I feel so screwed up

[collegeguy_24]

Like the title says, I feel screwed up.

 

This week has been hell for me, complete hell. This Saturday, April 2, will have marked the one year anniversary of me dating the ex, Jen.

 

Its been hell for so many reasons. The day before she broke up with me, less then 12 hours before she dumped me, she asked me to promise to make plans for our anniversary because she saw us lasting that long, if not longer. She said that, to my face and while looking in my eyes.

 

Then after the breakup she strung me along for 3 weeks saying she may change her mind and may give us another chance only for me to find out on Facebook that she was in a new relationship.

 

Since our breakup I have been through complete hell. I tried to commit suicide twice, obviously it failed.

 

My mind literally fractured. My psychiatrist believes that I may have the beginning stages of a split personality forming. Because the shock of the breakup and the events that followed was just to much for my mind to take.

 

After the breakup, I tried dating, but failed miserably until Halloween when i found another woman.

 

We started dating on halloween, and have been in an open relationship till this past Valentines day when we decided to commit.

 

I care for her, I really do. But my feeling for my ex have been putting a lot of stress of on our relationship, because no matter what I've done I just can't let go. I've tried everything.

 

and its only going to get harder over the next several months, as I have her Birthday to get through, another day she asked me to make plans for, as well as August 8th, the day she dumped me. Cause when that day comes it will have been one year since I was sent into emotional and mental hell.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

I have feelings for the new girl, I really do. I see an honest long term relationship forming and I like that. But why can't I forget about the ex like she has forgotten about me?

 

If I died tomorrow she wouldn't care but the new girl would. She would cry for me, she would mourn me, but the ex won't.

 

Why are my priories so messed up? Am I a masochist, do I enjoy the pain on some twisted level?

[Fufu]

You feel screwed up because you think you are screwed up.

 

You aren't screw up.

 

Congrats on having feelings for new potential girlfriend. However, if you are not ready to commit in a long-term relationship, don't do it.

 

It seems like you still miss your ex-gf very much, give yourself time to get over her completely.

 

"If I died tomorrow she wouldn't care but the new girl would. She would cry for me, she would mourn me, but the ex won't."

 

Read what you typed as above. In your heart you are fully aware that your ex girlfriend completely drops you. Would you want to cling on hopes for this girl?

 

You may not be ready for a new relationship, which is fine. You have to be emotionally ready to be able to commit a new and serious relationship.

[collegeguy_24]

Are you saying I should break up with my current girl? I am asking for clarification on your post is all.

 

Me and the new GF talked about this, she knows and is bracing for the misery of the next several months. I just can't seem to drop the ex at all.

 

I even would accept her as a friend, because I enjoy my time with her. Friendship is acceptable to me, but she doesn't seem to want it, which makes me sad.

[Fufu]

I'm kind of confused.

 

Are you in a new relationship? If you are, nope, I will never ask anyone to break up with their gf or bf, it is not a right thing to do.

 

However, I just want to clarify, are you still thinking and missing your ex-gf when you are in a new relationship?

 

I think you should channel your thoughts to your new gf. Spare a thought for your new gf.

 

 

 

"If I died tomorrow she wouldn't care but the new girl would. She would cry for me, she would mourn me, but the ex won't."

 

Read what you typed as above. In your heart you are fully aware that your ex girlfriend completely drops you. Would you want to cling on hopes for this girl?

 

You may not be ready for a new relationship, which is fine. You have to be emotionally ready to be able to commit a new and serious relationship.

 

What I mean from above is now you are in a relationship, what you had with Jen your ex gf is over. Treasure and cherish what you have now with your new gf.

[Leandro]

 

What I mean from above is now you are in a relationship, what you had with Jen your ex gf is over. Treasure and cherish what you have now with your new gf.

^^^This right here.

 

Come on man, you've been doing so well. You have a great girl who cares about you.

 

You're ex didn't, just like mine.

 

You can do it man. Start focusing on your new girl.

[collegeguy_24]

Today was an extremely hard day. Today is the one year anniversary me and the ex had our first date. I spent the entire day in a depression.

 

At work, I tried listening to the radio to distract myself, but every station I went to played songs about exes and wanting them back. It sucked.

 

When I tried to turn the radio off, my co worker comes in with his radio blarring out the same songs I tried to avoid.

 

Even the weather was abyssal, rainy and windy it was like it was reflecting my emotions.

 

I tried thinking of other thoughts but it would all come back to the ex.

 

I was distracted when I got off though as my dad bought himself a new truck and he was showing off. Its a nice ride to

 

But at dinner I ended up running into a friend of the ex, and he recognized me as he just starred at me, it was really creepy.

 

Whats really sad, is that right now I can say what me and the ex were doing right down to the minute. I can't keep my mind off of it no matter what I try.

 

I am currently talking to my new GF, and it helps a little.

 

She to, knows what day this is and is trying to distract me. I am grateful for it.

 

I am also slightly buzzed as I am drinking my Crystal Skull Vodka with orange juice. I think they call it a screwdriver.

 

I feel that for all the progress I've made I just keep making steps backwards. Why can't I move on? Why do I still love her, and at the same time have feelings for the new girl? Why dammit why?!

 

I just want to live my life, and I try, I honestly do,but it all comes back to this.

[Duckduckgoose]

Does your current gf know about these feelings you have? Are you keeping them pretty much to yourself?

 

I ask because if you are keeping them inside but she senses you acting funny she may think its because of her. And she WILL sense you acting funny. I don't know her... or how empathetic she is, but she's gonna smell something in the air.

 

Or are you telling her about the feelings that are running your through the gamut cause of your ex? I don't know if this would be a better option, she might think you are stuck on your ex and dump you.

[angelboots]

your poor new girlfriend..

 

I imagine as much as she is trying to comfort you she is dying on the inside knowing so intimately how you are still in love with your ex..

 

She probably already has cried about it to herself. How she is also in love with someone who doesn't feel the same depth of emotion for her as she does for him..

 

I also feel for you being stuck between two women, one who doesnt love you, and one who does..

 

as sarcastic as that may read I am actually genuinely sorry for all of you involved. I dated someone briefly while still hung up on the ex. It hurt me that i was hurting him so I ended it because I wasnt over the ex and using someone else as a distraction was cruel.

 

"Hurt people, hurt people"

 

**hugs** I hope you sort it all out soon

 

xx

[collegeguy_24]

My current GF knows, and she has cried about it. But she also says she has seen me make progress which is good.

 

I do like my current GF, I really do, and I have gotten better, but it can still be so hard.

 

A friend of mine said that these feelings could possibly last years, maybe even forever, and that I need to just try and live my life instead of letting them get in the way That is something I am trying to do, and me and the current GF have made good memories together.

 

But sometimes it gets hard, and confusing as to why I still love my ex, when she has made it clear she doesn't give a damn about me.

[tommy.is.my.name]

I feel ya man. Today must be tough. The 4th is gonna be me and the ex's anniversary. Today I accidentally butt dialed her old number (the one she had before she left for Europe on a 8 month trip, which pretty much ended our relationship one month in).

 

I didn't realize I had dialed it. Then I get a call from that number. Her pic pops up on my phone. My heart skips. I think to myself "she's back!".

 

She isn't back. On the line is some lady. I explain to her I must have butt dialed.

 

Heart ripped from chest. Progress washed away again. It's like I broke NC by picking up the phone.

 

At least you have someone with you now. Don't take that for granted.

 

I MISS YOU GINA!

[dreamingoftigers]

Get over to EMDR therapy now!

 

You have some serious trauma stuff going on and that is a very important thing to take care of before deciding about girlfriends and friendships etc.

 

Look it up, find a practitioner even if you are only able to go to a session or two.

[Leandro]

Hey collegeguy. I saw the guy my ex left me for in the news paper today. He wasn't in trouble or anything. It did bring back some anger and pain. Trying to figure out what he has that I don't.

 

You know I still have my days. You have to cheer up man. You have a great girl now. Focus on her.

 

Don't take this girl for granted.

[broken-and-lost]

I feel for you man i've been going through similar thoughts myself been 6 months since my break up but i can't stop thinking about my ex last night was the worse night of my life. I've also started dating a girl who i like but do not love.

 

I guess you have to keep moving forward if you can and hope the new girl becomes the more important in your life and your ex just becomes some girl you dates some time somewhere.

 

I really hope you get there soon and people are right don't take the new girl for granted put your efforts into someone who wants your love and not some girl who broke your heart and walked away no matter what the reasons at the time she walked and left you.

[collegeguy_24]

It is hard, very hard especially when the new GF points things out.

 

She does say on occasion that sometimes she thinks she dragged me into a a committed relationship to soon, since we started dating in Octoer and the breakup with the ex was August.

 

She also says that sometime she feels I am settleing for her.

 

She also knows I do care for her, and that I do see a long term future, but when she says things like that, how do I respond? What does everyone else think about those statements of hers?

[angelboots]

It is hard, very hard especially when the new GF points things out.

 

She does say on occasion that sometimes she thinks she dragged me into a a committed relationship to soon, since we started dating in Octoer and the breakup with the ex was August.

 

she didnt drag you into a committed relationship, you both willingly participated

 

She also says that sometime she feels I am settleing for her.

 

are you settling for her? you say in the first message that you would be willing to "settle for friendship" with your ex, as though you would like more then friendship with your ex. If your ex showed up crying tomorrow, told you she had made a mistake and said she wanted you back, would you dump your current girl and try again with the ex?

 

She also knows I do care for her, and that I do see a long term future, but when she says things like that, how do I respond? What does everyone else think about those statements of hers?

 

how do you respond to these questions? You tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may i am afraid. Good or bad she has a right to know where your feelings are at about everything because you are in a committed relationship

[collegeguy_24]

She already knows my feelings, and is still willing to try, as am I.

 

If the ex came running back to me now, I would not dump my current GF. I told my GF that if my ex wanted me back, she would have to work for it and prove to me she is serious before I even considered another chance.

 

I may miss the ex, but I'm not a lapdog, I have some dignity left.

[angelboots]

please dont take anything I say as me being harsh, I dont mean it to come across that way, I can understand that you are having a hard time with the break up.

 

I dont think you are the ex's lap dog I was just asking so I understand better and was answering your question.

 

Your answer to the question about your ex though, where you told your current girlfriend your ex would have to work at getting you back, shows that you haven't completely shut the door of hope on your ex though. I can understand why she feels she is being settled for.

 

At the end of the day all you can do is be honest with her about how you are feeling about your ex and if she is fully informed and chooses to stay then that's her choice.

 

My personal opinion is just that though, my personal opinion, but I do think maybe you need more time to heal for now.

[Fufu]

While you miss your ex gf, please don't neglect your current gf.

 

You have to start convincing yourself that your current gf is more important now and really even though you find it hard not to miss your ex gf, you have to start telling yourself you don't have to miss her anymore.

 

"If the ex came running back to me now, I would not dump my current GF. I told my GF that if my ex wanted me back, she would have to work for it and prove to me she is serious before I even considered another chance."

 

I'm sorry I will be very frank here. This sounds like a very very selfish words to your current gf. So it just means to your current gf that you will looking for a chance to be with your ex-gf. Even if your ex gf wants to work it out with you, you wouldn't want to let go of your current gf who is being with you during your tough period.

 

As dumpees, sometimes we neglected people who are really the one who cares for us and sometimes we still think of that exes that chose to leave us. Don't do this, treasure the people, the person who is supporting you now.

Edited April 4, 2011 by Fufu

[collegeguy_24]

I understand your concerns, and allow me to clear some things up.

 

I have not been neglecting my GF, we talk almost every day on Facebook, whenever I am able to because of my job. I take her out all the time, to movies, walks, and what not. I also give her massages quite often. I truly do like her.

 

But she also asked about my ex and what I would do if she came back. She wanted to know if I would leave her or not. So I told her what I said above.

 

I have a very bad, or good depending on your view, habit of completely honest in a relationship. Its who I am.

 

Also, it was my GF who encouraged me to get in contact with the ex again, for friendship or otherwise. It was her idea.

 

I tried forming a friendship with the ex, but she has just ignored me so I went back to NC.

[Fufu]

Thanks for the explanation

 

It's good to hear your not neglecting your current gf.

 

Even though your current gf encourages you stay friendship with your ex gf, honestly, I wouldn't suggest you to be friend with your ex gf at this moment.

 

I'm happy to hear your sticking to NC.

 

I'm sending all my best wishes to you and your current gf, stay happy together always

[dng]

Also, it was my GF who encouraged me to get in contact with the ex again, for friendship or otherwise. It was her idea.

 

I tried forming a friendship with the ex, but she has just ignored me so I went back to NC.

 

Your new girlfriend is pretty sly if she did that. Don't underestimate her, I don't think you fully understand her yet.

[collegeguy_24]

Your new girlfriend is pretty sly if she did that. Don't underestimate her, I don't think you fully understand her yet.

 

Can you please elaborate on your meaning?

[dng]

Can you please elaborate on your meaning?

 

Yes.

 

She hedged her bet by being super open minded and sending you back to your ex. Her bet was you'd realize how much better a person she actually is.

 

It takes alot of self-confidence to pull off something like that.

 

Good going.

[SoulFinger]

I agree with Dng there Collegeguy..Very crafty what you current gf said and she will now be watching you like a hawk.