P&R Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 My girlfriend asked me if I considered grinding cheating. She said it out of nowhere so I was a bit taken back. She goes out to the club with her girlfriends every now and then(Don't care about this). It's not a regularly occuring thing but she does like to hit the clubs every now and then. I told her I'd answer her later. I just asked her one question; If I grinded with a girl how would she feel? She said it's just dancing.... I don't feel anything from grinding with random guys. My problem is that I do have a problem with grinding... It is essentially simulated sex. I don't consider grinding cheating, but very disrespectful. Do I have a skewed view of this? Am I old fashioned? If I really wanted too I could choose to look the other way. I need to answer her soon, and honestly if I saw her grinding with another guy I would not feel very good about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 If you are uncomfortable with it, then that is all you need to know, and that is what you need to tell her. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think. I've been told that my husband didn't cheat on me because we were separated when he hired a hooker, but to me that is cheating and that's all I (and he) need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 If you are uncomfortable with it, then that is all you need to know, and that is what you need to tell her. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think. I've been told that my husband didn't cheat on me because we were separated when he hired a hooker, but to me that is cheating and that's all I (and he) need to know. I don't think grinding is cheating but I do consider it a "grey area" and it's something that I don't feel very good about. I don't that controlling guy.... Women hate it, I hate it, and in the long run it's usually the controlling guy who gets cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 You don’t need to control her. You need to be shown she can control herself. Bottom line there are a lot of things that aren’t technically cheating that could still really upset a person. If you had a female friend who was just a drinking buddy and when you’d get to drunk you’d crash and spend the night there would that be cheating? Probably not but it doesn’t mean she’d be happy dating some one like that. Fact is its upsetting you that she does this, in fact whether its cheating or not I’d dump a girl who thought it was ok to do this and couldn’t be shown different. Simply tell her it really upsets you to think of her dancing let a lone grinding with other men. Whether she considers it cheating doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t want you doing things that upset her so she shouldn’t be doing things that upset you. Don’t even attempt to control her, if she doesn’t get it I would dump her. Obviously don’t make the conversation “you stop going to the club or I’m going to dump you.” But make it something like “it really hurts to know you dance with other men, please promise me you won’t do this anymore.” When she argues its just dancing or what ever be like “I understand, but it really upsets me, I wouldn’t want to be doing something that honestly upset you.” There is a long list of hurtful things that aren’t necessarily cheating including everything from lap dances at the strip club to something like long phone calls with ex’s who are “just friends.” Point is you don’t have to put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Cheating sounds like a strong word but then again isn't it really dry humping? So that makes it more than kissing but less than intercourse? I would at least say it is not what somebody who considers themselves "taken" does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 You don’t need to control her. You need to be shown she can control herself. Bottom line there are a lot of things that aren’t technically cheating that could still really upset a person. If you had a female friend who was just a drinking buddy and when you’d get to drunk you’d crash and spend the night there would that be cheating? Probably not but it doesn’t mean she’d be happy dating some one like that. Fact is its upsetting you that she does this, in fact whether its cheating or not I’d dump a girl who thought it was ok to do this and couldn’t be shown different. Simply tell her it really upsets you to think of her dancing let a lone grinding with other men. Whether she considers it cheating doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t want you doing things that upset her so she shouldn’t be doing things that upset you. Don’t even attempt to control her, if she doesn’t get it I would dump her. Obviously don’t make the conversation “you stop going to the club or I’m going to dump you.” But make it something like “it really hurts to know you dance with other men, please promise me you won’t do this anymore.” When she argues its just dancing or what ever be like “I understand, but it really upsets me, I wouldn’t want to be doing something that honestly upset you.” There is a long list of hurtful things that aren’t necessarily cheating including everything from lap dances at the strip club to something like long phone calls with ex’s who are “just friends.” Point is you don’t have to put up with it. I don't even mind her dancing with other men.... The problem I have is other men grinding on her. If she can dance with other men without them having their genitalia all over her then I don't really care very much. This is a good point though. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I think it's fine to tell her you don't want her grinding, but dancing is totally fine. And allow her some leeway with how close she dances. Clubs get crowded and people tend to dance close even though it's platonic. By the way, rarely do people grind for more than a minute or so unless they are BF/GF. If she does grind, it's likely pretty brief and then people split off to their friends again. Personally, I hate grinding and resent it when men push it on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Personally, I hate grinding and resent it when men push it on me. We love pushing "it" on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I think it's fine to tell her you don't want her grinding, but dancing is totally fine. And allow her some leeway with how close she dances. Clubs get crowded and people tend to dance close even though it's platonic. By the way, rarely do people grind for more than a minute or so unless they are BF/GF. If she does grind, it's likely pretty brief and then people split off to their friends again. Personally, I hate grinding and resent it when men push it on me. As of right now I'm thinking about not having a single rule about it.... But I will have her know my feelings about it so that she knows everytime she's grinding with a guy at the club it's hurting me. I will leave it up to her disgression. This is just what I'm thinking of doing right now. I've changed my mind many times on this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
impz Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 As of right now I'm thinking about not having a single rule about it.... But I will have her know my feelings about it so that she knows everytime she's grinding with a guy at the club it's hurting me. I will leave it up to her disgression. This is just what I'm thinking of doing right now. I've changed my mind many times on this subject. I generally take this stand as well (my wife doesn't club, but if she does...). I don't think it is cheating but it can be offensive/disturbing for the other half with all that grinding. Grinding is sexual in nature, so telling her that you are a little disturbed if she does that will be a gentle remainder to her. The part about letting her continue dancing: that's cool! Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I generally take this stand as well (my wife doesn't club, but if she does...). I don't think it is cheating but it can be offensive/disturbing for the other half with all that grinding. Grinding is sexual in nature, so telling her that you are a little disturbed if she does that will be a gentle remainder to her. The part about letting her continue dancing: that's cool! Never was going to have her stop dancing, in fact that is not my place to say so. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 My girlfriend asked me if I considered grinding cheating. She said it out of nowhere so I was a bit taken back. She goes out to the club with her girlfriends every now and then(Don't care about this). It's not a regularly occuring thing but she does like to hit the clubs every now and then. I told her I'd answer her later. I just asked her one question; If I grinded with a girl how would she feel? She said it's just dancing.... I don't feel anything from grinding with random guys. My problem is that I do have a problem with grinding... It is essentially simulated sex. I don't consider grinding cheating, but very disrespectful. Do I have a skewed view of this? Am I old fashioned? If I really wanted too I could choose to look the other way. I need to answer her soon, and honestly if I saw her grinding with another guy I would not feel very good about it. Cheating, no. Disrespectful to you, YES. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 it's not cheating but i have to agree with you that it's sort of a grey area. if this makes you uncomfortable then let her know about your boundaries so she could avoid doing it. i have encountered a similar situation (not about grinding exactly) and i didn't want to put a certain rule because it might be translated as manipulative or controlling. i told my fiance that the situation makes me uncomfortable and not that i do not trust him so i hope he won't take things personally. i just told him that it's better for me to say what makes me uncomfortable now than telling him that it is okay but then i would change my mind about it later on. however i do not want him asking my permission as it makes me feel that his decision depends on mine. he is an adult and therefore i expect him to make judgments on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have what I'm going to say planned but it may come off as too strong. The one thing that I'm not sure of is asking her how she would like it if I went out and got a lapdance.... Anyways... I'm going to tell her that I've decided that grinding is a grey area, and I'm not comfortable with it. I'm also going to tell her I feel grinding is disrespectful too me. I'll also tell her that grinding on other guys hurts me. I'll tell her if she's wants to do it I won't stop her but it will end up hurting me. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I realize I'm an old bat, but I don't play like that, "don't want to come on too strong", "they can make their own decisions." Excuuuuuse me? Oh yes I will come on too strong and hell no they can't make their own decisions. I would like to see what my husband would say, "Mr. SummersEve, can I go to the club and dry hump? Can I suck on some pretty boy's tongue? Can I... see his unders? Can I, like, squeeze me some handful of sausage? Hmmm? Oh pleeeze... I do so want to play around the edges of doing the wild thang with others, Mr. SummersEve!" "Mr. SummersEve?" "Mr. SummersEve?" Where did he go? ROFL! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I would of course consider grinding to be cheating. Why would she want some guy's dick touching her ass even if it is through clothes? If she willingly allows that then she is being unfaithful to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) How would one avoid being grinded on in a club, anyways? It's my understanding that random dudes just come and grind on women with or without their consent. Edited April 1, 2011 by P&R Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 How would one avoid being grinded on in a club, anyways? It's my understanding that random dudes just come and grind on women with or without their consent. I've just politely but firmly put my hands on their chest and push them back to arm's length. If some guy starts traveling around the back of me, and I SO know what's coming, I just turn around. My man trusts me, and I would NEVER disrespect the love we have by letting some guy rub all over me. I can't see why it would be any better to let a guy do that just because music happens to be playing at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 My girlfriend asked me if I considered grinding cheating. She said it out of nowhere so I was a bit taken back. She goes out to the club with her girlfriends every now and then(Don't care about this). It's not a regularly occuring thing but she does like to hit the clubs every now and then. I told her I'd answer her later. I just asked her one question; If I grinded with a girl how would she feel? She said it's just dancing.... I don't feel anything from grinding with random guys. My problem is that I do have a problem with grinding... It is essentially simulated sex. I don't consider grinding cheating, but very disrespectful. Do I have a skewed view of this? Am I old fashioned? If I really wanted too I could choose to look the other way. I need to answer her soon, and honestly if I saw her grinding with another guy I would not feel very good about it. simulated sex on the dancefloor? nah, that wouldn't be disrespectful or cheating at all:rolleyes: Ask yourself this. Of the people that grind, do you think they'd do it with someone they find unattractive? doubt it. People will grind with those they'd like to have sex with. so this is a way they can justify pretending without actually doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I don't think grinding is cheating but I do consider it a "grey area" and it's something that I don't feel very good about. I don't that controlling guy.... Women hate it, I hate it, and in the long run it's usually the controlling guy who gets cheated on. sure, controlling guys get cheated on. but so do doormats. and no, not saying thats what you are, just saying all types get cheated on. its a flaw with the cheater, not the betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Funny. I just read a post where someone asked if flirting is cheating and the responses were an almost a unanimous "yes". Here we have a guy asking if it's OK for his clubbing girlfriend to rub her ass against a guys erect penis in public and we're muddled. Clubbing with the girls is cheating. The last of the legitimate infidelities. "We're just dancing". No, if you were just dancing, you could put some records on in the basement and dance. The allure to the clubs is all of the strange that will hit on you all night. Flirt with you all night. Buy you drinks all night. It gives you an ego boost when you feel that hard dick under his jeans and know it was your sexiness that did it. Slow dances. A little too much chemstry and there's that kiss that she just couldn't hepl. He'll NEVER know. And all of that contact with hot young horny men in a sensually charged atmosphere. How long before that one hot guy, sooo nice. Sensitive. Man I ony live once... Ask her what goes on while she's there. Long explanations. How many men did she meet. How many did she dance with. Slow dances? Grinding privates but no wanadering hands and loving glances? I doubt it. Nightclubs are an infidelity waiting to happen. Oh, and I almost forgot. Rubbing her ass on a guys lap is as much cheating as if she had her toungue down his throat half the night. If she likes to grind so much, I can almost guarantee there's been some kissing or more. Have a buddy that doesn't know her shadow her one night. It will be eye-opening. I guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I posted this in another thread, and will repost it here. I consider it to be a form of dance. Unless you consider dancing, cheating, you really should give it a rest. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I posted this in another thread, and will repost it here. I consider it to be a form of dance. Unless you consider dancing, cheating, you really should give it a rest. Great point. And if she adds the artistic touch of letting his hands roam around under her tank-top while performing this interperative dance, all the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I posted this in another thread, and will repost it here. I consider it to be a form of dance. Unless you consider dancing, cheating, you really should give it a rest. Lapdances are considered a dance too, does that make it the right thing to do in a relationship? I'm uncomfortable with it, definitely but I'm still undecided as to whether that is warranted. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I would considered grining with the opposite sex member cheating but yeah it can be kind of disrespectful. I did that once while on a long distance relationship, have to admit my crush is kind of cute. It's not cheating..... in my book cheating is when you're kissing, doing sexual things or having an affair with someone else other than your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
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