Author longlegzs80 Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 "WEll guess this is goodbye, I had hoped to wake you up last night but as usual you were being a prude. I don't know what your deal is but you can now 'go get laid' as you put it to your friends. You probably already have or are with another because you sure as hell won't give me any loving. Guess as usual I was just a interim thing your play toy you know someone to make feel bad so you could feel better. So I figured that I would write and say thank you for hurting me and making me feel like a piece of crap. I waited but you just wanted to see how long you could make a guy beg or something but you took it to far. So goodbye and tell your mother thank you too. Just incase you can't tell YES I AM MAD NOW SO THANKS A ****ING LOG AND PLEASE DON'T BULL**** ME IF YOU DIDN'T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE IN THAT WAY YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SO IN THE BEGINNING AND NO i DON'T BELIEVE YOU ABOUT IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. NOT TO MENTIONED YOU DID THE ONE THING I NOW AM REALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT YOU MADE ME SHED A TEAR. So whatever and thanks again I treated you nicely but you just couldn't look past my looks or age or whatever it was you didn't find attractive so hey you off the hook. As you so fondly put it you can get it somewhere else now." He was always throwing my past in my face and yes I have made some mistakes, but he was just an absolute prick and I am truely glad that I am moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 He mentioned in his other email that he hopes that the next person I meet hurts me as much as I hurt him. I love how he liked to change the story around. What a losser. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 wow, he has issues, he should be a little more mature then that, he is acting like a little kid. You refused hm sex and he says you trated him horribly, what a stuck up mofo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 I treated him fine. All this came out because I did not give him what he wants and the only way he could handle it is to blame everything on me like the whole problem here is my fault. I was upfront and honest with him from day one. And yes, I find that I am not attracted to many men. It is not all about the looks to me, but I was becomming attracted to him when I seen his better attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 He seemed genuinely insecure about his advanced age and looks relative to you. Very few guys handle what they perceive to be rejection gracefully. You should e-mail him back telling him that he was just too old and ugly to f***. Just kidding. Drop him and it, and move on to more secure, age appropriate guys. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Don't you just LOVE it when you tell someone something (i.e. 'you're attractive') and they refuse to believe you - AND throw back in your face their disbelief? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 I agree. This guy was throwing everything in my face and he was the one who was hurting my feelings not me hurting his. When he would yell at me he would be doing most of the talking, and I would say nothing. The only things I have said is if you can't wait until I am ready for sex, then you need to move on and find someone who would. You know what, I like being single. Sure I would love to be loved and cared for, but I need to focus on myself more. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 You know what, I like being single. Sure I would love to be loved and cared for, but I need to focus on myself more. Good for you, enjoy life, find your way and good things will happen, i need to do the exact same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Today I seen Eric because he came to my work, and I was going to give him his stuff back that he has given me. Anywho, we talked and he appoligized in person and wrote it in a card and I feel like I want to get back with him. I know stupid me. But the thing is, I won't deal with the verbal abuse and the name calling. It was almost like he wants me to forgive and forget and I just can't do that. I can't go back to him when I know he is not going to change and the verbal abuse will still be there. Anywho, he admited that the arguement about sex was very stupid and that it is not worth arguing about which I agreed. But, he needs to focus on himself and getting custody of his kids then think about a relationship. Too, I need to put myself forward and yes I am ready for a sexual relationship, but need to do things to protect myself. What is your take on this whole situation? Does someone who is abusive in anyways really mean that they are sorry and then keep doing the same thing over and over? I can't do the relationship thing with him. I will tell him tonight on IM. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Sometimes people under a lot of stress behave very badly. It is a remote possibility that this is what's up with him. However, I figure it's more likely that it's part of his makeup. There is something called the 'Cycle of Abuse'. Abuser treats the partner very badly (verbally or physically or both), then apologizes in what seems like a heartfelt manner - sometimes even crying; abjectly distressed. Promises to never do it again. It happens again. The amount of time between the occasions tends to shorten and the abuse tends to get worse as time goes on. Go with your gut. If it is saying 'no way', then listen to it. It was almost like he wants me to forgive and forget and I just can't do that. That in itself will hamper any future relationship. I don't think he's a good bet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thank you Moimeme and everyone else. I will definitly follow my gut instinct. I wish I wasn't so young, stupid and neive. I can't be with him, and it makes me feel alittle better each time I say that as I remember what he has said in both his email and face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 It doesn't matter what he said or what you said.....the bottom line is this....he obviously isn't the right man for you. He isn't making you smile nor making you happy. He wants something differently from a relationship than you want. The end result: Call it an experience and walk away. He isn't the only man on the earth. You are 23 years old....GAWD....think of the possibilities. I'm 40 years old and I can't IMAGINE even thinking the last guy who pissed me off was the last guy in my life. It's JUST another guy. Dating is about 'shopping around' for the person who wants what you want from a relationship. Hang in there. Test the waters. Kiss a few frogs. Eventually, you'll meet the most wonderful man in your whole life. The one that all the others were worth going thru just to meet him. LOVE....at it's FINEST. Moimeme is right....THIS guy is acting like a great nig horny AssClown. BUT...one woman's AssClown is another woman's dream come true. Let him go find the woman who wants him. You don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thanks again. I love everyone on this forum. I get the facts, the truth, and it is a place where I can get answers and help whenever needed. Thank you so much. I am movin on. Hey, I realized something. I am happier when I am single. Well, I should not say happier. But, I am in a better frame of mind. And too, I got my period yesturday after not getting it for a month of seeing the losser from all the stress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 WEll, with the appoligizing and lots and lots of talking and getting out feelings and whats been said etc. We are kinda back seeing eachother again. Why am I so disappointed in myself though for the decision I made? I do care about him and enjoy being with him, but I made it clear as to what is acceptable and whats not. HE mentioned he does not want to loose me over something like this. So, am I an idiot. Feel free to say yes. I feel like I disappointed myself and the people that have been reading my posts on here. Whats to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Is everyone disappointed in me? I have realized that I am disappointed in myself. Maybe I need a good slap in the face or something. Someone please do it to me okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 bad choice, you did what he wanted, you are playing his game. He is in control now, you will probably end up sleeping with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 I know it is a bad choice. But, how can I become strong enough to just walk away and think more highly of myself. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Just do it. Quit telling yourself you are weak or whatever. Decide you will not put up with crap. Then do not put up with it. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Just do it. Quit telling yourself you are weak or whatever. Decide you will not put up with crap. Then do not put up with it. Period. Exactly. If you think you are weak you will be. If you think you are strong you will be. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 So, am I an idiot. Feel free to say yes. I feel like I disappointed myself and the people that have been reading my posts on here. Whats to do. You're NOT an idiot. You patched things up with a guy you like and set some ground rules for future dealings. You're acting like an adult. No one said life is easy. And if you disappointed people on this site, tough nuggies. Live your life as YOU choose to live it. And not in accordance with the LoveShack Choir. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Um. It's not about 'disappointing people on this site'. A person posts that she's suffering because of how someone is treating her and people who have empathy for her in her situation advise her to be good to herself by removing herself from the cause of her distress. Then she goes back. People are worried about her and don't want to see her get hurt again. It's not about their own feelings; it's about concern for another's well-being. A foreign concept to you, perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 I know everyone is concerned for me. I am concerned about getting hurt again too. I laid down the law with him and told him everything that I felt and that it is up acceptable to treat me like how he treated me. And the thing is, I was all about to be off and do my thing. I still plan on doing my thing, but I am going to give him one last chance and if anything goes wrong, I will leave. I told him that things are going to be ackward for me again just like when I first met him in the relationship. So, I will of course keep everyone posted. I need to stop being so flaky and just say no when I mean no. Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 i think the fact that you're letting your mom run your life at 23 is MUCH more troubling than what this guy said to you. the guy sounds like a 1st rate jerk, but you're certainly no martyr. get thee to a therapist, or remain stubborn and completely unhappy. Doesn't sound like much of a decision to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 I agree. I feel like I am letting my mom run my life. And I hate it so much. That is why I really liked when I was on my own when I was at college. I did my own thing. Now, I live at home because I can't afford anything else. So, I am taking a risk once to date this guy. But I made it clear on alot of things and am hesitant still. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Do you think your reconciliation with this guy could be a gentle pushing away of mom? Much like you telling her: "This is my life, now, and let me make my own mistakes"? Link to post Share on other sites
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