Telling my best friend that I like her?

[KendSam]

I'm a guy, and my best friend is a girl. I've liked her for about six months, and about 4 months ago, she got together with somebody else. About 3 weeks ago, she broke up with him.

 

We're really close, and there have been plenty of rumors about the two of us liking each other. We've talked a bit about it, but nothing really came out of that. I'm 99% sure she's figured out that yes, I do like her. And her flirting with me, etc., hasn't let up after that.

 

I'm going to talk to her again tonight. Thing is, I'm afraid she might be getting back with her old boyfriend of a few years ago due to her being around him lately.

 

If she tells me that she does like him again, what do I do? Do I still tell her that I like her even if I have no chance? Or do I deny it, even though it's not true?

[leapy]

Hoo mama!

 

I was in a similar situation a while ago. Actually I completely f*cked it up so I'm going to give you the opportunity of learning from my mistakes.

 

The key thing here is to be sure before you go in. DON'T just blurt it out. Wait till the mood is right and then bring it up, but be subtle. The "what ifs" going round your mind are probably driving you crazy right now. Ignore them. There are too many variables to foresee the future, what will happen will happen, you can only partly influence that outcome and quite frankly most of it is up to luck.

 

You say that you've feeling this way about her since she broke up with her BF, I would put it to you that you've felt something for her for a hell of a lot longer than that. You've just repressed those feelings because she was with someone. I think it's important to be aware of that.

 

If she is receptive, then it's all good, but be prepared for rejection. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's a possibility. If you're talking to here face to face (and I STRONGLY recommend that you do) then have an escape plan, maybe have a mate of your call at a pre arraigned time. This has two benefits. It gives you a time frame to work with and it gives you an excuse to escape without loosing too much face.

 

If (god forbid) she does reject you then don't worry. that's part of life, it might hurt for a bit but you WILL get over it (and her)! Don't do what I did, stayed on my own far too long, kept away from the rest of the world and ocassionly got drunk and did stupid things like text her at 1 in the morning.

 

The important thing here , whatever the outcome is to be able to hold your head high, there is no shame in failure, only with what you do with it.

 

Good luck bro!

[Eddie Edirol]

I say you dont tell her anything. Asking her when you are unsure makes you look non-confident, and thats a severe turnoff. Youre taking a gamble that saying it will turn her off. You SHOW her by physically flirting with her, and when she turns up the heat, you move in for a kiss. Its alot more bold, and attractive.

 

If she recoils, then you have to decide if you are satisfied with just bieng a friend and nothing else, because thats what you will be, and after that you are wastinig your time hanging with her.

[EyesWideOpen]

You SHOW her by physically flirting with her, and when she turns up the heat, you move in for a kiss. Its alot more bold, and attractive.

 

That sounds incredibly romantic.

[benyhd]

i'm in a similar situation right now... though i wouldn't say shes my best friend but definately a very close one as we live in the same apartment, she's my longterm tenant and pays me rent.

everyone who doesn't know us properly thinks we're a couple, but closer friends all know the truth, but i think they suspect something is going on but nothing is.

we haven't talked about it because i dont want to ruin the relationship, but lately i've been finding it harder and harder to hide my feelings which i think i have done pretty well.

i am into her, and compared to her all other girls are far behind. though sometimes when i try to convince myself that shes just a friend, i think maybe i'm into her because we're both single and its a confusion between a opposite sex friendship. but mostly i do genuinely like her alot.

i guess i just dont have the courage to say what i want to say because mainly i don't want to lose her as a friend, and like i said we do live under the same roof.

i have tendency to think too much and analyse a relationship before it even happens and as a result i often dont bother to go through with it because i find there are too many complications. and truthfully there are a lot of complication here but i dont want that to hold me back.

so what i want to know is if anyone of you have any suggestions, because i wouldn't say she's my best friend because i really dont know what that means as some people have a few and change every few months and everyone has a different interpretation.

[east coast edward]

To BenyHD

 

You're right. This is complex, and almost impossible to fathom without further understanding, which I suppose begs the question - are these questions that you have considered.

 

How long have you known each other, and how did you meet. For iinstance, did you meet in the sort of circumstances where you would look for a partner or was this a third-party introduction? During your friendship have you both always been single, if not did you talk to each other about your relationships? Have you helped each other with affairs of the heart? Is there a deep trust over this between you? Have you been flirty at all - do you touch? How comfortable are you over your domestic arrangements - would she be embarrassed if you saw her in the shower?

 

The reason that I'm asking is that the best way to discuss this with her might be to find the clearest and most open communications channel available between you. So, if your friendship is allows discussion on deep subjects,, and you have discussed each others relations before, perhaps an honest discussion could be stared up tangentially? Say, generally about felings nand then specifically about feelings that have been discussed in the past, but in this new context. If you flirt a bit, then perhaps being complementary is a good route to take, you're attracted to her, tell her that she's beautiful. When she laughingly rejects this with "oh, come on" , press the point home with specifics. If you have touched before, just become more affectionate. What do you do in the evenings, are you often alone in the apartment together, if so then get out of there, just ask her out on a date.

 

The point is that you have to choose the most comfortably and natural route that you have open between you.

 

If you really can't raise the question without invoking a fear of damaging your friendship (or losing a tenant), then are there close (and trusted) mutual friends who could make a suggestion to her, almost as an observation.