Depressed men impossible to date/like?

[orangelady]

How old are these depressed men?

 

I found them to be from 25-45...

[orangelady]

Maybe you are. But if you base that judgment on...

 

 

 

Then you probably have no real idea whether you can or not. Feeling good when you get attention is not equal to accepting love from someone.

 

 

 

Who doesn't?

 

Depressed people don't. Most of them. They like the idea of being in love and to give love. But when they're actually in it, they can't because their depression gets in the way and they think about depression more than anything else in their lives.

[orangelady]

Avoid the Internet as a dating tool, if you can. The normal guys rarely use the Internet as a way to meet chicks.

 

Don't fall into the trap of trying to fix someone. They'll suck you dry.

 

 

Thanks, I'm starting to realize that. I have been joining some social groups to meet people like hiking and other things but seriously, I find the real world even more difficult to find an opportunity with men. There ARE men, but they're usually married, taken, and if they are single, they are either not looking or not interested in me. Why do you think I'm hanging around online? At least online, I do find some single men who are open to the idea and actually don't judge me based on my looks. (well, some).

[DollyGirl12]

I call shenanigans on this.

 

It's impossible to actually love someone when you despise yourself. You simply adore them for the objects they have that you desire, a very selfish and covetous life style.

 

Men in this situation have had some type of traumatic experience in life that has driven them there. That doesn't mean they don't deserve love and a partner, but they won't actually be able to keep one until they man up and go to therapy.

 

One of the major issues with us as men is our lack of sex identity. Women identify as a community whole. Men do not. We are islands, seperated by our own barriers that protect us as individuals as compared to visualising men as a whole.

 

 

The reason I point this out is that there is a social disconnect. Example. If a woman says to a male police officer "Men are pigs." he will usually laugh it off and joke about it. If she says "Cops are pigs" he will be angered, because his self identity isn't a man, it's a police officer.

 

This in turn leads to a sectioned and fractured society amongst males. We aren't men, we are police men, firemen, lawers, gamers, etc. When a man becomes depressed, it's a more solitary and personal experience. Not that it isn't to a woman, but since a man identifies with his own achievements as compared to those a woman looks at as a cultural whole, it is singularly more devestating.

 

The man doesn't know how other men will react, thus limiting his support structure, simply because most other men handle things in a completely different fashion.

 

We as men are responsible for this rift, as men's rights has never been something large enough to warrant a unity in the male community. These depressed stags do deserve love and respect to heal, however, until there is a moment of clarity in the male community as a whole, he must do it on his own or in his own way.

 

So yeah, give the guy a break, but at the same time, he isn't worth loving unless he deems himself worthy of that love.

 

 

This post is wonderful! From my experience, my ex was depressed. But, I also feel he has many narcissistic tendencies. Does make sense that they work together.

 

He has no real male friends that he can confide in and be completely honest with. Where as I have some real close friends, male and female, that I can spill my guts to at any time and they always listen. He did, however, have a phone that had at least 50-60 womens numbers in it, as well as email addresses.

 

I do know that some things that happened to him in his past are tied to the way he is now. I would spend hours and hours listening to him talk about the same things over and over. And I would listen, because I knew he needed someone to listen to. But, again, from my experience, once that "glow" wore off and he started feeling crappy again he would look for other outlets online. It seemed as if his sense of self, feeling good about himself, came from the reaction he could get from women.

[westernxer]

I found them to be from 25-45...

 

Figures. They all hate their jobs and the patterned lifestyle that comes with having a job.

[brokendreamz]

I have just come out of an 8 year relationship.

 

I was constantly down in the dumps and didn't understand why.

 

She had enough and left - my heart broke and I went to the doctor for help.

 

He told me to see a therapist and gave me some anti depressants.

 

If I had done all this before I would still be with my ex.

 

If you suspect some one is depressed go and buy 'I had a black dog'. It's a book about 20 pages long and it changed my life.

 

I think when a depressed person realises that what they are experiencing is common in others it alters their outlook on life.

 

I miss my ex terribly, I love her so much although I didn't know it at the time! Sounds crazy but depression is the cruelest of diseases and it robbed my of my life and love for years with out me knowing it.

 

Tell them to get help... Please

[orangelady]

Figures. They all hate their jobs and the patterned lifestyle that comes with having a job.

 

so we look for above 50?

[orangelady]

I have just come out of an 8 year relationship.

 

I was constantly down in the dumps and didn't understand why.

 

She had enough and left - my heart broke and I went to the doctor for help.

 

He told me to see a therapist and gave me some anti depressants.

 

If I had done all this before I would still be with my ex.

 

If you suspect some one is depressed go and buy 'I had a black dog'. It's a book about 20 pages long and it changed my life.

 

I think when a depressed person realises that what they are experiencing is common in others it alters their outlook on life.

 

I miss my ex terribly, I love her so much although I didn't know it at the time! Sounds crazy but depression is the cruelest of diseases and it robbed my of my life and love for years with out me knowing it.

 

Tell them to get help... Please

 

He has been getting help, from psychiatrist and psychologist. He has also been on medication but he still suffers from depression. Doesn't want to work, etc.

 

I don't think this person loves me.

 

It's okay....

[broken-and-lost]

I have just come out of an 8 year relationship.

 

I was constantly down in the dumps and didn't understand why.

 

She had enough and left - my heart broke and I went to the doctor for help.

 

He told me to see a therapist and gave me some anti depressants.

 

If I had done all this before I would still be with my ex.

 

If you suspect some one is depressed go and buy 'I had a black dog'. It's a book about 20 pages long and it changed my life.

 

I think when a depressed person realises that what they are experiencing is common in others it alters their outlook on life.

 

I miss my ex terribly, I love her so much although I didn't know it at the time! Sounds crazy but depression is the cruelest of diseases and it robbed my of my life and love for years with out me knowing it.

 

Tell them to get help... Please

 

Been there my friend lost the love of my life but it was what i needed to realise things needed to change i needed help and needed to fix myself, i feel for you buddy losing the love of your life is the hardest lessons no one should ever have to learn

[brokendreamz]

Broken_and_Lost:

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

I tried looking at your old threads but can't see your story - what happened? How long ago? I'd really like to hear back - I'm going through the mill right now. Seeing a therapist and taking pills :0( It does get better doesn't it?!?

 

Are you still hurting? I'm almost 3 months out and beginning to accept that I've lost the love of my life to this cruel disease - depression ****ed me. I will do what ever it takes to **** it off.

[betterdeal]

Depression is a survival mechanism that evolved for times of scarce resources, such as the end of winter. In such periods, slowing the metabolism right down, sleeping, not eating much, cutting out all but the very basic requirements to keep alive, is optimal use of resources. When there is a real or perceived inability to find resources, we can enter into this state whereby we depress our functions to conserve what energy we do have.

 

For some reason, and in the modern period and rich world in which we live, we switch to this state. As we have shelter, food, water, it's a perceived lack of resources, not a real one, and that means it's in our heads. Whether that be a lack of skills in dealing with words and using words to our advantage, or an unresolved psychological trauma, or something along those lines, the long term solution is to deal with those issues.

 

Having a lover and a healthy relationship with them is dependent on resolving those problems. Take what you have now and make it better, bit by bit. You're more likely to succeed at lots of little goals one after the other than magically transforming from a fog into a prince because someone kissed you.

[westernxer]

so we look for above 50?

 

You'll just have to keep looking till you find a guy that suits you. Where do you usually find guys?

 

They're out there, I'm telling you.

[mickleb]

Depression is a survival mechanism that evolved for times of scarce resources, such as the end of winter. In such periods, slowing the metabolism right down, sleeping, not eating much, cutting out all but the very basic requirements to keep alive, is optimal use of resources. When there is a real or perceived inability to find resources, we can enter into this state whereby we depress our functions to conserve what energy we do have.

 

For some reason, and in the modern period and rich world in which we live, we switch to this state. As we have shelter, food, water, it's a perceived lack of resources, not a real one, and that means it's in our heads. Whether that be a lack of skills in dealing with words and using words to our advantage, or an unresolved psychological trauma, or something along those lines, the long term solution is to deal with those issues.

 

Having a lover and a healthy relationship with them is dependent on resolving those problems. Take what you have now and make it better, bit by bit. You're more likely to succeed at lots of little goals one after the other than magically transforming from a fog into a prince because someone kissed you.

 

I absolutely love this post. And your signature, betterdeal.

 

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