When he calls me- what should I do???

[bittersweet]

Brief history - me(25) him(27)

I was with my b/f 6 years and last month I found out he was cheating for three months with the same girl. Her and I bumped into each other at his house! I tried giving him a second chance b/c I really believe he wants to be with me forever. Things went bad quick- we faught all the time and I couldn't trust him. (I think he saw her since the day I found out). He talks down on her and tells me he didn't have feelings for her. Then, last Wednesday, he tells me he wants to take a break and he is not happy with the relationship and all the sudden he says he doesn't know if he can be happy with me right now. Of course I assume he left me to be with her.

 

He tried calling that night (we fought) and then the next day he starts with the mind games again. He texted me "you never know" meaning that he expects me to wait around or something. Then he writes "maybe something in me will change- if you want it to..." as if I have control over how he feels about me or the other girl.

 

Last night was hard. It was Friday and I knew in my gut he was going to see that other girl. She lives 2 hours away and he probably will be with her all weekend. I called his phone and left 2 messages- one yeling and cursing him off and the next hysterical crying for how much he put me through. He texted me "Please, you're making it worse." Today, I texted him a few nasty things and a few heart stabbing comments. He wrote back "what do you want from me" and I said "tell me goodbye so I can move on with my life." Then, he replied," goodbye... are you happy now?"

 

I haven't called and don't plan on it. I know he thinks I will give in. Today has been hard. The thing is, what do I do now when he calls me after the weekend and tries to manipulate me? I know how he is and I know he will call by Monday. Do I answer? If he text messages me, do I reply?

 

What do I do from here to let him know how much he hurt me and how can I show him that he made a big mistake?

[Darkangelism]

You don't, he is a scumbag for cheating, don't go back to him no matter what, dot contact him in anyway, ever. Start looking for a new guy.

[UCFKevin]

Show him he made a big mistake by making him move on without you. Live his life without you. That's punishment enough. If he calls, just say, "I can't talk right now. I'm heading out. Sorry. Take it easy." Be short. There's no need to give him anything beyond that whatsoever.

 

You shouldn't look for a new guy, though, that's for sure. ESPECIALLY after six years. You haven't been single in ages. Take some time to yourself. Recover. If you find a new guy too soon you might displace your feelings for your ex onto the new guy. Not good for him or you.

[befuddled11]

You have to "move on" and get on with your life. It's not going to be easy, but it's what you have to do.

 

Break off ALL communication with him...that includes emails, text messaging, chat, phone calls. For crying out loud, the guy can't be trusted...after 6 yrs with you, he cheats on you. He is a jerk and not the kind of guy you want to invest any more of your time or heart into.

 

Don't sit by the phone waiting to hear from him. Don't sit there holed up in your home, crying and imagining the time they're spending together. You're way better off than his new girlfriend is. She's got herself a lying, cheating sack of sh*t who will end up doing to her what he did to you, mark my words.

 

Don't "engage" in the juvenile little *games* he plays with you. He made his choice when he cheated on you. Have some respect for yourself as a woman and vow NOT to let him crap on you again. Instead of feeling all emotional and lonely and sad and hurt, try to focus on letting today be the start of a new beginning....that you will become a stronger person because of this, and you will not ever let someone crap on you again. Be angry if you have to, angry at the fact that he had no more respect for you after 6 yrs together, that he screwed around behind your back for 3 months (that you know of).....putting you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases and HIV and Hepatitis B. He was selfish and rude and only thinking of himself.

 

Stand up for yourself, and you will feel amazingly empowered. If he calls you, either screen your calls (if you have Caller ID) and don't answer, or pick up the phone and nicely but firmly (don't be bitchy) tell him you do not wish to continue communicating with him ever again, and he should refrain from phoning you in the future.

 

Don't call up his place and leave what he'll no doubt construe as a "psycho ex-girlfriend" type of voicemail...the crying, cursing, hysterics, emotional stuff. If he hasn't figured out yet that he's hurt you, he just won't get it period. Don't make yourself look desperate or like you can't live without him. Calling him up and leaving him messages just boosts his ego and makes him feel all powerful, to have you still chasing after him despite the fact that he screwed around.

 

Gain some control and keep yourself busy. Catch up with friends, go to a bookstore and get some good books, start a project, find a (new) hobby, spend time with your family, volunteer at homeless shelter or senior's home. Keep busy.

[bittersweet]

wow! You brought tears to my eyes. You know exactly what I'm thinking, doing, and dwelling on! It hurts to realize this person who took care of me so long has turned his back on me and hurt me in the worst possible way. It doesn't make sense. I gave him everything. I was the perfect girlfriend and I would have given him all I had. We were like two peas in a pod. We were inseparable.

 

It makes my head spin that another girl is getting all the things I fell in love with. I know it all is sour now.. but I can't stop thinking of the good times. She will hold him now, make love to him, spend holidays with him, go shopping and on vacations with him... Another girl has the one thing that meant the world to me before all this happened. She will smell him, touch him, see him cry, and have all the things I had for 6 years of my life. I have so many mixed emotions. I want to cry- I want to kill them both, I want to run far away. After 6 years- how is it possible to that time will heal? Is this definitely the end?

[UCFKevin]

Is that definitely the end? The relationship? Sweetheart, I sure as hell hope you think so. Why would you want to go back to him? He'll just do it again.

 

Time WILL heal this pain. It'll take a while. Just do what you need to do. Don't fool yourself into thinking or feeling anything you don't naturally think or feel. Dwell on this all. Sulk. Cry. Do what you need to do.

 

I don't like the idea of thinking about the bad times, but this guy treated you like ASS. Focus on the bad times. Don't bother giving him the benefit of thinking about when it was good. You say you're jealous that she has everything you had? That's right. And he'll cheat on HER soon. With the good comes the bad. Remember that.

 

Come here a lot. This place helped me SOOOO damn much when I was in the middle of my breakup. Getting advice, giving advice, it's great.

[bittersweet]

Since all of this has happened, he never got to hear everything form my end. I decided I'm going to write him a letter... a long one telling everything I need to without him being able to cut me off.

 

Today I went shopping because I thought it would make me feel better and I stayed in the dressing room for 15 minutes and cried. It's so hard starting a new life without him there. EVERY place around here reminds me of him. Any place I go to reminds me of the years we spent going together. Then, I start thinking I see him or hear him whistling for me. I was in Target and just a week ago, we were there together sitting on a rocking chair together in the out door section. Today, I paused, starred, and started to think about him. I know things would be a lot easier if we were only together a few years or months but this is the person I grew up with... the first and only man I ever wanted to be with. EVERY LITTLE THING reminds me of him. I only feel safe in my room or going far away from here. He lives 2 minutes from my job (10 minutes from my house) and the minute I walk outside I feel like he is right next to me.

 

He hasn't called yet... he probably thinks I'm gonna give in and call him. Well he is wrong. I plan on writing this letter and mailing it tomorrow. If he calls me, I'm not answering. If he text messages me, I'm going to reply, "Don't start calling b/c your bored now... by next weekend you'll forget I even exist again... hang in there!"

 

I know he will probably not respond to that message but I really just want to show him that I realize what he tries to do. He tries to keep me around because he is so use to me but by the weekend, he runs back to her. It probably never even crossed his mind yet what life for him would be like with out me. He will feel it soon, as soon as his head clears and he is by himself. He doesn't know how to take care of anything. I took care of him for 6 years and now he turns his back on me to take care of a 20 year old stripper who has no perminent home. It makes him feel good about himself I guess. I was never worthy of attention I guess because I have a good job, good friends, a great family and I go to college. He'd probably be more attracted to me if I was some lost soul like the girl he left me for. This is making me SICK!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by bittersweet

Since all of this has happened, he never got to hear everything form my end. I decided I'm going to write him a letter... a long one telling everything I need to without him being able to cut me off.

This is fine, as long as you don't send it.

 

Please, don't send the letter. It's just another way of engaging in what befuddled called 'juvenile games'--if you send the letter, he'll know that you're still thinking about him enough to write it to him. He doesn't deserve your letter. It's fine if you just want to write it to feel better, but DON'T send him the letter. If you burn it, or if you send it--either way you're not going to get a response, just save yourself the humiliation.

 

You might as well show up at his door and say, "You're a scumbag, but I think about you all of the time"

[bittersweet]

Oh my! That wasn't how I saw it! That is soooo true about how I mind as well show up and say "your a scum-bag but I think about you all the time."

 

I guess I really don't want him to know that. You had me laughing- I haven't laughed once today

 

I do write a lot. I never give him the letters though. I have books filled with letters and poems that never made it to his possession. What's one more, right?

 

HE is the one who always told me "actions speak louder than words" so I guess he will hear me clearer when my words and voice never reach him.

 

On that note, maybe it would be better if I forward his text message back to him! I try hard to let certain emotions that I feel take control over the softer ones. It is hard though. I'd rather kill him than hug him if he were standing right here... but I'd probably just end up crying instead. Does that make sense?