decided to consolidate my problems into one thread, its like a midlife crisis expt...

[gaia]

DA, are you just shy or are you almost incapable of functioning in social situations. I have known people with social phobia who simply cannot go into a bar, nightclub whatever, without unbearable levels of anxiety. If this is your problem, you do need professional help.

 

If you're just shy, well lots of girls will find this so cute. You've just got to find them, because they are probably shy as well!

 

Cheer up. You've got so much going right for you - this will come right soon

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by Tony

There is a very good chance that you are right now looking directly at what could be at the root of your problem. Depression has been found to be a biproduct of lengthy stays in front of the computer. Go here and scan down to the paragraphs on depression and electromagnetic radiation: http://www.co.broward.fl.us/mei00274.htm

 

In other words, it might be an excellent idea for you to consider...at your very young age...to have much more of a life than sitting in front of your computer for hours at a time and posting one-liners to most every thread on LoveShack. Get more involved with groups of friends, get out and exercise...get fresh air...play more. You won't get a lot of socialization limiting yourself to reading of other people's problems all day.

 

These years of going to school and having many ladies around are your golden years of opportunity for socializing and finding things that make you happy. My bet is if you restrict your recreational computer use to one hour a day and get away other times and sink your teeth into the meat of life you will be a much happier man.

DA, I do not mean to offend you in any way -- and you know me well enough to know that -- but I agree with Tony on this one. Did you read the site he posted, specifically the part about depression?

 

I know quite a bit about depression from personal experience, and Tony's right that the best thing to do, in addition to seeking counseling, is to try to get out more and do things that relax you, get fresh air, get some excercise, get involved in clubs or groups with people that you have things in common with.

 

From my observation, it seems like you spend a lot of time worrying or obsessing about girls. I know it bothers you that you don't have a girlfriend, but trust me, there are LOT of guys your age who do not. It's not a prerequisite for a guy your age. You have lots of time to deal with that. Your focus right now should be school and socializing. Then things will fall into place naturally. You can't force it or you will just become more and more frustrated.

 

I don't think Tony was saying that you should leave the site, just that it might be better for you not to spend so much time per day on the site, or for that matter, in front of the tv or whatever. I am not judging you, just offering my opinion and advice. I would give my own son, who is close to your age, the same advice if he were in your situation.

 

I can tell that you're a very sensitive guy. Please don't take things people say so personally, or think that they mean them in a negative way. We are all concerned about your well-being and we're trying to help you.

[dolphinsunshyn]

DA -- One thing I have learned is your never going to be truly happy until you can be fulfilled being alone. That means no dating, no relationships. If you feel like you "need" someone to date to make you happy; then you'll never know what true happiness is.

 

I'm not saying you feel this way, but if girls are your only problem and the main reason you are depressed, then you need to stop dating and work on discovering who you are. Happiness will come when you look inside yourself and get to know who you truly are. That will help you take a direction in life also.

 

It is completely normal to feel the way you do especially at your age. You are at the pivitol years where everything is "supposed" to be decided and "planned" for the rest of your life. But, it doesn't have to be that way. You can make your own path and do anything you want to. The world is at your fingertips! There is plenty of time for love. And, take it from me, true love rarely exist unless you know yourself and are completely happy with who you are. When you reach that point, love will find YOU. It'll be when you least expect it.

 

Without fail, everytime I decide that I'm done dating, someone comes along. It is strange how it works. But, maybe it'll work for you.

 

Your a good guy and you have such a bright future ahead. Think of everything you could be doing and that you want to do. Hell, your in NYC!!! Live it up!! There are a ton of people who would kill for the opportunity you have! Just concentrate on finding what make you happy and go for it. When you can find that happiness by being alone, some lucky girl will notice what an independant, secure and confident guy you are and go after YOU! So cheer up -- you have nothing to worry about!! Things will work out for you just fine.

 

Best wishes to you!

[Darkangelism]

Well first of all thank you all, i was a little out of it last night, part of it is that i am letting ghosts that i thought i got rid of come back to haunt me. Still in heavy debate with myself if i shoud go to a professional. I have worked through all this b4 by myself, so I can do it, just isnt the easiest thing in the world.

 

Tony- I do agree with your advice with the exception that LS is causing it, i did overreact though.

 

gaia- just shy, i can go to bars, and though i don't go to clubs often, but them to and have a good time, talk to people, ask girls to dance or whatever. I do not think i am socially anxious, in class i participate, talk with classmates, I don't like new situations, but i dont avoid them.

 

ladyangel- yeah i will get out more, buti do spend a good amount of time away from here, its just whenever i am in my room i am online. Well its not just about not having a girl currently, its about never having had one, never having held hands or being kissed. I knoe 4 other guys who have the same situation and they feel the same way, i havnt met a guy who has always been single and enjoyed it. I am sensitive to stuff and have always tried to avoid any kind of conflict, well i dont avoid it anymore, but i am still sensitive, which is tough, cause i end up getting offended, but i also get over things quickly, like in the last few hours when i was sleeping. I know you all care and want to help, which is why it pains me to drag all you through this, but better then sucking it all up, which is what i did the last month and i think my frustration bubble popped.

 

dolphinsunshyn- Yeah i do need to find out how to be happy alone, which isnt easy, im kinda insecure about myself, dont have a great selfeesteem, i have put on a face that makes it seem like i do. but i don't currently, i used to, and i don't know what happened. I have been worse and gotten through it, know i can again. My problem is that i am impatient and watching the clock at the same time, which makes it all go by slower.

 

 

Well everybody i am going to try some new things and see if I can better myself(if that is possible I think the bad part is over, i just needed to explode and get all the stress out, i feel real good this morning. Thanks so much for your support. You guys are the best.

[reasontosigh]

......start feeding the animals in the Philadelphia Zoo; ......

 

Seems to me they have been looking awfully skinny lately, but I couldn't quite figure out what was behind that. Thanks, Tony.

 

I think the bad part is over, i just needed to explode and get all the stress out, i feel real good this morning. .....

 

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Sometimes you just have to vent.

[Tony T]

"Tony- I do agree with your advice with the exception that LS is causing it, i did overreact though."

 

I didn't mean to imply that LS is causing your problems. LoveShack is a great place. What I meant to communicate to you is that an inordinate amount of time spent in front of the computer rather than living life in more social ways could be a big part of your problem.

[Darkangelism]

I know, my head wasnt clear i wasnt making logical sense.

[Tony T]

"I know, my head wasnt clear i wasnt making logical sense."

 

Don't feel bad. Dave1234 makes more logical sense than I do!!!

[yes]

I read an article this morning that amongst others, brought up the value of going somewhere by yourself (a mountain? a lakeshore? a river bank? an empty temple?) and staring at the horizon. It gives you a chance to really breathe, relax in a meditative state, watch nature in its glorious indifference, and it puts all the daily worries into perspective.

 

DA-ism, you may need just that!

 

-yes

[reasontosigh]

I think that's an excellent idea, yes!

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by yes

I read an article this morning that amongst others, brought up the value of going somewhere by yourself (a mountain? a lakeshore? a river bank? an empty temple?) and staring at the horizon. It gives you a chance to really breathe, relax in a meditative state, watch nature in its glorious indifference, and it puts all the daily worries into perspective.

 

DA-ism, you may need just that!

 

-yes

Yes. I'm a very big believer in the power of nature. Go to a beautiful park or a nature trail (do they have those in NYC?) and take a long walk. Tony's idea of the zoo is a good one also.

 

Walk through a part of town that is culturally stimulating and different for you, such as Chinatown, and just take in all the sights and sounds. I love to people watch. You don't have to interact or talk to them, just watch and learn.

 

Anyway, these are my ideas. I'm glad you're feeling better today. And don't hesitate to vent with us whenever you feel like it. That's what we're here for.

[meanon]

Hey DA, sorry you are still feeling bad. Talking about it is good, I'm glad you are posting. I'm not sure you are getting any closer to the source of what's bothering you. Maybe you should take a break from dating to give yourself a chance to feel more positive about things. If you don't think this will work then you need to talk more about how you feel about the issues you've identified. Remember also that this is a small part of who you are and that many things can make you happy - fill your day with them and deal with the worry in short stints rather than letting it take over. Take care

[Darkangelism]

I was out a lot today, i walked around midtown then went to this movie thing, met some new people, it was good for me, the change of scenery was a good idea, the weather is kinda bad to go to central park, but i dont have much class this week, only 2 on wed, then nothing until the 13th. I feel so much better today, i just needed to vent. I am a lot more intune with myself now, things will be different.

[meanon]

Good news!