and well... it tired me so much that... I had to take treatment of antidepressives. After they got divorced my father became so saaad, my mother became sad to.. she took antidepressives, my father hasn't and I think he needs some... Now he cries, when all he did before my mother got sick was tell her in her face all her flaws instead of making her feel like a princess.. Now I know he regrets the times he didn't make her feel valued as a wife. He was so wrong because he didn't know how to give from himself to my mom, he didn't know how to make hiimself be known as a human being and all he wanted was to be seen as super dad, or super father.. fulfilling those expectations don't exist.. he didn''t express himself as a person, he didn't show himself, his flaws and stuff so ... he is always tough as a tree and he didn't enjoy his marriage with my mom, I know now he regrets it.. He was so wrong, and my mother was so wrong too.. She loved my father and wanted to be seen as super woman for him, though she was only a normal woman with attributes and flaws... now she is dead... I guess what I am trying to say is.. be humble, and accept your flaws, and everyone elses.. because, we are not made out of stone, and it is better to make good memories, than to spit into what is given to you and die. Today I am feeling a little sad... I've been missing my mom for a while.. I hate how my fathers temper is, I know he has to be treated for major depression but he doesn''t want to treat himself so people with depression become very angry all the time, they seem bitter and spill their anger all the time with everybody, they don't accept nothing, no one, nothing is ever good for them and they are always complaining because they are sad. I love my father and my sister... I just hate the way my father acted, and the way he treats sometimes my sister and I. He is usually a good man, but good is not enough. Words need to transmit respect, love peace and warmth... people don't love you for anything, people don't love you for just being the cute nice you... its how you behave with people that stucks in peoples minds.. so, act well... if it doesn't come from within, at least try your hardest.. Thank you for posting this as this is exactly what I'm going through except my parents didn't get divorced. Your post is making me cry. I'm going through the same thing with my father...the anger...everything. It feels like he is taking our history as a family and throwing it in the trash heap! My mother was a beautiful kind compassionate loving soul. Now that she is gone I realize ALL of her beautiful qualities were overshadowed by my parents difficult marriage. It so hard to reconcile how badly my father treated her during the last year of her life. She was very sick and he all he did was get frustrated with her, put her down and dropped her off in emergency rooms and left her to sit there alone. He did all of this without telling us so we didn't even know until the last time when she was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer. He wouldn't let her tell us either...before she was diagnosed I mean. Then he treated us terribly while she was sick and all we were doing was trying to make her comfortable and feel loved the last few months of her life. Sometimes I just want to punch him in the face for putting us through that. I won't but that's how I feel. I know that one day I will get past the anger I feel towards him but it's just so hard right now. And no one, meaning friends, can understand until they actually lose someone close themselves. Grieving is soooo hard and a daughter losing a mother is one of the hardest. There is so much I want to tell her and can't because she is gone. I'm right there with you sweetdevil. It's soooo hard I know. I wish you peace soon. And a note to others who haven't experienced this yet, do whatever you can to show the ones you love that you do in fact love them. Don't wait until they are gone. If your relationship is difficult then get your azz in therapy and heal it pronto! Let go of any childhood anger you are holding onto and start living in the moment and show the people you love that you appreciate that they are in your life. Life is short so do what you can now to enjoy it to the fullest and appreciating the ones you love is one way to do it. Thanks again sweetdevil. I cried typing all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sw3etdev1L Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 Thank you! : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Does anyone else in here not like shushi? Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Does anyone else in here not like shushi? ??? What has that got to do with this thread? You're welcome sweetdevil! Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 ??? What has that got to do with this thread? You're welcome sweetdevil! Things are getting sad on this thread. I was trying to change topic and make everyone feel better. Why are you being mean to me? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Things are getting sad on this thread. I was trying to change topic and make everyone feel better. Why are you being mean to me? If that was a joke, it was a bad one. OP, my mother is still with me ( I'm still relatively young, as is her) so I can't understand your loss as well as others. However, I have lost my grandfather years ago, and I understood the pain my grandmother went through and how his death affected her. While death is eventual and painful, we all have to accept it at one point. And while grieving can make things worse, I also think it's important to celebrate their life and keep their memories in our hearts. So while you may saddened still by your mother's passing, I'm sure memories of her can still bring a smile to your face. And I think that's what our loved ones want us to be- to remember them yet be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Things are getting sad on this thread. I was trying to change topic and make everyone feel better. Why are you being mean to me? Sorry you took it that way. I thought it was an odd post in a thread that is dealing with some intense subject matter. I was only asking why...that's all. No offense intended and I apologize if you took it wrong. I wasn't trying to be mean. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 If that was a joke, it was a bad one. OP, my mother is still with me ( I'm still relatively young, as is her) so I can't understand your loss as well as others. However, I have lost my grandfather years ago, and I understood the pain my grandmother went through and how his death affected her. While death is eventual and painful, we all have to accept it at one point. And while grieving can make things worse, I also think it's important to celebrate their life and keep their memories in our hearts. So while you may saddened still by your mother's passing, I'm sure memories of her can still bring a smile to your face. And I think that's what our loved ones want us to be- to remember them yet be happy. This is very true. Grief is a process and everyone deals with it in their own, BUT it is extremely important they do in fact deal with it. It's a tough process and the one silver lining in all of it is that you learn a heck of a lot about yourself. It also helps you see the beautiful qualities of the person that has passed and how much they are a part of you. Link to post Share on other sites
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