Sw3etdev1L Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) I have a good relationship with my boyfriend.. I went through a divorce of my parents, a tough acceptation of me being treated with something like epilepsy, the cancer of my mom and her death. Now... everything is good. I just work, I am about to graduate with my career, my sister and I are healthy, and my father well.. he is not at his 100% but he is well. I've been searching for the worst in my relationship, or tried to sabotage my relationship because... truth is, I have been afraid. I have never had a good relationship in my life and having a good one makes me feel.. weird!. I used to be so sure of my self before my mother died, but when she dieeed.. I felt so fragile that, I became afraid of someone hurting me and me becoming sick, depressed again. So i didn't want him to leave me or, I started daydreaming about my wedding with him and him or my children getting sick.. I didn't want that.. Cause whe I get pregnant they are gonna take my pills away from me, and i was anxious that if they took that away from me I would get depressed and see my marriage broken!, and I hate the idea of divorce!!!.. its only a nightmare thinking!!!... I don't know why, I know it is senseless.. but the happier I am, the more fear I had.. of being broken hearted and started missing my mom because she was the only one who knew who to sooth my negative thinking and calm me down.. There has never been peace in my life... Now there is.. The only thing that was disturbing that peace is my boyfriend anxiousness to be rich, and him not having his capricious desire instantaneously.. Out of that.. sometimes missing my mom. But truth is everything is now fine... How do I enjoy that now?? I've been dreaming about the possible future conflicts that I could experiment... giving me nervousness and unwanted stress.. Truth is.. I am a person who worries about giving, and expressing herself, setting my limits and. I would think that, that is perfect but.. perfection I don't like. For me having peace it is perfect, AND WEIRD!.. How to embrace it?? Help calm me down pleease Edited March 31, 2011 by Sw3etdev1L Link to post Share on other sites
dollface07 Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 But I think you should look into articles about BPD it seems by the sound of your post you might have some underlying BPD traits...talk to a therapist to find out if you have this or not and then you can begin learning distress tolerance and self-soothing skills. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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