Author marriagesucks Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 First of all, excusing his behavior by saying that you see women flirting WITH HIM (like the example you gave, of the chick in uniform walking up to him and tapping him on the arm)...don't be too quick to let him off the hook. It's entirely possible that the reason she or any other woman flirts with him, whether in your presence or not, is because he's flirted with THEM in the past....and for all you know, they don't even KNOW you're his wife. Don't assume that because you might be sitting WITH HIM and you have on a wedding band, that they're going to ASSUME you're his wife. My ex husband (I was 25 when I married him, he was 27)...he was flirting and sleeping up a storm behind my back for I'm sure all of our marriage.......why? Because he didn't tell anyone I was his wife. Long after I'd divorced him, I learned that many of the women in our town didn't even KNOW he'd ever been married. For us, we'd gotten married in my home town, so I guess only those he "chose" to tell knew we were married. Conveniently for him, he didn't feel it necessary to tell the gals in our town. You've expressed to your husband that his disrespectful behavior bothers you, yet he doesn't get it *OR* does get it but just doesn't care. A guy would have to have the brain of a mudflap to NOT "get" that this kind of flirtatious behavior is rude/crass/disrespectful. Turning the tables on him and "flirting up a storm" yourself will only end up backfiring....because once you do it, he'll feel even MORE justified for being a pig. And then when he's more of a pig, you won't have a leg to stand on for commenting on his rude behavior..because he'll just say "well you're not angel yourself." He doesn't sound very loyal to you, or your feelings. Maybe he's purposely doing this as a way of "grossing you out" so that you'll leave the marriage? Have you ever sat down and asked him if he was happy being married? Behavior like this, to me, indicates the guy isn't happy in the marriage, and wants to be "free" again. hey, i love your reply...it all makes sense to me. i do believe hat he is "trying to gross me out" so that i can leave the marriage. once while we were having a discussion he said to me "why wont you divorce me, what are you waiting for?" that made me think that he was trying to get me to divorce him so that i can look like the guilty one and he would have the upper hand. now i am definately going to be honest here, i am NOT an angel myself. but all the wrong doing i have done (called and met a couple guys, had sex with 2 guy friends), which my husband knows about (family says i should have lied to him about it), and i only did it to get back at him. and no it did not work, that is also where part of my frustration comes from. because before i did any wrong-doing, i still talked to him about his actions (and words at that time) that hurt me, he didnt listen. and now that im trying to do right by him again and i still talk to him about his actions, i think to myself, what in the world do i have to say or do to get through to him. by the way, i did whole heartedly apologize to him and i told him that he would never have to worry about anything like that happening again because i felt shytty for it. and i do agree with you when you say he wants to be free again because he puts all that on me. he tells me, all you wanna do is go out and have fun and stuff, so go ahead, i'll take care of the baby while you run around. and ive never indicated anything like that to him. oh and by the way....i kind of blame myself for the way hes treating me because ive done wrong to him. i dont think thats a good thing though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriagesucks Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by lisapisa Don't sink to his level. I think the best tactic would be to flirt right along with the women with him. Shower as much attention on his chosen "victim" as he is doing, right in front of him. The woman will think the two of you are very friendly (maybe too friendly?) and should leave quickly. At best, don't react in a negative way to the flirting. Pretend you don't notice, better yet, pretend you notice and don't care! His reward is your jealously and anger. So don't reward him. Go further, say, that was a hot babe tonight, I'd like to get to know her better! Have some fun and confuse him at the same time. WELL HOT DAMN GIRL!!!!!!!!!! I SWEAR I THOUGHT OF THAT ALREADY!!!!!!! my goodness, i thought it was a good idea too man!!!!! but i also thought i would gross him out and make him leave me. but man thats a good one i swear!!! (huge smile) Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriagesucks Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by spencer lisapisa, i love your advice, thats something my sick little brain would do too. to marriagesucks: start with a code word, pick a word that you could say in public that would let him know when his behavior crossed the line with you. I might choose something like... "little penis" or "2minute man" = you did or said something that really pissed me off, and this is what i have been telling you why im mad later. no seriously, use a ridiculous sounding word so it makes you both laugh when said. like "babe-a-nuffer" =(enough with the babe) my bf & I have words we made up-(actually sounds like were speaking german though we cant speak the language well) our most important word.. i cant tell you because its a secret, but it means " i need to leave now". whereever we are, regardless whom were with, we both respect the others assesment of the situation and carry out the leaving process. many good relationships do this. I didn't make it up. it also adds fun to the relationship. its a start this advice is touching, its the only postive approach any one has given me so far...thanks lady, i appreciate it (tender smile) Link to post Share on other sites
Author marriagesucks Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 Marriage shouldn't be about playing games, or her having the flirt right along with these women.....or *pretending* not to notice the flirting or *pretending* not to care. Marriage should be about treating your spouse with respect and not behaving in such a way that betrays them or hurts their feelings. That doesn't sound like a marriage to me, that sounds like a farce. He's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't give a crap how she feels and he refuses to "get it" so I don't see any point in here stooping to his level or playing little "games" to try and deal with this. No spouse should have to put up with this rude, juvenile, marriage-breaking behavior. Honest to God, if a husband of mine did that, I'd divorce his arse faster than you can shake a stick........I'm worth more than that, and so is she...and I hope she realizes that. thanks, very incouraging. Link to post Share on other sites
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