InmannRoshi Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I agree. I feel like I am letting my mom run my life. And I hate it so much. That is why I really liked when I was on my own when I was at college. I did my own thing. Now, I live at home because I can't afford anything else. I understand that you might not have a well paying job, and I believe you live in NYC if I remember correctly ... which isn't exactly a buyer's market for renting or leasing a place on your own ... but if I were you I would IMMEDIATELY go find my local want ads, look for an advertisement for someone looking for a roommate, and start packing my stuff today. Granted, roommates can be a pain in the ass, but they are a necessary evil when your mother is the ultimate roomate from hell. I have an EXTREMELY overbearing and manipulative mother, and I was also lost and hesitant to go out on my own after college... but I can't stress to you how much my quality of life improved once I got out of my parents house. How can you possibly expect any emotional growth if you're still treated like a child in your living environment on a daily basis. Stop waiting for the magical job opportunity to land in your lap to make your whole life better, and start taking ownership of your happiness. The boyfriend is COMPLETELY disposable. You should be shopping. You tried him on, he didn't fit ... time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 I agree with you totally. I need to move on and will. I just need to figure some stuff out and get myself movin again. She is still treating me like a kid, and I feel so stupid to let people know that I have to call her if I am not comming home or whatever it maybe. I believe this is why we are so distant, and the fact that she wants me to move on as far as getting into my field etc. She just wants me to be happy, and does not see it because I am not in my field. But, I would do anything at this point. I would not say that I am in this relationship because I want to drive a bigger wedge inbetween my mother and I. The reason why I am in it again is because, there is some feeling there. I like his company, but have experienced problem times on more then one occastion, but I put up with it. I did lay down the law. So, the thing with my mom is becomming a big concern because I live at home and she feels like she has to know my business. And I hate it, but know I just can't do anything about it just yet as far as moving and living on my own. So, there it all is. I know I am making a big mistake with staying, but I feel like I just can't get out of this relationship, but know that if it came to the point where there is belittling again, I would definitly leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I feel like I just can't get out of this relationship You can do anything you want. You really must stop this 'people are controlling me' business. Yes, you can get out of it but you have to do it. You have given away your self-control to everybody else. Do some reading on 'Learned Helplessness'. Here's a starter: Learned helplessness is a motivational problem where one might have failed in a task or two in the past which have made that individual believe that they are incapable to do anything in order to improve their performance in that task(s) It is said that humans' basic drive is to control their environment (Stipek, 1988). In turn, if a person has a lack of control over an aspect of their environment in one situation this will impair learning in similar situations. If a person is put in a situation where their behavior is unaffected, they become passive and their desire to act or try harder desolves http://ematusov.soe.udel.edu/final.paper.pub/_pwfsfp/00000062.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts