Woggle Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 After reading another I have realized that some women like to keep attraction and friendship very separate and the two should never meet. My wife and I do great in the bedroom but we also have similiar hobbies, love to do things together and can talk to each other about almost anything. Am I ruining her attraction for me by doing this? Will she eventually come to see me as nothing more than a brother or good friend? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 as long as you're having sex then you're ok Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 So you're having a good time and there's nothing wrong, and you're worried about what, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 After reading another I have realized that some women like to keep attraction and friendship very separate and the two should never meet. My wife and I do great in the bedroom but we also have similiar hobbies, love to do things together and can talk to each other about almost anything. Am I ruining her attraction for me by doing this? Will she eventually come to see me as nothing more than a brother or good friend? The two are as one flesh. Lovers and confidants. Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Woggle, as long as you two are connecting, especially in the bedroom, then you will be fine. My husband and I are getting separated and the main reason is that we both have come to see each other as brother/sister because the sex AND other every day connection has gone and the dynamic has changed over the past few years. Definitely keep the passion and romance alive. Be creative. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 My H is my best friend. Sex is still hot 2 decades in, so I don't think it is a problem In fact, I think the opposite might be more true. I think the sex stays hot because we really, truly enjoy each other--in bed and out. If I didn't like him so much, the attraction would probably fade. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 I just saw the other thread where women get mad that their friends are attracted as if the two should never meet and it has me wondering, Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Woggle, We are the same as you. For us, the friendship amplifies the rest. That said she does need a certain amount of playful friction. As long as I provide that, the rest of it works like magic. Take away the playful friction and then we start to have problems. After reading another I have realized that some women like to keep attraction and friendship very separate and the two should never meet. My wife and I do great in the bedroom but we also have similiar hobbies, love to do things together and can talk to each other about almost anything. Am I ruining her attraction for me by doing this? Will she eventually come to see me as nothing more than a brother or good friend? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I think it can be beneficial to have an interest or few you don't share with your spouse but its also great if there is a large amount of shared ground too. If two people are joined at the hip and only do stuff the both of them enjoy there could be a risk for stagnancy. You also run the risk of dropping interests you came to the relationship with if the other doesn't enjoy it too. You talk to the same people and do the same activities? Read the same books and watch the same movies all while living in the same house? After a while, whats to talk about? But if there are a few things you don't always do together, you are bringing new experiences and information back to share and discuss. It helps the growing together process continue and prevents a codependent pattern from developing. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 ^^^ This! My husband and I spent 24/7 the first two years of our relationship. Very unhealthy dynamic. But the friendship will help you when the sex isn't quite clicking and the intimacy will help you when your friendship is in trouble. Keep both. And be very grateful that you have both. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I just saw the other thread where women get mad that their friends are attracted as if the two should never meet and it has me wondering, Stop wondering. YOUR wife is NOT those women. You're putting idea's in your own head, making you feel fear and worry. STOP! Your marriage, your relationship, your wife, your sex life, your friendship with your wife is YOURS ONLY. Don't compare it to anybody else's. Things are working well how they are.. You and your wife are doing things right. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 when that "friendship" goes beyond exclusivity – as in, she refuses to have a life outside you, or you outside here – it's unhealthy. But to be able to hang out with your spouse and do things together is a sheer joy because it means y'all are able to connect on different levels. there are things I like doing with friends that I don't necessarily need nor want my husband around for, because I know he'd be bored out of his mind and I wouldn't be enjoying myself if I was constantly trying to make sure he was enjoying *himself* ... likewise, there are things that I only want to do with him because I find it enjoyable, like fishing, because it's something that's specific to us. I think it's normal to wonder, but you've got to trust your instinct. If you both enjoy spending time together, consider it a blessing on your marriage that you're able to do that because a lot of couples are for shxt when it comes to investing in together time and knowing how to communicate effectively ... just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 dude, man, you need to chill out Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 dude, man, you need to chill out I am guessing that he doesn't want to get caught off-guard again so he is asking a lot of preventative questions instead of making stupid assumptions and getting defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Moanin Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I think the opposite is most likely true. I wish my husband and I were friends, it would make dealing with everything else in our marriage sooo much easier... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 No you should not be friends with your spouse, it ruins the hate sex. You are just joking right? Link to post Share on other sites
Lexygirl Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 It's all about balance Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 I am guessing that he doesn't want to get caught off-guard again so he is asking a lot of preventative questions instead of making stupid assumptions and getting defensive. Exactly. I thought women wanted their spouse to be a friend and be close but some threads tell me otherwise. It seems that men have to walk this tightrope with women. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Exactly. I thought women wanted their spouse to be a friend and be close but some threads tell me otherwise. It seems that men have to walk this tightrope with women. With some women, maybe. But some women, like some men, are never happy A lot of us are very happy to be a friend and be close with our spouse . You know your wife best. What kind of woman is she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 With some women, maybe. But some women, like some men, are never happy A lot of us are very happy to be a friend and be close with our spouse . You know your wife best. What kind of woman is she? She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. I couldn't imagine not being best friends with my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. That person is wrong. Good enough? I didn't read that post...but sometimes you have to consider the source, you know? Is that woman in a successful relationship? Do you believe her to be a great source of wisdom about relationships? When I was younger, I would sometimes get worked up about something or other that another woman said--and I would question my H's love or devotion. It took some maturing for me to step back and say--Wait a minute. Why would I value this person's judgment higher than my own, when I am the one in a successful relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. Yes, yes, completely alter the template of your working relationship Tell her you don't want to be friends anymore You're fine. Hopefully she's the type that will let you know if you aren't fine. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. Woggle, at some point you're going to need to start thinking for yourself. I don't mean that as a criticism so much. But as you start getting past all your hangups with trusting women, you're going to have to learn to apply your own values and standards and decide for yourself what's right. Instead of letting every random internet bimbo who may or may not be serious or even know what she's talking about send you tailspinning into self doubt. Your wife is supposed to be your best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I dunno, Jo ... I don't consider my husband my best friend, though I love him dearly and we are good friends. However, I tend to compartmentalize a good deal of my relationships, so it's my idiosyncratic thing ... She seems like the type that love our friendship but I read a post by another woman that says a lover can never be a close friend and I just wonder if maybe I am doing this all wrong. it's a highly personal thing, IMO. I see couples who are incredibly close and who are comfortable being each other's best friend, and then there are couples like me and him, and there are couples who are married because it's part of some life's checklist of things to do. There are a lot of people who probably are horrified at the idea that someone could be in such a highly personal, lifelong relationship and not consider his/her spouse as best friend, but there are those who find the whole spouse-as-bestie really, really odd. To each their own, because after all, it's the two of them in the marriage, and therefore, they've got the best idea of how to meet those relationship needs. if your wife is good with how your relationship is maturing, then put your money on that. What others say or think has nothing to do with you and your missus. Link to post Share on other sites
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