LDR in the balance and loneliness creeping in...What should I do?

[bajancutie]

So here I am...in a foreign country, a gorgeous full moon outside, parties and tons of events going on around town tonight and I'm locked up tight in my apartment afraid to go out because I've been feeling incredibly lonely lately and I'm unsure about what I may be capable of!

 

I'm young, my whole life ahead of me, halfway through grad school...probably my last chance to experience being a student...but the LDR is hanging precariously in the balance and I don't know what to do with myself. I love my guy and I'm trying hard to make things work.

 

I've been 100% faithful, and until recently I was doing a great job of keeping myself occupied and y'know, studying, hanging out with the girls, wearing myself out with extra-curricular activities, etc. But lately I've been feeling down and an increasing need for companionship/intimacy with someone...no one in particular (haven't met anyone at all who "rings my bell").

 

It's hard to articulate...not sure if I'm just missing my friends back home; or being desired and all cuddly and mushy with someone; or just fearing that things may not work out and all this waiting will be in vain. Whatever it is, I feel vulnerable.

 

Has anyone ever experienced this? Any suggestions on how to get through this?

[moimeme]

Even non-LDR relationships can leave one in a state from time to time. The worst thing one can do is stay home alone and dwell on the misery. You ought to be at those parties! The fear of loss of something we treasure is very common; more so when that which we treasure is not immediately available to us. You have to persuade yourself that the universe is unfolding as it should and your future remains bright. And that's much easier to do when dancing in a crowd than all by yourself in your apartment.

[bella8464]

hey bajancutie. i was in a long distance relationship for a while and i know exactly what youre experiencing. i too felt that i was young and i should be out there enjoying life. sometimes i would think, im giving up so much of my life for something that i couldnt have everyday, for someone that i would only see once every few weeks. you have to decide what is more important to you - your relationship or the things youve given up. which one can you not live without? when i was in relationships, i felt almost guilty partying. and when i was in an LDR, it just intensified that guilt not because i was doing anything wrong, but i hated for that thought to even cross his mind that i was doing something unacceptable, or was putting myself in dangerous situations. when youre so far apart from one another, it raises your concerns, jealousies, and worries to a whole different level. so after a while, i just stopped partying and clubbing so much. but then you think to yourself "im giving up something, so i should have someone to come home to to make up for that" but you dont. that is hard to deal with. that was when i started to feel lonely. so i started going out with friends to the movies, or out to dinner, or bowling. something fun but yet something your partner wouldnt worry about. is your hunny preventing you from going out? you definitely need trust. my man never asked me to not do anything, i just did it on my own out of respect. once in a while i would still go to clubs and parties, but i really toned down my life. i didnt mind it so much, because when we were together, it really was something special. are you and your man having problems? that definitely makes things a lot harder to put in perspective. you have to have a real strong relationship and love for each other to overcome LDR problems. when you fight, you cant just go over to each others house, kiss and make up. you really have to pick your battles. its hard to feel desired when youre not together, you constantly have to find ways to make each other happy, you have to put in the extra effort. it all comes down to how much you love your man. are you willing to sacrifice things for the pleasure of spending a few days with him? how often do you see each other? is someone planning on moving in order for you to be together on a daily basis? when theres a light at the end of the tunnel it makes it so much bearable to get through anything. communication is even more important in a long distance relationship. talk to your man, tell him how you feel. maybe you can work on seeing each other soon. when you two are together and you feel like nothing else in the world exists, dont let go just yet. that is hard to find. but if going out and partying and meeting a new guy excites you more, it may be time to let go. good luck! i hope things work out for the best with you!

[bajancutie]

"You have to persuade yourself that the universe is unfolding as it should and your future remains bright"

 

Thanks for the reminder Moimeme. Most of the time I believe that. There have been so many times when things seemed really awful/difficult but in the end I could see the value of the experience and why it had to happen. But as you know, it's often hard to see the bright side until you make it through the rough patch.

 

Bella, what you said is so true! Those are just the thoughts I have sometimes, especially now that we're having difficulties. We'll only be able to see each other twice a year so that doesn't make it any easier. I'll be going home in another month or so for the entire summer and I'm dreading it to be honest. Just don't know what to expect. We were fine at Christmas, but so much has changed since then.